So long, 2021...

31 December 2021: Hard to think of a better encapsulation of New Year's Eve 2021 than this moment--home alone, with some take-out, waiting for Jeopardy! to start, and getting mildly excited because Amazon just delivered my new KN95 masks. 

Two years in a row spending NYE this way. Missing celebrations of years' past. Feeling sad and grim and resigned, but also hopeful for what 2022 might bring. 

Jane-Christmas

30 December 2021: Got together with Jane today to do the whole present thing. We just basically hung out at her place, got some lunch delivered, took a walk, and just chilled. It was wonderful. 

"Safe Place to Land"

29 December 2021: 

"The ocean is wild and over your head

And the boat beneath you is sinking

Don't need room for your bags, hope is all that you have

So say the Lord's Prayer twice, hold your babies tight

Surely someone will reach out a hand

And show you a safe place to land"

This song came on Pandora today and it hit me so hard. I've heard it so many times before, but something about this specific moment--where I (and we) are right now--just got to me. 

(I am holding off on posting about the Sara Bareilles song that has been my official pandemic anthem until we are really on the other side of this. But when I decided to wait, I don't think I ever dreamed we'd need over two years to get to that point. Something to look forward to, I guess?) 

Paint job

28 December 2021: Before and after of my bedroom, which Hannah helped me paint today.

 

Look: painting a room is never my idea of a super-fun way to spend a day. But with Hannah, who makes everything fun? It was great. 

(For the record, she also helped me pick the color, which is perfect and really makes the new furniture look even better.)

Two years and three days...

27 December 2021: Today marks 733 days for my 10,000 step streak or two years and three days. Yes: it would have made more sense to use the exact two year mark for a blog post, but that was Christmas and the holiday seemed a bit more important. When I got some of my steps in on this cold, rainy, and sometimes snowy/sleety day, I felt the twinge of winter threatening to end the streak sometime soon. If it happens, it happens, but for now, it goes on. 

Home again...

26 December 2021: After a breakfast of my mom's French toast (which is so simple but inexplicably good), I had a pretty great drive back from NY today: pretty weather, very little traffic, a car packed with presents from folks I love, and a good phone conversation with Vogel. 

When I got home, I was greeted by an almost-desperately-happy-to-see-me Wesley (BabyCat also lives here), a really cool and creative gift left by Anna (who visited the cats yesterday), and a huge bag of cookies left by two former students. 

Lots of time for long stretches of thinking today, including while driving, unpacking, and taking a walk this evening. Looking at everything I've noted above, you might guess what I thought about: how blessed I am. 

Christmas 2021

25 December 2021: Christmas morning with Erin, Eric, the girls, and my parents was lovely. After Erin and her crew left, it was a quiet day with the folks capped off with the new-ish holiday tradition I have foisted on them of watching the Call the Midwife holiday special.

Christmas Eve

24 December 2021: It was loud and chaotic and over-the-top, but I love these folks so much and am grateful to have been able to spend Christmas Eve with them (and the not-pictured parents and Jennifer) once again.

MARB

23 December 2021: Making some progress--slow and steady--on the entry on Maria Amparo Ruiz de Burton for my book. She is a fascinating and complicated figure. I knew very little--almost nothing--about her before starting this project, but she strikes me as incredibly human, flaws and all.  I am already thinking about how to get some sense of that into my entry, which is limited by space. 

Having the time to read about her and do this thinking? It feels pretty good. My goal is to have this entry outlined and maybe even drafted by the opening of the semester. We'll see.  

[My post's title comes from the acronym Rosaura Sánchez and Beatrice Pita use for her in their edited collection of her letters. They called it an "inelegant" moniker, but it makes sense and is silly enough to make me smile.]

"Lines for Winter"

22 December 2021:

"...Tell yourself

as it gets cold and gray falls from the air

that you will go on

walking, hearing

the same tune no matter where

you find yourself—" --Mark Strand, "Lines for Winter"

Pushing on through...

21 December 2021: Still working on push, push, pushing the uneasiness away, but today has been better than yesterday. Got my haircut, ran a couple errands, got some work done. Not as much work as I would have wanted, but some. Going to go a bit easy on myself tonight and maybe watch a movie on Netflix.

Creeping back in...

20 December 2021: My goodness, the combination of regular holiday anxiety, the weird inter-semester time, and (most importantly) Omicron has my anxiety creeping back in so hard. Trying to stay busy, stay cozy, and stay away from too much Twitter and news. 

Also glad to have lots of books on my mind today: two novels by Maria Amparo Ruiz de Burton (working on my entry about her for my book), A Piece of the World, which I just finished yesterday (possible Common Reading selection), and Pregnant Girl, which I just started (another possible Common Reading selection). 

He's coming to town...

19 December 2021: Santa and Mrs. Claus just drove by on the back of a fire truck and 44-year-old me jumped up, threw open the bedroom window, and waved so hard...and I also might cry? Holiday 2021 emotions are wild, y'all.

Spiderman: No Way Home

18 December 2021: What a fun movie this is! Spiderman has always been my favorite superhero. I don't really care about the others, but a scrappy kid from NY who believes that "with great power comes great responsibility" and who just always feels more grounded (not literally, ha) and real? That works for me. And this movie--for so many reasons--really gives a person who loves Spiderman exactly what they want. 

Every once in a while, I think I should add something to these entries for the sake of a "historical" record of sorts--but less grandiose that that sounds. So here's the thing I am feeling compelled to note: with COVID on the verge of surging everyone again thanks to Omicron, it feels like we are on the verge of something really bleak and that this might be the last time I am willing to go into a semi-crowded theater for a while. Kept my mask on almost the whole time, but still... 

Lord, I miss the old world so much sometimes. And the fact is, if I posted every time I felt that way over these past 19 months, that's all I would post about. It's still just too big and too much. That sadness, fear, and despair brought on by this plague--it's always right there. So we push on and, for the most part, I post about the stuff that sustains us--like fun movies and Spiderman. 

Little reunion

17 December 2021:

[Catch-up post]

Got together last night with some friends--including some I haven't seen in years--to remember our friend, Krista, who recently passed away. The best part of the night was just crying with laughter remembering how funny she was. That is tinged with pain, of course, but the bright moments still bring comfort.

New position...

16 December 2021: Signed some papers today to be Shepherd's first ever Assistant Dean of Interdisciplinary and Integrative Studies. Yay and yikes!

bell hooks

15 December 2021: "The academy is not paradise. But learning is a place where paradise can be created. The classroom, with all its limitations, remains a location of possibility. In that field of possibility we have the opportunity to labor for freedom…to transgress." --bell hooks

Rest in peace to a truly transformative thinker, writer, and teacher. 

Joe Pera Talks With You, Season 3

14 December 2021: I know I just blogged about Joe Pera Talks With You less than a month ago, but I watched the Season 3 finale last night and it's been on my mind ever since. It is such an extraordinary show and the conclusion--Joe sitting in his chair, Sarah walking through the land he bought, Joe's final expression--just got to me in so many ways. What a gift of a show, especially for these quieter and darker winter evenings. 

