Softball and pizza

26 April 2024: Did some work this morning and this afternoon, but stopped around 3:30 to watch the softball game with Carrie and Amy. Afterwards, we got some pizza, came back to my house, and just talked, laughed, and hung out for a while. Very fun and chill way to welcome summer break. 

Spring 2024 Grading: DONE!

25 April 2024: Just clicked "submit" on the practicum students' final grades, so that's that for Spring 2024 grading. A strange and hard semester, but as always, the students--even when some of them were driving me crazy--were the best part. 

Trying to get Pandora to play some chair-dancing music, but it is resisting. [Decided to sort of live-blog this for some random reason?] So far, it's offered "Right Here Waiting" and "Take My Breath Away," neither of which is the vibe! "Manic Monday" got us a bit closer. "Hold Me Now"--while a great song--seems like a step backward. Now it's playing "All Through the Night," which I adore, but still isn't right. 

Okay: we'll take this last offering--from one of my all-time favorite movies. I can picture every frame in my mind. Mellow, but good enough...

Shōgun

24 April 2024: Still have about twenty minutes to go in the last episode of Shōgun and I am already missing it. Just simply one of the best shows I've seen in some time. 

Getting closer...

23 April 2024: All done with my ENGL 102 grading. So, all that is left are my practicum students' grades. I think I can get those done tomorrow or Thursday, depending on the students turn-around time on any revisions. So, we are getting closer and almost there.

After all the stress and flurry and everything of this semester and this entire year, I almost can't believe I am so close to break. And this summer? Mostly just time to write, revise, and edit. I feel like I can see "giddy" on the horizon, but also can't believe it. 

Bloom

22 August 2024: Can't remember the last time I picked up a book, started it, and read just about non-stop until I finished it. But that's what I did this evening with Bloom, by Delilah S. Dawson, our book club's selection for this month. I am not completely sure what I think of it, but man, it sure is seductive, propulsive, and captivating.  

Brunch in the Commons/Midnight Breakfast

21 April 2024: Started the day with a throwback to one of my favorite parts my Roanoke experience: brunch with college friends in the Commons. Ending the day with one of my favorite parts of the Shepherd experience: Midnight Breakfast. Digging those "higher-ed"-themed bookends. 

25th Reunion

20 April 2024: 

[Catch-up post]

Nearly twenty-five years since I graduated from Roanoke and getting close to twenty-nince years since I met this group of women (and Mike!) who have been such blessings in my life. 

"How to Triumph Like a Girl"

19 April 2024: It's "Poem in Your Pocket Day" and this one, currently in my pocket, is perfect for the day I will (eventually) be driving down to Salem to see my dear, dear friends.

One to go / end-of-the-semester math

18 April 2024: Finished my Dunbar-Nelson entry today and I am low-key thrilled. A week ago, I was so worried about meeting my goal to have the last three entries done by the end of hte month. It wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world, but I didn't like it. Now, though, I feel like I've got this.

Also helping me feel like I've got this--some end-of-the-semester math, made a lot easier by me plowing through my Dickinson seminar papers. Here's what's left:

• 33 ENGL 102 essays to great (6 pages each)
• 33 ENGL 102 multimodal projects to grade 
• 4 ENGL 426 presentation responses

Also on the list, but harder to quantify: the grades for my practicum students. 

The last day of classes is tomorrow and then I am off right after the McMurran Convocation, heading to Salem for my reunion. So, I won't get a lot done this weekend. 

Still, I've got this.

Release party...

17 April 2024: Almost, almost, almost missed the Sans Merci release party for the first time in...forever? First, I was confused and thought it was tomorrow night--and was pretty tempted to skip it. I have so much to do, especially between now and my 25th (!) college reunion this weekend--and tomorrow will already be a long day. 

But, it turns out, the release party was tonight--which also made me inclined to skip it, as I didn't realize my mistake until right before it started. And I have so much to do.

But I put my shoes back on, hopped in the car, and went on over.

And it was really quite nice (as always).

Honestly, I am realizing it might have been kind of a good thing that I went, even though it means I won't get any writing done today. Because today I really needed a reminder of how wonderful college students are and how amazing it is to see them grow and shine. (It was rough day in ways that I can be public about here [though I don't think anyone actually reads this.]) 

Celebrating student-created art and literature? Worth it every time. 

"His Heart's Desire"

16 April 2024: 

“But Andy was a boy, and boys don’t tell their hearts out, and he would have died rather than confess his weakness for the world to laugh at and jibe and jeer. For Andy wanted a doll” (Dunbar-Nelson 416).

I am glad to have come across "His Heart's Desire," an Alice Dunbar-Nelson story published in a special issue of Legacy in 2016. As the editors explains, the tale shows "her ability to transmute what could be sentimental subject matter into a masterful story without one false note,” her sensitive understanding of children (informed by her work as a teacher), and also reminds us of her work on behalf of poor families (Gebhard, et. al 405). It's also an study of the construction of masculinity in progress, as poor Andy hides his desire for the doll.

Works Cited

Dunbar-Nelson, Alice. “His Heart’s Desire.” Legacy, vol. 33, no. 2, 2016, pp. 416-421. JSTOR.

Gebhard, Caroline, Katherine Adams, and Sandra A. Zagarell. “Recovered from the Archive: Two Stories by Alice Dunbar-Nelson.” Legacy, vol. 33, no. 2, 2016, pp. 404–07. JSTOR.

Zero!

15 April 2024: The countdown has ended and I am officially no longer Faculty Senate President. 

It's a strange feeling--complicated. But I certainly do feel like a load has been lifted. 

Flying Cows!

14 April 2024: Cory's company did some free design work for the new basketball team in Frederick, so he had some free tickets and invited me to join him and Hannah. It was a blast. And they won!

New York-style...

13 April 2024: I always tell people my New York accent only really comes out when I am tired or annoyed. Just now, I realized something else: it comes out when I yell at the cat. And I think I've always done this and am only realizing it now. Now "yelling" is sort of aligned with "annoyed," but sometimes my "yelling" is playful. So I think it might be more of a "caretaking" or "pet-parenting" thing. 

I still hate the idea of equating pet-parenting to child-parenting, but I don't have a better term. And there are parallels, of course. But what in the world does it mean that I slide into my latent New York voice at these moments? Weird, weird, weird...  

