The answer is "always..."

30 September 2020: 

Student at the end of a virtual office hours meeting: I know you are probably busy, but do you want to see my cat?

Me: Always. 

Readers, it was a good cat.

Playoff season...

29 September 2020: The Yankees played their first play-off game in this most unusual season. And they won big. That makes me happy. Apparently there was a debate on, too, but I just couldn't. Another reason to be grateful for baseball. 

"The Problem"

28 September 2020: What a powerful and beautiful song. Brave, too. 

And Lord, what sweet relief to hear those simple words: "I'm on your side." In any context, they are so welcome. 

"see how the sunlight feels..."

27 September 2020: "It really isn't that hard to frame things, and people, in the most forgiving way available with the facts on hand. You will give people breaks they don't deserve sometimes, sure, but I'd rather be wrong occasionally than preemptively aggrieved and suspicious all the time. Wouldn't you? If you're unsure, would it hurt to try busting that rut, to see how sunlight feels?" --Carolyn Hax in her advice column in today's Washington Post 

This really is the way to live, isn't it? Or the way we should want to live? I try to articulate myself, but she does it so simply here. Might just put clip that passage out and carry it with me. I am trying, I am trying...

"Phillis Reimagined"

26 September 2020: Catching up on the Poetry Off the Shelf podcast today and really enjoyed this episode. Added The Age of Phillis to my reading list.

"As imperceptibly as Grief..."

25 September 2020: Today in the Dickinson class, we talked about the poem below. It felt kind of perfect for today. 

#935

As imperceptibly as Grief
The Summer lapsed away —
Too imperceptible, at last
To seem like Perfidy —

A Quietness distilled
As Twilight long begun
Or Nature spending with herself
Sequestered Afternoon —

The Dusk drew earlier in —
The Morning foreign shone —
A courteous, yet harrowing Grace
As Guest that would be gone —

And thus without a Wing
Or service of a Keel
Our Summer made her light escape
Into the Beautiful

"A good story..."

24 September 2020: “A good story…widens your world, pulls you in, and shows you who you can be.” --Dorothy Allison, in her keynote address tonight. 

Authenticity

23 September 2020: "I am as authentic as sin." --Dorothy Allison speaking at tonight's AHWIR event. Lord, she is amazing.

Today has been really rough: every story in the news, including the lack of justice for Breonna Taylor, just devastates me. But hearing Allison talk about the value of writing and the work it can do helps a bit. 

(Virtual) visit to Greensboro

22 September 2020: Visited my former professor/always-mentor's class today via Zoom to talk to her graduate students about teaching the American literature survey. Had an absolute blast. 

Career highlight???

21 September 2020: Gave a presentation about Dorothy Allison today. She watched it on Youtube live. And she left some comments. 

Swoon!

Just hit "send"...

20 September 2020: I just sent in an article (not due until October 1). And tomorrow, I give a big presentation that I feel pretty darn ready for. By this time tomorrow, I'll have knocked off two big items on my "Fall Scholarship" to-do list. I know I have used this post title before, but the good feeling never gets old, even if it's a bit different every time. 

Also really grateful that I can still count on Vogel to be a careful reader for me.

Absurdity...

19 September 2020: Just left a message for Vogel in which I said, "Anyway, I hope you are doing really well." Then I cackled out a "Ha!" and added, "that's ridiculous. The world is on fire. Anyway, talk to you soon." 

RBG

18 September 2020: Dear Lord. RBG, too? How much more can we take? Sadness upon sadness. Blow upon blow. It's just so hard and I am so sad and tired. And "normal" seems so far gone. 

"Bugs Bunny will do it."

17 September 2020: This post's title comes from the last line of this piece, which I heartily co-sign: "Wouldn’t It Be Nice to Get Knocked Out Cold With a Shovel for Exactly Six Weeks and Five Days?" I have been thinking some version of this for so long...

"Give Me This"

16 September 2020: This was in my inbox first thing this morning. It made me tear up and stayed with me all day. What a gift. 

"Give Me This"

Ada Limón

I thought it was the neighbor’s cat back

to clean the clock of the fledgling robins low

in their nest stuck in the dense hedge by the house

but what came was much stranger, a liquidity

moving all muscle and bristle. A groundhog

slippery and waddle thieving my tomatoes still

green in the morning’s shade. I watched her

munch and stand on her haunches taking such

pleasure in the watery bites. Why am I not allowed

delight? A stranger writes to request my thoughts

on suffering. Barbed wire pulled out of the mouth,

as if demanding that I kneel to the trap of coiled

spikes used in warfare and fencing. Instead,

I watch the groundhog closer and a sound escapes

me, a small spasm of joy I did not imagine

when I woke. She is a funny creature and earnest,

and she is doing what she can to survive.

