Monday, October 31, 2022

Morning boosts...

31 October 2022: Kind of inexplicably woke up at 5:00 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Weird morning anxiety that just wouldn't let me settle. So I got to campus very early--saw the sun just starting to rise as I got out of my car and then paused to watch it come up. Headed out for my walk about an hour later, still feeling not great. But the Lord provided some mood boosts. 

First, the early morning sun on the river and the autumn leaves by the monument just stopped me.

Then, as I was still walking, I got this from Erin:


The day was still a weird one and the vibes still aren't great, but those two moments and images made and make me smile and fill me with gratitude.  

Sunday, October 30, 2022

Sunday evening...

30 October 2022: Nothing like a Sunday evening--especially in the fall, when it gets dark early and the chill sets in--to bring up all the negative thoughts and anxieties. From what I understand, what I feel is different than other peoples' "Sunday Scaries"--which involve a kind of dread of going back to the work week. Rather, I know I will feel better tomorrow because I'll be around people and distracted. I don't think I ever feel lonelier than these kinds of nights. And being alone on dark evenings leads to Big Thoughts.  

I'm okay--it will be fine, but it's just a pattern I really hate and can't seem to break. Grateful for Wes, BabyCat, and good TV. 

Saturday, October 29, 2022

Easy-ish Saturday

29 October 2022: Open House early this morning (went well!), some work this afternoon (mostly reading), some chores and laundry, and a movie on the couch tonight. Still not perfect in terms of recharging, but not too bad, either. I really needed a mostly chill day, so this works. And tomorrow? No alarm! 

Friday, October 28, 2022

His name is, apparently, Douglas...

28 October 2022: Made a new friend tonight at the Sigma Tau Delta Halloween Party. Exhausted after two 13+ hours days on campus, but the party was fun. I said to Tim, as we started to pack up to head home, "Hey, these are those 'high impact' educational experiences that matter!" Ha.



Thursday, October 27, 2022

Spring advising

27 October 2022: I know I have posted about this before (and recently!), but advising started today and I got to sit with a transfer student (and new-to-me advisee) and help her see how she can graduate on time. It's so cool to see them relax and see how everything is manageable. With patience and clarity, you get to demystify the process. 

"Are you feeling better yet?" I asked her about half-way through. "Yes, I think so..."

And when we were done, with three semesters mapped out and instructions for who she needed to talk to in other departments, I asked her, "How are you feeling now?" 

"So much better. Thank you!"

Shew, that's the STUFF!

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

"No, Thank You, John"

26 October 2022: Holy cow, did the students love this Christina Rossetti poem today. They made me appreciate it more than ever. And these comparisons from them made even more sense.

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Indeed, we were all wearing pants...

25 October 2022: "Are we all wearing pants today?" --me, to my Gender and Women's Studies class today. To clarify, we were discussing Fanny Fern's "A Law More Nice Than Just."

Monday, October 24, 2022

"The Awakening Consciousness"

24 October 2022: Spent some time in class today talking about this painting as part of our larger discussion of the Pre-Raphaelite poets. The students did a pretty good job with this material, especially given that I often find myself struggling a bit to teach it. They (the Pre-Raphaelites) are such an interesting, confusing, contradictory bunch. 

Sunday, October 23, 2022

53,465

23 October 2022: Two years and one day before the manuscript is due, I am at 53,465 words (so clearly over 1/3 through), having just finished the entry on Kate Chopin. This was another tough one to wrestle with, but I suspect that had as much to do with 1000 other things to do. But it's done. And now we do some chair-dancing, to this track that came on as I updated my back-up files. (And then hit "repeat" more than once.)

Saturday, October 22, 2022

"The Victorian Taylor Swift..."

22 October 2022: "If I may be so bold, Christina Rossetti is the Victorian Era's version of an absolute icon." --a student in my class, writing about Rossetti in her paper. 

It's sometimes hard to predict what will land for students, but I find it kind of delightful that at least two--the student named above and another whose paper gave me this post's title--are really into Rossetti. 

Friday, October 21, 2022

Actually doing the "break" part of Fall Break

21 October 2022: Didn't get nearly as much done today as I planned, but I also got a lot done. There's some family stuff that is really weighing on my mind and took up some considerable time today, too. So I am calling it: as of 7:34 tonight, I am done for the day. Just going to watch a dumb movie and take the night off. It's okay. 