Busy Friday...

12 April 2024: Busy Friday to end the week! I had conferences from 9:00-2:30. Then it was off to our first set of capstones/award ceremony/Sigma Tau Delta induction. Then it was off to Relay for Life, where I helped sell luminarias again. Saying again what I have said so many times before: even though I am bone tired, days like today, packed with time around Shepherd students, faculty and staff, make me feel so lucky and blessed. 

When you have chicken for lunch...

11 April 2024:

13 conferences...

10 April 2024: Met with thirteen students, more or less back-to-back, each for thirty minute paper conferences. It was, as blocks of conferences always are, exhausting and exhilirating. 

Liminal Jo

9 April 2024: Jo was very good at posing in liminal spaces today.

Earlier in the day, deciding whether or not to crash my Zoom conferences. (She crashed some of them...)

Enjoying the first day this season with lots of open-window time. And there's the redbud, doing its thing.

Watching the Eclipse Watchers...

8 April 2024: The eclipse was so cool today. I mean, when I first put those glasses on and looked up, I said "Wow!" out loud. Profound and moving. But something that was perhaps equally moving? Seeing all of the people on campus coming outside to experiece it together. I just took a couple of pictures, but it was lovely to watch others watch the eclipse--a terrific reminder of how much I love our campus community. 

First mow of 2024...

7 April 2024: And it's a "go" on the 2024 lawn-mowing season! As I made my way around the yard, I did some of my usual yard-work contemplating, including trying to imagine that in the not-too-distant future, I'll be pushing the machine in shorts and sweating my head off (in contrast to the jeans, sweatshirt, and relatively dry brow of today's experience). And then, eventually, the sweatshirt will reemerge and the season will end. 

Spread some fertilizer, too, and ordered a new edger. (I might have the worst luck with these things.)

Snapped this picture a few hours after I finished. The sky really was that blue. 

Still feel the satisfaction of a stereotypical suburban dad every time.

Found some more "first mow" posts from years' past here, here, and here. 

A dramatic pose...

6 April 2024: Most of her poses are dramatic. Resting her head on a Mary Wilkins Freeman book just kicks it up a notch.

I sure do love this girl. 

Late Night with the Devil

5 April 2024: Two movie nights in a row? Wild but true. Late Night with the Devil is absolutely worth seeing. It looks great. The story and set-up is unique and innovative. Terrific performances. And weird in the best way. 

Immaculate

4 April 2024: Took the evening off to go see Immaculate and then get some dinner. It was a wild and fun movie; totally gross, but also smart in places. Felt good to take a break, too. 

Crying season...

3 April 2024: Accidentally made a very sweet, smart, and hard-working student cry today when I asked how her mom (who has been in the hospital) is doing. Her mom is coming home today, which is great, but there's a long road ahead for the family and the poor kid is just dragging. She'd had a hard day, too. "I didn't want to cry," she kept saying. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry." 

Of course, it's fine that she cried. And I sure do get it. This time of the semester--even when there aren't personal crises unfolding--students (and their teachers--ha!) are on edge. There's a special kind of "edge" for high-achieving students that I am particularly sympathetic to. 

I think I made her feel as okay as I could, but I also just wanted to give her some cocoa and send her to bed. Poor, sweet kid. I said to myself that maybe this is more evidence that I wouldn't have been cut out for parenting; if I had a kid like this one, my heart would just break every time she was so upset. 

"to go into stories..."

2 April 2024: Came across this excerpt from a letter Mary Wilkins Freeman wrote to Sarah Orne Jewett: "I suppose it seems to you as it does to me that everything you have heard, seen, or done, since you opened your eyes to the world, is coming back to you sooner or later, to go into stories" (qtd. in Glasser 1). I just love the idea of these two writers talking about their work.

Work Cited

Glasser, Leah Blatt. In a Closet Hidden: The Life and Work of Mary E. Wilkins Freeman. U of Massachusetts P, 1996.

One!

1 April 2024: My goodness: just ONE Senate meeting left! We can do this. 

Easter 2024

31 March 2024: Marshmallow Peeps are not my fav, but they helped my carrot cake look good enough to impress some of my *actual* favorite peeps. 

So very blessed to get to spend every Easter with Erin, Eric, and the girls. 

"Why don't you think more of Mary Wilkins?"

30 March 2024: Just obsessed with this passage from Sylvia Townsend Warner: "If I had the courage of my convictions downstairs, when everyone was talking about Joyce and Pound and melting pots, I would have said, 'Why don't you think more of Mary Wilkins?'" 

I think I saved the entry on Freeman until this point because everything about it feels big to me: the things I want to say, the idea of limiting those remarks, my feelings for her work. So consider me a strong co-sign for Warner's question: why don't you think more of Mary Wilkins? 

Work Cited

Warner, Sylvia Townsend. "Item, One Empty House." Critical Essays on Mary Wilkins Freeman, edited by Shirley Marchalonis, G.K. Hall, 1991, pp. 118-31. 

Dinner and a show...

29 March 2024: Thanks to my rapidly-improving health, I was able to end this long, difficult week on a high note: dinner with Tim, Kevin, Cory, and Hannah followed by the Rude Mechanicals' opening night performance of Lysistrata. Just a perfect evening. 

Opening Day! / Three to go!

28 March 2024: Celebrating two victories this evening: 

1) The Yankees won on Opening Day in a pretty thrilling game that I got to watch online. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the return of baseball puts a little pep in my step (even when I am still a bit down with this cold).

2) I just finished my entry on Religion and Spirituality. That makes three completed in April (and twenty-one this academic year). And...just three more to go! Now April is the cruelest month, grading-wise, but I am hopeful, hopeful, hopeful...

Things that helped...

27 March 2024: Some things that have made a hard day (still feeling kind of rough and very busy) a bit better:

• The latest episode of Listen to Sassy on my morning walk. 
• Three great classes.
• Four excellent advising appointments.
• Two good student conferences.
• So. Many. Cough drops.
• A Diet Dr. Pepper at 4:30.
• Coming home to BabyCat and Jo. 

Trivia=medicine?

