"Closer to You"

30 September 2018: Another lovely Sunday featuring an appearance by this lovely song...

"Someday we might learn to tell the truth
We might even find the fountains of our youth
We all needed something real we all need proof
I just want to be closer to you."

Service learning...

29 September 2018: After I got some work done this morning, Amy and I spent four hours this afternoon doing some service-learning hours with our GWST students at a women's shelter in Martinsburg. The students painted a long hallway on the first floor and Amy and I cleaned four apartments and got them ready for new inhabitants. We closed out our shift organizing piles of donated toiletries. (I loved that part the most because I am, well...me.)

It was such a cool experience. I never really thought about the fact that the people who work at these places often do all of the work and that includes the cleaning and maintenance. To be able to pitch in for just a few hours made a difference in their work load. And I can't stop thinking about the three women who will soon move into those apartments we got ready for them today.

Founders Day 2018

28 September 2018: 

[Catch up post...]

Celebrated Founders Day 2018 with one of my favorite people. After the procession and ceremony, we got take-out Thai, went to my house, and watched a rom-com double feature. Not a bad way to spend a Friday night after a long week.

Look for the light...

27 September 2018: It's been another really rough run of news stories. But, through it all, I have been reminded of the wonderful community of women that surrounds and supports me--and how lucky I am to have them. I am working on a major project and three amazing women I work with--from three different disciplines, none of which is English--have taken time out of their schedules to meet with me individually, give me advice, and encourage me. Their kindness and support makes me hopeful for the students they teach and for the world.

Wasn't in the job description, but...

26 September 2018: In a little while, I am heading back up to campus to judge a Broadway-themed Homecoming lip sync competition. Add this to the list of things I never anticipated being part of my job. And as with so many of the items on that list, this is not a complaint. I mean, part of me has been waiting for this moment my whole life.

More from Jane Eyre

25 September 2019: "We were born to strive and endure--you as well as I: do so." --Jane to Rochester, in Jane Eyre.

What a pleasure to re-read this intense and crazy scene from Brontë's novel. 

"The Fire Thief"

24 September 2018: A good (if a bit strange) day here for the most part. Feeling kind of frustrated by the combination of a busy day and non-stop rain; that's a one-two punch that will keep me from taking a walk for the second day in a row. (I love walking at night, but doing so in a rain like this seems just a bit dangerous. Drivers aren't expecting pedestrians.)

So I was feeling a bit restless/tense, especially when I first got home. This song somehow came to mind. It calmed me down..

"Sometimes a heart can break and make it's own relief
The way a cold dark night invites the fire thief
He wants to show us how
So we can take comfort now
We can take comfort now
We can take comfort now
Leave the light on"

This is certainly a look...

23 September 2018: It's like he is trying to become a meme... (Don't worry. He cheered up in a couple of minutes.) Meanwhile, I had another pretty decent Sunday, working most of the morning and early afternoon, reading (for fun!) in the afternoon, and spending the evening at Amy's for dinner and Pandemic. Not bad...

"Balance" Update #3

22 September 2018: Feeling like today was a pretty good day for Project Balance. (We'll keep workshopping the name. Ha.) Got a lot of work done this morning on a big and intimidating project and finished my course prep for Monday. Then Amy and I spent a couple of hours finalizing revisions for a journal article we've got coming out soon. All of that gave me a good enough excuse to take a long walk with her, go see a movie, and get dinner after. Now I am back home, doing laundry, and taking care of some (albeit work-related) odds and ends.

So I think this is good?

Sigh...

21 September 2018: "No sooner did I see that his attention was riveted on them, and that I might gaze without being observed, than my eyes were drawn involuntarily to his face; I could not keep their lids under control: they would rise, and the irids would fix on him. I looked, and had an acute pleasure in looking,—a precious yet poignant pleasure; pure gold, with a steely point of agony: a pleasure like what the thirst-perishing man might feel who knows the well to which he has crept is poisoned, yet stoops and drinks divine draughts nevertheless." --Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

Working my way through the pre-attic-revelation section of the book again. Continually awed by Brontë's ability to capture so perfectly what this kind of longing and love can feel like. The scene a chapter or so earlier, where Jane tears into herself over ever imagining that Rochester could love her? Brutal.

"On Small Talk"

20 September 2018: Almost on cue, I engaged in some hard core (inner) freaking out today over the precise issues I had convinced myself would be okay the day before. In the midst of all that freaking out, little moments of light and peace would find their way through:

• The distraction of the podcasts I listened to as I mowed the lawn on a rather pretty day. 
• The kindness of a colleague who took time out of her day to not only have lunch with me to talk about a big project I am working on (the source of a lot of this anxiety), but gave me great advice and insisted on paying. (I was going to treat her, but she beat me to it.) 
• The panel I attended tonight where WV teachers (including a beloved former student) talked about why they stay in this difficult, amazing, frustrating, wonderful state. What an inspiring group they are.
• The dinner I had with Amy where she let me get right to the point of tears without making a big deal out of it, basically pretending she didn't notice, which was actually what I needed at that moment. 
• The phone call with Jane, which always works for what ails me. Even more impressive on her part since she was dealing with some sad news about a friend.
• The news that Veronica Mars is coming back.
• And this poem...