Thursday, October 20, 2022

Advising prep...

20 October 2022: It's a Fall (and Spring) Break tradition--me going through degree evaluations and planning for my advising sessions, which always start the week after break. Since I really like advising, I don't mind this work, which I usually do with something on TV in the background (in this case, the Yankee playoff game). 

It's neat to work through my checklists, marking off accomplishments and progress, seeing students inch closer to the finish line. This semester includes some nice milestones: a very sweet advisee finally passing Praxis I, another arriving at the stage where our appointment is just me saying, "You did it. Have fun student teaching next semester." 

Also exciting to break out some fresh forms for brand-new students, with their whole Shepherd experience only now unfolding.

Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Fall Break!

19 October 2022: Made it to Fall Break! I am going to get some more work done tonight while watching the Yankee game and I have a ton to get done by Monday, but I am looking forward to two days with no appointments and meetings.  

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

We Were Three

18 October 2022: "This was how the big shift started happening in Rachel's head: her family's secrets stopped feeling like secrets. They just felt like lies. Lies that protected other people. Not her." --Nancy Updike in episode two of We Were Three 

Man, I devoured this three-episode podcast. I just loved it, found it so relatable, and so moving. 

Monday, October 17, 2022

Just need to see it...

17 October 2022: Thinking this evening about something that keeps getting clearer, even if that clarity is sad and painful. There's something there that makes me grateful--and determined to see what's right in front of me. 

Sunday, October 16, 2022

Dinner with Brandon

16 October 2022: Brandon (Vogel's partner) is in the area this week for work, so we met up at Spice Connexion in Martinsburg for dinner. Given that almost all of today was catching up on what I couldn't do yesterday and what I needed to do today, it felt good to do something this weekend that was just for fun and leisure. And he's such a good dude: solid, kind, strong, funny, warm. Makes me very grateful that they have each other. 

Saturday, October 15, 2022

F. Scott Fitzgerald Festival

15 October 2022: Spent the day at the F. Scott Fitzgerald Literary Festival in Rockville, MD with four of our fantastic English majors. We volunteered to help with registration, workshops, and hospitality. And we got to meet Richard Powers, Alice McDermott, and Kim Stanley Robinson.


Friday, October 14, 2022

Founders Day 2022

14 October 2022: 



Thursday, October 13, 2022

Back to Cranford

13 October 2022: "All through tea-time her talk ran upon the days of her childhood and youth.  Perhaps this reminded her of the desirableness of looking over all the old family letters, and destroying such as ought not to be allowed to fall into the hands of strangers; for she had often spoken of the necessity of this task, but had always shrunk from it, with a timid dread of something painful.  Tonight, however, she rose up after tea and went for them—in the dark; for she piqued herself on the precise neatness of all her chamber arrangements, and used to look uneasily at me when I lighted a bed-candle to go to another room for anything.  When she returned there was a faint, pleasant smell of Tonquin beans in the room.  I had always noticed this scent about any of the things which had belonged to her mother; and many of the letters were addressed to her—yellow bundles of love-letters, sixty or seventy years old." --Elizabeth Gaskell, Cranford

My Victorian Literature class has moved onto Cranford. I re-read the passage above this morning, in preparation for tomorrow's class. 

It's been an emotional week, with me thinking about Ryan (whose birthday was Sunday) and my family, the happy stuff, the hard stuff, the pain that lasts. I think last week's celebration of life is also still on my mind. Everyone, everything just feels so fragile and fleeting. 

Anyway, that bit about those letters--that still smell of Miss Matty's mother long after she's gone? It got to me. Teared up right at my desk and later this afternoon when talking to a student about it. It's just such a perfect bit of writing. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2022

Trading monkeys...

12 October 2022: Just before 6:00 tonight, I sent off the documents that complete my work on the current strategic plan implementation committee, getting a monkey off my back. I never really wanted to be on this committee. The President asked me to do it in a time of great stress and change for our school. So I said yes. It added time and stress to my schedule for the past three years. Like herding cats, to mix my animal metaphors. I tried to get some people who should have been doing it to take it over--or get anyone to take it, really. Didn't work. That kind of broke my heart. 

But now it's done. It feels pretty good.

Unfortunately, yesterday I learned that now that we are starting a new strategic plan, I am--by the university's darn constitution--bound to serve on that committee as Faculty Senate President. So, remove one monkey, add one more. 