26 March 2024: Felt kind of lousy and definitely slow all day long as this cold persists. Yet for the three hours I was at Rumsey Tavern, I felt pretty darn normal. I joked with the crowd that they were medicine. And the crowd was really big--sixty-five people and twelve teams. 

By the time I got home, the adrenaline wore off. Feeling stuffy and a bit clogged in one ear. Oh well. Still think the worst of this is on its way out. 

Monday struggling...

25 March 2024: Whew--waking up and getting ready this morning was rough. I was more or less able to get through my classes well enough, but I was counting the hours until I could head home. I have stacks of just-in assignments that I really need to grade by Wednesday, along with some writing I want to get done, so tomorrow will be a busy one. But I only need to be on campus for one meeting, so that will help. Here's hoping I'll feel better tomorrow, too. 

Giving in a bit...

24 March 2024: Nursing this little cold all day, balancing rest with getting my lists more or less done. The "more or less" indicates me giving in a bit. Things will get done, but I know I need to not push too hard.

I had planned to go to a movie with Amy and I am bummed that I couldn't do that, but grateful for the book club meeting tonight via Zoom.  

Drag show!

23 March 2024: 

[Catch-up post...]

For the first time since COVID, the drag show returned to Shepherd. To support the cause, I bought a VIP table for myself and some colleagues. It was a great time, of course. 

[By the time I got home, though, I was really beginning to feel the effects of a lovely spring cold. Hit the sack soon after and figured I'd just do a catch-up post today.]

Early dinner break

22 March 2024: After a busy (and mostly good) day, it was wonderful to hit "stop" on the metaphorical work clock just a bit after 5:00 and meet my friends Steve and Kit for dinner. Time just flies by talking with them, two deeply interesting and curious people with decades of great stories. Before I knew it, it was 7:00, but we could have talked for hours more. 

Favorite tree...

21 March 2024: My favorite tree on campus is magical again this year. 

Forsythia

20 March 2024: I knew today would be a long day, so I made myself stop for a minute on my morning walk and appreciate the huge patch of forsythia by Rumsey Park. Just a pause to take them in. One of my favorite signs of spring every year. 

Second week back...

19 March 2024: Started the day off with an 8:00 a.m. meeting on campus. After that, I took a walk and then came home. From then, I worked more or less straight through until 6:00 and got a lot done, which feels good. Even better, though, was having a set-in-stone reason to stop and something fun to do: host trivia for the second week back. Another great crowd and just a fun time.

Two...

18 March 2024: After a very up and down day emotionally--and a 13-hour-on-campus-day--I am very glad about two things: my students and that I have two Senate meetings left.  

Spring Break Recap

17 March 2024: So that's (just about) a wrap on Spring Break 2024. All in all, not bad! I got a lot done, did a couple of fun social things (the Oscars party, lunch with Carrie and Eva, a Friday movie), did a couple of small projects at home, and caught up on sleep and relaxation a bit. Oh, and trivia started up again, too. 

I wish I didn't feel anxious and a bit melancholy about going back to normal tomorrow. But this rough year has just made things really hard. Heading back into it all just as the semester really picks up with advising, paper conferences, and everything else feels extra weighty this year. 

As I type this, I am thinking of ways to push back against the melancholy and anxiety. Spring weather will help, as it always does. So will blocking off days to work from home when I can. And writing progress is great for my morale. So...balance and boundaries, I suppose? 

Two over break...

16 March 2024: Finished my Ida B. Wells-Barnett entry today around 4:30. My goodness--it feels great. Two entries done during this break, with a bit of time to spare. The last part of the semester will be a bear, I know, but getting this much done will make that a bit easier. 

Love Lies Bleeding

15 March 2024: What a fun time at the movies! Love Lies Bleeding is compelling, propulsive, strange, hot, bloody, gross, and just a terrific ride. Two killer performances from Kristen Stewart and Katy O'Brian, too. 

Amazing Ida B...

14 March 2024: Spent the past few days reading and thinking about Ida B. Wells-Barnett, the subject of my next book entry. Obviously, she's amazing--tenacious, brave, and unwavering in her activism. It's been a kind of privilege to read about her. It's hard to pick just one bit of text to highlight, but this little excerpt from her memoir is pretty amazing, an indication of how she continued her public activism even after marriage and motherhood: “I honestly believe that I am the only woman in the United States who ever traveled throughout the country with a nursing baby to make political speeches” (244).

Work Cited

Wells-Barnett, Ida B. Crusade for Justice: The Autobiography of Ida B. Wells. Edited by Alfreda Duster, U of Chicago P, 1970.

Lunch with Carrie and Eva

13 March 2024: In a Spring Break filled with (mostly) work (and I am not complaining about that), I am grateful to be racking up some first-class "fun" stuff: the Oscars party with H&C, being back at trivia, and then (today) having lunch with Carrie and Eva (who was in town for the day). So lovely to catch up with her, enjoy an amazing lunch outside at Bistro 112, and remember another way I am very lucky.

Hosting again!

12 March 2022: Tonight was the first night of my new, regular trivia hosting gig at the newly reopened Rumsey Tavern. It felt great to be back at it. Even saw a bunch of new faces. The place was packed. I am just excited to have something new and social (and non-work-related) on my weekly calendar. 

"jollitude"

11 March 2024:I think I could sit and think about this letter from Harriet Beecher Stowe to George Eliot for the rest of spring break. Stowe is teasing Eliot abotu Middlemarch's seriousness: "My love, what I miss in this story is just what we would have if youcwould come to our tumble-down, jolly, improper, but joyous country,--namely, 'jollitude.' You write and live on so high a plane! It is all self-abnegation. We want to get you over here, and into this house, where, with closed doors, we sometimes make the rafters ring with fun, and say anything and everything, no matter what, and won't be any properer than we's a mind to be" (qtd. in Silvey 61). Silvey adds that the "house" that Stowe want Eliot to visit is Annie Fields' home in Boston. Just an amazing quotation that makes clear how small the writing world was in the nineteenth century. Moreover, Stowe pretty accurately describes what Eliot does in Middlemarch and it is just very funny to think that she believes some good old American "jollitude" can help a bit. 

Work Cited

Silvey, Jane. “It All Began with Jane Eyre: The Complex Transatlantic Web of Women Writers.” Gaskell Journal, vol. 19, 2005, pp. 52–68.

