A little lighter...

18 February 2025: Pushed and pushed myself this weekend and today to grade and grade and grade. (No time or energy to do any on Monday.) At around 4:30 today, I finished all but three of the papers that came in on Friday. (The three that came in late can wait for tonight or even Thursday.) 

And when I realized that they were done? And that the book was in? And that I already sent in a conference abstract? And all my classes for tomorrow are prepped? That essentially nothing major is pressing on me?

That's a sense of lightness that I hadn't felt in a long time. Feels great. 

Yes, there's a list of things I need to get to. And this cold is still zapping my energy. But this little bit of lightness? It's quite nice. 

Some "break vibes..."

21 December 2024: Did a bunch of weekly chores this morning, but then took the rest of the day off. First, a women's basketball game with Carrie and Amy. We watched them score their first conference win in a closely-fought game. Then Amy and I drove to Hagerstown for a movie (Mufasa, perfectly fine and skippable). Then dinner and Christmas gifts. And now home sweet home with my girls. Not bad at all.  

Quiet Monday evening...

14 October 2024: Yes, I am repeating yesterday's post a bit, but it's worth highlighting a couple of quiet and relatively stress-free nights in a row. It's been a long and busy day, but a good one and I got so much done. There are still some items on my to-do list, but I am yawning my head off and they can maybe wait until tomorrow. My tired butt just wants to watch the Yankees (ahead of Cleveland 4-0 in the fifth inning of Game One of the ALCS as of right now) and then head to bed.

Quiet Sunday evening moment...

13 October 2024: Just realized I usually do a "Midterm Grading: DONE!" post--complete with a chair-dancing song on days like this when I, in fact, finish submitting my midterm grades. But I guess the moment (nearly six hours ago) was anti-climactic in what has been a different kind of a semester in some ways. So, I'll break the tradition this semester and post about something different on the day I submit the grades...

What I wanted to post about when I opened Blogger was this quiet moment unfolding here. Grades are done. Most of my weekend "to do" list is done. The windows and back door are open on a weirdly warm autumn day. Veronica and Jo are loving it. But this has to be one of the last days like this before real autumn sets in. 

Part of me finds it melancholy; I don't like thinking about months of closed up windows and early darkness approaching. 

But--in the midst of what has been a hard couple of weeks--another part of me is just so grateful for this moment: the gift of the breeze and its sweet smell. Seeing neighbors walk by. The peace of watching my girls look out the windows, wash their paws, stretch out, and relax. The quiet. 

I want to remember it all--breathing it in literally, but also trying to breathe it into my soul to sustain me in the days ahead.  

Twas the night before...

25 August 2024: What an strange (in an almost entirely good way) summer this has been! Finished the book draft so early that I just had time to...relax. Not the entire months of July and August, but enough of them to really feel it. And enjoy it. And that enjoyment? I am hoping it is transformative, especially when it comes to Operation Balance. 

Back at it all again starting tomorrow. Feels fake, but I am ready as I'll ever be, I guess. And I know it will be wonderful to be around the students again. 

Out early, then inside all day...

22 June 2024: The song playing on Pandora right now is pretty on point: 

A heat wave has settled into its most intense (I hope?) day so far. This screenshot from just a few minutes ago says it all. 

I planned ahead--got my walk and my trip to the supermarket done early. Since then, I've been inside with the girls. Lots of chores done, some work on the book (soooooo close!), and some work on fall syllabi (!). Ready to call it quitting time and do some vegging. The girls, of course, have this vegging thing down pat. 

Minari, yard work, and a tiny bit of book-work...

19 May 2024: Finally watched Minari today--a perfect movie for before (paused it about an hour in) and after doing a day of yard work (clean-up, weeding, and planting). I found myself laughing out loud, moved to tears, and just captivated by it. 

Still getting used to having time on my hands on weekends. There is still lots of book-work to do, but revising is going faster than I anticipated. As a result, I am letting myself treat weekends like, well, weekends, at least so far this summer break. But again, it's hard! By 5:00, I kind of wanted to work and ended up putting in about 90 minutes on book stuff. 