"Balance" Update #2

19 September 2018: [Maybe there will be a series of posts on this subject? We'll see...]

I made myself a ridiculously long to-do for today. Like a list that guaranteed coming home to a couple hours of work (or staying in the office until 8:00). And for most of the day, I was plugging along, getting stuff done.

At about 2:00, I got an email from Amy (who was also in the midst of a long and frustrating day) suggesting that we take care of an errand in Martinsburg and then go see a movie we knew would be bad but that she still wanted to see.* I took a look at my list and said, "Yeah. Let's do it."

Still worked until 6:30, but then hopped in her car and off we went. Got home by 9:45 or so, took a walk, sent some emails, watched Jeopardy! on the DVR and, well, here we are. Those items on the list that I didn't get to? Well, they'll get done tomorrow. It will be okay.

*Only $5 at the cheap theater--totally worth it.

American Vandal: Season 2

18 September 2018: Lots of things on my mind lately...big deadlines approaching, to-do lists getting longer. Doing my best to keep my head above water and stay calm. You know what's helped? Season 2 of American Vandal. This show is so freaking smart and funny and the perfect mental break.

These students...

17 September 2018: I attended a presentation today about the generation of students we are seeing in our classrooms these days. I tend to feel a great deal of skepticism towards generalizations about Shepherd students, but darn it if this assertion didn't feel so right: "They want to be involved in something important. They want to change the world for the better. But they may not know how."

Beating those blues back...

16 September 2018: The trick to combating the Sunday blues so far this semester is pretty straightforward. Do something fun. Last week it was Sunday-Nunday. Today, after a productive day work-wise, Amy came over for dinner, a walk, and then a couple rounds of Pandemic. Chase, chase, chase those blues away...

Balance...

15 September 2018: This is the third weekend of the new semester, but in lots of ways, it feels like the first real weekend. That "semester pace" has kicked in. I've got lots of work to get done: grading, course prep, revising an article, making progress on a conference paper, and--in the back of my head--this other huge task that I just picked up (still keeping it vague). And then there's the other stuff: the lawn, cleaning the house, taking care of bills and paperwork. So what's different?

Well, my determination to live life a bit differently now. Take it easy more. Have more fun.

I left the office yesterday right after my last class ended at 3:00. Dashed off to a 4:00 movie. On the way out of the building, a colleague was surprised to see me leaving so early ("You're leaving now? Is this a New Year's Resolution?") And, dork that I am, I felt proud and guilty. Like a bad kid who didn't really want to be bad. When the movie was over, I thought about heading back to campus. (Didn't do it, but I was tempted!) And I found myself back at the office this morning...so there's that.

But I did take a few hours off to watch the Shepherd football game. Then I came home and got the lawn done. Now I am making my way through the papers I have to grade. Five more to go...

I guess what I am realizing is that a big old change in the way you approach the work-life balance doesn't happen overnight, especially when you still love the work part so much. And when it is the one thing you know you are good at. And when you can run towards it when the other parts of your life are hard or confusing. So, three weeks in, this "new" way is...strange. But we'll see. 

"Only in Dreams"

14 September 2018: Broody, moody Friday-night work soundtrack...

Happy news...

13 September 2018: Two very nice and good things happened in the past day or so. One I can talk about: Amy and I had an article we wrote accepted for publication. That's two publications for me that were collaboratively written, something I used to think I'd never be any good at doing. And this is a fun one, too: an examination of the female monster in Disney movies. So that just makes me smile. I am going to keep the other good thing a bit private and vague for now. It's also work-related, but still really new and surprising. So stay tuned, I guess.

Ah, Wuthering Heights...

12 September 2018: "I hate this book. And I love this book." --a student in my Nineteenth-Century British Novel Seminar, summing up a popular response (at least in our class) to Wuthering Heights. Another student--who is getting a real kick out of Heathcliff's villainy--said, "I am just waiting for him to start eating people."

So yeah: it's going well.

Petals on a wet mower...

11 September 2018: While rushing to mow the still-wet lawn between days of rain, I did get a kick out of this strange beauty: crape myrtle petals sticking to the bright green mower. Not quite Ezra Pound's "petals on a wet black bough," but still a welcome sight.

Rainy walk...

10 September 2018: It's been raining here since Friday (more or less), which has made it hard to get my walks in. This evening, though, I was determined and got out there, mostly walking through mist. Amazing how much it gets my mind right.

Sunday-Nunday

9 September 2018: This semester I am trying to do what I can to avoid the Sunday evening blues that tend to plague me. Today's strategy was pretty effective, no small feat given the rainy and cold weather: went to see The Nun (which was pretty terrible, but fun) with Amy, Cory, and Hannah.

