Back at it...

6 July 2025: Besides some emails, I haven't done any substantial academic work in over a week. It has felt bizarre. Got back to it today, working my way through a book for the "Year's Work" essay. Rest assured, my co-worker also reported for duty. 

Her little paw on the book prompted me to take the picture. "I'm on it," she seems to be saying, both literally and metaphorically, of course.

Get you a friend like Hannah...

17 September 2024: I say it all the time, but get you a friend like Hannah. I texted her a screenshot today of an email from my publisher that indicates an ISBN for my book. "I have an ISBN," I said. Her response? 

"It looks like such a slay ISBN!!!!" 

The way she always says the best thing!

An email that changed my life...

27 June 2024: Was doing some cleaning/filing today and found a print-out of an email that changed my life. Wonderful to have a reminder of that day and everything that followed it. Also always nice to remember Charles, who was so kind and nurturing to me as a department chair.

Almost done with the introduction...

13 June 2024: "(I once asked a young dissertation writer whether her suddenly grayed hair was due to ill-health or personal tragedy; she answered It was the footnotes)" (Russ 137). 

I am low-keyed obsessed with this paranthetical from Russ's classic How to Suppress Women's Writing. First, it's just so funny and rings with such authenticity. Second, it's a bit of a time-capsule: 1) footnotes in the 1980s must have been a nightmare and 2) you kind of can't imagine someone asking a woman this question in this way today. Third, my own current version of this drama might be, "It was the introduction."

But today--the very day I re(read) those words--I think I've made it through a decent draft of the darn thing. Going to print it out and give it a read-through before calling it quits on this part of the project for the day, but this feels pretty okay (???). 

Unrelated photo of someone who is not at all getting gray hair through any kind of worrying today.

Work Cited

Russ, Joanna. How to Suppress Women’s Writing. U of Texas P, 1983.

One year to go...

24 October 2023: My manuscript is due a year from today. I finished off my entry on gothicism a few minutes ago (three entries this month--with a week to spare) and feel pretty good about hitting my goals for this semester. If I can do the same next semester--and that's a big if--that will leave me nearly six months for the introduction, some of the apparatus, and editing/revision. Those six months include a teaching-, admin-, and possibly advising-free summer, something I haven't had in the entire time I've been at Shepherd. In other words, right now, everything looks good. 

Today has been really hard in a lot of other ways, perhaps evidenced by me still being on campus at 7:30, I was so far behind on my goals because of other work-related concerns, so a little sense of achievement and control over this one thing makes me feel better. But I did want to highlight one more spot of bittersweet happiness. I finally got a picture of Jo printed and put it in a frame at work. This did mean displacing the frame's former subject--I just can't have pictures of cats who are now dead in my office; too many awkward moments with curious students--but I don't think he would mind.

7:40 at my desk...

10 October 2023: Today was not a great day. News about academic prioritization rolling out. It is all so sad and frustrating. 

Decided to stay here and pound out this Mary Austin entry for the book, along with some other work. Write, write, write and work, work, work on the things I can control. The things that make me a bit happier. The things that distract me. 

So it's 7:40 and I am sitting at my desk on campus. Will head home soon, but that entry is done. Tomorrow? Well, we'll see what tomorrow brings. 

"this act of letting go, of sharing everything one has learned..."

12 August 2023: "Yet I must also confess to feeling a personal sense of loss. The moment that readers of Mark Twain’s Literary Resources open the Annotated Guide and the detailed Reader’s Guide, they will instantly absorb as much as I have ever known about these subjects. I will no longer be privileged to answer telephone and email inquiries such as those that arrived for decades. But then I remind myself that this act of letting go, of sharing everything one has learned, is, after all, what investigative scholarship must always have as its ultimate and unselfish goal” (xxi).

Still thinking about this beautiful excerpt from Alan Gribben's introduction to the second volume of his monumental Mark Twain's Literary Resources: A Reconstruction of His Library and Reading, Volume Two, the product of over fifty years of his scholarly labor. My eyes got a bit teary reading these words and being reminded of why literary scholars do the work we do. It's been on my mind today, too, as I toil away at my own (much, much humbler) book and the "Year's Work" essay. 

