Flashback to meeting Baby Aidan...

31 May 2023: Just sent my sister-in-law a note that the are going to include on this poster that Aidan's school does for each graduating senior. I cannot believe he's about to graduate--and Colin, too. I wrote about the first time I met him and then found a picture of that day--Easter 2005. A sweet memory.

Stony the Road...

30 May 2023: “Before assessing the accomplishments of the decade or so during which Reconstruction policy attempted to redress almost two and a half centuries of Anglo-American slavery, it is useful to revisit the sheer excitement and optimism that African Americans expressed at its demise. Our awareness of the assault on emerging black rights and the debacle to come only makes these sentiments more poignant” (Gates 20).

Working on my entry on Reconstruction today and some version of the idea Gates references keeps reemerging in my reading. Every bit of "what could have been" makes what actually happened--that still shapes us today--even more tragic. 

Work Cited

Gates, Henry Louis, Jr. Stony the Road: Reconstruction, White Supremacy, and the Rise of Jim Crow. Penguin Group USA, 2019.

Memorial Day 2023

29 May 2023: Attended the Memorial Day ceremony at Antietam today. It was so interesting and moving. Every time I am there, I have a hard time imagining what happened there--or what happened on any battlefield. What a privilege that is--to have that distance. At the very end, when two bugles played "Taps," I teared up, surprising myself a bit.  

Virtual watercooler TV...

28 May 2023: Having a lot of fun watching the Succession finale tonight and texting Hannah through it. My goodness, I love TV. 

The Last Enchantments

27 May 2023: 

"It didn't seem like life. It seems very bright, lots of sunlight, in my memory....It may be an unfair trick to describe this time in so few words, but it passed that way, wordlessly somehow, such that even now I annex it to the least intelligible and least articulate part of myself" (Finch 291).

A bit too much in my own head today, feeling quietly overwhelmed about work that needs to be done and anxious over Veronica's healing. And thinking Big Thoughts. 

Since I spent over half the day working up on campus, I felt okay taking some time finish the book for tomorrow's book club Zoom. Maybe that wasn't a great decision, though, as the book, The Last Enchantments, has me thinking about earlier days and years. Things are often just so quiet and solitary now. Sometimes that's lovely and fine. And sometimes it's not. 

But that's okay. As I type this, little Jo is sitting by the window, each day in her life seemingly the best day she's ever known. That's not bad energy to have around.

Work Cited

Finch, Charles. The Last Enchantments. St. Martins, 2014.   

She brings the savanna to the sofa...

26 May 2023: Trying, rather unsuccessfully, to read a review of The Cat's Meow: How Cats Evolved from the Savanna to Your Sofa. This cat is so hilarious and meta that it seems unreal at times.

Also reminds me of this.

"You and Me"

25 May 2023: Poor BabyCat still has some ways to go before she is free to move around the house again. The doctor took the bandage off yesterday and said to leave it off--which means no more cone-free time. But he's hopeful that it will close and scar/scab over soon. And then--when it's pretty well on its way to healing--she can get out.

Just sat with her upstairs, holding her on my lap, scratching and petting her, listening to the song that is our unofficial soundtrack for these sessions. The first 24-48 hours after I discovered her injury, I kept saying, "It's you and me, kid. We can do this" and this song wouldn't leave my head. So at least once a day, I put it on when we sit together. 

Call Jane

24 May 2023: Last night, I almost called Jane because I made a dumb joke that Amy didn't laugh at that I knew she would have and it made me want to talk to her. Today, I saw the icon for Call Jane on the FireTV home screen and was like, "Okay, universe! On it!" And I called her. And it was awesome. Like it always is, even when things are hard in our lives. 

Perfect timing...

23 May 2023: Just a bit ago, I went upstairs to check on BabyCat and clean her "apartment" a bit. I had the Yankee game playing (audio only) on my phone, but left it down here. Came back down just as Aaron Judge hit a homer to tie it in the ninth. I mean, the timing was so perfect, I almost wondered if I was listening to post-game highlight playback. Pretty sweet. I do miss seeing games on TV (my live streaming service of choice couldn't make a deal with the MLB network, so picking are pretty slim), but the audio is often good enough. 

(Oh--and they won in ten innings!)

"the word 'terrorism' comes as close as any..."

22 May 2023: In No Visible Bruises: What We Don't Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us, Rachel Louise Snyer writes of the inadequacy of the term "domestic violence." She explains, "I have, for years, tried myself to coin a better term, and I've yet to conceive of anything, though I believe the word 'terrorism' comes as close as any to what such a relationship feels like from the inside" (17).

Snyder's book is this coming year's Common Reading selection, and I started it today at the vet while waiting for BabyCat to get her bandage changed. I had just read some sentences about an abuser buying the gun that he would use later that day to kill his wife, his two children, and himself--a gun he shouldn't have been able to buy. And then I found myself overhearing a conversation between a client and a tech who knew each other well and talked in that comfortable way friends do. I only overheard bits and pieces, but she said things like, "he came by and terrorized me again on Friday" and "he can get a gun at any time." The tech asked if she called the police and she said, "What for? They never do anything unless it's their family involved." They talked as if it were an everyday, common occurence--but it clearly is. 