Spring Break Recap

17 March 2024: So that's (just about) a wrap on Spring Break 2024. All in all, not bad! I got a lot done, did a couple of fun social things (the Oscars party, lunch with Carrie and Eva, a Friday movie), did a couple of small projects at home, and caught up on sleep and relaxation a bit. Oh, and trivia started up again, too. 

I wish I didn't feel anxious and a bit melancholy about going back to normal tomorrow. But this rough year has just made things really hard. Heading back into it all just as the semester really picks up with advising, paper conferences, and everything else feels extra weighty this year. 

As I type this, I am thinking of ways to push back against the melancholy and anxiety. Spring weather will help, as it always does. So will blocking off days to work from home when I can. And writing progress is great for my morale. So...balance and boundaries, I suppose? 

Spring preview...

3 March 2024: If today is a taste of what spring will feel like (and what my post-Senate, post-book) days will be like, I am beyond ready for it. I pushed myself to finish everything on my work lists yesterday, so today, I just let myself have a work-free day. (A new weekly book "to do list" starts tomorrow, and two sections of ENGL 102 hand in big papers, so this bit of freedom will be short-lived.)

Still...slept in a bit. Ambled through the grocery store. Read the paper. Started my new book club book. Watched the softball team's home opener (they won). Took a long walk. Opened the windows for a few hours. Took some time to cook a new recipe for dinner. I could get very used to this.

Someone else enjoyed this taste of spring, too.

"...life is always undoing for us..."

25 February 2024: Thinking this evening about this passage from The Gates Ajar, spoken by Dr. Bland right before he throws his sermon on his old view of heaven into the fireplace: "It seems to me that life is always undoing for us something that we have just laboriously done” (Phelps 127). It's a small moment in the novel, but seems to me to be profound view about how life helps/forces us to change our beliefs and ideas--and it can be a blessing. 

Also, at 9:19 p.m. on the Sunday of an almost entirely work-filled* weekend, I have just finished my last (I hope?) set of notes for my Phelps entry--and the last item on my weekly "book goals" list. This week: composing, revising, etc.

*One non-work thing: helping Chuck and Bill run the Flagship Trivia tournament today--back at the Clarion for the first time since the pandemic. The other non-work thing: a really lovely Zoom book club meeting earlier this evening. 

Work Cited

Phelps, Elizabeth Stuart. The Gates Ajar. 1868. Edited by Elizabeth Duquette and Claudia Stokes, Penguin, 2019.

Lisa Frankenstein

16 February 2024: Holy cow--after a long and stressful week, it felt great to leave campus at 3:30 and go see Lisa Frankenstein! What a fun movie--just what I needed! 

I have so much work to do this weekend, but I really glad I hit "pause" for a few hours.  

Unexpected Snow Day

13 February 2024: For complicated and boring reasons, having campus close all day today when we got more snow than expected is not ideal. 

At the same time, it meant about six fewer hours of meetings that I had to go to.

Then my 11:00 a.m. dentist appointment got canceled and the whole darn day opened up. 

So...I powered through my next entry (admittedly a short one) and it's done. 

February 13 and two entries done for this month. Feels very good and the vibes of this whole week have taken a change since yesterday.

At the same time, I am lowkey bummed to be plan-less on Galentine's Day. I just wish I had more "hanging out" friends. It bums me out--enough that I don't even like to say it out loud. (Hilariously, "I Can't Make You Love Me" is playing on Pandora as I type this.)

But if I work on it for a bit, I can remind myself of the good vibes that I wrote about above and of the fact that I do have a couple gals here to hang with. Well, Jo, anyway. (BabyCat also lives here.) In a little bit, I'll finish the rest of my work up here in the office and head downstairs to chill with them both. Today, that and a completed entry is enough. 

Productive, but off-balance...

11 February 2023: Just like last weekend, I had an absurdly ambitious to-do list (grading, book stuff, chores) and, just like last weekend, I managed to get it all done. 

But I am feeling the burn-out a bit more this time. I only did one "fun" thing all weekend (besides my walks and TV in the late evening): go see Into the Woods on campus--which was great! But while I was sitting there, I kept thinking how I had to get back home and get to work. So...not great. 

And this week will be so long and packed and stressful. 

Telling myself that if I can get to Friday, I'll make sure to add more fun into next weekend. 

Location, location, location?