Secret meeting...

13 December 2021: Got home from guest-hosting trivia to find these two having a secret meeting. I texted the pic to Hannah and said they were plotting, Succession-style. We decided BabyCat has Shiv vibes while Wes is a Connor. Bing would have been a Roman. 

I do think Veronica is trying to figure out Wes's diminished vision. (Look here how she is looking at me, but he isn't.) She can sneak up on him--which makes him hiss and swat at her. I think it also confuses her (and him). Anyway, it's interesting, if a bit sad, to watch her work through it. 

Low-key lovely...

12 December 2021: Took a walk and did a couple of hours of work this morning. Then spent the rest of the day doing fun stuff with Amy: Christmas shopping in Shepherdstown, lunch at an Indian place in Hagerstown, more Christmas shopping, and seeing Encanto. Made it home by just before 6:00, watched some Bob's Burgers Christmas episodes, filled out my Christmas cards, got some packages ready for the mail, and watched the last episode of Succession. Kind of a low-key lovely day.

I am feeling an itch, though, to get some serious work done tomorrow. No meetings or need to be on campus tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

Watch party...

11 December 2021: Cheered on the Rams at an on-campus watch party as they played in the semi-finals in Michigan. They lost, but they had a great season. Can you tell we are a bit sad in this pic? Ha.

Fall 2021 Grading--DONE!

 10 December 2021: Just finished up. Still some little things to do, but officially, that's a wrap on my Fall 2021 teaching. Commence chair-dancing, hopefully followed by an early showing of West Side Story.

Ghostbusters

9 December 2021: Played a bit of hooky this evening, not getting everything on my list done in favor of seeing Ghostbusters. It's a fun little movie and I was surprised by how much nostalgia I carry with me from the original. 

It is funny to accuse myself of playing hooky, though, when I left campus at nearly 5:00 (9.5 hour day up there!) and when I am (temporarily) caught up on my grading. There is, as always, so much more work I could be doing, but every once in a while it's nice to remember this thing called Project Balance. 

Beginning to feel a bit like Christmas...

8 December 2021: Long and somewhat busy day with a lovely ending. Got some dinner with Amy (Indian food in Martinsburg) and did a bit of Christmas shopping. The holidays are really sneaking up on me this year, but tonight I felt that warm glow of it all. 

Did my best; we'll see...

7 December 2021: Completed the last step in pursuing a new professional opportunity today. Now there's nothing to do but wait. I did my best and feel some peace about whatever happens next. 

Farewell dinner

6 December 2021: Some folks in our department got together for a good-bye dinner for our friend and colleague Eva, who is leaving us at the end of the semester. I don't think this has fully hit me yet, but I sure will miss her. Grateful that she won't be too far away and that we can keep in touch.

We find each other...

5 December 2021: Recently realized that at nearly 18, this sweet boy has lost most of his sight. I think I could see little signs for a while now (not making eye contact, slipping or missing a jump every once in a while, knocking into a toy on the floor while walking), but it all came together in my head over the past few days. 

He's still happy and perfect, though, and knows how to find his favorite places, including right here on my arm. It's where he is right now, having jumped back up on and off throughout the day. 

Some moments, the realization makes me weep a bit, a sign that his days are winding down. Moreover, he used to focus in with such precision on whatever he was watching, like his favorite little toys before I tossed them. And though I know it is silly, it makes me sad that he can't see them or me.

But most of the time, I just grateful that he adjusted to his new reality with me even noticing and that he remains comfortable and happy. And I am profoundly grateful that he's still here with me and we can find each other. What a gift.  

A very good one...

4 December 2021: Today has been a very good day. Started with a bit of grading this morning, culminating in finishing the ENGL 307 class's Major Projects. Then Amy and I went to the Shepherdstown Christmas Parade, back after a year off thanks to COVID. After that, we grabbed some lunch from Maria's and watched the football team win their playoff game via live-stream. From there, we worked on revising an article we're publishing. Off to the women's b-ball game after that (another win), then back home to finish the article and send it off.

A whole bunch of my favorite kinds of things (yes, including work) makes for a good Saturday. 

PB&J

3 December 2021: Whirlwind of a day that ended with the Sigma Tau Delta holiday party, this year held on campus. (Didn't feel quite right to have folks over given the pandemic--not enough space.) 

Earlier in the day, I also got to work a shift at PB&J Day with some of my favorite people.

Granted...

2 December 2021: A whirlwind day that included meetings, lunch with my parents, and the reception for newly tenured faculty. It was a bit overwhelming, to tell the truth, but some of it sure was nice. 

Something very exciting: I got word that the grant I wrote with a couple of colleagues was awarded: $37K for water bottle filling stations on campus! First big grant I've tried, so I think I ready to try another. 

Light show

1 December 2021: I put up all the Christmas decorations--including the lights outside--on Sunday. It was a busy day overall, but I pushed myself to get it done, saying it would feel good to just have it done. And sure enough, each night this week, when I drive up to my house at the end of an 11+ hour day on campus, I feel this tiny shock of surprise and delight when I see the Christmas lights are on.*

*Thank you, timer device! 

"I want to be in the arena"

30 November 2021: “I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage, or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.” --Brené Brown

Hannah, who is a Brené apostle, just shared this quotation with me. I told her it was just what I needed as I think about an opportunity I am pursuing. Grateful (again) for a good friend who comes through, especially when it's nearly 10:00 and I didn't have a post idea for the day. Ha!

Starting to wrap up...

29 November 2021: This is the last week of classes before finals, a time that is always a bit different from a normal week. We're done (as of today) with "new" material in every class. From here on out, it's reviewing, finishing projects, and presentations. The prep work ends as I slide into "support" and "grading" modes. It's bittersweet, too. 

And there, just around the corner, next semester is calling. 

"Other Bodies"

28 November 2021: I've been thinking a lot over this past week about the pain people carry with them. Some of this comes from listening to the latest episode of Slow Burn and hearing about Rodney King's hard, sad life after his beating. In so many ways, he makes me think of Ryan, who also walked around with addiction, depression, mental illness, and got in trouble with the law as a result of all of that. So often, I think how different his life would have been if he weren't white and middle class, how much earlier it might have ended, how much more violently, perhaps. 

And then I learned of the death of my former student and friend, who also suffered with mental illness and addiction. And who was, like my brother, brilliant and hilarious and could be so much fun. But there it always was: pain. 

I haven't been thinking about this all in an entirely depressing way. It's more like a useful set of reminders and a call to be compassionate and kind. For that, I am grateful. And there's beauty in recognizing what can emerge from that compassion and connection. 

This episode of The Memory Palace, which came up during my walk today, seems like a perfect companion to these thoughts. The story of  Jane Froman, a beautiful singer from the 30s and 40s who suffered life-long pain after a plane crash but still made lovely music, is worth hearing. Host Roman Mars moves towards a conclusion by pointing out how often we forget that those around us--including people we love--have bodies in pain. He adds, "We can't hold [other people's pains] in our heads because they are our heads. The best we can do is pause to imagine and try to remember."

