Coach in action...

31 January 2023: I will keep it light on specifics to respect everyone's privacy, but I got to see Hannah in action as a Success Coach, responding to a student in a bit of a crisis. She was so good and it was wonderful to see her do her thing and shine. 

Easy...

30 January 2023: Second funeral/wake in the last three days, this time the father of a friend/former colleague. Looking at the pictures of my friend's dad--a lifetime of family and memories--it was so clear how much he loved them all and how happy being their dad or husband or grandfather made him. I told my friend that I could see that (and knew as much from everything she's ever said about him). "It was always unconditional," she said. I told her, "It looks like it was an easy kind of love--just pure and there." She said, "It was. You never felt like you had to earn it." What a gift. Hoping I can be like that for the people I care about because in the end, not much matters more. 

Sunday check-in...

29 January 2023: Long Sunday shift at the office but I made some decent progress. Finished my Southworth entry (actually quite a bit of fun to work on) and shifted onto starting research for the general entry on Lydia Maria Child. 

On the non-work front, I had a good, long phone call with Vogel. Took my walk after I got home, as the sun started to go down. Now I'm watching Tár (so far, interesting and tense!) and thinking about dinner. Also working my way through the next book club selection (I Capture the Castle) and feel that pull to get back to it. That, combined with a new episode of The Last of Us, promises a pretty good Sunday evening, all things considered. 

"As the deer pants for streams of water, / so my soul pants for you, my God..."

28 January 2023: 

"Why, my soul, are you downcast?

    Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

    for I will yet praise him,

    my Savior and my God" (Psalm 42:5)

Attended a funeral mass for a friend/colleague's mother today and found the service quite moving, particularly being reminded of the Psalm above, which was sang as a response (in slightly different form). I found myself crying for my friend as he deals with this loss. I found myself thinking about all the people I love and care about who are in pain or scared or sick or are dealing with similar losses. And these words brought comfort.  

Listening...

27 January 2023: Thinking last night and today about the need to sometimes just listen and not try to fix things. Sometimes folks just want/need to be heard. I know that's obvious, but I think I forget in the moment. 

Long week and that's about all I can muster for a Friday night post. Strange day on the docket for tomorrow...a funeral, a basketball game, a haircut, and lots of work to do. Best to shut this brain off for a bit tonight. 

Formidable Women...

26 January 2023: Hard to think of a better way to spend an evening than having dinner with five amazing women I get to work with (Sally, Stephanie, Amy, Betty, and Karen) and then all going to hear Elisabeth Griffith talk about her book. Seriously: these women--each one of them--amazes, impresses, and inspires me more than I can say. 

Little bits of progress...

25 January 2023: This is (and will remain) a pretty busy week, but I am pleased that I'm still finding ways/time to make progress on a bunch of different things. Almost ready to send out a contract for a (funded) chair position that will report to Interdisciplinary and Integrative Studies. Closer and closer to making plans for National Writing Project stuff and closer and closer to being able to hand that off to a new person. Getting my practicum students going. I even found time so far this week to outline and start drafting my Southworth entry. 

There's a lot of my mind--friends and loved ones I am worried about/sad for--so checking off these little tasks both gives me some good distractions and provides some good feelings. 

Kitten zoomies and 911: Lonestar

24 January 2023: Lots on my mind tonight: work stuff, worrying about friends and loved ones in really bad spots...so it's good to have a couple of absolutely ridiculous distractions: a kitten who is just going wild all over the living room and dining room and the season premiere of 911: Lonestar. Two very different kinds of too much--in good ways. 

"who being satisfied, say nothing..."

23 January 2023: "When Robert Bonner told E.D.E.N. Southworth in 1878 that he had received letters from readers of the New York Ledger complaining that her fiction contained too many 'unimportant details,' Southworth could not hide her irritation, replying that there were 'half a million readers who being satisfied, say nothing' but that those who did complain probably did so because 'they are in a hurry to get to the secret mystery of the plot" (Kelley 220).

Love this little bit of snark from Southworth, who realizes that people are more likely to share complaints than compliments, even 140+ years ago.

Work Cited

Kelley, Mary. Public Woman, Private Stage: Literary Domesticity in Nineteenth-Century America. U of North Carolina P, 2017. 

