Three in February!

29 February 2024: Exceedingly grateful for the extra day thanks to Leap Year that made it possible for me to complete three book entries in February. (Just six more to go!)

Stayed home today and, with the exception of my walk and a brief lunch break (that ended up being an email non-break), worked from 9:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. But man, did I get a lot done. Finished my Phelps entry, got documents ready for Monday's Senate meeting, finished my annual report and merit pay application, and graded a bunch of ENGL 102 work. 

Feels good! 

Fighting with staplers and jars...

28 February 2024: If you want a sense of how frazzled and overwhelmed I am this week, here are two anecdotes from the last twenty-four hours:

1) Last night, around 8:30, trying to (finally) make dinner, and unable to open the jar of tomato sauce (curse these tiny hands), I shouted, "Why are you so weak?" to myself, on the verge of tears. (I did get it open eventually--and laughed at myself.)

2) Today, around 5:30, in the midst of yet another 12 hour day on campus, my trusty little stapler was jammed. I felt so betrayed by it--"now? you are breaking now?"--that, once it was fixed, I again, laughed at myself. But if I hadn't been able to fix it? I shudder to think of my over-reaction. 

But I'm home now and my brain says "nope, no more work" and that's okay. Already feeling optimistic about checking a bunch of stuff off the list tomorrow. 

Checking in with SGA...

27 February 2024: Sat in on part of an Student Government Association meeting today and I am so pleased to report that the kids remain alright. They so often bring a unblinking moral clarity to what they do and give me so much hope. 

The babies are out!

 26 February 2024: A spring-like day meant that the babies were out in town and around campus. After a stressful college meeting in the midst of a very long day, I saw a colleague loading her brand-new daughter into her car. It made me so happy to meet that little girl. 

Then, as I made my way towards Knutti, I ran into a just-walking baby in the garden out back. (He was accompanied--no worries.) He toddled towards me, smiled, and plopped down on the path. I stopped and chatted with him. He offered me his curled up fingers and dropped two sticks (pictured below) in my palm. 

I say it here pretty often and think it even more: so often the Lord gives you just what you need.

"...life is always undoing for us..."

25 February 2024: Thinking this evening about this passage from The Gates Ajar, spoken by Dr. Bland right before he throws his sermon on his old view of heaven into the fireplace: "It seems to me that life is always undoing for us something that we have just laboriously done” (Phelps 127). It's a small moment in the novel, but seems to me to be profound view about how life helps/forces us to change our beliefs and ideas--and it can be a blessing. 

Also, at 9:19 p.m. on the Sunday of an almost entirely work-filled* weekend, I have just finished my last (I hope?) set of notes for my Phelps entry--and the last item on my weekly "book goals" list. This week: composing, revising, etc.

*One non-work thing: helping Chuck and Bill run the Flagship Trivia tournament today--back at the Clarion for the first time since the pandemic. The other non-work thing: a really lovely Zoom book club meeting earlier this evening. 

Work Cited

Phelps, Elizabeth Stuart. The Gates Ajar. 1868. Edited by Elizabeth Duquette and Claudia Stokes, Penguin, 2019.

Midterm grades: DONE!

24 February 2024: Well, no chair-dancing today as I hit submit on my last set of midterm grades. I am in a classroom on campus for this conference and the vibes ain't right for dancing. But I did just hit that button. Chair-dancing in my head! 

Quiet gratification...

23 February 2024: Not the kindest thing I've ever posted, but my goodness: it can be gratifying when someone drives you crazy and you wonder if you are making something out of nothing and then another person completely validates you. And you just quietly and contentedly soak it in. 

In other (related) news, I am bone tired right now. And tomorrow--though a Saturday--is another work day. 

"A symbol of something, to be sure...but still a symbol..."

22 February 2024: "Can’t people tell picture from substance, a metaphor from its meaning? That book of Revelation is precisely what it professes to be,—a vision; a symbol. A symbol of something, to be sure, and rich with pleasant hopes, but still a symbol. Now, I really believe that a large proportion of Christian church-members, who have studied their Bible, attended Sabbath schools, listened to sermons all their lives, if you could fairly come at their most definite idea of the place where they expect to spend eternity, would own it to be the golden city, with pearl gates, and jewels in the wall. It never occurs to them, that, if one picture is literal, another must be. If we are to walk golden streets, how can we stand on a sea of glass? How can we ‘sit on thrones’? How can untold millions of us ‘lie in Abraham’s bosom’?” (Phelps 46). 

In this passage, Mary's Aunt Winifred just tears into Biblical literalism. This book is something else. Phelps wrote this in 1868--and it was a huge bestseller!

Work Cited

Phelps, Elizabeth Stuart. The Gates Ajar. 1868. Edited by Elizabeth Duquette and Claudia Stokes, Penguin, 2019.