I suppose that's an encapsulation of the theme/discussion going on in my head this Thanksgiving Break. 

Joe Pera Talks With You

26 November 2021: Since it's been on my mind most of break, as I've caught up on all the episodes, I've spent a lot of time today thinking about the fantastic Joe Pera Talks With You. I listened to two episodes of Bullseye--one with Jo Firestone, one with Pera--and read a bunch of essays about the show. I just can't put into words how lovely and moving it is--and funny, too. It's such a smart, gentle show about paying attention to others and the details of our lives that make us happy. This Vox article says it pretty well.

I learned this evening that a friend/former student passed away, so that's got me thinking about the Big Stuff. And Joe Pera is pretty good for thinking about the Big Stuff. Maybe I'll start a re-watch.  

700

25 November 2021: I am thankful on this Thanksgiving Day for 700 straight days of at least 10,000 steps. Spent the day with Erin, Eric, the girls, and Eric's dad and stepmom (and four (!) dogs). Lots to be grateful for. 

"The Proxy Marriage"

24 November 2021: Listened to this story this afternoon while water-sealing the fence (finally) and taking my walk. Been thinking about it ever since--the last paragraph especially, since in their discussion, Treisman and Patchett sort of disagreed about how to read the final lines. Relating perhaps (ha) a bit too much, I find myself fully ambivalent.

"In answer, she drew him close, to kiss the bride. William buried his hands in her curls, at the base of her neck, and felt her long-desired body press against him. Her soft mouth against his. The gingery smell. He thought he might weep with the relief of it, with the release of all the years of waiting, the intermittent periods of suppressed grief. Equal affection. Was this it? It didn’t have to be exactly equal. He would take anything close."

"Self-Compassion"

23 November 2021: Needed this one today: "Self-Compassion" by James Crews.

"Oh honey, I said—for once

without a trace of irony or blush of shame—

the touch of my own hand on my chest

like that of a stranger, oddly comforting

in spite of the facts."

88-60

22 November 2021: Very happy that the women's basketball team could put up such a decisive win when Hannah joined me for her annual sporting event. 

Got one!

21 November 2021: Whenever I see a student in ENGL 204 who shows real talent for literary analysis, I tease them/encourage them to consider an English major or minor, even if I know they never will. I figure it can't hurt to be told you are good at something.

One of the reasons I love teaching ENGL 204 is that I get to help non-majors see that they have smart and interesting things to say about literature and that literature connects to their lives. Bishop's "One Art" is a poem that, if you put the work into teaching it right, works so well to prove these points. It never misses. 

Anyway, I just got an email from one of my students saying that she is now going to be an English minor. She writes, "Ok so after Friday's class, especially after discussing One Art, I've decided I really want to pick up an English minor. I know if I stop pursuing it I'm going to be really mad at myself, so I wanted to ask you for any advice you had to give to me."

Counting this as a little win today. Shout-out to the amazing Elizabeth Bishop.  

Little sister's birthday...

20 November 2021: When we were little, Erin being upset about something would just devastate me. I have this memory of her crying because she didn't want to go to bed and being so sad, that I sobbed myself. I remember her crying while lining up at school in the morning when she had to be away from my mom all day for the first time. I would watch her from my line and hide my own tears because it was hard for me to explain why I was upset without feeling embarrassed. I was in fourth grade and should be stronger, after all. Just last week, we talked on the phone and she had a really bad cold. That same feeling came back again; I just feel so bad when she feels bad and feel like I need to fix it (which I just can't do). 

Today is Erin's (and Kelsie's) birthday. When I called her earlier, she sounded better, but said it has shifted to an ear infection and she was still quite uncomfortable. So yeah: I feel bad, too, and wish I could make it better. 

So this is a weird birthday tribute to her, I guess: my first best friend and still one of my favorite people after all these years. 

No justice...

19 November 2021: Just gutted over the verdict out of Kenosha today. Gutted, but not surprised.

Too many times, I've found myself walking into a classroom feeling utterly defeated by the broken world we are giving to the next generation. It happened again today, as I walked into ENGL 312. My students still give me faith and hope, as they shared (without my influencing them) their own sadness and anger. But I'm even more afraid for them, as peaceful protesters can be gunned down with no consequences. 

Right now I just want to go home and shut off the world for a while. And I know that's a privilege and luxury so many don't have. 

Conferencing, grading, responding...

18 November 2021: Spent today conferencing with students from each of my classes, grading Response Papers from ENGL 307, and responding to an Honors Capstone project. In other words, an entire day thinking about, talking about, and helping students with their work, particularly their writing--and working with just about every kind of student I teach.

My brain is tired from the mental gymnastics, but today was a good reminder of the kinds of students we serve--their challenges, their strengths, their needs. It is such a joy and privilege, too, to give them positive feedback and help--to see their confidence grow or be reaffirmed. 

So I am tired but grateful, a pretty constant state these days. 

Back in action...

17 November 2021: Got to see the women's basketball team play in person for the first time since Winter 2020. It was amazing. And they won. 

Once a year...

16 November 2021: Once a year, this cat actually cuddles up to me for protection and comfort. I pet her and scratch her back and she purrs and stretches into it. Of course, it only happens at the vet, after a lengthy battle to get her in the carrier and after a meow-filled drive there. But once we're there and I pull her out of the carrier and we wait for the doctor to come in, she buries herself again me and remembers that she actually does like being petted and that I am her favorite person. It's sweet and frustrating at the same time. And she almost always behaves just fine for the doctor.

Photo taken before I moved her to the exam table and she cuddled up. 

Until next year, super-soft fur!

My constant back-up...

15 November 2021: Not quite three months since we lost Bing and I still feel his absence deeply and acutely at times. Simply put, I still miss him very much. But I am so blessed to have Wes and (even--ha!) Veronica around. 

Veronica seems to miss Bing, too. She's extra-vocal these days, a bit friendlier, and more at war with herself over the part of her that wants to be petted and the part that doesn't than I've ever seen before. It's fascinating. 

Wesley is, in some ways, living his best life, trying to play that alpha role. It makes me happy for him, but also sad that he was such a beta for so long. I also have all kinds of mixed emotions that he doesn't miss Bing more. It's complicated. 

One thing that remains the same, though--and something that I am so grateful for--is that they are both very present. I am rarely alone in a room. And there is nothing more comforting and heart-warming than to find Wes in his favorite spot, backing me up. 

Application in...

14 November 2021: Took a big step today, applying for a new position at Shepherd. I feel split right down the middle, equally very excited and not-at-all certain about it. I wonder about my motivations, which voices in my head (and otherwise) to listen to, and how I can keep my own happiness in sight--and just what that really is, not what think/want it to be. 

But all I've done so far is apply. And I can keep thinking and praying about it. So we'll see what happens next. 

Half and half?

13 November 2021: At the open house this morning, one of my colleagues asked me what my plans for the day were. I told her that I wasn't sure yet, but that I was trying to do one "work" day and one "non-work" day every weekend. She laughed and said that sounded good. But as she left, she sort of whispered to me, "You know, no work on both days would be okay, too..." 