A very good dog...

22 January 2023: Woke this morning to texts from my parents that Sugie, their sweet dog, had died just after 6:00 a.m. It happened quickly and they were at home with her. It's such a loss, for so many reasons, even though she had a long and happy life. 

Thinking of her, of my poor, devastated parents, and, of course, of my brother who loved her so much. Another piece of him gone.

I texted my parents this morning that--even when you've had a pet for so long--there never seems to be enough time, so crushingly clear in those moments just after it's over. If they were suffering, you are, of course, so glad they are at rest and peace. But you feel that void so immediately and want to turn back the clock. 

This picture from maybe five years ago, of Sugie getting laser treatment for her hips/legs, is one of my all-time favorite photos, period. The sunglasses. Her little face and tongue. And my dad, holding her paw. It's just perfect.

Moonlight and You Are Good

21 January 2023: "Sometimes the adults in our lives who have done harm to us as children want us to perform closeness in adulthood that they did not earn. And they sometimes want to cross a bridge that they did not build. What I liked about her apology was that it was an acknowledgement of 'I failed in a lot of ways and I acknowledge that and however you need to show up in this dynamic, that is how you show up, but I acknowledge who I was and who I was not.'" --Ryan Ken on the most recent episode of You Are Good, dropping some terrific analysis of Paula's character in Moonlight. 

Back to Catcher...

20 January 2023: "He's so innocent and smart, but he doesn't know how innocent and smart he is." --one of my Young Adults Lit students today talking about Holden in The Catcher in the Rye. 

This class has been on the quiet side, but they had so many fascinating insights on and comments about the book today, including the one above. That paradox seems useful for understanding the character and his dilemma. 

Second floor filling station...

19 January 2023: Look, I know I already posted about the filling stations going into Knutti, but I am a special kind of excited for one on the second floor--and for the "education signage" that we wrote into the grant being put up, too. It actually got installed a couple of weeks ago, but wasn't operational until today.

Coming home these days...

18 January 2023: I gotta say, after a very long day, it's awfully nice to come home to this face--and, of course, to Veronica.

"The Break-Up Tape"

17 January 2023: Feeling a bit anxious and stressed this evening and just want some TV comfort food. "The Break-Up Tape" episode of Everybody Loves Raymond is doing the trick right now.  I know it well enough to anticipate the lines and deliveries that make me laugh, which is a kind of comfort in itself. The writing is so funny and even offers a really sweet ending. I know this show gets a bad rap for allegedly depicting a marriage where the couple doesn't like each other, but that seems like a simplification to me, as this episode makes clear. 

On to Southworth...

16 January 2023: You know, when I have time to work on these darn book entries, they go kind of quickly. Interesting. Anyway, feeling good because I finished my Rebecca Harding Davis entry today and can now focus more fully on E.D.E.N. Southworth. On we go! 

M3GAN

15 January 2023: Well, M3GAN was as much fun as I hoped it would be. Saw it with Cory, Hannah, and Amy today and laughed my head off. Totally understood the assignment. 

Christmas, part two...

14 January 2023: My parents are in town and came by this afternoon. We finally exchanged gifts, which was nice. (They were, as always, too generous.) They also got to meet Jo, who was quite charming. We got Chinese take-out and had a nice visit. Grateful to see them and so grateful that they are okay post-COVID. 

(Boring) (work) progress...

13 January 2023: Not as fun as yesterday's "Progress..." post, but today I did manage to push at least four separate projects a couple of steps forward. I'll take it. 

Now home for the evening. Pizza, dumb TV, and taking it easy...

Progress...

12 January 2023: Bad pictures, but! They are eating treats next to each other without any growling or hissing! 

The first few days, Veronica would growl and run away. Then she would eat a couple of treats and then walk away, leaving too many treats (probably) for the kitten. But today, no growling, no hissing, and equitable treat distribution.

First-week Wednesday...

11 January 2023: A long but mostly good day, capped off by dinner with a friend at Alma Bea. I saw three former students--all ones I am very fond of--at the restaurant (one dining, two working). Lovely reminders of how special this community is for me. And, as I got into my car to drive home, I said out loud, "On my way, Baby Jo and Veronica..." That felt good, too. 

