49

12 August 2026: 49 years ago, my mom brought me into this world. This morning, she slipped past its bounds and gained her heavenly home. 

I am so grateful for all that she gave me and grateful that she is at rest. 

"Softy and Tenderly"

11 August 2026: Praying for her heavenly homecoming and so many joyful reunions.

There at 4:30 a.m.

9 August 2026: Made it back to WV by 2:00. 

Keep thinking about the wonder that is hospice. Called them at 4:30 this morning because my mom had a fever. There they were, ready to tell me and Yasmine what to do, what to look for, and to tell us to "get some rest." I can't even think about that kind of beautiful service without crying. 

As for the time between that call and when I left four hours later...it was like an alternate reality. Quiet. Profound. Ordinary. Sad. Normal. Just sat with her and thought and thought and thought and prayed. 

Saturday morning at Rocky Point Beach

8 August 2026: Back yet again. Took my walk early this morning as it's hot and humid here. 

The guy heading out in his kayak reminded me so much of Ryan that it almost took my breath away.

Another surreal day.

I leave tomorrow morning and thinking about how that will feel is almost beyond my imagination.

Yasmine

7 August 2026: Tonight, I watched my mom's caregiver feed her an entire Glucerna drink with a teaspoon.  In the midst of so much sadness, it was beautiful to witness.

Not even a year ago...

6 August 2026: Headed up to NY tomorrow for what will be a very hard visit. 

I was scrolling through blog entries from last August just to be sure I was right about Jo's birthday. (I was; it's on Monday.)

Felt my breath catch when I scolled by this post. Less than a year ago. 

Surreal.

She's home...

5 August 2026: For the first time since early June, my mom is home in her own bed tonight. So grateful.

Comfort

3 August 2026:

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14: 1-3. 

Her anthem...

24 June 2026: 

[Catch-up post]

It's very hard that all my mom wants is to go home and she can't accept that we can't just make that happen. It's very hard that she keeps saying, "I want to go home." It breaks your heart.

Every once in while, though, she reveals a sense of humor still there. "You want me to hoist up the John B sails?" I asked her. And she smiled just a bit.

(The next day, after a long period of silence, she said, "Hey, Heidi: guess where I want to go?" I realized she was being just a bit cheeky, so I answered her, "Hawaii?" And again, she smiled ever so slightly.)

"Cracklin' Rosie"

11 June 2026: Since it popped up in an episode of Deadloch, "Cracklin' Rosie" has been on my mind. It's a great little song, but it also makes me think of my mom, who really loves Neil Diamond.

Long month...

31 January 2026: As we close out what feels like an exceptionally long January, our Arctic spell continues and most folks' yards have what are essentially ice-rinks on them. That's been hard, but at least the sun has been shining.

Cleaned the house this morning, did lunch and a movie this afternoon (The Bone Temple, which I found gory, scary, hilarious, and quite moving), and have been working on and off since then (mostly on). 

Work keeps coming. That's mostly good, but it is tiring (mentally) and the list is making me anxious.

***

On the phone with my mom today, she told me how the funeral home delivered a book they had made with pictures of my dad. 

When she asked me "What's new with you?" I couldn't answer her at first. I didn't want her to know I was fighting tears. 

But I had to say something even as I knew my voice would betray me.

"That just got me," I said so softly that I couldn't believe she heard me. 

"I know," she said. "It's very hard."

Later she said, "You know what's hard? Cooking for one."

Christmas 2025

25 December 2025:

[Catch-up post...]

Muddled through somehow, as the song goes. Presents with my mom, church, a visit to the cemetery where Ryan is, a long, cold, windy walk (the only kind they are offering on LI these days, I guess), dinner at Tara's, Legos with Evan, then back to Palm Road for the Call the Midwife holiday episode. 

Family visit

20 August 2025: Got to spend some time today with my parents, Erin, Krista, and Isla. We celebrated my dad's 79th birthday a few days early, too.

Christmas: Part 2

29 December 2024: Hosted Erin and company, Tara and the boys, and my parents today for Christmas: Part 2. Pretty great time!

(this last one taken--obviously--shortly after everyone left)

76!

22 March 2023: Happy to celebrate my mother's 76th birthday with her and my dad this evening.

Christmas, part two...

14 January 2023: My parents are in town and came by this afternoon. We finally exchanged gifts, which was nice. (They were, as always, too generous.) They also got to meet Jo, who was quite charming. We got Chinese take-out and had a nice visit. Grateful to see them and so grateful that they are okay post-COVID. 

Good news from Rocky Point...

27 December 2022: Glad to hear (directly from them) that my parents both seem to be improving, though my dad is still a couple of days behind my mom. I was worried; the unknown is so scary with this unpredictable virus. But I feel like we can breath a bit easier now. 

Thanksgiving 2022

24 November 2022:

Quarantine pop-over...

23 August 2022: My parents are in the area this week and Erin and the girls drove out to have lunch with them today for my dad's birthday. Of course, I couldn't join them, but they all swung by after so we could exchange gifts (my gift for my dad, "Annie and Sugie's" birthday gift for me) and they could drop off a take-out dinner. I stood on the porch in my mask and my parents stood in the driveway, with Erin and the girls on the lawn by the sidewalk. It was nice to see them because (already!) I am feeling a bit lonely. "Over three more days to go?" I said to myself not too long ago?

Of course, I am not alone completely. Had a good phone conversation with Vogel, texts from friends, and Wes is always here. (BabyCat also lives here.)

Speaking of BabyCat, this gift (again, "from" Annie and Sugie) is a custom-made depiction of my reticent little queen. It's a reclaimed slate from a barn in Beverly, MA (where Lucy Larcom is from!).

75!

22 March 2022: Happy 75th birthday to this legend! I've always been fond of this picture of us, particularly how she's watching me with affection, even though baby me clearly chewed on that toy and got it all drool-y.