Day trippin'...

[Catch-up post]

8 September 2018: Jane and I visited Berkeley Plantation yesterday and then caught up with Mike for dinner. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday.

Franken-panel

[Catch-up post]

7 September 2018: This event, an interdisciplinary discussion of Frankenstein at 200, went off without a hitch on Friday. One of the questions we got when we opened it up to the audience was, "How did you decide to do this?" Everyone looked at me. And I was thrilled to answer it: beyond the anniversary itself suggesting the need for a commemoration, all I had to do for the rest of the planning was think about my wonderful, talented, amazing friends. They each said yes right away and nailed it. Just another reminder of why I love my job.

Tell me everything...

6 September 2018:

"But, Mr. Lockwood, I forget these tales cannot divert you. I'm annoyed how I should dream of chattering on at such a rate; and your gruel cold, and you nodding for bed! I could have told Heathcliff's history, all that you need hear, in half-a-dozen words."

Thus interrupting herself, the housekeeper rose, and proceeded to lay aside her sewing; but I felt incapable of moving from the hearth, and I was very far from nodding.

"Sit still, Mrs. Dean," I cried, "do sit still, another half hour! You've done just right to tell the story leisurely. That is the method I like; and you must finish in the same style. I am interested in every character you have mentioned, more or less."

"The clock is on the stroke of eleven, sir."

"No matter—I'm not accustomed to go to bed in the long hours. One or two is early enough for a person who lies till ten."

"You shouldn't lie till ten. There's the very prime of the morning gone long before that time. A person who has not done one half his day's work by ten o'clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone."

"Nevertheless, Mrs. Dean, resume your chair; because to-morrow I intend lengthening the night till afternoon. I prognosticate for myself an obstinate cold, at least."

"I hope not, sir. Well, you must allow me to leap over some three years, during that space, Mrs. Earnshaw—"

"No, no, I'll allow nothing of the sort! Are you acquainted with the mood of mind in which, if you were seated alone, and the cat licking its kitten on the rug before you, you would watch the operation so intently that puss's neglect of one ear would put you seriously out of temper?"

"A terribly lazy mood, I should say."

"On the contrary, a tiresomely active one. It is mine, at present, and, therefore, continue minutely..."

We are starting Wuthering Heights tomorrow in my seminar. While preparing/re-reading, I found myself charmed by the passage above. The Nelly/Lockwood dynamic is standing out to me this time, perhaps because we are starting this multiply-narrated book right after reading Frankenstein, which also has embedded narratives/narrators. Anyway, what Lockwood is saying here--basically, "Tell me everything. Don't leave a thing out!"--is such an understandable impulse when you hear a good story.

And yeah: the kitten analogy got me.

Plus, I like the connection to yesterday's post and my own enthusiasm for lots of details/seeming digressions.

Back to Catcher

5 September 2018: "The trouble with me is, I like it when somebody digresses. It's more interesting and all." --J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

We are reading The Catcher in the Rye again in my Young Adult Literature class. It isn't one of my absolute favorites, but something different jumps out at me each reading. I am thinking about how, when I am talking with my favorite people, I relish all their digressions, little slips of what matters to them..

New roof...

[Catch-up post]

4 September 2018: Yesterday was a heck of a day (thus, the catch-up post). Lots of things went wrong, but the big things (ultimately) went right. The new roof, which I put a deposit down on in late April, went on yesterday. There are still a couple of little things to get done, but I am breathing a bit easier about that. I also had a couple of minor crises that resolved themselves in part because I am blessed to have good friends who put up with me, help me out when I am in a pinch, and keep me sane.

Labor Day...

3 September 2018: The idea that Labor Day is the semi-official "end of summer" always depresses me a bit, but you know what helped? A little cook-out with one of my favorite people. (Also helping? That we are in the midst of a heat wave and it sure still feels like summer. I don't like that kind of help so much...)

The Miseducation of Cameron Post

2 September 2018: Finally got to see this movie today when the local(ish) Alamo had a single screening. I think this Slate review makes lots of valid points, but I'd put more emphasis on the good work the film does. (And this review is a direct refutation to very title of the Slate piece, which is pretty darn interesting...)

National Book Festival, 2018

[Catch-up post]

1 September 2018: Some lines that stood out to me at this year's Book Festival:

Tayari Jones:

• "Who am I now versus who I was seven years ago?" 
• "What happens when people are forced to make choices they should never have to make?"
• "How much of yourself do you devote to a relationship and how much do you hold back for your dreams?"

Min Jin Lee:

• "I had no intention of writing this book." 
• "What is it like to forgive people who hated you?"

Tracy K. Smith:

• "Poems bring unlikely language to things deep within us."
• Poets "go to the wrong context to get the right feeling."

Robert Hass:

• "Poetry is the place where you wake up to yourself."

Celeste Ng:

• We should be "advocates for empathy."
• Books "open spaces for ambiguity."

And I got to hang with this great crew again.