Wednesday, July 31, 2019
So long, Jane the Virgin
31 July 2019: Jane the Virgin is a show I've loved from the start. Sometimes I would forget how much I loved it and then I would be in the middle of an episode and my heart would swell (telenovella style!) and I would realize how special it is. The finale tonight--full of love and hope--made me happy, but I'll miss it.
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Working on it...
30 July 2019: Working on busting out of this funk I've been in. I heard this song -- which I know I blogged about in June when I was in a much different place. When it came on, I remembered that post and that day and that feeling. And I said to myself, "You know what? I am going to embrace that feeling and take this as a sign that I can do better." It's a kind of take on "fake it 'til you make it," but that's okay.
Monday, July 29, 2019
Sunday, July 28, 2019
Evan's baptism...
28 July 2019: Quick trip up to NY for Evan's baptism. He fits right in with all of these weirdos (myself included).
Dispatch to the Tooth Fairy...
27 July 2019:
[Catch-up post...]
Krista talking about losing a tooth like she's releasing a new album (and making sure the tooth fairy can find her on the road): "I am hopeing that you (tooth fairy.) like my 6th tooth dropingg! I made sure to brush it well for you. Hope you can find me in rocky point new york! You are the best tooth fairy ever!"
[Catch-up post...]
Krista talking about losing a tooth like she's releasing a new album (and making sure the tooth fairy can find her on the road): "I am hopeing that you (tooth fairy.) like my 6th tooth dropingg! I made sure to brush it well for you. Hope you can find me in rocky point new york! You are the best tooth fairy ever!"
Friday, July 26, 2019
When They See Us
26 July 2019: I’ve been thinking a lot about When They See Us, which I actually finished watching a couple of days ago. Like with Pose, I am always grateful for a TV show (or, in this case, a mini-series) that helps me gain a better understanding of a time and a place when/where I was around/alive (and even geographically close) but really had no idea what was going on. And also just like Pose, so much of my ignorance came not just from youth, but from privilege.
I was 12 when the “Central Park Jogger” case hit the headlines and living in the NYC media market. Wall-to-wall coverage which was unavoidable even for a child. I have the clearest memory of sitting in my living room, reading a column in The Daily News where the writer eviscerated the accused. The bitterly sarcastic phrase “Little Antron went out to play” ran through it like enough of a refrain that even now, 30 years later, I remember it.
And because I was young and ignorant and privileged, I bought into it all. These kids were monsters. Abhorrent. And nothing like me. Lock them up. Throw them away. Irredeemable. These people—barely people—and why they were the way they were…who could explain it? I thought I saw them for what they were and I was disgusted.
Those paragraphs above were hard to write and are hard to read. I am not comfortable that that’s how I felt, even if I was young. It makes me cringe. What was clearly racism and ignorance fueled so much of my view. I am grateful to have grown since then, but that embarrassment and pain? I hope it can fuel me to keep trying to do even better.
But back to When They See Us: the five boys (now men) have been exonerated for years now and I knew factually how wrong and misinformed I and so many others had been. But seeing it? Seeing these boys and what they went through on the screen? It hits you like never before. You actually see them (thus the brilliant title).
Some images/insights I won’t soon forget:
The whole series is beautiful, of course. Amazingly shot. Terrifically acted. It’s a gift.
I was 12 when the “Central Park Jogger” case hit the headlines and living in the NYC media market. Wall-to-wall coverage which was unavoidable even for a child. I have the clearest memory of sitting in my living room, reading a column in The Daily News where the writer eviscerated the accused. The bitterly sarcastic phrase “Little Antron went out to play” ran through it like enough of a refrain that even now, 30 years later, I remember it.
And because I was young and ignorant and privileged, I bought into it all. These kids were monsters. Abhorrent. And nothing like me. Lock them up. Throw them away. Irredeemable. These people—barely people—and why they were the way they were…who could explain it? I thought I saw them for what they were and I was disgusted.
Those paragraphs above were hard to write and are hard to read. I am not comfortable that that’s how I felt, even if I was young. It makes me cringe. What was clearly racism and ignorance fueled so much of my view. I am grateful to have grown since then, but that embarrassment and pain? I hope it can fuel me to keep trying to do even better.
But back to When They See Us: the five boys (now men) have been exonerated for years now and I knew factually how wrong and misinformed I and so many others had been. But seeing it? Seeing these boys and what they went through on the screen? It hits you like never before. You actually see them (thus the brilliant title).