"What Else Might Be Going On?"

21 February 2024: Read this piece first thing this morning. Not a bad way to start the day. I do my best to practice a version of what Shalka espouses here, but the reminder and affirmation is quite welcome, especially when everything is hard and stressful.  

When a book-work day gets away from you...

20 February 2024: Even with a dentist appointment this morning, I still spent over eight hours on campus today...yet somehow got almost no work done on my next entry. Moreover, I had also planned to get a more grading done than I did (still met my goal, but had hoped to maybe surpass it). And I had planned on completing a draft of a presentation that I have to give on Saturday. I got nothing done on that front.

Meetings, emails, and other Senate-related time-sucks just stole the day away. 

Very discouraging, but I am telling myself that I will make tomorrow evening and all day Thursday really count. 

Four...

19 February 2024: Thirteen hours on campus and very tired.

But just four more Senate meetings. I can do this. 

"demand[ing] a piece of squash pie..."

18 February 2024:"The phenomena occurring in his Connecticut home included floating candlesticks, walking chairs, leaping dishes, bent forks, turnips falling from nowhere, images made of underclothing that came from locked cupboards, and‘ 'alphabetical raps [...] demand[ing] a piece of squash pie’" (Harde 249).

I got such a kick out of the opening to Roxanne Harde's article about Phelps and spiritualism. In the passage above, Harde describes the haunting that Phelps's grandfather--a God-fearing minister--experienced in his home. 

Work Cited

Harde, Roxanne. “‘God, or Something Like That’: Elizabeth Stuart Phelps’s Christian Spiritualism.” Women’s Writing, vol. 15, no. 3, Dec. 2008, pp. 348–70. EBSCOhost.

"a vast undiscovered country..."

17 Feburary 2024: "Writing to George Eliot in 1873, [Elizabeth Stuart] Phelps observed that 'women's personal identity is a vast undiscovered country with which Society has yet to acquaint itself, and by which is it yet to be revoutionized" (qtd in Duquette and Stokes xix).

Fully emerged in all things Elizabeth Stuart Phelps for my next entry. Besides the titles of her best-known novels--and a loose understanding of The Gates Ajar's plot--I didn't know much about her at all before starting this research. The quotation above is a great example of how compelling and important she seems to be. 

Work Cited

Duquette, Elizabeth and Claudia Stokes. Introduction. The Gates Ajar, by Elizabeth Stuart Phelp, Penguin, 2019, pp. vii-xxv.

Lisa Frankenstein

16 February 2024: Holy cow--after a long and stressful week, it felt great to leave campus at 3:30 and go see Lisa Frankenstein! What a fun movie--just what I needed! 

I have so much work to do this weekend, but I really glad I hit "pause" for a few hours.  

When you challenge a bully...

15 February 2024: Thinking this evening about how strange it is when a man and privilege with power absolutely loses his cool and acts atrociously when a smart, capable woman merely asks questions he doesn't want to talk about. Meanwhile, that woman responds with grace and professionalism. Unflappable. Thank God for her. And he should be ashamed and embarassed. 

The good stuff...

14 February 2024: My work day ended with me getting really upset and angry about something and losing my cool a bit. Of course, I feel all kinds of ways about that. 

But right now, something that is helping is thinking about the good parts of a very long day, reminding myself not to let how it ended overshadow the rest of it. 

An early morning pop-over to Hannah's office to deliver her birthday and Galentine's day gifts.Three great classes. A bunch of intense but impactful (I hope?) one-on-one confernences with students.  That's the good stuff. 

Unexpected Snow Day

13 February 2024: For complicated and boring reasons, having campus close all day today when we got more snow than expected is not ideal. 

At the same time, it meant about six fewer hours of meetings that I had to go to.

Then my 11:00 a.m. dentist appointment got canceled and the whole darn day opened up. 

So...I powered through my next entry (admittedly a short one) and it's done. 

February 13 and two entries done for this month. Feels very good and this vibes of this whole week have taken a change since yesterday.

At the same time, I am lowkey bummed to be plan-less on Galentine's Day. I just wish I had more "hanging out" friends. It bums me out--enough that I don't even like to say it out loud. (Hilariously, "I Can't Make You Love Me" is playing on Pandora as I type this.)

But if I work on it for a bit, I can remind myself of the good vibes that I wrote about above and of the fact that I do have a couple gals here to hang with. Well, Jo, anyway. (BabyCat also lives here.) In a little bit, I'll finish the rest of my work up here in the office and head downstairs to chill with them both. Today, that and a completed entry is enough. 

11:29 p.m.

12 February 2023: Hard to remember the last time I stopped working so late, especially on a day when I've more or less been working non-stop since 8:30 a.m. Friday can't get here soon enough. 

Productive, but off-balance...