"Terrorized," she said. More than once. 

Everyday, all around us. This won't be the easiest Common Reading, but it sure is necessary. 

Work Cited

Snyer, Rachel Louis. No Visible Bruises: What We Don't Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us. Bloomsbury Publishing, 2019.

Quiet, busy Sunday, with a blue mouse...

21 May 2023: Very busy but quiet day here; did a ton of reading and note-taking, mowed the lawn, did some other chores. It worked.

One moment of sweetness: Jo shoved one of her mice under the bathroom door, so I put it in the cage with BabyCat. As I texted Hannah earlier, she is mostly filled with annoyed ennui, but there are some real moments of sweetness where she just wants to be petted and scratched. Another bandage change tomorrow...

Ride along...

20 May 2023: Don't take this as a sign of her missing Veronica too much. She's been obsessed with the vaccum since she first arrived. I actually have to keep it in a closed room so she doesn't repeatedly turn it on and off. Eventually, the vacuum just gives up and stops. 

Mr. Emerson...

19 May 2023: "Mr. Emerson I didn't fancy...” --Susan Warner in an 1846 (or 1847) letter about her visit to Boston (qtd. in Damon-Bach 26).

It just made me laugh. That's all. 

Work Cited

Damon-Bach, Lucinda L. “To Be a ‘Parlor Soldier’: Susan Warner’s Answer to Emerson’s ‘Self-Reliance.’” Separate Spheres No More: Gender Convergence in American Literature, 1830-1930, edited by Monika M. Elbert, U of Alabama P, 2000, pp. 29–49. 

Lunch with the fan club president...

18 May 2023: Had a lovely lunch today with Beth, a wonderful community member who I called the president of my fan club (a club with a tiny membership, to be sure). She's such a special person--kind, enthusiastic, and just fun to be around. Later in the day, I went to a Foundation Board meeting and got to spend some time with other members of the community for whom I have so much affection and deep respect.

It's been a tough week, with lots of hard work on difficult tasks, and--of course--all of the BabyCat drama. So I am especially grateful for opportunuties to interact with the amazing community that I get to live and work with every day. It's such a welcome reminder of my blessings.

"he turned and ran several steps under the pressure of the shock..."

17 May 2023: Really love this opening to Emily Satterwhite's article, particularly the last lines: "On 4 March 1885, Atlantic Monthly editor Thomas Bailey Aldrich was shocked to discover that long-time contributor M. N. Murfree was not, as he had assumed, a man but the 'delicate looking lady' standing before him in his Boston offices. The Boston Herald’s account of the meeting claimed that Aldrich 'would have been better prepared' to learn that the popular local-color writer was 'A Strapping Six-foot Tennessean' than Mary Noailles Murfree (1850–1922), a youthful-looking woman who walked with a slight limp. The Herald reported that Aldrich 'could hardly have been more astounded had the roof fallen in, and he turned and ran several steps under the pressure of the shock'" (Satterwhite 49).

Work Cited

Satterwhite, Emily. “Reading Craddock, Reading Murfree: Local Color, Authenticity, and Geographies of Reception.” American Literature: A Journal of Literary History, Criticism, and Bibliography, vol. 78, no. 1, Mar. 2006, pp. 59–88. EBSCOhost.

"Buffy at 25: The Agony and The Ecstasy of ‘Becoming’"

16 May 2023: "When I was grieving over the loss of a very close friend, I’d often put that scene on to feel something. Sometimes it’d make me cry, sometimes it’d motivate me to get out of bed. It’s one of the most empowering pieces of media I’ve ever consumed. She’s got nothing left, but she sure as shit isn’t gonna go down without a fight. I think of her calm, “me” response often—it’s the kind of determination I can only hope to achieve." --Ian Carlos Crawford in this terrific piece on "Becoming," twenty-five (!) years later.  

Settling in...

15 May 2023: Settling into our new (blessedly temporary) routine today. I came home by 3:00 to give BabyCat her medicine and worked from home after that. I think it's going okay, but it will be a long couple of weeks. (She can take the cone off when I am watching her.)

Visiting hours...

14 May 2023: You know you are running on fumes when you get in the car to take your cat to Winchester for a bandage change, you are about to put the car in reverse...and your realize the cat is still in her carrier in the kitchen. Good thing I realized before I actually left.

But the bandage change went well. The hardest part was the waiting and watching people have much worse days at the emergency vet. The best part was hearing that, so far, everything looks good.

We got home and the home hospital allowed a visitor...

Step by step...

New digs for the patient...

13 May 2023: After an escape this morning--which involved a two hour pursuit to get her back in the bathroom--I decided Veronica needed a more...controlable space. Fortunately my parents have Sugie's old cage at their house down here so I drove over to get it. Now, like Hannibal Lector or something, she's in  a cage, in a closed bathroom, in a closed bedroom. We'll see how it goes.  

Veronica to the ER...

12 May 2023: 

[Catch-up post]

Friday was a weird day that took a bad turn. After a hard day of work, I thought I would get home, eat some cheap pizza, and just chill with lots of good TV. Not so fast. 