Some images/insights I won’t soon forget:
- They were children. Little kids. Maybe because I am nearly 42 now, but man...they were kids.
- Raymond calling his dad from prison. All they can talk about is what they had for dinner. That makes a perfect, tragic kind of sense.
- Raymond’s meeting with his parole officer when he learns how hard it will be just to get a job. He might have served his time, but he keeps paying. As Sarah Bunting explained on her excellent podcast, we see here the creation of a permanent underclass.
- Antron’s struggle to make peace with his father who told him to say whatever the cops wanted.
- Korey…everything about Korey.
The whole series is beautiful, of course. Amazingly shot. Terrifically acted. It’s a gift.
Thursday, July 25, 2019
Five years...
25 July 2019: It's been five years since Ryan died. It is still hard and sad. This year is really hard for a bunch of reasons, but there's a picture on my dresser that I looked at this morning that made me smile. We are standing on Roanoke's campus. He came with my mom when she drove me back after winter break. We both look so young. And happy.
Yet even when we posed for it, it was a bit of a facade. He was already struggling. And I wasn't great, though better than I had been, I guess. But we were trying. And it helped. Every picture with him has that narrative in it somewhere, I guess.
Anyway, five years. And 20+ since that picture. Still love you so much, Ryan.
Yet even when we posed for it, it was a bit of a facade. He was already struggling. And I wasn't great, though better than I had been, I guess. But we were trying. And it helped. Every picture with him has that narrative in it somewhere, I guess.
Anyway, five years. And 20+ since that picture. Still love you so much, Ryan.
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Bing's check-up...
24 July 2019: He screamed and howled and hissed and growled (very loudly!) throughout the experience and he had to be covered up in a blanket with someone (not me!) holding him, but all things considered, Bing had a good check-up. He also recovered and was back to normal at home within five minutes.
Here he is, post-visit...
Oh--the doctor also said that by age 15, 90% of cats would need the human equivalent of a hearing aid, so I am probably right that his hearing is going. That also would probably explain his nighttime screaming. So yay?
By the way, 15 year-old Wesley still has the ability to hear me turn over in bed when he is downstairs, so he's that 10%!
Until next year. (Or September, when BabyCat goes!)
Here he is, post-visit...
Oh--the doctor also said that by age 15, 90% of cats would need the human equivalent of a hearing aid, so I am probably right that his hearing is going. That also would probably explain his nighttime screaming. So yay?
By the way, 15 year-old Wesley still has the ability to hear me turn over in bed when he is downstairs, so he's that 10%!
Until next year. (Or September, when BabyCat goes!)
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
"Alex, Alex, and Sebastian: Russian Dolls"
23 July 2019: Listened to this episode of Everything is Alive this morning and found myself almost welling up at times. This darn show is so weirdly touching and compelling. By giving life to inanimate objects, it makes you think about your own life, your own relationships, what matters to you, what makes life sweet and painful and sad and joyful.
Monday, July 22, 2019
Pose
22 July 2019: I just finished watching the first season of Pose. I am glad I finally got around to it. I could list any number of reasons, but chief among them is how it introduced me to a world I knew very little about and helped me see so clearly how these people become each other’s family. When Damon calls Blanca “Mother” and tells her he loves her, I believe it and I get it. And oh my: Billy Porter. What a performance. I was sobbing when he sang to Costas and when Costas told him to mourn for one day and then move on. Give him the Emmy. (Or give it to Bob Odenkirk...)
What a gift that a show like this exists. It isn’t the best thing I’ve watched this year or even my favorite, but it sure is important and very good.
I understand the second season (which premiered a few weeks ago) is even more political. Considering how far we still have to go and how much we still have to learn from the not-too-distant past, this strikes me as a great move.
What a gift that a show like this exists. It isn’t the best thing I’ve watched this year or even my favorite, but it sure is important and very good.
I understand the second season (which premiered a few weeks ago) is even more political. Considering how far we still have to go and how much we still have to learn from the not-too-distant past, this strikes me as a great move.
Sunday, July 21, 2019
"delicious language"
21 July 2019: I've been a fan of Naomi Shihab Nye since one of her books was the "all-freshman read" my first year teaching at UNCG. I have always been drawn to her enthusiasm for what language can do--what a gift it can be. So I was so pleased to hear her on the episode of Poetry Off the Shelf that I listened to on my walk this morning, again delighting in the power of words.
