Deep relief...

28 February 2022: Got some texts today from one of my favorite people on this planet. I've been so worried about her. Things are still bad, but just hearing from her made me want to dance for joy. The best part of the day--of several days, in fact.

Spring 2022 Midterm Grades: DONE!

27 February 2022: Always feels good to hit "submit" on that final set (admittedly much easier when you only have two classes). Cheated a bit this time, and switched to Pandora hoping for an appropriate chair-dancing sob to be playing as I hit that button. It worked...

"Go easy on 'em..."

26 February 2022: The post's title comes from my dad's advice as I work my way through this semester's ENGL 204 midterms. Interestingly, I've been thinking about a way to go a bit easier on them, giving an opportunity for them to earn back some points. It's rough out there and I think more than a few of them just panicked. So we'll see how this goes.

10%

25 February 2022: If my book is supposed to be around 150K words, as of today, I've written 10% of it. Not bad considering so little got done in the Fall semester, there's still over half of this semester left, and then the first full summer to work on it. 

Bit by bit...

Not writing as finishing...

24 February 2022: A bit of a strange day today. Slept in a couple of hours because I didn't have any appointments on campus (and felt guilty about that...you know, healthy stuff!) and felt so cozy laying there with Wes. It was cold and rainy all day, which didn't help much with my mood, when I finally did get out there. Somewhat predictably, getting a decent amount of work done did help.

Happy to have completed a draft of the Little Women entry. I had outlined an entire section that I ended up dropping. Tomorrow's task will be re-reading the entry to do more revising and see if I can work some pieces of that section in elsewhere. But once I started thinking about cutting it out, it actually felt right--like what I had was enough, considering the general scope of the book (mine, not Alcott's). It is pretty cool to think about how finishing can be about what you don't write as much as it's about what you do write. I love those moments, too, when you sense that you are coming around the bend in a writing project.  

Also started research on another entry, took a good walk (of course), and got some odds and ends taken care of. The day ended with a dinner with some work folks and the dean of a university in Scotland where we have a study aboard agreement. Speaking of what you don't write, I almost feel like this paragraph and the first don't belong in this post since I like for the blog to be less about a "here's a list of what happened today" and more about one specific idea or linked set of ideas/observations. But I am going to leave them both in because it's kind of meta. 

Vibes are still off, as the kids might say, but maybe everything will be a bit better tomorrow. 

Mid-day Loop Playlist

23 February 2022: Queued up four upbeat songs right before I headed out for my mid-day loop around the block. 

1) Walk the Moon, "Shut Up and Dance"

2) The Chicks, "Texas Man"

3) Brandi Carlile, "You and Me on the Rock"

4) Phil Collins, "Follow You, Follow Me" 

Starts out loud and makes you walk-dance, moves on to fun, sassy, and a bit sexy, settles in for some sunny joy, and then ends with swoony contentment. The final bars of #4 literally played as I reached out to open my office door and step back in.

580 words...

22 February 2022: In a day with a couple of meetings and lots of other "little" things, I have managed to fully outline the my entry on Little Women (not an easy process--outlines for me are pretty darn detailed) and write 580 words. I'll take it. 

Going to work on some non-book things for about 45 minutes, then meet Amy for dinner before the President's Lecture Series tonight. 

Bit by bit...

Mid-day loop...

21 February 2022: I was just texting Hannah about this, but it seems like a big enough deal (to me, duh) that it works as the idea for today's post...

Today was sure a Monday. Some good stuff (the classes, one good committee meeting), some really frustrating stuff, and so much little-but-it-takes-time-and-adds-up stuff. 

But it also got into the 60s today and was sunny and lovely. (When I took my morning walk, it was cold enough that I had gloves on!) So I took a mid-day walk around the block, something I am going to do as much as I can from now on. Just ten or fifteen minutes out of the building, away from my desk, listening to a podcast or a couple of songs makes a big old difference to my mood and my tense shoulders. (Too bad the rest of the day put a lot of that tension right back...)

Sunday on campus...

20 February 2022: Spent almost all day up on campus: grading, ILL-book-copying, note-taking, and annual-report-writing. Took a good walk mid-way through, and while it was cold, the sun felt nice. Not even close to a good Sunday for Project Balance except that it made me feel good to get that stuff done, which is probably the main goal of Project Balance: feeling good. 

Brave girl...

19 February 2022: This little one had me a bit nervous the past couple of days with all the typical manifestations of stomach problems. (Gross.) But fortunately, she seems just fine today, running around and chirping, making sure she is noticed by me, expecting me to share what I am eating, watching the birds outside, and being brave by staring down the strong winds rattling the house. 

Gentle advice...

18 February 2022: Just had to figure out how to gently tell a very-eager/confident student (in my written comments) that he got out ahead of his skis in a paper he wrote with disastrous results. He made a silly and inaccurate claim about the piece of criticism he was responding to, and therefore his attempted take-down of it was just a complete failure. How do you put that into writing in a way that isn't crushing but also doesn't soft-pedal the truth and scares him into being more careful next time? It's not easy!