But for now, there will be a few days (weeks?) of having one fewer monkey. I'll take it. 

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

"I was not born to drown / Baby, come on..."

11 October 2022: Big old overwhelming day. Found myself listening to this on repeat a couple of times, maybe doing some wishful thinking about just getting in the car and driving off for a while... Kind of helped? (Posted about this song way back in 2017, too.) 

Monday, October 10, 2022

Family Feud

10 October 2022: Had a blast playing Family Feud with Alpha Phi Omega as Shepherd kicked off Homecoming Week. And heck yeah, we won!

Sunday, October 9, 2022

Fall 2022 Midterm Grades: DONE!

9 October 2022: Just hit "submit" on the last set of midterm grades. It's been a strange semester so far, perhaps the lingering effects of starting it off by missing the first week. Lots of stress and endless huge to-do lists, too. But the teaching part? It still rocks.

Chair-dancing time...

Saturday, October 8, 2022

Smile

8 October 2022: Saw a movie in the theater for the first time in months, joining Hannah and Cory in Winchester to see Smile (which was fun and dumb and scary enough). Afterwards, we had lunch and just talked and laughed. Perfect way to spend a big chunk of the afternoon--even with big old stacks of work waiting at home. 

Connor

7 October 2022: 

[Catch-up post...]

Right after work yesterday, I drove to Shippensburg for a Celebration of Life event for the stepson of one of my friends/colleagues from work. I never met her son, who died back in April, and don't really know her family well, but she invited me and I wanted to honor that and honor him. 

It was so lovely--family and friends gathered at a park. The kids ran and played and the adults sat together, ate, talked, cried, and laughed. I caught up with some folks I used to work with. 

That's the kind of event I'd like for myself: people gathering together to remember what makes life sweet.

Thursday, October 6, 2022

Great Cake

6 October 2022: From a bit earlier this week...me pointing to a tiny plastic rat sticking its head out of my student's reproduction if Miss Havisham's wedding cake. What a delight!

Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Weight lifted...

5 October 2022: With some great advice from Hannah, I managed to work up the courage to say "no" to something work-related that I originally said "yes" to. I sent the email about it last night, but got the (predictable), "I understand/it's okay" email in response today, so I am counting it as content for today's post. I can't say how much better I felt just sending the message--like a huge weight had been lifted. Gotta try to remember this moving forward, esp. for something like this was--essentially not a big deal/reward, but would have felt so onerous.  

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

62!

4 October 2022: Aaron Judge just hit home run #62 and I am all teary-eyed. I remember him hitting a home run in his very first MLB at-bat. Love this game so much. 

Monday, October 3, 2022

Early autumn nights...

3 October 2022: Fall is not my favorite season. I don't like that it gets dark earlier, that you have to close the windows, that winter is next. 

But I realize one thing I like about some of these early autumn nights: when I got home today (at nearly 6:30), I put on my comfy clothes, did some chores, heated up some of last night's soup, and settled down. I pulled a blanket over my lap, turned on some comfort TV, sat with Wesley, and just leaned into the cozy. Feeling that warmth and comfort settle in--in contrast to the damp cool outside--was pretty nice, a metaphor of what home can feel like. 

Sunday, October 2, 2022

"We would have every arbitrary barrier thrown down..."

2 October 2022: Finished my entry on Transcendentalism today. I joked to Hannah earlier that it was a bear of an entry--but a little bear that I had neglected. But it's done so that's that. 

It took me awhile, but I figured out how use one of my favorite lines from Margaret Fuller's Woman in the Nineteenth Century: “We would have every arbitrary barrier thrown down. We would have every path laid open to Woman as freely as to Man" (20). There's something timeless about her rhetoric here--which is also kind of depressing because women (and other marginalized folks) keep having to make this demand. 

Work Cited

Fuller, Margaret. Woman in the Nineteenth-Century. Edited by Larry J. Reynolds, W.W. Norton and Company, 1998. 

Saturday, October 1, 2022

"against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness..."

1 October 2022: "According to my experience, the conventional notion of a lover cannot be always true. The unqualified truth is, that when I loved Estella with the love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistible. Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection." --Pip, in Great Expectations

Reading this with my Victorian Lit class and find myself struck--as always--by Dickens' insight and understanding here.