We did, indeed, have time, baby...

2 May 2026: Just finished the second season of School Spirits, not bad considering what I posted a last Friday. But sure enough, with some of my regular TV shows going on hiatus and work slowing down just enough, I got to enjoy every episode and can cross this one off my "to be watched" list. 

Onto the next one...

Five months...

1 May 2026: The new month kind of snuck up on me, but it is, indeed May 1. On my walk this afternoon, I realized it's been five months since my dad died. 

For the most part, I think I am handling this grief pretty well. It is still so hard and sad. I still find myself thinking, "I should tell him that" or "Dad would like this..." and then remember that he's gone, well...more times than I could have imagined. But I think all of that is pretty normal. 

The other stuff that's come rushing in since he died--Brandon's death, worrying about Vogel, my cousin's death, my mom's illness, so much work stress, and everything our government is up to--it's overwhelming. 

Maybe there's a gift in a quiet moment like this one, just thinking about him. 

So...it's been five months. There's been good stuff, too. And we're still here. And it's May, maybe my favorite month?

The lilac bush behind Knutti is in bloom. I snapped some sprigs to bring home. As I write this, they are filling the first floor with their fragrance. Another gift of May and everything that Spring represents.

Spring 2026 Grading: DONE!

30 April 2026: Just hit submit on the last set of grades. As always, feels good. Like last semester, though, finishing this time seems different. Surreal and...anti-climactic? Or maybe just weird because what's ahead is so unsettled. It's hard to imagine what the next few months will look like...

But we must do what we must do. Chair-dancing resumes.

Pulled up Pandora, which offered me this tropical (and thus summer-y?) classic. 

 

This song will never not make me think of a parody version that I heard second-hand from an elementary school classmate, who heard it on the radio: "Last night I dream of some bagels..." I can't remember all of lyrics, but I believe they included "with butter dripping off the sides / poppy seeds, you decide..." Do I even need to remind you that I grew up on Long Island?

Speaking of Long Island, Pandora is now playing Taylor Dayne's "Tell It to My Heart" and we are dancing in this chair. 

WISH Reception

29 April 2026: I continue to be so proud to be a member of WISH. Tonight's reception, where we heard updates from the four grant awardees, reaffirmed what a special group it is. Bring a bunch of women together in the name of high-impact philanthropy and you won't believe what you see. 

Time to write means it's time to write...

28 April 2026: This afternoon I've been working on a chapter about reflection, critical thinking, and metacognition for our custom ENGL 101/102 textbook. 

I started work on this months ago, collecting excerpts from student writing over the past two years, diving into the scholarship, and even sketching out an outline. 

I started drafting about three weeks ago. Wrote a heck of an opening paragraph. 

And then it just sat there because I just didn't have the time to do any more. This wasn't a task I could knock out in 30 minute bursts. And I had to devote those 30 minute bursts to other tasks.

Today, though, because I have the time and because those "other tasks" are mostly done, it's time to write and I am hacking away at it. 

It's going by quickly and I am delighted by that, though I know there are at least four more drafts between now and "done." But the grading is almost done--even all caught up for now, with the last batch coming in tomorrow--and I can do this. 

It helps that this is a subject near and dear to my heart--and one that matters for our program's goals and assessment. Wading through over 100 portfolios in January made me realize, "Hmmm, we need something about reflection in the book. Guess I have to write it..."

(And yes, this post is a bit of a break from writing that chapter and yes, it's also a bit of metacognitive writing about metacognitive writing...so I better stop before I get carried away. Back to work...) 

Granted...

27 April 2026: Got some news late today about a grant application that I was working on with my buddy, Hannah, in the weeks before and after my dad's death. 

Those were such strange, hard days. 

I hated doing that work at times, even as I was grateful for the distraction and that there was work to do. (In general, grant writing is just not a genre I love.) I remember logging onto a Zoom meeting less than 24 hours after he died. It never even crossed my mind not to. 