An excerpt, where she talks about writing down something her three-year old grandson said: "But because I wrote it down, and because I wrote down, you know, thousands of things his dad said 33 years ago, I can remember them. And that helps us become more tuned in to delicious language…And that’s what we need to keep us tuned into our lives. And I think, to have access to our own lives, our own memories and experiences, that will help every one of us. And it will help make us more empathetic human beings, you know, whatever path we go on."
An excerpt, where she talks about writing down something her three-year old grandson said: "But because I wrote it down, and because I wrote down, you know, thousands of things his dad said 33 years ago, I can remember them. And that helps us become more tuned in to delicious language…And that’s what we need to keep us tuned into our lives. And I think, to have access to our own lives, our own memories and experiences, that will help every one of us. And it will help make us more empathetic human beings, you know, whatever path we go on."
Saturday mood-lifters...
20 July 2019:
[Catch-up post...]
Saturday kept me busy (which certainly helped with my mood). Some fun highlights:
[Catch-up post...]
Saturday kept me busy (which certainly helped with my mood). Some fun highlights:
Sadie's baby shower.
Seeing Adam's play.
Friday, July 19, 2019
Content from heaven...
19 July 2019: Not gonna lie...been in a real funk lately. It's been hard. But the Lord must be looking out for me a bit, since some lovely content descended from heaven today...
1) This track from The Highwomen and this piece about them on Rolling Stone.
2) Veronica Mars, Season 4 dropping a week early.
Won't fix everything, but this helps.
1) This track from The Highwomen and this piece about them on Rolling Stone.
2) Veronica Mars, Season 4 dropping a week early.
Won't fix everything, but this helps.
Thursday, July 18, 2019
Wheaton women...
18 July 2019: I spent some of today reading Paul C. Helmreich's Wheaton Colllege, 1834-1957 in preparation for my research trip in early August. It's actually both fascinating, fun, and sometimes touching to read about this early women's college. Here's some of the fun/touching stuff:
And even then, students complained about the difficulty of scheduling classes. And so it goes...
- A student wrote the following in 1835: "Miss Caldwell advises us not to talk after we go to bed, for she says young ladies will say a great many foolish things in the dark that they would be ashamed to say in the light and when looking at each other" (156). Miss Caldwell speaks the truth.
- In 1939, another student writes, "My room-mate is a rather pleasant girl I should think, although she does not stay with me much, and when she is with me she acts as if she wanted to be somewhere else" (157). Poor thing!
- A 1906 graduate remarks, "We lived in a woman's world, yet triumphed with gaiety" (159).
And even then, students complained about the difficulty of scheduling classes. And so it goes...
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
"this changeable life..."
17 July 2019: "But he almost never calls upon me now, and I was never one who could run after even my best friends, when they seemed to be having a better time without me. --And then it is foolish to expect to keep anything, in this changeable life." --Lucy Larcom, in an 1877 letter, discussing her changed and somewhat strained relationship with her friend/mentor/collaborator, John Greenleaf Whitter (qtd. in Marchalonis 208).
In preparation for my research trip in August, I have spent the last couple of days re-reading Shirley Marchalonis's excellent biography, The Worlds of Lucy Larcom, 1824-1893. Every time I read about Larcom or read her letters, I find so much to grab onto, to relate to, to think about. (And I know I've posted similar sentiments before.) I could have picked any one of a dozen quotations that stuck out to me on this re-read and perhaps the one above is a bit too maudlin for me to be saying "I feel seen!" but you know...it is what it is.
There's a comfort in knowing that someone struggled with and thought about similar kinds of questions and problems over 150 years ago. That isn't an incredibly profound insight--it's why we read and study history. But there is something so specific about Larcom--her life choices, her struggles, her joys--that makes me feel such a connection at times.
In preparation for my research trip in August, I have spent the last couple of days re-reading Shirley Marchalonis's excellent biography, The Worlds of Lucy Larcom, 1824-1893. Every time I read about Larcom or read her letters, I find so much to grab onto, to relate to, to think about. (And I know I've posted similar sentiments before.) I could have picked any one of a dozen quotations that stuck out to me on this re-read and perhaps the one above is a bit too maudlin for me to be saying "I feel seen!" but you know...it is what it is.
There's a comfort in knowing that someone struggled with and thought about similar kinds of questions and problems over 150 years ago. That isn't an incredibly profound insight--it's why we read and study history. But there is something so specific about Larcom--her life choices, her struggles, her joys--that makes me feel such a connection at times.