After the open house, I came home and did some laundry and cleaning. Went to lunch and a movie with Amy. Came back home, took a walk, and then...got some work done (letters of recommendation, emails, etc.) with TV on in the background. Definitely not a work-free day, but not a completely failed attempt at Project Balance. And I do feel better with those letters off my mind. So maybe half and half? 

Vaccine taxi...

12 November 2021: Long day today (long days every day this week), but I got to end the public part of it by taking Carrie and Charlotte to a local church so Charlotte could get her vaccine. First, I love feeling useful. But more than that, it was surreal in the best way to sit in the car and wait for them, knowing that inside this child who I've known since she was a baby (Carrie actually interviewed for the position at Shepherd when she was pregnant) was getting this miracle of a vaccine and that everyone who loves her can breath a bit easier now. 

"A bit of everything" kind of day

11 November 2021: Had an early meeting, got some course prep done, did some Senate work, attended some conference presentations (MAPACA is online this year), had lunch with Hannah (an unexpected delight!), delivered my own paper (went well!), had dinner with my parents, and called Krista for her 9th birthday. Not a dull moment and lots of good ones.  

"Nobody’s ever trying to do their worst..."

10 November 2021: “Sometimes Dr. Tarrasch makes me repeat this thing. She makes me say, I’m doing the best I can. I thought it was corny, but I don’t know. It kind of works. Nobody’s ever trying to do their worst, I guess." --Lionel, in Brandy Colbert's Little and Lion

We are two classes into our discussion of this book in the YA course. So far, it's been great. I took some time at the beginning of today's class to focus on the bit above, using it as a way to make space for students to catch their breath and feel a bit encouraged during this stressful time of the semester. It worked really well. 

Catherine Clinton on campus

9 November 2021: Got to hear Catherine Clinton talk about her book, Harriet Tubman: The Road to Freedom tonight. (It's this year's Common Reading.) Still so grateful to have these events back in person and for the chance to hear an important historian talk about her work. I get to have dinner with her tomorrow night, too, something I am really looking forward to.

The Amber Ruffin Show

8 November 2021: Just catching up on last Friday's episode of The Amber Ruffin Show. It's just so good. It manages to be smart, funny, biting, and sweet. This bit killed me. 

Sex Education

7 November 2021: After Hannah recommended it to me, I finally started watching Sex Education on Netflix last night. It's so good! Funny, sweet, smart, moving. Just a blast. About to finish the first season, thanks mostly to a quiet Saturday evening and Sunday. (Booster reactions have been pretty mild--sore arm and maybe some fatigue.)

Boosted!

6 November 2021: Got my vaccine booster this morning. So far, so good. Arm's a bit sore and maybe feeling tired, but also feeling relieved and grateful. Amy and I saw SU volleyball win another great match this afternoon. Now settled back home for a quiet evening. I am thinking pizza, TV, blankets, and an early bedtime. Not bad!

Home again...

5 November 2021: Back from SSAWW (Baltimore is always so much closer than I remember!), unpacked, settled back in. Had dinner with Amy tonight and watched SU volleyball win (again). I know I keep saying this, but it really does feel like the downslope now. 

SSAWW

4 November 2021: Here are your clues: replying to  work emails that piled up during sessions, hotel artwork in the background, and a lanyard that I only just realized I forgot to remove. That's right: in-person conferences are back!

There's that feeling again...

3 November 2021: That feeling my post title refers to? That particular brand of low-level anxiety before a trip, in this case, a trip for a conference. Haven't felt this in two years! (I have done conferences since then, but they've been virtual.) Remarkable how similar the feelings are, including a whole lot of "I wish this were already over even though I know it will be fun" and "Can't wait to pull back into the driveway." 

Big old check mark...

2 November 2021: With a great group of colleagues, I checked a big item off my to-do list today. Feels pretty good and also kind of weird. But I am going to focus on the "pretty good" part right now.

Bump on the downslope...

1 November 2021: Monday has provided a good reminder that the metaphor in yesterday's post could use a bit of clarification. I got to campus before 7:00 a.m. and walked in the door here at home at 7:11 p.m. So much to do/take care of/manage. A bit of a bump on the downslope. But it's still a downslope (please?). Ha. 

Sunday on the downslope...

31 October 2021: Spent most of today at the office. Got a decent amount of work done: a ton of grading, senate prep, and practiced/revised my two conference papers. Even attended a Zoom training session for moderating a hybrid panel at SSAWW this week. Look: it's not an ideal way to spend a weekend day, but it wasn't awful and I got home by 5:00 and have been taking it pretty easy since then. Breathing more easily on the downslope of this semester...

Out at the Farm

30 October 2021: Some Sigma Tau Delta students and I helped out at the Tabler Farm Open House today. So much exciting potential out there!

Pun'kins!

 29 October 2021: Carved pumpkins with some of my favorite people tonight. Perfect way to end a busy week.

Who Would Have Thought It?

28 October 2021: "What would the good and proper people of this world do if there were no rogues in it,--no social delinquents? The good and proper, I fear, would perish of sheer inanity,--of hypochondriac lassitude,--or, to say the least, would grow very dull for want of convenient whetstones to sharpen their wits. Rogues are useful." --Rev. Hackwell, in the opening paragraph of Maria Ruiz de Burton's Who Would Have Thought It?

With both of my conference papers ready to go, with the Scarborough Lecture done, and with the Provost search winding down, I can finally turn my attention back to my book, I started reading Ruiz's novel today. I knew almost nothing about her or her work before, but so far, it's a fun and quick read. I am writing "ha!" in the margins quite a bit. 

Fall sweetness...

27 October 2021: A sweet early autumn day where moments of sweetness and delight abounded: good classes with smart students talking about great literature, conferences with them about their project and paper ideas, a fun Wednesday lunch, a haircut in the late afternoon, and working on some fun(ish) stuff this evening. 

Guilt trip...

26 October 2021: Came out of the shower today and found guy making himself comfortable on my shirt. The message seemed clear: "You shan't leave today. Stay with me." As I pulled it away from him, he just kept stretching out his arms on it. Nothing like starting the day off with a guilt trip from this sweet little dude.

Contemplating...

25 October 2021: Doing some thinking these days about pursuing a new opportunity at work. Still not sure, but beginning to lean towards throwing my hat in the ring. The whole question has me thinking about the things I am already doing, what I get out of/from them and why, and what I might achieve in the days ahead. In some ways, regardless of what happens, that exercise is a good thing. 

Fall looks...

24 October 2021: Drove out to Orr's today to get some mums and some cider donuts. Decided to plant two out of three of the mums (as opposed to putting them on patio furniture). Looks pretty good, I think.

Two parades in two days...

23 October 2021: Homecoming parade this morning!

Founders Day 2021

22 October 2021: So much fun to be able to have a real Founders Day again.

New little wheels

21 October 2021: One of my advisees gave me this little car today. Since it's only his second year, it was the first time we actually met in person. He was like, "Your office is pretty cool. I've only seen the wall behind you before!" Noticing the little toys and tchotchkes I have, he handed me this sweet blue ride, saying he and his friends collect them. Made me smile.  