So maybe I'll call it quits after 10.5 hours on campus today.  

Today's walk...

17 February 2022: 

• It's a warm day for mid-February, though cloudy and a bit dreary. Still, it feels good to only have to wear my blazer and even feel a bit heated towards the end. 
• Up the road ahead of me, I see a coworker's husband drop her off in front of her building. She heads up the sidewalk, opens the door, and turns back around to wave at him. Only then does he drive away. Such a tiny moment of intimacy and connection--this isn't about making sure she makes it in okay, like when you wait to see if someone has their key or when it's dark out. It's about their connection.  
• The town is putting in ADA-compliant curb cuts, a long-term project that started in the heart of town and has expanded outward. At the intersection by The Blue Moon, it's all over but the concrete-pouring and clean-up. As I walk by, the cement truck is coming up the road. One of the workers sees it coming, channels his inner child, and says, "Oh yeah, baby: let's do it." Charming as heck.
• My goodness: this episode of Song Exploder, on "You and Me on the Rock," is amazing. 

Facts...

16 February 2022: Told my seminar students this today when they made me burst out laughing (in a good way): "I'm in the middle of a very long day, but the three best parts are or will be: my 9:10 class where we talked about Dickinson, this class right now, and the women's basketball game tonight. And what do they all have in common? Shepherd students." 

Got some potentially not-great news this afternoon, but having it cushioned in among all the good student stuff makes it hit a lot better. 

Six meetings...

15 February 2022: I had six meetings on campus today about six very different topics. I don't feel like I got a lot done on any one front, but little steps forward count, too. (By the way, should have been seven, but someone stood me up...)

"Mountain Dew Commercial Disguised as a Love Poem"

14 February 2022: Stumbled across this poem early today and found it so lovely and swoony. Its specificity--right down to the name brands--gives it such a realness. 

Pancakes and a play...

13 February 2022: For Galentine's Day, I got some IHOP with Amy this afternoon. Then we headed to campus to see a play. The show grew out of a Theater department class last semester, where students sort of organically brought together ideas and concepts. It ended up being about healing and moving forward. Quite an accomplishment that they should be proud of. 

"Beware of those who teach fables to children..."

12 February 2022: Still swimming in all things Alcott these days, and this quotation from Ednah Dow Cheney's 1899 review of Little Women really makes me smile: 

“Louisa May Alcott is universally recognized as the greatest and most popular story-teller for children in her generation. She has known the way to the hearts of young people…Plato says: ‘Beware of those who teach fables to children’; and it is impossible to estimate the influence which the popular writer of fiction has over the audience [she] wins to listen to [her] tale…[Her] seductive powers of imagination and sentiment takes [sic] possession of the fancy and the heart before judgement and reason are aroused to defend the citadel ” (qtd. in Quimby, 13).

As Karin Quimby notes, Cheney--a great admirer of Alcott and one of her earliest biographers--senses what so many readers see about the novel: “Cheney betrays the anxiety that the story contains something more subversive, more seductive, in the regions of imagination and feeling” (14).

Work Cited

Quimby, Karin. “The Story of Jo: Literary Tomboys, Little Women, and the Sexual-Textual Politics of Narrative Desire.” GLQ: A Journal of Lesbian and Gay Studies, vol. 10, no. 1, 2003, pp. 1-22. Project Muse.

Early Galentine's/Birthday Celebrating

[Catch-up post]

11 February 2022: Hannah and I hung out here at the house for hours last night, a kind of impromptu early celebration of her birthday, which delightfully coincides with Galentine's Day. We didn't do anything but talk, listen, and eat take-out, but it was one of the best nights I've had in so long. 

Thinking about this past week--and I am knocking on wood as I type this--it feels like things are looking up. Something turned and that's good. Hoping/praying it stays that way. 

Ping-pong day...

10 February 2022: A bit of a ping-pong ball day that found me running all around campus with a mid-day trip to an appointment in Martinsburg, too, before heading back to campus. The weather was sunny and warm(ish) and the day was a good one, as person after person I interacted with was kind, warm, and helpful. And it's Tara's birthday, so we got to have a nice phone conversation. 

Very grateful.

Mental break...

9 February 2022: Just took a dash around the block here on campus. I took my longer walk this morning, but was feeling antsy and anxious after sitting in this building all day since then. The sun is out, it's in the 50s (!), and it felt so good to be out there. I also joined the You're Wrong About patreon last night to unlock a bunch of bonus episodes. This is precisely the energy I need right now. 