Oscar Party!

10 March 2024: Cory and Hannah came over to watch the Oscars and it was such a blast. Just so lucky to have them as friends. 

"It's in the Bag"

9 March 2024: Had a great time hanging out with Carrie, Rachael, John, and their kids at Rachael and John's this evening. We played "It's in the Bag," which is sort of like Taboo meets Celebrity. A couple weeks ago, Rachael and I talked about how we needed more hang-out sessions in our lives. This was a wonderful first step. 

Made it!

8 March 2024: Got home this evening and greeted the girls with an enthusiastic, "We made it!" Can't remember ever being this ready for spring break. 

Ice cream friend date...

7 March 2024: Yesterday's "AI blues" continued well into today. The less said about that, the better. And, unforunately, a whole blues album threatened to overshadow the day. (This is a tortured metaphor.) 

Then Hannah and I met up when she got off work, got some ice cream at Rock Hill Creamery, and talked for well over an hour. Just what I needed! 

AI Blues...

6 March 2024: Just emailed two students who used AI to write portions of their essays and told them they are getting zeroes. I am so freaking bummed about it. Almost every time I "catch" students doing this (or regular old plagiarism) it just makes me feel so bad. I hate it, hate it, hate it. 

Not how I wanted to this evening to go. This whole week has just been so very hard and exhausting. 

Upstairs on a Tuesday

5 March 2024: Except for a walk to the library to pick up some ILL books, I spent most of today upstairs working in my home office. I mean, I would come downstairs to stretch my legs and get my hourly steps or do a few chores, but more or less, I was up there working from 9-12, then walked to campus, and then back up there from 1-9 (!). 

It continues to be a place where I can get a lot done with fewer distractions. Genuinely baffled that I fell out of using it for such a long stretch.

Three...

4 March 2024: My goodness! Another long and exhausting day, but! but! but! Only three more Senate meetings left. 

I did spend too much mental/emotional energy today feeling bad about yesterday and not getting more done, which is awfully interesting and (I hope) silly. 

Spring preview...

3 March 2024: If today is a taste of what spring will feel like (and what my post-Senate, post-book) days will be like, I am beyond ready for it. I pushed myself to finish everything on my work lists yesterday, so today, I just let myself have a work-free day. (A new weekly book "to do list" starts tomorrow, and two sections of ENGL 102 hand in big papers, so this bit of freedom will be short-lived.)

Still...slept in a bit. Ambled through the grocery store. Read the paper. Started my new book club book. Watched the softball team's home opener (they won). Took a long walk. Opened the windows for a few hours. Took some time to cook a new recipe for dinner. I could get very used to this.

Someone else enjoyed this taste of spring, too.

So long, #23!

2 March 22024: It was bittersweet watching my student/advisee, Cara, play her last game as a Shepherd Ram today. It was quite a privilege to see her grow and endure in her time here. And it makes me smile to think of her out there, teaching English. 

Friday check-in...

1 March 2024: Another long but good day. Got to campus at around 7:30. Left a bit over twelve hours later. But I got a lot done and am feeling kind of good about a relatively easier weekend than the past few have been. 

And one week until Spring Break!

Three in February!

29 February 2024: Exceedingly grateful for the extra day thanks to Leap Year that made it possible for me to complete three book entries in February. (Just six more to go!)

Stayed home today and, with the exception of my walk and a brief lunch break (that ended up being an email non-break), worked from 9:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. But man, did I get a lot done. Finished my Phelps entry, got documents ready for Monday's Senate meeting, finished my annual report and merit pay application, and graded a bunch of ENGL 102 work. 

Feels good! 

Fighting with staplers and jars...

28 February 2024: If you want a sense of how frazzled and overwhelmed I am this week, here are two anecdotes from the last twenty-four hours:

1) Last night, around 8:30, trying to (finally) make dinner, and unable to open the jar of tomato sauce (curse these tiny hands), I shouted, "Why are you so weak?" to myself, on the verge of tears. (I did get it open eventually--and laughed at myself.)

2) Today, around 5:30, in the midst of yet another 12 hour day on campus, my trusty little stapler was jammed. I felt so betrayed by it--"now? you are breaking now?"--that, once it was fixed, I again, laughed at myself. But if I hadn't been able to fix it? I shudder to think of my over-reaction. 

But I'm home now and my brain says "nope, no more work" and that's okay. Already feeling optimistic about checking a bunch of stuff off the list tomorrow. 

Checking in with SGA...

27 February 2024: Sat in on part of an Student Government Association meeting today and I am so pleased to report that the kids remain alright. They so often bring a unblinking moral clarity to what they do and give me so much hope. 

The babies are out!

 26 February 2024: A spring-like day meant that the babies were out in town and around campus. After a stressful college meeting in the midst of a very long day, I saw a colleague loading her brand-new daughter into her car. It made me so happy to meet that little girl. 

Then, as I made my way towards Knutti, I ran into a just-walking baby in the garden out back. (He was accompanied--no worries.) He toddled towards me, smiled, and plopped down on the path. I stopped and chatted with him. He offered me his curled up fingers and dropped two sticks (pictured below) in my palm. 

I say it here pretty often and think it even more: so often the Lord gives you just what you need.

"...life is always undoing for us..."

25 February 2024: Thinking this evening about this passage from The Gates Ajar, spoken by Dr. Bland right before he throws his sermon on his old view of heaven into the fireplace: "It seems to me that life is always undoing for us something that we have just laboriously done” (Phelps 127). It's a small moment in the novel, but seems to me to be profound view about how life helps/forces us to change our beliefs and ideas--and it can be a blessing. 

Also, at 9:19 p.m. on the Sunday of an almost entirely work-filled* weekend, I have just finished my last (I hope?) set of notes for my Phelps entry--and the last item on my weekly "book goals" list. This week: composing, revising, etc.

*One non-work thing: helping Chuck and Bill run the Flagship Trivia tournament today--back at the Clarion for the first time since the pandemic. The other non-work thing: a really lovely Zoom book club meeting earlier this evening. 

Work Cited

Phelps, Elizabeth Stuart. The Gates Ajar. 1868. Edited by Elizabeth Duquette and Claudia Stokes, Penguin, 2019.