Spring 2022 Advising

20 October 2021: Today I met with advisees for the first in-person scheduling sessions in two years. (In-person office hours have been happening all semester, but advising just started.) Though they could choose Zoom or in-person, all but one have opted for in-person. I get it. 

Conference paper progress...

19 October 2021: Today I finished a decent draft of my MAPACA paper (still some revising and polishing to do) and started practicing my SSAWW paper. I hadn't touched the latter since July (!), when I finished a really polished draft and set it aside. It feels very good to see both projects nearing their conclusion. 

Family Feud

18 October 2021: It's always fun when Tri Sigma asks me to be the faculty member on their Family Feud team during Homecoming Week. Even more fun when we won first place *and* when I saw the #1 answer for "who is your favorite professor at Shepherd?" Reader, I hollered.

"Lover"

17 October 2021: 

"and what I do not say is, I trust the world to come back" --"Lover," by Ada Limón

Kind of in love with this sad, hopeful, restless, and playful poem. That combination of adjectives is hard to balance, but Limón (as usual) pulls it off. 

Feels like Break...

16 October 2021: No commitments today and no extremely pressing work has translated into a day that feels like Fall Break. Took my walk early this morning before the rain started. Since then, it's been little chores, dumb TV, and just chilling. I can't do this very often, but it feels okay today. 

Little steps forward...

15 October 2021: It took about three months, but today our new admin assistant said to me, "Do you live here? You are always here." Yup. That's my brand. In my defense, my goodness: this week saw me making some progress on all kinds of projects, both big and small (and some happening off campus): 

• Two of four provost semi-finalists visited campus.
• Scheduled the last (I hope) meeting of the search committee (a big feat for a committee this big)
• Gave the Scarborough Lecture.
• Dropped off my car, got it fixed, and picked it up. I was basically car-less for almost three days. Not that big a deal as I live close to campus and Amy was very helpful.
• My new bedroom furniture got delivered (today) and the old stuff is either gone, relocated, or scheduled to get picked up tomorrow. 
• Prepared for all of my advising appointments.
• Made, hung, and posted (online) fliers for my Spring 2022 classes.
• Finally got back to working on my MAPACA paper.

Don't want jinx anything, but feeling pretty good about being on the downslope of a very busy semester.

The sequel...

14 October 2021: So happy to receive this today. Just finished teaching the original again yesterday and, as always, it went so well. Bonus Veronica cameo...

Made it to Fall Break!

13 October 2021: It's not a completely work-free Fall Break, as I have a lot to do and some on-campus meetings, but the pace will slow down a bit for Thursday and Friday. And we've made it half-way. Not bad! Celebrated the milestone with dinner outside at Lilah with Amy, Eva, Hannah, and Cory. A wonderful time. 

150 Years of Middlemarch, 150 Years of Shepherd

12 October 2021: Delivered my presentation on Middlemarch, George Eliot, and Shepherd tonight. I think it went pretty well. The q&a portion was so much fun and the reception after was just lovely. 

Whew! Glad to have it done, too. 

Project Balance on a Monday

11 October 2021: Got to campus very early today (before 7:00) and did a million things before leaving at 3:30. I dropped my car off in Hagerstown to get some minor repairs. Amy met me and we had dinner and saw a dumb movie. Let me be clear: I am right in the midst of one of the busiest/most stressful stretches I can remember. But I am managing it all and taking the late afternoon and most of the evening off feels pretty darn good. 

Midterm grading: DONE!

10 October 2021: Just hit submit on the last set of grades. Long day so far, with a lot more to get done, but getting these done feels very good. I am almost certain this has come up as a chair-dancing song before, but this was literally playing on Pandora when I entered the last number and is still playing now as I type this. It always makes me happy, so we'll use it again.

Tree planting

9 October 2021: Busy Saturday! Planted some trees with the Sigma Tau Delta students at Tabler Farm, which is starting a sustainable food forest. Spent the rest of the day cleaning, grading, moving furniture (long story!), seeing SU volleyball win again, and attending another concert at Dow and Annette's. Tired but in a mostly good way.

End of midterm week...

8 October 2021: Made it to the end of midterm week. I've got two classes worth of grading to get done and a kind of ambitious to-do list for the weekend (including some fun stuff for Project Balance). Still feeling overwhelmed, but slightly less so. A couple of things that helped tonight: dinner with Amy at Kome followed by an SU volleyball game. (They crushed it.)

Caveats noted, this helps...

7 October 2021: In these very busy days, the fact that we are still in this pandemic is never far from my mind, but I find myself trying not to think too hard about how difficult the winter might be. This piece--with all its caveats noted early on--helps. 

Wisdom

6 October 2021: "I've learned to be comfortable in my own sadness." --a student in my ENGL 307 class today, as we began our discussion of Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe and talked about its narrator. My student was talking about something he can now do that Ari hasn't quite figured out yet. 

This was such a moment of understated profundity from this young man and I found it so moving, mature, and real. This generation can talk about emotions--pain, love, sorrow, joy--in ways that I still struggle to articulate for myself. It's such a virtue. 

Again and again, these students teach me things, make me feel things, make me so blessed to be called their teacher. And I know, I know, I know: its sounds like a cheesy cliche, but it's just true. 

Flu shot...

5 October 2021: Got to see my favorite pharmacist Meghan today for my flu shot. Seriously: I don't know her at all outside of the pharmacy, but she's so sweet and lovely. Anyway, happy to have this sweet vaccine in my system. Cannot imagine getting the flu right now with all that's on my plate.

Speaking of that plate, made some good progress today on my Scarborough Society lecture and some other projects. Now if only I could get m students to stop emailing me. (Just kidding. Sort of. It's midterm week...)

A bit like riding a bike...

4 October 2021: Hosted trivia for the first time since March 2020, filling in for Chuck and Bill at Bender's in Sharpsburg. It went just fine and, as the post title suggests, I fell right back to the old routine. It wasn't as much fun as it was at my other venue with my regulars, but it's good to know the "skill" (ha) is still there.

"You and Me on the Rock"

3 October 2021: Feeling both mentally worn out but emotionally pretty good because I've knocked out a ton of work today: finished a draft of my Scarborough Society lecture, wrote a Fulbright recommendation, got a solid draft done on my Strategic Plan report (boring), responded to so many emails. In short, I've crossed just about everything off my weekend "to do" list. 

The new Brandi Carlile album has been a good soundtrack for today, particularly "You and Me on the Rock," which she played at the concert that Erin and I saw in late August. She called it her "Joni Mitchell" song, which you can immediately hear. It's just a really fun and sweet song that's been on heavy rotation for me today. 

Love these lines: "Me out in my garden / and you out on your walk / Is all the distance this poor girl can take / Without listenin' to you talk..."

Update: and the Yankees just made the post-season in the bottom of the ninth in a 0-0 game. Cue that track again! 

Sedaris at the Weinberg

2 October 2021: What a treat to see David Sedaris at the Weinberg Center* with Tim, Kevin, Hannah, and Cory. We had dinner (take-out Thai) beforehand in the conference room at Cory's office, which was also lovely and fun. Just a perfect evening. 