Hoping to get home before it's dark today to stretch out on the bed, let the sunlight come in through the windows, and do some reading with Wesley, which I managed to do yesterday.*

*Here's a thing I said to Wesley this morning just before leaving, after a night of weird dreams: "Love you so much, bud! Have a good day! In my apocalyptic dreams, I take you with me. It's you and me, buddy." I did say they were weird dreams, didn't I? (Something low-key sad in the dream: Bing was also there and I was taking all three of them with me as we fled whatever it was we were fleeing.)

"so you better run..."

8 February 2022: Can't remember the last time I wanted to manifest the energy and message of a song so much. In an oft-repeated move lately, literally teared up listening to it when it came on just now. Please, please, please...

"But maybe that's where God meets us..."

7 February 2022: "But maybe that's where God meets us, she thinks, in that broken, uncertain place." --writer Emma Green, talking about Rebecca Schrader and her evolving thoughts on faith, life, and the abortion debate, in this powerful This American Life segment.

Listened to Rebecca's story on my walk this morning and found it surprising and moving. Green does a lovely job treating everyone involved with humanity and compassion. And this move at the end--quoted above--is profound and profoundly important as we move through what feels like a very broken and uncertain place. 

Eden's Outcasts and Sunday vibes...

6 February 2022: Nothing to see here. Just me crying literal tears in my office on campus on a Sunday morning as I finish up Eden's Outcasts, my second book in as many weeks chronicling Louisa May Alcott's life. I know that it wasn't all bad, but parts of her life strike me as so frustratingly sad. Even though I knew it's coming, I am especially moved by the end of both books (because of how chronological order works, ha!), when little Lulu has arrived, but Alcott is only in her life for about seven years. And the pain and work and anxiety that marked her life. Ugh. 

But this part made me laugh out loud: after her Little Women success, tourist flocked to Concord. Matteson writes, "At one public appearance, an energetic matron worked [Alcott's] arm like a pump handle and exclaimed, 'If you ever come to Oshkosh, your feet will not be allowed to touch the ground; you will be borne in the arms of the people.' Louisa vowed never to visit Oshkosh" (383). 

Daffodil

5 February 2022: In March 2022, right before everyone went home for what turned out to be the rest of the semester, one of my favorite students (a label that I attach to so many of them because that's how lucky I am) came by my office to talk about her project. On her way over, she had picked a little yellow and orange daffodil for me. "I'll keep this," I said, "until we're all together again." 

It was a sentimental, throw-away comment, I guess, full of naïve wishful thinking. But I put it in a little glass of water, kept it in my office on campus, and eventually, took it home and put it in my kitchen window. It dried out and stayed right there for months. I would look at it and think of her and all of my students, now just words on a screen or occasional faces on Zoom. 

Since then, that same student has a way of popping back up to say kind and gracious things just when I need them, even when I don't realize that I do. That includes this morning when she emailed me a sweet message just to say hello and tell me she hoped I was doing okay. I wrote her back and did my best to make it clear what a gift of a person she is. I hope she realizes it.  

And what a life I have to be surrounded by so many people who are gifts to those who know them. 

"The Masque of the Red Death"

4 February 2022: It's a heck of a thing to teach Poe's "The Masque of the Red Death" in 2022. Another reminder of the stunning relevance of so much great American literature. And these students get it and see all of the connections, especially between Prince Prospero and the former president. (I didn't have to say it--they knew it.) 

Walking on Sunshine

3 February 2022: It was cloudy and rainy all day, but I did something today that made me feel like I was walking on sunshine: a Zoom session with one of my favorite former students for this initiative University Marketing is working on. We were the first ones--the pilot, if you will--and it went so well. She was amazing (of course she was). It was just such a pleasure to talk with her, hear her speak so authentically and movingly about her time at Shepherd, and to see what a confident, professional, and decent person she is now. And we helped her do that. We got to help her do that. 

It's no secret that I've been really down lately. And this doesn't mean everything is better now. But what a reminder that I am blessed, blessed, blessed. 

"Grandfather of the Forest"

2 February 2022: Listened to this episode of This is Love on my walk this morning and found it quite moving. For over one hundred years, people have tried to save the American Chestnut tree and we keep trying, even if it might never work and if these people will never see their efforts come to fruition. Because it's worth fighting for and worth doing. Phoebe quotes a couple of lines from W.S. Merwin's poem "Place" in the end and it literally almost stopped me in my tracks: " On the last day of the world / I would want to plant a tree." Pushing back against loss...seems like a theme that speaks to me lately. 

WFH Day...

1 February 2022: A kind of rare weekday work-from-home day for me. I had an eye appointment in the morning and no meetings scheduled for the rest of the day. At first it was a bit tough to get motivated, but eventually, I sort of hit my stride. When I do this again, I might try to schedule the day out, just to make sure I am more disciplined from the start. 

I finished a decent draft of the Hospital Sketches entry, which feels good. And Wes likes me being here. (Maybe BabyCat does, too?) 

But I am glad that I'll see some folks tomorrow.