Work Cited

Gribben, Alan. Mark Twain's Literary Resources: A Reconstruction of His Library and Reading, Volume Two. Montgomery: NewSouth Books, 2022.

"And even I'm getting tired / Of useless desires..."

27 June 2023: Seems like an appropriate song for this summer as I think about my evolving, complicated relationship with the university, particularly as I work on a document that might end up meaning nothing but one that I have to do anyway... "The place will never love you back," I keep telling myself. "The people might, but the place--the institution never will." 

Good distractions...

26 June 2023: Very long day, with a hard Faculty Senate meeting. Grateful to have had guest-hosting trivia to rush off to. A couple of hours of distraction. And then home for a Listen to Sassy watch-along to Pretty Woman. Not a bad one-two distraction punch. 

Session D stairwell thoughts...

16 June 2023: There was a moment today--in the midst of a busy advising session, when I was walking a piece of paper down to the room where I could get an override entered for a student--when I thought to myself, "God, I love this." 

And then I sort of laughed because remembered how hard this week (month? year?) has been in many aspects of my work life. And how hard things are going to be for the University for the next couple of years (at least). 

I sort of smiled to think that I had forgotten all of that in the moments before--in fact, during the entire time I was advising incoming students this morning. And I was so grateful for the good parts--always the best parts: working with students. What a blessing that the good parts will--in every way--help us through the hard parts.

Then I got my head back in the game, got the override approved, and headed back upstairs. 

Tiny bit fired...

12 June 2023: Strange day that culimated with me learning my Assistant Dean position is being eliminated due to the financial challenges the university is facing. I kind of saw it coming, so it's not a shock. I have a lot of thoughts about it, but just feel pretty tired right now. I'll be fine; more time in the classroom is always a good thing. Other good things: fewer meetings, fewer emails, less to worry about. I feel bad for the folks who report to me, but I have faith they'll do just fine without me. 

"Teaching that Empowers Academic Belonging"

6 April 2023: "We need to learn about belonging from people who had have to belong to themselves." --Hakeem Leonard

Attended a really terrific workshop today, led by Dr. Leonard, entitled "Teaching that Empowers Academic Belonging." His point above will stick with me for a long time. 

Ready for them to be back...

16 August 2022: Sitting at home this evening, after a 10 hour day on campus, I could hear the Ram Band (mostly the drums) practicing over on campus. This always makes me smile. And I realized that having the students back and having classes start up will make my mood, my mind, and my existence a lot better.* Will it also be busier and more frantic? Sure, but the rest of it more than balances that out. It is, as I always point out, the best part of the job--the reason the whole job exists. 

*I do feel--like I have most recent summers--like I didn't do enough for fun or even take a real "break." It's hard not to be sad about that, why it keeps happening, and what it says about my life, but no need to prolong summer just so I can spend more time with nothing fun to do. 

Winter Break Goal List: Done!

6 January 2022: On the first anniversary of a horrifying surreal event, it was an otherwise quiet day around here. But one big achievement? I marked the final items off of my "Winter Break Goal List." It was not a terribly ambitious list, but it wasn't nothing, either. And, as I mentioned yesterday, this even gives me some time to bust out a decent draft of the book entry I am working on. 

Now that I think about it, I managed to get work done on all the parts of my job: teaching prep, Faculty Senate President stuff, Assistant Dean stuff, and some writing (just a page, again, but that's okay) for the book. As the snow sets in on a cold night, with all the usual worries pressing in a bit, this is a comforting realization. Time for some TV (finally starting Yellowjackets) before trying to get to bed a bit early. 

Conference paper progress...

19 October 2021: Today I finished a decent draft of my MAPACA paper (still some revising and polishing to do) and started practicing my SSAWW paper. I hadn't touched the latter since July (!), when I finished a really polished draft and set it aside. It feels very good to see both projects nearing their conclusion. 