*Grateful that attendees had to be vaccinated or show a negative test and had to be masked.

Coming together...

1 October 2021: Some good things clicked into place today, one work-related and one not. Still miles to go, but it is good to see and feel some progress. 

Dinner break...

30 September 2021: A string of high-stress days left me really yearning for an evening with a definite "off" switch for work. So, I asked Amy if she wanted to have dinner in Martinsburg and then made sure to be home in time for a Thursday night group video chat with my RC buds. Little victory for Project Balance.

The best part of the job...

29 September 2021: Today was tough. Got to campus before 7:00 a.m., took my walk and tripped, going down pretty hard on my knee and (weirdly) bruising the tip of my thumb. Not a great way to start the day.

Once I got back to my office, I was on the phone, in meetings, or in class pretty much non-stop. My only non-work moments included 1) a call with the vet's office about refilling Wesley's food* and 2) thirty minutes sitting at Wednesday Lunch with a couple of colleagues. But I almost broke down in tears during the first one and couldn't focus or enjoy myself during the second one.

Most of today's stress involved that big work project I am in charge of. Just minor, stupid, urgent, time-consuming stuff. And so much of it.

The thing is--and I know I have said and written about this before--the three hours in the classroom (and the two more spent meeting with students and re-teaching a class for a quarantined student)? That part was wonderful. It always is. Always the best part of any work day. 

Going into my afternoon classes, I was feeling that acutely, actually looking forward to them so much. And I told my students that. "The best part of the job," I said, "is the actual job, the part that got me into it." It's so worth remembering. I need to remember that and start letting other stuff take less of my energy. 

*The message they left said they couldn't give me the refill it until I brought him in for a visit. I called back and said "he's 17 and you have to sedate him to see him..." and went on for a bit and nearly cried. I added, "I've been bringing my cats to you faithfully since 2007. And I just lost my 19 year old cat..."** By that point, the woman I was speaking to--who was really kind and lovely--said they were just following procedure but she understood and she would talk to the doctor about overriding the requirement. So we'll see. I just don't want to bring him in unless I have to.

**Losing Bing is really hitting me hard these past few days. I am not sure why. I think part of it is just being stressed and wishing for comfort and knowing he's not here. And I guess I didn't let myself feel all of this too much at first. 

Balm...

28 September 2021: Crazy, busy, stressful and limit-testing day. At one point, this idea smashed into my mind, too: "I wish I could see Bing when I get home." Ugh. 

But right now, sitting and reflecting on it, I find myself thinking how blessed I am to have friends I can vent to (and even laugh with) about all of this stuff, whether in person or via text. It's amazing what a difference that makes. And as I type this, Wesley sits next to me, his paws stretched over my arm. A few feet away, Veronica lounges on the coffee table. 

I am very lucky. 

"Sometimes my body suddenly remembers..."

27 September 2021: 

Saw this tweet early this morning and it's been on my mind all day. There is comfort in realizing that others feel that same knee-bending awe and pain sometimes.

Sometimes my body suddenly remembers how heartbreaking the pandemic has been and continues to be and I just… have to sit down.

— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) September 27, 2021

Pawprints...

26 September 2021: Finally moved the little pawprint impression the emergency vet made for me when Bing died. It has been sitting on the dining room table (next to the box with his ashes--a whole other story) for a couple of weeks now. I have no idea where to put it. Something about those little feet just still gets to me. Every time I hold it, I put my fingers in the impressions, remembering his paws stretched out to me. I never felt alone in those moments. And that specific set of memories is too sad right now, a little over a month later. Right now, it's on my dresser upstairs, but I am not sure where it will be long-term. It feels so personal and private. A box of ashes just doesn't have the same resonance.

Maybe it's the Sunday blues sliding in, but I didn't expect to be teary-eyed over missing him tonight. 

Also feeling a bit overwhelmed by all I have to do and yet don't have the motivation to do any more of it tonight. (It will get done...) I am grateful for some fun and silly TV coming back tonight: The Great North, Bob's Burgers, and Supermarket Sweep. Grateful for the little things. 

Appalachian Heritage Festival

25 September 2021: After a long day getting lots of housework done, this evening, I went with Amy to the Appalachian Heritage Festival concert on campus. Outside in the Butcher Center Plaza, it really felt like fall after the sun went down, but it felt good to be back at an event I've enjoyed so much in the past. And to marvel at people so gifted with musical talent.

Volleyball!

24 September 2021: First volleyball game at SU since pre-pandemic. Felt wonderful and frenetic and joyful...and just a bit scary (people still don't know how to wear masks and some just refused?). And Shepherd won, so that was thrilling. 

A pretty good one...

23 September 2021: A full day today where I got work done on a lot of different projects and sat through a bunch of meetings. And all and all, it was a good one. Home by 5:30 on a lovely early fall day. Made dinner and relaxed a bit. Still miles to go, but a day that made me feel pretty good.

"You're allowed..."

22 September 2021: “You’re allowed to feel both overwhelmed and blessed at the same time. It’s just a matter of which feeling you let take the driver’s seat.” 

I saw this quotation on Twitter today, attributed to Dela Yador. It really spoke to me as I wrestle with more work, stress, and obligation than I have in some time--along with Big Thoughts and concerns about non-work stuff. I appreciate the permission it gives to feel both ways. 

Poetry Under the Stars

21 September 2021: I should know by now not to doubt the Sigma Tau Delta students when they plan an event. Tonight, their "Poetry Under the Stars" event went really well--good turnout, good participation. And while we couldn't see the stars (too cloudy), I was pretty darn proud. 

911

20 September 2021: My favorite dumb TV show is back tonight. I have no reasonable explanation for why it is just what I need after a long day; it just is. Spent nearly eleven hours on campus today and sitting here watching this ridiculousness is good for my soul.

WISH reception

19 September 2021: Every year, it's not until I am sitting there listening to the presentations that I realize how much I enjoy the WISH reception. This year, we gave out $125K, funding four different grants. It's amazing how women coming together can have such an impact. 

Malignant

18 September 2021: What a fun, dumb, and visually fascinating movie! Perfect end to a day where I was mostly on campus in my office.

Another week done...

17 September 2021: 

[Catch-up post]

The fact that I didn't post on Friday shows that it was a busy day--but a good one. Got a lot done, but quit working by 5:30 or so. Then took the rest of the night off--got some dinner with Amy, watched a movie. 

Pretty good balance day? 

Juggling...

16 September 2021: Things I worked on today and made actual progress on:

• Finalizing details and procedures for our Provost Zoom interviews
• Meeting with my team for our portion of the Strategic Plan process
• My monthly meeting with the President 
• Grading papers for my ENGL 307 class (at least some of them)
• Writing a new page for my Scarborough Society lecture
• Completing travel request and authorization forms for the SSAWW conference
• Answering about 1000 emails

It was a lot, but I managed to cover a lot of bases and feel like everything moved forward a bit. 

Treated myself tonight with dinner at Kome and the faculty jazz concert (outside--lovely!) after that (with Amy). 

Pancake run...