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
"The Heart / has many Doors"
16 July 2019:
"The Heart
has many Doors -
I can but
knock -
For any sweet
"Come in"
Impelled to
hark -
Not saddened
by repulse,
Repast to me
That somewhere,
there exists,
Supremacy - " --Emily Dickinson
Manuscript view here.
"The Heart
has many Doors -
I can but
knock -
For any sweet
"Come in"
Impelled to
hark -
Not saddened
by repulse,
Repast to me
That somewhere,
there exists,
Supremacy - " --Emily Dickinson
Manuscript view here.
Ugh. So good it hurts.
Monday, July 15, 2019
Comfortably numb...
15 July 2019: Sitting here about 3 hours post-filling at the dentist. My bottom lip is still pretty numb (at least 50% of it), which is strange, as always. But I've also been thinking about how cool my dentist is: smart, funny, kind, and just all-around wonderful. We've been through a lot together, so to speak, especially in the summer of 2014, when he was especially kind when Ryan died and my teeth-grinding/jaw-clenching came to a kind of tipping point.
During that summer five years ago, his daughter, freshly graduated from college and about to start dental school, sat in on an appointment. Today, she's the newest dentist at the practice. He and I talked about that today. "I remember thinking," I told him, "'Boy, she's got a long road in front of her.' Yet now, here she is! That's how time works, I guess." He rolled his eyes, laughed, and agreed.
And so it goes...
During that summer five years ago, his daughter, freshly graduated from college and about to start dental school, sat in on an appointment. Today, she's the newest dentist at the practice. He and I talked about that today. "I remember thinking," I told him, "'Boy, she's got a long road in front of her.' Yet now, here she is! That's how time works, I guess." He rolled his eyes, laughed, and agreed.
And so it goes...
Sunday, July 14, 2019
Lovely Summer Sunday...
14 July 2019: Lots of help chasing away those Sunday blues this evening. First, I had dinner at James and Carrie's house, which was delicious and delightful. They are awesome, their kids are awesome, and it's just always great spending time with them. Then we walked over to the Blue Moon and met our friends Mark and Erin (along with some other friends) who were passing through town for the night. Very good night!
Saturday, July 13, 2019
"There are chalices in the basement..."
13 July 2019: This post's title comes from one of the more delightfully weird bits of conversation from dinner at my friend Leigh's house this evening.
A day that included a morning visit with Amy's foster kittens (she was out of town until mid-day), some quiet time to walk and get some work done, an afternoon showing of Crawl (which should be called Chomp: This Time It's Alligators), and that dinner party? Well, that's a good day to me.
A day that included a morning visit with Amy's foster kittens (she was out of town until mid-day), some quiet time to walk and get some work done, an afternoon showing of Crawl (which should be called Chomp: This Time It's Alligators), and that dinner party? Well, that's a good day to me.
Friday, July 12, 2019
"John Ross Bowie and Jamie Denbo Don’t Need Your Suggestions For Their Life Improv"
12 July 2019: Catching up on The Hilarious World of Depression podcast today, listening to an episode from way back in December. Not sure why I let this one get backed up. Maybe the fact that it went on break in January and new episodes stopped piling up gave me an excuse. Maybe I was just saving them for when I needed them.
Anyway, this episode, featuring John Ross Bowie and Jamie Denbo, is really great. They are a married couple, both in comedy, and both struggle with depression. To hear them talk about their experiences and hear how much they love each other...well, it was powerful and sweet.
By the way, this might be the podcast I've blogged about the most, which is a bit surprising. Check it out: previous posts here. here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. I can't say enough about how much good John Moe is doing for the world through this podcast.
Anyway, this episode, featuring John Ross Bowie and Jamie Denbo, is really great. They are a married couple, both in comedy, and both struggle with depression. To hear them talk about their experiences and hear how much they love each other...well, it was powerful and sweet.
By the way, this might be the podcast I've blogged about the most, which is a bit surprising. Check it out: previous posts here. here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. I can't say enough about how much good John Moe is doing for the world through this podcast.
Thursday, July 11, 2019
"End of the World"
11 July 2019: I've already blogged a bit about this episode of Parks & Rec before, but it is one of my favorites. Today was another strange day. Everything feels a bit off (and some things, more than a bit). But I watched this episode on a lark and it made me feel better.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
"Sleeping By Myself"
10 July 2019:
"Oh, I believe in love and disaster
Sometimes the two are just the same
I'm beginning to see what's left of me
Is gonna have to be free to survive..." --Eddie Vedder, "Sleeping By Myself"
Those lines just kill me. Spot on. Achingly sad, resigned, and just a little bit on the way to hopeful (but so far to go).