"You and Me on the Rock"

3 October 2021: Feeling both mentally worn out but emotionally pretty good because I've knocked out a ton of work today: finished a draft of my Scarborough Society lecture, wrote a Fulbright recommendation, got a solid draft done on my Strategic Plan report (boring), responded to so many emails. In short, I've crossed just about everything off my weekend "to do" list. 

The new Brandi Carlile album has been a good soundtrack for today, particularly "You and Me on the Rock," which she played at the concert that Erin and I saw in late August. She called it her "Joni Mitchell" song, which you can immediately hear. It's just a really fun and sweet song that's been on heavy rotation for me today. 

Love these lines: "Me out in my garden / and you out on your walk / Is all the distance this poor girl can take / Without listenin' to you talk..."

Update: and the Yankees just made the post-season in the bottom of the ninth in a 0-0 game. Cue that track again! 

The best part of the job...

29 September 2021: Today was tough. Got to campus before 7:00 a.m., took my walk and tripped, going down pretty hard on my knee and (weirdly) bruising the tip of my thumb. Not a great way to start the day.

Once I got back to my office, I was on the phone, in meetings, or in class pretty much non-stop. My only non-work moments included 1) a call with the vet's office about refilling Wesley's food* and 2) thirty minutes sitting at Wednesday Lunch with a couple of colleagues. But I almost broke down in tears during the first one and couldn't focus or enjoy myself during the second one.

Most of today's stress involved that big work project I am in charge of. Just minor, stupid, urgent, time-consuming stuff. And so much of it.

The thing is--and I know I have said and written about this before--the three hours in the classroom (and the two more spent meeting with students and re-teaching a class for a quarantined student)? That part was wonderful. It always is. Always the best part of any work day. 

Going into my afternoon classes, I was feeling that acutely, actually looking forward to them so much. And I told my students that. "The best part of the job," I said, "is the actual job, the part that got me into it." It's so worth remembering. I need to remember that and start letting other stuff take less of my energy. 

*The message they left said they couldn't give me the refill it until I brought him in for a visit. I called back and said "he's 17 and you have to sedate him to see him..." and went on for a bit and nearly cried. I added, "I've been bringing my cats to you faithfully since 2007. And I just lost my 19 year old cat..."** By that point, the woman I was speaking to--who was really kind and lovely--said they were just following procedure but she understood and she would talk to the doctor about overriding the requirement. So we'll see. I just don't want to bring him in unless I have to.

**Losing Bing is really hitting me hard these past few days. I am not sure why. I think part of it is just being stressed and wishing for comfort and knowing he's not here. And I guess I didn't let myself feel all of this too much at first. 

Juggling...

16 September 2021: Things I worked on today and made actual progress on:

• Finalizing details and procedures for our Provost Zoom interviews
• Meeting with my team for our portion of the Strategic Plan process
• My monthly meeting with the President 
• Grading papers for my ENGL 307 class (at least some of them)
• Writing a new page for my Scarborough Society lecture
• Completing travel request and authorization forms for the SSAWW conference
• Answering about 1000 emails

It was a lot, but I managed to cover a lot of bases and feel like everything moved forward a bit. 

Treated myself tonight with dinner at Kome and the faculty jazz concert (outside--lovely!) after that (with Amy). 

Pages that may disappear...

7 September 2021: Made some good progress today on my MAPACA conference paper. It's interesting: the piece I wrote today is kind of the first act (after the intro) before getting to the heart of the paper. It's pretty solid, but I also realize it's precisely the kind of section that goes from two pages in a draft to one paragraph in a delivered paper--sacrificed to make room for another section. And yes, those pieces often come back when something goes to article length, but that isn't in my plans for now. So these pages are here: solid, done, important, but also impermanent. And that's okay. It's just part of the process.

Those optimistic first-years...

3 September 2021: Anytime I think about the state of the world lately, it...doesn't make me feel great. Nevertheless, this piece from Inside Higher Ed today--showing that 90% (!!!) of first-year students feel optimistic about their future gave me a lift. It's a short article and more nuanced than what I've included would indicate. And optimism, of course, doesn't equal success, but knowing that they believe in a positive future gives me a bit more hope.