15 September 2021: Planned on grading some papers tonight, even after getting to the office before 8:00 and packing in a full day. But then Amy and I decided on a whim to get some dinner and ended up at IHOP. Then we pulled over on the way home to watch a huge storm roll through for a bit. (In part because I was like, "Is that a tornado?" It wasn't). 

I'm home now and sending emails and such, but no papers will be graded. And I am cool with all of this.*

*for now at least? Ha. 

"Even one sentence..."

14 September 2021: "Don't be too precious about writing. Even one sentence a day keeps you alive." --Alexander Chee

Apparently Chee gives this advice to his students. On a day where I have spent all day working but none of it on my pressing writing projects, I am motivated to use the tiny window of time I have coming up when this meeting I am sitting in is over to get some writing done. Even one sentence...

"Makes you want to throw a brick..."

13 September 2021: After reading Walden, I finished up Thoreau with my ENGL 312 class today with a discussion of "Civil Disobedience." This is a small but dedicated class, with smart ideas and strong opinions. They struggled with Thoreau's persona at times as we moved through Walden but were so much more welcoming of the version of him they see in this essay. I wanted us to think and talk about why. My post's title was one student's answer: he moved them and motivated them or tapped into something they were feeling. 

I told them that I was wondering what difference it made that they are the age they are at this particular moment, where the world seems so lost and broken. They nodded enthusiastically and talked about the "hermit" urge vs. the "throw a brick" urge. One student said something that I will think about for a while: "We've just come out of isolation. We want to do something now--for other people, with other people." 

Just a great discussion all around.  

Back at it, more or less...

12 September 2021: Got a bunch of stuff done this morning and this afternoon (though, significantly, none of it is related to my teaching or writing projects...sigh). But one piece at a time. And I managed to have some fun in the afternoon, seeing Anna and Josh for the first time in months. 

Balance Day

11 September 2021: 

[Catch-up post]

My work-less day went pretty well except for one minor disaster. Jane and I planned a mutual birthday-get-together for Saturday. After telling myself for weeks not to forget Jane's gift...I forgot Jane's gift, realizing when I was about 40 minutes into my drive. I cried when I realized it and burst into tears again when I got to her apartment. So that was a thing. (And signs--both the forgetting and the flood of tears--that I needed a day off.)

Despite my tears and forgotten present, I had a great time with Jane, walking around Reston Town Center (where there was a fine arts fair going in), going to Trader Joe's (my first time ever!), and just hanging out. It was lovely.

When I got back to Shepherdstown, Amy and I had dinner and then went to one of Dow and Annette's backyard concerts. Perfect night.

Long Friday...

10 September 2021: Long but productive day today. A big project that I am chairing moved forward in a big way today. When I think about all that I have to do this weekend--a weekend in which I am basically doing no work tomorrow--I feel a bit overwhelmed. But it will be okay. Forcing Project Balance even when I really don't want to. Ha. 

Little paw prints...

9 September 2021: Drove to Winchester this morning (a good 90 minutes round-trip) to pick up Bing's ashes and an impression of his paw prints. They called a week and a half ago to let me know both were ready, but between work and being sick and work again, this was my first chance to do this errand I really didn't want to do. The drive was fine--listened to a new audiobook from the library. But the actual pick-up--holding a velvet bag with a wooden box in it, looking at those tiny footprints, sitting in the car with it before starting the engine--it was more emotional than I thought it would be. 

I still miss him. A lot. (It's only been 2.5 weeks...)

But I'll be okay. 

I drove home and this guy was there to help.

A wonderful "negative"...

8 September 2021: After waiting a couple of days, I got a much-anticipated, much-worried-over result for a COVID test today: negative. I was pretty certain that's what it would be, but man does your mind go places when you wait. And simply waiting and quarantining is so disruptive and disorienting. 

Anyway, feeling profoundly grateful and lucky and blessed tonight. 

Pages that may disappear...

7 September 2021: Made some good progress today on my MAPACA conference paper. It's interesting: the piece I wrote today is kind of the first act (after the intro) before getting to the heart of the paper. It's pretty solid, but I also realize it's precisely the kind of section that goes from two pages in a draft to one paragraph in a delivered paper--sacrificed to make room for another section. And yes, those pieces often come back when something goes to article length, but that isn't in my plans for now. So these pages are here: solid, done, important, but also impermanent. And that's okay. It's just part of the process.

Mood lifter...

6 September 2021: Only recently started to let youtube play on the TV while I am working. Keeping it vague, it's been a tough day/weekend in lots of ways. This song and its amazing video, though, which just popped up? Instant mood lifter.  

Convalescent viewing...

5 September 2021: Dealing with some kind of stomach thing today. Mostly sharp pains and cramps, so it could be grosser, but could also be a lot less painful. After my walk this morning, I am mainly sticking to the couch or living room chair, watching movies. Weirdly, the two so far have an unintentional "pregnancy" theme. Together Together first and then Hulu just autoplayed Plan B, which I've also been meaning to watch. Both are really sweet and charming. Might take on False Positive next, really sticking to the theme and knocking three "I've been meaning to check that out" items off my list. 

Done by 6:00 p.m.

4 September 2021: Had a moderately ambitious to-do list for today and got it all done by 6:00 p.m., including my 10K steps. Part of me thinks I should have had more items on it, but the other part of me is trying to take this as a solid win.

Looking forward to my group chat tonight. It's been weeks since I've gotten to go to one and I really miss seeing those folks' faces. 

Those optimistic first-years...

3 September 2021: Anytime I think about the state of the world lately, it...doesn't make me feel great. Nevertheless, this piece from Inside Higher Ed today--showing that 90% (!!!) of first-year students feel optimistic about their future gave me a lift. It's a short article and more nuanced than what I've included would indicate. And optimism, of course, doesn't equal success, but knowing that they believe in a positive future gives me a bit more hope. 

Hospital Sketches

2 September 2021: “As no two persons see the same thing with the same eyes, my view of hospital life must be taken through my glass, and held for what it is worth. Certainly, nothing was set down in malice, and to the serious-minded party who objected to a tone of levity in some portions of the Sketches, I can only say that it is a part of my religion to look well after the cheerfulnesses of life, and let the dismals shift for themselves; believing, with good Sir Thomas More, that it is wise to 'be merrie in God.'" -Louisa May Alcott, Hospital Sketches

I finished reading Hospital Sketches today so I can start the entry on it for my book. (Random choice, but you have to start somewhere.) It was so interesting to take on: a book whose tone varies wildly, but in ways that make sense (as the selection above indicates). 

Things are so horrible everywhere--COVID still killing, the reality of climate change ravaging both coasts, evils laws doing damage and threatening to do more. It's overwhelming and has been since...2016? Reading Alcott write about experiences in perhaps the darkest time in American history (and about one of the darkest places)...well, it just gives me a lot to think about. 

Ida moving through...

1 September 2021: The remnants of Hurricane Ida (now not even a tropical storm) moving through have certainly made things interesting the past 36 hours. So far, it doesn't seem too bad right here, but the campus closed at noon so people could get home safely. I shifted my 1:10 and 2:10 class online (with no penalty for people who couldn't attend), shared the Zoom discussion with everyone, and stayed on schedule. That's a win in my book.