 

"Caroline"

15 September 2020: In the midst of a surprisingly busy work-from-home, non-teaching day, I found myself humming this song quite a bit. It's been in my head, along with all of Give Up the Ghost, since Sunday night, when Brandi and the band did a live stream of them playing the album. 

Season 37

14 September 2020: A long day today, but the sweet realization that we've got new episodes of Jeopardy! made me so happy that I almost cried. 

"damn the consequences and shame your mama"

13 September 2020: "With story, and with poetry, you can hang language and revelation on a few details and a lies. I believe that a good lie is a fine way to get to the truth. You have to think about why you are tempted to lie, what you are hiding and what you fear. Then damn the consequences and shame your mama." --Dorothy Allison, in this great interview

I can't say enough how much I've gotten out of these past few months of thinking about Allison's writing. What a gift she is to the world. 

"trusting her arm and her love..."

12 September 2020: “When Raylene came to me, I let her touch my shoulder, let my head tilt to lean against her, trusting her arm and her love. I was who I was going to be, someone like her, like Mama, a Boatwright woman. I wrapped my fingers in Raylene’s and watched the night close in around us” (309).

The words above, from the closing of Bastard Out of Carolina, are in the presentation I am giving on September 21. I've practiced it the whole way through a few times and every time I feel myself getting choked up as I read them. 

"The Minister's Black Veil"

11 September 2020: You know what was a fascinating experience today? Teaching "The Minister's Black Veil" while wearing a mask to a classroom of masked students. We had a great conversation about concealing parts of your face, the difference between covering your mouth (like we were) and covering your eyes (like in the story). There are no silver linings from this pandemic, but this was, at least, interesting. 

Also: three weeks done. Whew. 

Not helping...

10 September 2020: CNN has had this link, featuring the question that keeps me up at night, front-and-center for at least a week. Just wonderful seeing it day after day. 

A normal day...

9 September 2020: Was on campus today from just before 8:00 a.m. until about 6:30 p.m. Got a lot done, including preparing for chairing my last C&I meeting. And as I was walking to my car, feeling the "kind of good" kind of tired, I realized this has been the most "normal" day of work since March. It was still chaotic and frustrating (technological challenges continue), but the rhythm felt so familiar. 

On my drive home, I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and got my flu shot. Just like I sort of love getting my teeth cleaned because I like seeing my hygienist, I sort of love getting my flu shot because I like the pharmacist so much. And because things are actually very much not normal, getting that shot feels extra important.  

De-densifying vibes, continued...

8 September 2020: First and most importantly, my friend's test (finally) came back and she's negative. Never been so relieved to hear someone has the flu.

Otherwise, today has been a good day to get even more sense of what a non-teaching, work-from-home day can be this semester. Like I wrote about last week, it still feels different to be intentionally staying away from campus to help de-densify, but other than that, getting a decent amount of work done and checking on through my to-do list felt pretty good.

Found on my walk...

7 September 2020: As I was returning to my office after my lunch-time walk, I passed this bit of beauty on the sidewalk. First, I walked by it, but then turned around to get it. I think I'll keep it in my office as a reminder of beauty around us, even when we might not be looking for it. 

Absolutely riveted...

6 September 2020: Just read a complete draft of my presentation on Dorothy Allison for the Appalachian Writer-in-Residence program to Veronica. Clearly she found it riveting.

Bing was also in the audience, but in my defense, he's deaf.

Saturday vibes...

5 September 2020: Not a bad Saturday. Had a mostly-outdoors or (indoors-masked) visit with my parents and nephews, got some chores done, and just got off a video chat with my college friends. Lovely weather, too. Still waiting to hear about my friend's test results, still worried about so much, but the good stuff makes the bad a bit easier to take.

Also listened to a bunch of podcast episodes: highlights include a backlog of Everything Is Alive and a New Yorker Fiction Podcast featuring a cool Shirley Jackson story.

We're back!

4 September 2020: First Sigma Tau Delta meeting of the semester. Even via Zoom, it was wonderful seeing these smiling faces, especially toward the end of a long and tough day.

Editor on duty...

 3 September 2020: 

Also a bit of a not-at-all autobiographical found poem appearing here: 

"A lonely old woman"

happy with herself

completely satisfied

Two to nine days...

2 September 2020: A very good friend is sick. She took a COVID test today. It will take two to nine days to get the results. How is this acceptable? 

Comfort TV...

1 September 2020: Lots on my mind tonight. Finding mindless comfort in old 80s sitcoms and 70s/80s game shows airing on channels I sometimes forget that I have access to. Since 5:00, I've seen Gimme a Break, Match Game, Growing Pain, Sale of the Century, and Password. It's all helping.