Midterm grades: DONE!

24 February 2024: Well, no chair-dancing today as I hit submit on my last set of midterm grades. I am in a classroom on campus for this conference and the vibes ain't right for dancing. But I did just hit that button. Chair-dancing in my head! 

Quiet gratification...

23 February 2024: Not the kindest thing I've ever posted, but my goodness: it can be gratifying when someone drives you crazy and you wonder if you are making something out of nothing and then another person completely validates you. And you just quietly and contentedly soak it in. 

In other (related) news, I am bone tired right now. And tomorrow--though a Saturday--is another work day. 

"A symbol of something, to be sure...but still a symbol..."

22 February 2024: "Can’t people tell picture from substance, a metaphor from its meaning? That book of Revelation is precisely what it professes to be,—a vision; a symbol. A symbol of something, to be sure, and rich with pleasant hopes, but still a symbol. Now, I really believe that a large proportion of Christian church-members, who have studied their Bible, attended Sabbath schools, listened to sermons all their lives, if you could fairly come at their most definite idea of the place where they expect to spend eternity, would own it to be the golden city, with pearl gates, and jewels in the wall. It never occurs to them, that, if one picture is literal, another must be. If we are to walk golden streets, how can we stand on a sea of glass? How can we ‘sit on thrones’? How can untold millions of us ‘lie in Abraham’s bosom’?” (Phelps 46). 

In this passage, Mary's Aunt Winifred just tears into Biblical literalism. This book is something else. Phelps wrote this in 1868--and it was a huge bestseller!

Work Cited

Phelps, Elizabeth Stuart. The Gates Ajar. 1868. Edited by Elizabeth Duquette and Claudia Stokes, Penguin, 2019.

"What Else Might Be Going On?"

21 February 2024: Read this piece first thing this morning. Not a bad way to start the day. I do my best to practice a version of what Shalka espouses here, but the reminder and affirmation is quite welcome, especially when everything is hard and stressful.  

When a book-work day gets away from you...

20 February 2024: Even with a dentist appointment this morning, I still spent over eight hours on campus today...yet somehow got almost no work done on my next entry. Moreover, I had also planned to get a more grading done than I did (still met my goal, but had hoped to maybe surpass it). And I had planned on completing a draft of a presentation that I have to give on Saturday. I got nothing done on that front.

Meetings, emails, and other Senate-related time-sucks just stole the day away. 

Very discouraging, but I am telling myself that I will make tomorrow evening and all day Thursday really count. 

Four...

19 February 2024: Thirteen hours on campus and very tired.

But just four more Senate meetings. I can do this. 

"demand[ing] a piece of squash pie..."

18 February 2024:"The phenomena occurring in his Connecticut home included floating candlesticks, walking chairs, leaping dishes, bent forks, turnips falling from nowhere, images made of underclothing that came from locked cupboards, and‘ 'alphabetical raps [...] demand[ing] a piece of squash pie’" (Harde 249).

I got such a kick out of the opening to Roxanne Harde's article about Phelps and spiritualism. In the passage above, Harde describes the haunting that Phelps's grandfather--a God-fearing minister--experienced in his home. 

Work Cited

Harde, Roxanne. “‘God, or Something Like That’: Elizabeth Stuart Phelps’s Christian Spiritualism.” Women’s Writing, vol. 15, no. 3, Dec. 2008, pp. 348–70. EBSCOhost.

"a vast undiscovered country..."

17 Feburary 2024: "Writing to George Eliot in 1873, [Elizabeth Stuart] Phelps observed that 'women's personal identity is a vast undiscovered country with which Society has yet to acquaint itself, and by which is it yet to be revoutionized" (qtd in Duquette and Stokes xix).

Fully emerged in all things Elizabeth Stuart Phelps for my next entry. Besides the titles of her best-known novels--and a loose understanding of The Gates Ajar's plot--I didn't know much about her at all before starting this research. The quotation above is a great example of how compelling and important she seems to be. 

Work Cited

Duquette, Elizabeth and Claudia Stokes. Introduction. The Gates Ajar, by Elizabeth Stuart Phelp, Penguin, 2019, pp. vii-xxv.

Lisa Frankenstein

16 February 2024: Holy cow--after a long and stressful week, it felt great to leave campus at 3:30 and go see Lisa Frankenstein! What a fun movie--just what I needed! 

I have so much work to do this weekend, but I really glad I hit "pause" for a few hours.  

When you challenge a bully...

15 February 2024: Thinking this evening about how strange it is when a man and privilege with power absolutely loses his cool and acts atrociously when a smart, capable woman merely asks questions he doesn't want to talk about. Meanwhile, that woman responds with grace and professionalism. Unflappable. Thank God for her. And he should be ashamed and embarassed. 

The good stuff...

14 February 2024: My work day ended with me getting really upset and angry about something and losing my cool a bit. Of course, I feel all kinds of ways about that. 

But right now, something that is helping is thinking about the good parts of a very long day, reminding myself not to let how it ended overshadow the rest of it. 

An early morning pop-over to Hannah's office to deliver her birthday and Galentine's day gifts.Three great classes. A bunch of intense but impactful (I hope?) one-on-one confernences with students.  That's the good stuff. 

Unexpected Snow Day

13 February 2024: For complicated and boring reasons, having campus close all day today when we got more snow than expected is not ideal. 

At the same time, it meant about six fewer hours of meetings that I had to go to.

Then my 11:00 a.m. dentist appointment got canceled and the whole darn day opened up. 

So...I powered through my next entry (admittedly a short one) and it's done. 

February 13 and two entries done for this month. Feels very good and this vibes of this whole week have taken a change since yesterday.

At the same time, I am lowkey bummed to be plan-less on Galentine's Day. I just wish I had more "hanging out" friends. It bums me out--enough that I don't even like to say it out loud. (Hilariously, "I Can't Make You Love Me" is playing on Pandora as I type this.)

But if I work on it for a bit, I can remind myself of the good vibes that I wrote about above and of the fact that I do have a couple gals here to hang with. Well, Jo, anyway. (BabyCat also lives here.) In a little bit, I'll finish the rest of my work up here in the office and head downstairs to chill with them both. Today, that and a completed entry is enough. 