Also a win: the incoming lower temperatures and humidity. 

Still working on the rhythm...

31 August 2021: Got more done today than last Thursday, but still working on getting my TR rhythm down. Today's list had so many different things on it that it was hard to feel like I made good progress on any one area or project. But I'll take it.

"Right on Time," version 2

30 August 2021: Been humming this song since Saturday and also enjoying this version (as much as the first one). It's a good song for clearing your head a bit and feeling centered--and much needed today.

  

French toast...

29 August 2021: Started the day off with delicious French toast with caramelized apples prepared by Krista (with help from Erin, of course). The little visit with Erin and her family--not even 24 hours--was a lovely little break from so much of what has been on my mind and a reminder how blessed I am to have them so close. 

Brandi!

28 August 2021: 

[Catch-up post]

Erin and I saw Brandi at Wolf Trap last night. Amazing. And this, along with seeing Erin, Eric, and the girls (and meeting their new puppy), put a lovely end on a very tough week.

One week down...

27 August 2021: Made it through week one and--no surprise--the best parts were all that time in the classroom. What a gift it continues to be!

Met my parents and Olivia after classes. She took a tour of the campus and I think it went really well. Lucked out by having a current student who likes me do the tour. Having someone say "I love Dr. Hanrahan!" works really well on my mom. Ha. 

Finding the TR rhythm...

26 August 2021: Lots of irons in the fire today, trying to work on too many projects, I guess. Got some stuff done, but need to figure out my TR focus strategy for the semester. I did have an unanticipated long break, talking with Vogel on the phone for over two hours. That felt indulgent but 100% necessary.

Absent presence

25 August 2021: It's almost stunning how noticeable it is that Bing isn't here. I keep looking at his window seat or wishing he would jump up and sit with me. It's strange to set out only two food bowls. Wes and Veronica seem to be okay (thank God), but they must notice that absence, too. 

Bing

24 August 2021: Said goodbye to Bing today. In the end, it was very peaceful. Kind of marveling at the timing--a day with no classes and no meetings. But then again, this cat did grow up in academia, so maybe this was his final gift to me. It is impossible to feel slighted after having him in my life for 19.5 years. Rather, I am profoundly grateful that all but one of those days were good ones for him. But I will miss him so much. He was a very good boy. That's all I can muster right now. 

First day...

23 August 2021: Taught three good classes today. Held office hours. Attended a college meeting. Went to an event on campus tonight and heard the amazing Silas House read. All of that was good. 

The hallways were noticeably louder and more crowded than the last two semesters and it's clear that there are so many more people on campus. That's great. And that's unsettling. 

I came home to find Bing struggling with some congestion and not really eating. There isn't too much to say/write about it. I feel quiet about it, if that makes any sense. Just want to watch and see and do right by him. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but I am ready to bring him to the emergency vet if/when I need to. (Got an appointment at the regular vet for Friday, the soonest they can see him.)

Almost here...

22 August 2021: I just spent some time going through the past five years or so of "day before classes start" posts. That isn't always the subject of the post, but it is for a few. I sure would like to feel this way, like in 2016. And maybe especially this way, from 2018. But really, these vibes, from last year, best sum it up, with some added layers. I didn't expect there to be more COVID anxiety this year. And because there is, the sadness and frustration are amped up. And where the heck did the time go? I got a lot done work-wise, but still feel a longing for something more. I've got some other things on my mind, too, so...it's a lot. 

But here's hoping for the best and that the rhythms of the semester will feel natural and invigorating. Until then, filling the time with good reading, happy TV, and a video chat with my college buds later tonight. 

Reservation Dogs

 21 August 2021: Continuing to use TV as a distraction from thinking about other stuff. Started The Chair today and it's pretty good, but I needed something funnier, so I started Reservation Dogs. It's hitting the spot. 

Tearing up in the mail room...

20 August 2021: Legit got emotional when I saw these in every faculty mailbox. I'll say it again: I work with the best people! 

I Think You Should Leave as anxiety relief?

19 August 2021: Not sure what it means, but these days nothing relaxes me more at night (esp. right before I go to bed) than re-watching I Think You Should Leave. Currently cracking up again at the Dan Flashes sketch. 

Evvie Drake Starts Over

18 August 2021: Finally listened to Linda Holmes' book and man, did I enjoy it. It's not my usual genre, but it really was a delight and made my drive back from New York a lot more enjoyable. Between a few hours on that drive and my walks this week, I got through it quickly enough that I felt a bit sad when I finished it today. 

Free Guy

17 August 2021: Sadly, I've been feeling increasingly squirrelly about going to the movies lately, thanks to these COVID numbers. But Amy and I decided to try a Tuesday evening show (masks on in the lobby, trying to sit far from others) and it wasn't too bad. We saw Free Guy which was actually really good. It might be my favorite movie I've seen in the theater since the pandemic. Really funny and smart and just a blast. 

"if Sunday was a month"

16 August 2021: Saw a tweet today that said "August is like if Sunday was a month," and boy, am I feeling that this year. Today was a particularly listless day for me--a lot to do--like so much, in fact, but nothing immediately pressing. So I just sort of puttered away and didn't get much done and felt weird and bad about it. But tomorrow should be better. 

I did meet our four new faculty members today (in my role as Senate President) and that was pretty cool. 

Home again...

15 August 2021: Back in WV, happy to see my cat crew again. Feels like the summer is really wrapping up. Meeting new faculty tomorrow and classes start in just over a week. 

75!

14 August 2021:

[Catch-up post]

Celebrated 75 years of my favorite guy yesterday.

Up to NY...

13 August 2021: 

[Catch-up post]

Headed up to NY for my dad's 75th birthday party. So many podcasts got listened to, as you might imagine. Special shout-out to Anything for Selena, which I enjoyed more than I could have imagined. 

44

12 August 2021: A pretty good way to celebrate #44. Lunch with Hannah. Dinner, ice cream, and a game with Amy. Messages from friends near and far. Feeling very blessed. 

Some relief...

11 August 2021: Very relieved that we are going back to a mask mandate on campus (indoors). I've been pushing for this and doing my best to convince folks (with what little power I have), so it's rewarding. 

At the same time, it's also a bummer that this is where we are. Glass half full/glass half empty. 

"Sunset"

10 August 2021: Today was a tough day, but on a drive back from Martinsburg today, I saw a really lovely sunset in my rearview mirror. Reminded me of this poem-of-the-day from Sunday.

"Sunset"

Effie Lee Newsome

Since Poets have told of sunset, 

What is left for me to tell?

I can only say that I saw the day

Press crimson lips to the horizon gray, 

And kiss the earth farewell.

The Road to Middlemarch

9 August 2021: "A book may not tell us exactly how to live our own lives, but our own lives can teach us how to read a book." --Rebecca Mead, The Road to Middlemarch

Still really digging this book, a wonderful mix of genres--biography, literary criticism, memoir, and just lovely insights on how a great book shapes us.