11 February 2023: Just like last weekend, I had an absurdly ambitious to-do list (grading, book stuff, chores) and, just like last weekend, I managed to get it all done. 

But I am feeling the burn-out a bit more this time. I only did one "fun" thing all weekend (besides my walks and TV in the late evening): go see Into the Woods on campus--which was great! But while I was sitting there, I kept thinking how I had to get back home and get to work. So...not great. 

And this week will be so long and packed and stressful. 

Telling myself that if I can get to Friday, I'll make sure to add more fun into next weekend. 

Beach sunset...

10 February 2024: Today is Tara's birthday. We are playing a bit of phone tag, but she sent me a picture of herself at the beach with a beautiful sunset behind her. She looked so pretty and happy that I felt myself well up at the sight of it. (Maybe this whole story is still on my mind...)

Grateful for every chance to realize how precious my siblings are to me. 

Off in Korea...

9 February 2024: Spent some time today talking with a student who is worried about her brother...who is an alcoholic...who is drinking again...and is in the army...and is deployed...in Korea. 

I didn't ask for or press for this information; she brought it up in connection with a topic she might write about. I told her I was sorry to hear she was going through this--and that he was. The conversation moved on. 

I am glad I didn't say too much about Ryan because his bad outcome shouldn't be on this kid's mind. I did say, "He always said there was nothing to do over there but drink and lift weights." She agreed with me so fast--"that's what he says, too"--that it almost took my breath away. 

It's nearly 30 years since my brother was there, going through what this guy is going through. And this student is just a bit younger than I was then. The similarities probably end there, but my goodness. 

WFH Dispatch

8 February 2024: "Did you step in.ketchup?" --a sentence I just said, one that I can only imagine saying working from home. 

The carpet looked a bit like a crime scene, but all is well now. 

Office hours visit...

7 February 2024: Had the best conversation today with a student in my Dickinson seminar. We talked about his paper, the class, his life, where he might be heading career-wise...just everything. And he asked me really interesting and engaging questions about my work and my book. There's such a kindness in that. 

One of the things I keep thinking about since we talked: he says he might be a K12 teacher and I just went on and on about how wonderful he would be. He said he was touched and flattered--and I think he really was. But then he talked about how, as a black gay man, there are so many reasons that he is worried about going into the profession given the ring-wing's current tactics. 

I paused on it and thanked him for telling me that. Easy for me to say, "You'd be so great! We need teachers like you!" without stopping to think about the risk and burden. 

But he is exactly the kind of teacher we need. 

"Songbird"

6 Feburary 2024: Not sure why, but this one's been on my mind the past few days, so on a day when I can't think of a hook for a post, this will work. 

Five...

5 February 2024: Twelve hours on campus and I am wiped out, but I pushed a heck of a rock to the top of the hill at today's Senate meeting. 

And now I only have five meetings left.

[Updated on Tuesday morning when I realized there are actually five meetings left. Ha and sigh.]

Location, location, location?

4 February 2024: I had such an (on paper) intimidatingly long to-do list for this weekend. I approached it like the formidable enemy I thought it was. And I have been up here, in my office at home, most of the weekend, working away. 

And...I've got it all done? With time to spare. And after taking last night off. And over an hour until book club starts! 

Trying to figure out what that means...and trying for the love of all that is good to not think "Well, maybe I should have had more on it..." 

I am also increasingly convinced that the home office--where I am typing this very post--is perhaps the reason I've been so efficient lately. After not using it very much for in a long time, I am up here all the time now. And somehow it has been working. I am less distracted somehow. And just more "in the zone." If I go downstairs to get a snack or more water or to get a chore or two done to get some steps in, I know I have to get back up here and back to work. It just works. 

My wallet might be paying a price, as I am doing more looking around and seeing places for upgrades, but that's perhaps a small price to pay. 

Fitting In

3 February 2024: Really enjoyed this movie that I had heard nothing about before it popped up at the theater in Hagerstown. Found myself quite impressed by the young actress's performance and by writing that let the kids sound like real kids. A nice surprise. 

1500!

2 Feburary 2024: For reasons I can't fully understand, I slept horribly last night. I think I was anxious because I thought I might be getting sick (still not sure about that one?) and--as often happens--anxious about work I have to get done. But I don't think that was all that was going on. Regardless, I was dragging most of today. Very grateful for a schedule full of teaching and great meetings with students to keep me going. 

And--on a dragging day--I managed to hit a new milestone: 1500 straight days of at least 10,000 steps today. 

My goodness. 

More quotations from conferences...

1 February 2024: "Wait--there are perverts in universe?" --me, someone who knows nothing about anime except that it sometimes attracts perverts (along with lots of sweet and wonderful people), talking to an ENGL 102 student who is writing about the more problematic aspects of the genre.