And yeah: Ukulele Songs is in heavy rotation this week as I work through some stuff.
"Oh, I believe in love and disaster
Sometimes the two are just the same
I'm beginning to see what's left of me
Is gonna have to be free to survive..." --Eddie Vedder, "Sleeping By Myself"
Those lines just kill me. Spot on. Achingly sad, resigned, and just a little bit on the way to hopeful (but so far to go).
And yeah: Ukulele Songs is in heavy rotation this week as I work through some stuff.
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Poetic medicine...
9 July 2019: Spent some of today doing some planning for a research trip in August. And a lot of that made me anxious and uneasy. And then--right on time--arrived an email from the Academy of American Poets featuring poems about travel. Two of them stood out to me, both reminding me of some of what I like about travel (particularly about airports--and that list is very short).
The Rita Dove poem calls to mind how I like to imagine where everyone is heading and what their lives are like.
The Ellen Bass poem captures perhaps my favorite airport occurrence: the reunion. And gosh, this poem is charming and sweet.
The Rita Dove poem calls to mind how I like to imagine where everyone is heading and what their lives are like.
The Ellen Bass poem captures perhaps my favorite airport occurrence: the reunion. And gosh, this poem is charming and sweet.
Monday, July 8, 2019
Karlye's Shower
7 July 2019: My "baby" cousin (that is, my youngest cousin) is having a baby and I got to go to her shower yesterday. It was a lovely party for a lovely person.
50th Anniversary Party
6 July 2019:
[Catch-up post...]
On Saturday, my siblings and I hosted a 50th Anniversary Celebration for my parents. Some highlights in photo form...
[Catch-up post...]
On Saturday, my siblings and I hosted a 50th Anniversary Celebration for my parents. Some highlights in photo form...
Friday, July 5, 2019
Midsommar
5 July 2019: Well...that was an intense movie. Much like Hereditary, it was tense and unsettling throughout. And visually impressive. And fascinating. And ridiculous.
Thursday, July 4, 2019
July 4th...
4 July 2019: A busy and fun 4th! Watched the Shepherdstown parade this morning with Amy (very hot and humid, but always quirky and fun). Spent the evening at Kara and Patrick's--also always fun.
Silly faces with Connor.
Jane getting in on the silly face action.
Sparklers!
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
Picking up Wesley...
3 July 2019: "Hey buddy! I missed you so much!" --me, to Wesley, when I picked him up at the vet today at noon. I had dropped him off...at 7:15 that morning. I still meant every word.
He is fine, by the way. Just his yearly exam and shots, but you might know, for him, that sometimes requires sedation.
He is fine, by the way. Just his yearly exam and shots, but you might know, for him, that sometimes requires sedation.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
"Silvia and the Cats"
2 July 2019: "I am sorry because you deprive yourself of a great joy....They can give you peace, joy, love, and ecstatic joy also in every attitude. They are always beautiful..." --Silvia, in this episode of This is Love, responding to the host's admission that she doesn't like cats.
I listened to this episode on my walk today, thinking about, among other things, Wesley's visit to the vet tomorrow (a "sedation visit" for a routine exam/shot because he can't behave), whether I want to take Bing in this year (he's 17 and doesn't like going much either)... So this story, about how much people love and admire cats, seemed entirely appropriate.
I listened to this episode on my walk today, thinking about, among other things, Wesley's visit to the vet tomorrow (a "sedation visit" for a routine exam/shot because he can't behave), whether I want to take Bing in this year (he's 17 and doesn't like going much either)... So this story, about how much people love and admire cats, seemed entirely appropriate.
Monday, July 1, 2019
Concussion
1 July 2019: Started Concussion, this year's Common Reading at Shepherd, this afternoon. I am about 70 pages in and it's a quick read. So far, I find myself (pleasantly) surprised at what a complicated and kind of weird person Bennet Omalu is. The depiction of his depression is particularly interesting, as is his adjustment to America.
And then there's his name (first, middle, last) which means (in order): "Blessed," "Life is the greatest gift of all," and "If you know, come forth and speak" (26-7). Knowing (more or less) where this story is going, that gave me chills.
And then there's his name (first, middle, last) which means (in order): "Blessed," "Life is the greatest gift of all," and "If you know, come forth and speak" (26-7). Knowing (more or less) where this story is going, that gave me chills.
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