11:29 p.m.

12 February 2023: Hard to remember the last time I stopped working so late, especially on a day when I've more or less been working non-stop since 8:30 a.m. Friday can't get here soon enough. 

Productive, but off-balance...

11 February 2023: Just like last weekend, I had an absurdly ambitious to-do list (grading, book stuff, chores) and, just like last weekend, I managed to get it all done. 

But I am feeling the burn-out a bit more this time. I only did one "fun" thing all weekend (besides my walks and TV in the late evening): go see Into the Woods on campus--which was great! But while I was sitting there, I kept thinking how I had to get back home and get to work. So...not great. 

And this week will be so long and packed and stressful. 

Telling myself that if I can get to Friday, I'll make sure to add more fun into next weekend. 

Beach sunset...

10 February 2024: Today is Tara's birthday. We are playing a bit of phone tag, but she sent me a picture of herself at the beach with a beautiful sunset behind her. She looked so pretty and happy that I felt myself well up at the sight of it. (Maybe this whole story is still on my mind...)

Grateful for every chance to realize how precious my siblings are to me. 

Off in Korea...

9 February 2024: Spent some time today talking with a student who is worried about her brother...who is an alcoholic...who is drinking again...and is in the army...and is deployed...in Korea. 

I didn't ask for or press for this information; she brought it up in connection with a topic she might write about. I told her I was sorry to hear she was going through this--and that he was. The conversation moved on. 

I am glad I didn't say too much about Ryan because his bad outcome shouldn't be on this kid's mind. I did say, "He always said there was nothing to do over there but drink and lift weights." She agreed with me so fast--"that's what he says, too"--that it almost took my breath away. 

It's nearly 30 years since my brother was there, going through what this guy is going through. And this student is just a bit younger than I was then. The similarities probably end there, but my goodness. 

WFH Dispatch

8 February 2024: "Did you step in.ketchup?" --a sentence I just said, one that I can only imagine saying working from home. 

The carpet looked a bit like a crime scene, but all is well now. 

Office hours visit...

7 February 2024: Had the best conversation today with a student in my Dickinson seminar. We talked about his paper, the class, his life, where he might be heading career-wise...just everything. And he asked me really interesting and engaging questions about my work and my book. There's such a kindness in that. 

One of the things I keep thinking about since we talked: he says he might be a K12 teacher and I just went on and on about how wonderful he would be. He said he was touched and flattered--and I think he really was. But then he talked about how, as a black gay man, there are so many reasons that he is worried about going into the profession given the ring-wing's current tactics. 

I paused on it and thanked him for telling me that. Easy for me to say, "You'd be so great! We need teachers like you!" without stopping to think about the risk and burden. 

But he is exactly the kind of teacher we need. 

"Songbird"

6 Feburary 2024: Not sure why, but this one's been on my mind the past few days, so on a day when I can't think of a hook for a post, this will work. 

Five...

5 February 2024: Twelve hours on campus and I am wiped out, but I pushed a heck of a rock to the top of the hill at today's Senate meeting. 

And now I only have five meetings left.

[Updated on Tuesday morning when I realized there are actually five meetings left. Ha and sigh.]

Location, location, location?

4 February 2024: I had such an (on paper) intimidatingly long to-do list for this weekend. I approached it like the formidable enemy I thought it was. And I have been up here, in my office at home, most of the weekend, working away. 

And...I've got it all done? With time to spare. And after taking last night off. And over an hour until book club starts! 

Trying to figure out what that means...and trying for the love of all that is good to not think "Well, maybe I should have had more on it..." 

I am also increasingly convinced that the home office--where I am typing this very post--is perhaps the reason I've been so efficient lately. After not using it very much for in a long time, I am up here all the time now. And somehow it has been working. I am less distracted somehow. And just more "in the zone." If I go downstairs to get a snack or more water or to get a chore or two done to get some steps in, I know I have to get back up here and back to work. It just works. 

My wallet might be paying a price, as I am doing more looking around and seeing places for upgrades, but that's perhaps a small price to pay. 

Fitting In

3 February 2024: Really enjoyed this movie that I had heard nothing about before it popped up at the theater in Hagerstown. Found myself quite impressed by the young actress's performance and by writing that let the kids sound like real kids. A nice surprise. 

1500!

2 Feburary 2024: For reasons I can't fully understand, I slept horribly last night. I think I was anxious because I thought I might be getting sick (still not sure about that one?) and--as often happens--anxious about work I have to get done. But I don't think that was all that was going on. Regardless, I was dragging most of today. Very grateful for a schedule full of teaching and great meetings with students to keep me going. 

And--on a dragging day--I managed to hit a new milestone: 1500 straight days of at least 10,000 steps today. 

My goodness. 

More quotations from conferences...

1 February 2024: "Wait--there are perverts in universe?" --me, someone who knows nothing about anime except that it sometimes attracts perverts (along with lots of sweet and wonderful people), talking to an ENGL 102 student who is writing about the more problematic aspects of the genre.  

Unexpected poetry...

31 January 2024: Met with fifteen students today for conferences, all between 20 and 30 minutes. Like Monday, it wore me out, but was also exhilirating. And I had to stop and write down a line from one of them, an English 102 student talking about a video game he loves to play: "I looked up," he said, "and saw a galaxy." 

Best committee on campus...

30 January 2024: The Common Reading Selection Committee met today to narrow our field down to five finalists for next year's book. This is never an easy process, but consistently this is the best committee on campus. So wonderful to be surrounded by people who are passionate about good books. 

Conference Week...

29 January 2024: Conferencing with my ENGL 102 students this week--and my seminar students have a paper due on Friday, so needless to say, I will spent a big part of this week in one-on-one meetings with them. One day down and it's the same as always: on-your-(mental)-toes work that wears you out but is also often so much fun. 

"You need to know the difference"

28 January 2024: “The thing about the dead, some come because they miss you, some come because they need to tell you something you need to hear, some of them just want to take you with them. You need to know the difference.” 

Rewatching episode two of True Detective: Night Country before episode three airs tonight. The quotation above--from Rose, played by the terrific Fiona Shaw--is pretty darn good writing. That turn it takes in the final clause of the first sentence! Reminds me of Maxine Hong Kingston's "No Name Woman." 