Had to get BabyCat to the emergency vet when I got home for a wound on her back leg. Got home at 6:30, was in the car by 7:20 or so (took a long time to catch her), got to Winchester just at 8:00, arrived back home at 3:00 a.m.

She'll be okay (we think), but exhausted, overwhelmed, and feeling guilty AF. 

Red hair and "pungent rhetoric"

11 May 2023: Laughed out loud at these lines today, spoken in bewildered admiration about the protagonist of Mary Noailles Murfree's "Drifting Down Lost Creek": "'She hain't got a red head on her for nothin',' he said, remembering her pungent rhetoric" (Murfree 30). 

Strange and not entirely good (or bad) day. I don't want to write about the not-good parts, so instead I want to channel the vibes from this little excerpt.

Works Cited

Murfree, Mary Noailles. In the Tennessee Mountains. 1884. U of Tennessee P, 2008

Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret

10 May 2023: Left work a bit early today to see this lovely movie with Amy. Such a sweet, funny, and moving depiction of girlhood--and motherhood. Loved it. 

WFH day...

9 May 2023: After an eye appointment this morning (kicking the can on biofocals down the road another year, but otherwise, all is well), I decided to work from home today. Got a lot done--especially when a certain housemate let me. Here's a view from where I was working.

She has two modes when I work from home--this one and the other one, which, if she could speak, would sound like this, "Hey, can we play? Can I bite that? Can I steal that pen? Can I slide across your papers like this? How about I step on the keyboard and open Zoom? Can we play? Can we?"

A shot from a few minutes after the first picture: BabyCat lives here, too. She is must less disruptive, though those stares can get ya! 

Finished my entry on children's literature and it's on to the next one! 

"in a manner that would have delighted the abolitionists..."

8 May 2023: Working on my entry on children's literature today and decided to use "The Boy Who Liked Natural History" by Fanny Fern as my "hook" in the introduction. Six-year-old Hal, engages in a little experiment, determined to find out if his hens can swim. Undaunted by the hens’ resistance, he finally flings one into the creek, only to tumble into it himself. Both the hen and the boy emerge unharmed, rescued by Hal’s older brother, and the boy is humbled enough to “try his experiments from his father’s door-stop” in the future (291). It’s a sweet and silly story, with little lessons about safety and kindness to animals for young readers. One line, though, might stand out to a modern audience: describing the way a black and a white hen interact, the narrator notes the black hen’s refusal to be submissive. She behaves, the narrator writes, “in a manner that would have delighted the abolitionists” (289).

It's such a strange moment for a contemporary reader--a silly story about a boy and chicken with a throwaway reference to the white hot issues of race and abolition. It's extra fascinating to me because it probably wasn't that strange to nineteenth-century readers. It's a reminder that they, too, like Hal and his chickens, were swimming in a societal "creek" where these images, these issues, and these metaphor were the stuff of everyday life. Children's literature was no exception.

Work Cited

Fern, Fanny. Little Ferns for Fanny's Little Friends. Derby and Miller, 1854. 

"No work" Sunday...

7 May 2023: Weird day, considering I woke up composing the next entry for the book in my mind and then didn't really do any work on it (or anything work-related) all day. I am probably going to regret it, but oh well. Slept in a tiny bit, took a walk, did some of the Saturday chores I didn't get done because of graduation, had lunch with some friends, then did dinner and a movie (new Guardians of the Galaxy--which was fun) with Amy. Minus the anxiety and guilt, not a bad day for the barely-a-thing-anymore Project Balance. 

Graduation 2023

6 May 2023: Another graduation in the books. Felt great to have a pre-2020-style ceremony again.

The disrespect!

5 May 2023: We were so disappointed in the three Jeopardy! contestants who failed to identify Veronica Mars Hanrahan's namesake. 

Crisis team...

4 May 2023: I feel like I spent a lot of today responding to crises other people manufactured. (Nothing too major...just a lot.) But rather than focusing on that, I'm thinking about how lucky I am to have people to talk with and talk through those crises with--good friends I can trust. 

"he who watches over you will not slumber..."

3 May 2023: 

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." -Psalm 121

Lifting up a loved one in prayer, asking God to take care of her and help her find her way.

Strangest chair dance...

2 May 2023: Cannot believe I burst into a chair dance while working on a budget narrative and finally got some totals to add up. What is my life? Not a fan of this, but a win is a win, I guess.

I've been a big old Broadway kick these past few days, so here's the track that I busted that nerdy move to...risque for budget narratives. 

"The wind roaming outside of my childhood’s lair..."

1 May 2023: Strange emotions and vibes all around today as the semester more or less ends today. Old semester exits, new one on the horizon. Summer ahead, but chilly, rainy days still here. New month, even. The years just keep ticking by and these moments make me ponder that. Just a lot of...liminality, which can put me strange places and moods.

So today's "Poem-a-Day", "Poem," by Sandra Lim really speaks to me. Here are the opening lines:

"Whenever I feel loss or lack, I imagine 

The wind roaming outside of my childhood’s lair

—as I am a child again, with my red knapsack 

bouncing lightly on my back— 

Beckoning me to run to it, into its slurry white expanse . . ."