But you just keep going, you know? That's what I told myself. 

And as silly as it was, I thought, "This is what he would want. He would be proud."

Anyway, we got the money. It wasn't anywhere close to a sure thing. So...wow. 

I think he would be proud. I hope he is. 

A birthday and a retirement...

26 April 2026: A couple milestones today for folks who mean a lot to me: a dear friend's little boy turned one and a beloved colleague celebrated his retirement. 

Lots of Big Thoughts these days about time and transitions, most of them melancholy.

But it is lovely to think about how both occasions today, in my heart, are bathed in happiness and light. 

Fresh cut...

25 April 2026: Got my hair cut today and, as always, enjoyed talking with Isabelle, who's been my stylist for years now. When I mentioned that I had papers to grade, she said, "Oh, I remember you brought some with you last time!" I can't believe she mentioned that. A few minutes later, she said something about having a vivid imagination. "I do see papers," she added, "I see the people [who wrote them]. The work they put in, how worried they are..." 

I just think that's really neat. She's pretty cool.

School Spirits

24 April 2026: Got home this evening and started up where I left off on the latest season of School Spirits--episode six. The "previouslies" had me thinking, "I don't remember any of that..." So I went back to episode five. Same thing. Then four. Then three.

I think I must have been half watching them--over Spring Break, I think--and with everything going on, they just didn't sink in. 

It kind of bummed me out. Like...just weird and a sign of being kind of a mess at times--unfocused, distracted. 

So...I started the new season again. Just about done with episode one. Starting over feels kind of good. 

"It's almost summer, baby, and we've got time," I tell myself, trying to believe it. Every time I say something like that--even to myself--I cringe like I'm conjuring some bad mojo...

This evening, though, I'm mostly believing it. "Relax. We've got time."

Almost done...

23 April 2026: Spent a lot of time today working on a project that, at times, seemed unmanageable given everything else on my lists and so little time: the full proposal for a WISH grant to fund our NWP site. A draft is due to OSP tomorrow and after I give it one more read tomorrow morning, I'll send it off.

Gotta say: it feels good. 

The other seemingly undoable items on my list now seem a lot more doable and manageable, too. Just need a few more days like today. 

2026 Capstones...

22 April 2026: Capstones are in the books for another year! Once again, the students all did a good job, which is really quite a feat!

"Amaze Me"

21 April 2026: I am not sure why, but Girlyman's "Amaze Me" has been in my head since yesterday morning. I guess it's just speaking to me somehow: melancholy mixed with wistful hope for something better out there--or, more accurately, reminders of what is already good and marvelous that can sustain us. 

And this springtime impulse to just get in a car and drive...the road as possibility in a time when so much seems closed and settled.

Last week of classes...

20 April 2026: Started off the last week of classes with a long but productive day. Since no one came during office hours (WTH, students?), I just chugged along on a bunch of stuff. Still a lot to get done this week (and only a small bit of it involves grading), but feeling a bit more optimistic. 

Book club/play date

19 April 2026: Got to spend time today with Kaitlyn, Kenny, Cece, Cory, Hannah, and Theo--two great couples and two great little kids. 

When your mind is so occupied with illness, death, and aging, being around little ones, especially, is so good for your soul. Had a blast playing with Cece's toys and talking with her and just watching Theo crawl around, play, test his new words, and take in new things. 

"Gold Watch"

18 April 2025: Yesterday, I posted about the Lord sending letters that speak to me in precise, moving ways. Another arrived today in the form of "Gold Watch," a story by John McGahern, read by Tessa Hadley on The New Yorker Fiction Podcast. 

I listened to it as I mowed the lawn this morning, grateful for a stretch of time to take it in and sunglasses to cover my eyes in case anyone noticed a teary-eyed person pushing the mower. 

I can't really bring myself to write more about why it moved me. But I felt seen and understood, a bundle of emotions crashing together, too.