Another win...

27 January 2024: Got to see the women's basketball team score another win today. It was a terrific game from start to finish. Two pretty evenly matched teams and close throughout. 

January Late-Afternoon Loop

26 January 2024: It got into the 70s today. By about 4:00, after working or teaching non-stop since 9:00 and know I had a couple of hours of work in front of me still, I was like, "I gotta get out there, if only for a bit." So, for the first time in a while, I did a late-afternoon version of my mid-day loop, complete with this playlist. 

Worked like a charm: took in those lovely (if weird!) temperatures, got some more steps, and was energized to get back to work. 

(Now I am still here working at 7:00, but it's almost done and I am heading home soon--with my steps almost all done, too.)

Dreams become memories...

25 January 2024: I dreamt of my brother last night. 

We were in a car, driving back from I don't know where. Felt like we were in North Carolina, heading into Greensboro from Rockingham County, but we were also heading "home," though it wasn't the house we grew up in. He was the Ryan of maybe 20/25 years ago, maybe--much more "himself" than he was in the last years. 

(For the record: I do keep thinking about this--the idea that I keep refusing to see the "him" of those last years as "him." I think that might be problematic for a bunch of reasons, but I can't help it, at least not yet.) 

Anyway, as we drove down this long, straight, and shade-covered road, we could see the sky changing to a dark grayish-purple, a sure sign of stormy weather again. Like so many southern storms, we came upon it like passing through an invisible border: I could see the sheet of rain in front of us before we got to it. And then we were in it. Pouring rain, winds--the whole thing, including trees down in the roadway. Ryan was driving. He maneuvered through it all with easy skill--no stress, no anxiety. I never really felt afraid. I knew he had it. In those days before his steep decline, I always marveled at his (sober) driving skills. 

Then we got home--again, not our house, but some kind of home. I was unloading groceries or the dishwasher--can't remember which. He went off to do something else. It was fine. Ordinary. Kind of nice.

Anyway, that was it. No idea what it all means, though I can trace out bits that resonate with symbolism. 

As I lay in bed this morning, I found the phrase "dreams become memories" running through my mind. There will be no new actual memories of my brother. But this dream, I think, works well as a new kind of memory. It's not "real," but it sure felt true. And I think (hope?) that I will hold onto this dream memory.  

Update: just found this post, from only a couple of months ago. Looks like I got a version of what I asked for. My goodness...

Getting the rhythm down...

24 January 2024: It's awfully early (week 3) to make any judgments that speak to weeks beyond this one, but so far, I feel like I have a good grip on the rhythm of the semester. Very productive writing day yesterday. Busy, busy teaching day today, but managed to get everything graded and then prepped for Friday. Made it home by 5:30 and even read some pages from my book club selection before dinner. (Normally, I am getting in at 6, 7, or later and then it's a mad rush to do the chores and dinner and all that.) My daily list is just about done, too. 

I sure would love to get used to this, but throw in some meetings or big stacks of grading and I know it will change. Still, I appreciate this rhythm tonight. 

Down to nine!

23 January 2024: Just absolutely powered through my Rose Terry Cooke entry today, courtesy of a day with no other commitments. And now I am down to just nine more entries to complete. It feels pretty darn good: I've already completed my three entries for this month, which is great considering I have ENGL 102 conferences next week. Moreover, I showed myself that I can do the outlining, drafting, and (initial) revising of an entry from start to finish in one day. That makes me even more determined to carve out as many complete "writing days" as possible this semester. 

Done (for now)...

22 January 2024: Finished the last week of guest-hosting trivia this evening. Glad it's done in some ways, but also still grateful for the chance to do it once in awhile. The people are so lovely and it's nice to fall back into the role. 

"Dely's Cow"

21 January 2024: "There are two sorts of people in the world — those who love animals, and those who do not. I have seen them both, I have known both; and if sick or oppressed, or borne down with dreadful sympathies for a groaning nation in mortal struggle, I should go for aid, for pity, or the relief of kindred feeling, to those I had seen touched with quick tenderness for the lower creation,—who remember that the 'whole creation travaileth in pain together,' and who learn God’s own lesson of caring for the fallen sparrow, and the ox that treadeth out the corn. With men or women who despise animals and treat them as mere beasts and brutes I never want to trust my weary heart or my aching head; but with Dely I could have trusted both safely, and the calf and the cat agreed with me" (Cooke 187).

Sitting here this afternoon, typing up notes on Cooke's stories while BabyCat and Jo chase each other around the room, these words from "Dely's Cow" sure ring true to me, just as they have every day of my conscious life. 

Work Cited

Cooke, Rose Terry. "How Celia Changed Her Mind" and Selected Stories. Edited by Elizabeth Ammons, Rutgers UP, 1986.

Poor Things

20 January 2024: Finally got to see Poor Things. My goodness, Emma Stone is so amazing. The film itself is so weird and funny. It does sort fall apart in the third act, but definitely worth seeing. 

Snow ducks...

19 January 2023: I think Jane got me this duck snowball (?) maker two years ago and I had no chance to use it. Busted it out today for the fresh snow that fell, canceling classes for another day. 

After all these years, when it comes to groups of youngsters, I still think in fives.  

"ungrandiose, concrete art..."

18 January 2024: “...the form permits women to offer ungrandiose, concrete art, shaped, more often than not, by the rhythm of domestic and feminine experience, which is cyclical, repetitive, and often inconclusive” (Ammons xxii).

This is one of the best and most moving description of the ninteenth-century, woman-authored, regional sketch that I have come across. And it's precisely why this genre is so rich and rewarding.  

Work Cited

Ammons, Elizabeth. Introduction. “How Celia Changed Her Mind” and Selected Stories, by Rose Terry Cooke, edited by Elizabeth Ammons, Rutgers UP, 1986, pp. ix-xl.

"Mrs. Flint's Married Experience"

17 January 2024: 

"There is nothing so attractive to a woman who is no longer young as the idea of a home. The shadow of age and its infirmities affrights her ; loneliness is a terror in the future; and the prospect of drifting about here and there, a dependent, poor, proud, unwelcome, when flesh and heart fail, and the ability to labor is gone, makes any permanent shelter a blessed prospect, and draws many a woman into a far more dreadful fate than the work-house mercies or the colder charity of relatives" (Cooke 99).