My Favorite Shapes

10 January 2023: Thanks to a Bullseye episode I listened to on my walk this morning, I am watching Julio Torres's stand-up special, My Favorite Shapes. It is perfect for what I am looking for tonight: silly, smart/dumb, weird humor. Really feeling the need for "comfort" TV at the end of these long (winter) days.

First day...

9 January 2023: First day of the Spring 2023 semester is in the books! Went well, I think. My students were a bit quiet, but I think they will warm up soon. Bonus: made it home before the sun set. 

All settled in...

8 January 2023: 

Just sitting here and marveling at how quickly this little one has settled in and decided she's completely into me. (Took this photo about ten minutes ago, and she's still snoozing there.)

In related news, BabyCat has been very present and visible today and has been energetically playing with toys she hasn't played with in years (that Jo has been playing with). She still growls when Jo gets too close, but I think she's starting to thaw. Not sure how long that will take, but progress is progress.

Saturday play day...

7 January 2023: 

[Catch-up post]

Spent most of the day Saturday at Tim and Kevin's. Eva and Karsten were in town, so along with Amy, Hannah, and Cory, we all hung out, had lunch and dinner, played games, and just relaxed. It felt a bit indulgent when I have such a long set of to-do lists, but it was also nice to do something a bit indulgent right before the semester starts.

"Josephine"

6 January 2023: Singing this one to the new girl today...

I do tend to associate a couple of songs with a cat and sing them to him/her. Veronica's include "Big Parade" by the Lumineers and "Georgie Girl" by the Seekers (with different lyrics). 

Another contender for Jo (so far) is "Joey" by Concrete Blonde.

Day two...

 5 January 2023: Unbelievable how well this little one has settled in. 

Introducing Jo March...

4 January 2023: Very excited to welcome this little one home today. She's pretty wonderful--sweet, cuddly, and very much a kitten. So far, Veronica is mostly registering disapproval through growling, but she is down here with us, so fingers crossed. After all, her unhappiness without Wes is the main reason I moved as fast as I did. (Meeting her last week was what this post was about.)

Also mostly uploading her Petfinder images as she is very hard to photograph. Won't sit still and just wants to be petted. 

"buy a little time / and I go along /what else can I do..."

3 January 2023: Spent some time on this gloomy-weather, Big-Thoughts-inspiring day thinking about how good these two early Reba hits are. 

"What Am I Gonna Do About You?" gives us those ordinary-life details of life that country music can get so right ("went to the store / but it wasn't much fun / it doesn't take long when you're shopping for one"). And then it just smashes/dashes into the chorus, especially the second time, with (of course) her killing the vocals. This is a song about grief, after all, and grief works like that: you go through the motions, you do your best, and then it just pops up and crushes you again. 

 

And "You Lie"? It's hard to think of another song that tells this kind of story--all set in a dark bedroom where she knows he's awake and she just wants him to tell her that she loves him. The singer acknowledges that this relationship should be over, but she just can't let him go--and the lie, for now, is enough. But of course, it isn't--even in that moment, she's devastated and knows she's ridiculous. It's crushing, torturous, and real. The aching vocal here is just so beautiful and sad. 

Break fading away...

2 January 2023: Worked in the office this morning, then drove to visit with Jane, then to Arlington to watch the Rose Bowl with Erin, Eric, and the girls. Busy "last" (sort of?) full day of break, but a good one...

Manifesting Capitola Vibes...

1 January 2023: "Now, had Capitola run there is little doubt but that, in the blindness of his fury, he would have caught and beat her then and there. But Cap saw him coming, drew up her tiny form, folded her arms and looked him directly in the face. This stopped him; but, like a mettlesome old horse suddenly pulled up in full career, he stamped and reared and plunged with fury, and foamed and spluttered and stuttered before he could get words out" (Southworth 258).

I have never read E.D.E.N. Southworth's The Hidden Hand before, but I am reading now for the book and my goodness, it is fun and so silly, but in great ways. And I am going to do my best to channel Capitola when obstacles come my way in 2023. 

Work Cited

Southworth, E.D.E.N. The Hidden Hand. 1888. Oxford UP, 1997.