4 February 2024: I had such an (on paper) intimidatingly long to-do list for this weekend. I approached it like the formidable enemy I thought it was. And I have been up here, in my office at home, most of the weekend, working away. 

And...I've got it all done? With time to spare. And after taking last night off. And over an hour until book club starts! 

Trying to figure out what that means...and trying for the love of all that is good to not think "Well, maybe I should have had more on it..." 

I am also increasingly convinced that the home office--where I am typing this very post--is perhaps the reason I've been so efficient lately. After not using it very much for in a long time, I am up here all the time now. And somehow it has been working. I am less distracted somehow. And just more "in the zone." If I go downstairs to get a snack or more water or to get a chore or two done to get some steps in, I know I have to get back up here and back to work. It just works. 

My wallet might be paying a price, as I am doing more looking around and seeing places for upgrades, but that's perhaps a small price to pay. 

Getting the rhythm down...

24 January 2024: It's awfully early (week 3) to make any judgments that speak to weeks beyond this one, but so far, I feel like I have a good grip on the rhythm of the semester. Very productive writing day yesterday. Busy, busy teaching day today, but managed to get everything graded and then prepped for Friday. Made it home by 5:30 and even read some pages from my book club selection before dinner. (Normally, I am getting in at 6, 7, or later and then it's a mad rush to do the chores and dinner and all that.) My daily list is just about done, too. 

I sure would love to get used to this, but throw in some meetings or big stacks of grading and I know it will change. Still, I appreciate this rhythm tonight. 

Much needed dumb fun...

28 October 2023: Slept in a tiny bit, did some housework, took my walk, and then picked up Amy and headed to Hagerstown. Indian buffet for lunch and fun dumb movie (Five Nights at Freddy's) combined for my kind of break. Came home, did some more housework, and then read Helen Hunt Jackson criticism for awhile. Now settling in to watch some a movie on TV. Tomorrow will be a busy day, but that's okay. 

Compromising with myself...

24 September 2023: Finished my weekly "Book Work/"Year's Work" Work" to-do list this morning. Most of my other chores, too. In a burst of optimism, I added a few more items to my daily list--things I really don't want to do, but will feel once they're done. Then went and had lunch and saw A Haunting in Venice with Amy (it was pretty good!). Came home and took a long walk. Did some evening chores. Made myself do just one of the three extra items. Feels pretty good. Probably won't get to all three--and that feels okay, too. A little compromise with myself, I guess. 

(Boring post, but it's what I've got...)

Guilt even with a finished list?

27 August 2023: Finished up my entire weekly "Book Work/Year's Work Essay" list a few hours ago. I also mowed the lawn, washed the bed linens, vacuumed floors, ran an errand or two--basically worked my way through most of my daily list. It is crazy, though, how weird and wrong it feels that I already watched two movies since/during all of that and might be about to hit "play" on another. 

I spend a lot of time imagining what it will be like when this book is done--when I plan on taking a break from the pressure of deadlines and all that. And when Senate is done. A weekend without work as the norm and not a rare treat. Fewer 12+ hour days on campus. 

That kind of freedom will be, I think (as evidenced by today's guilt), a strange and maybe even anxiety-inducing experience. 

But I am still so excited as it keeps creeping closer. 

(Also hilarious that my brain just said, "So why not do some more work tonight and get even closer to that part sooner?" We'll see...)

"No work" Sunday...

7 May 2023: Weird day, considering I woke up composing the next entry for the book in my mind and then didn't really do any work on it (or anything work-related) all day. I am probably going to regret it, but oh well. Slept in a tiny bit, took a walk, did some of the Saturday chores I didn't get done because of graduation, had lunch with some friends, then did dinner and a movie (new Guardians of the Galaxy--which was fun) with Amy. Minus the anxiety and guilt, not a bad day for the barely-a-thing-anymore Project Balance. 

Saturday break...

22 April 2023: Despite a pretty big to-do list for the weekend, I snuck away for most of the afternoon with Amy to see Dungeons and Dragons and have lunch. Fun movie, good food, and just a nice break. Because that break has been sandwiched between a productive morning (mowed the lawn, did laundry, cleaned around the house) and a productive evening (some research, typing up notes), it feels even better.