I haven't read this story, "Mrs. Flint's Married Experience," in years, but it still moves me, no doubt even more than it did when I was younger. 

Rose Terry Cooke (the subject of the entry I am working on now) is a complicated woman, but I am glad to return to her. 

Work Cited

Cooke, Rose Terry. "How Celia Changed Her Mind" and Selected Stories. Edited by Elizabeth Ammons, Rutgers UP, 1986.

Snow day...

16 January 2024: We got about 3 or 4 inches of snow here last night into today, enough to delay and eventually close campus. So, that means it's been pretty quiet. I helped my neighbor shovel the driveway of the older couple of who lives across the street and then he helped me finish mine. The snow is the kind that just pushes very easily, so it wasn't hard. Still, extra hands make the work go faster. It felt very, well...neighborly.

Then I walked up to school to do a bit of work, including a Zoom call with my practicum students. Headed back home, watched some TV, did some reading. Making dinner right now. Will probably watch some more TV, take my bath, read for fun, and get to bed early-ish. 

That's about it. Didn't get everything on my "to do" list done, but I am going to give myself a break here in the name of a gosh-darn snow day. (Plus, finished my latest entry super quickly on Monday, so I feel a bit more entitled to breathe. Ten more to go!)

Maybe she thinks I need more protein?

15 January 2023: Always very sweet when Jo comes bounding in and drops a toy mouse near me, but her placement here is top notch.

"whatever somebody else was willing to pay for it"

14 January 2024: "The value, the auctioneer said, was whatever somebody else was willing to pay for it."

Been thinking all day about the last line of this piece in the Washington Post. Just a fascinating story about the cost of one man's obsession. 

"My Love Will Keep"

13 January 2023: 

Nice to hear this one come across the speaker while I'm working on a cold and windy night.

One week down...

12 January 2023: A pretty great first week of classes! Right now I am sitting here thinking about things to do a bit better in my ENGL 102 class (like...more writing in class, duh!), but feeling pretty good overall. I said to Tim (more than once this week), "I just love these kids."

Freedom National

11 January 2024: “The real moral dilemma of the Civil War, however, arises from the fact that it was about slavery; the tragedy of the war lies not in its pointlessness, but in its necessity” (Oakes xvi).

Really moved by this passage from Oakes's book, which I've been reading for my entry on Slavery and Abolition.

Work Cited

Oakes, James. Freedom National: The Destruction of Slavery in the United States, 1861-1865. W.W. Norton, 2013.

“These are the Nights that Beetles love—”

10 January 2023: 

"A Bomb upon the Ceiling

Is an improving thing —"

The lines above are some of my favorite from the Dickinson poems we discussed in class today. In fact, I laughed out loud when the student read them. Just so freaking weird and delightful. 

Matthew 25:40

9 January 2024: Clicked on a "trending" topic on Twitter--the name of a high school, fearing the worst had happened--another school shooting. But it's instead (and thank God) a story about about nearly 2000 migrants being housed in the school (in NYC) for one night because of the impending storm. The students will learn remotely tomorrow. 

And right-wingers are losing their minds over it. What in the world has happened to people? None of this ideal, but to villify people who have lost so much and risked so much...to view acts of compassion and humanity as crimes against "our" people...it's just so far from Christian values. Stunning and sad. 

"'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."

Spring 2024 Semester: Off We Go!

8 January 2024: One day of teaching in the books and it went pretty darn well. It's always so energizing (verging on overwhelming) on the first day and I managed to get everything on my list done--and guest-hosted trivia this evening. Not bad! 

"The Bees: Part I"

7 January 2024: Listened to Aleksandar Hemon's story today while finishing my walk and taking down the Christmas lights (the last bit of de-decorating). That's always a bittersweet and not particulary fun task, but this (also bittersweet and also funny) story made it go by quickly.

Snowy day...

6 January 2024: If we have to have a snowy day, I am okay with it happening on a Saturday. Took my walk early (thank you, YakTrax), worked on finishing up my next entry (all done!), walked up to the basketball game (thank you again, YakTrax), and got all of my chores done. Having the game to walk to helped my mood quite a bit--it kept me from feeling so isolated, which a big reason I don't like snow. Settled in now for some TV and maybe some reading before bed. So...a good snowy day. 

Spring 2024 Convocation

5 January 2024: Opening convocation is always a lovely way to welcome a new semester--and look around a room and see the faces of new students. It's also fun to see folks back on campus and (more or less) ready to go. As for me, syllabi are done and ready. Monday's classes are planned. One more weekend and then it's off we go. 

One year ago today...

4 January 2024: One year ago today, Jo March Hanrahan joined our little household. I've posted about her a lot lately, but she deserves it. Today, after a stressful and annoying conversation at work, I was like, "Well, at least I can go home to Jo and Veronica soon." And it made me feel better. They are magic that way. 

Emma and the oil change...

3 January 2024: A former student who I am very fond of, Emma, basically runs the service department at the Subaru dealer. Every time I go, it's fun to see her and catch up. The last time I went (over the summer, I think?) she had just found out the gender of her second baby. Social media updates let me know when her baby arrived (another girl). 

When I scheduled my appointment yesterday to get an oil change/tire rotation today, I wondered if she would be back from maternity leave. And she was--in fact, it was her first day back. So, we got to catch up again, this time with lots of baby and big sister updates.

Always grateful for chances to connect with former students. Just more evidence for how lucky I have been. 

"St. Peter's Autograph"

2 January 2024: I'm spending this afternoon and this evening reading for my next entry, using some Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit's albums as my soundtrack. I've also been thinking about how best to help and comfort a friend who is going through grief and mourning. This song--though about a specific situation that doesn't exactly fit--offers some guidance, I think. 

New Year's Day 2024

1 January 2024: Spent the afternoon with Tim and Kevin. We had lunch (every part of it delicious--a spicy pumpkin soup, simple but amazing salad, crusty bread, and homemade pumpkin pie and ice cream for dessert). We played a few games. And we talked and talked and talked. 

This holiday season wasn't ideal, but it sure was lovely to end it with two of my favorite people on the planet.