"All I Want"

1 July 2026: I've always really liked this one and get swept away by that last reprise of the chorus, wrapped around new lines:

"And it feels so close (All I want is to feel this way)

Let it take me in (Be this close, feel the same)

Let it hold me so (All I want is to feel this way)

I can feel it say (Evening speaks, feel it say)"

90s nostalgia, for better or worse, hitting me really hard these days.

"in the midst of human stories, God reveals himself"

30 June 2026: Quite moved by Pope Leo's comments here.

"Leo also explained that writing, as a human exercise, ultimately leads to God.

'When we delve into the very depths of our humanity, we are not far from God; for there, in the midst of very human stories, God reveals himself,' Leo said."

That's it, right? That's the beauty and power and the point of it all. 

"Hot Pants Rain Dance"

29 June 2026: Sitting here now watching the Bob's Burgers episode "Paraders of the Lost Float" This one never jumped out at me before, but tonight I am loving how it's ultimately about embracing joy and fun when it comes to us. "Hot Pants Rain Dance" epitomizes this vibe, of course--a vibe that I welcome this evening. 

Strange, silly, but ultimately true that this show has gotten me through so much hard stuff. 

"Nature is not yours until you are more hers"

28 June 2026: Still working my way through Laura Dassow Walls's biography of Thoreau. The section on Margaret Fuller's death provides moving details that I didn't know before (some of them disturbing). Walls concludes that section with an idea that really struck me: 

"Once again harrowed by tragedy, Thoreau turned not away from the things of nature, but towards them, voicing again his awe before the fundamental strangeness of materiality. Nature is not yours until you are more hers: that sympathy had been part of Fuller's legacy to him" (294).

Work Cited

Walls, Laura Dassow. Henry David Thoreau: A Life. The U of Chicago P, 2017.

"Boulder to Birmingham" (Live)

27 June 2026: On my drive back to WV today, this version of "Boulder to Birmingham," one I had never heard before, really moved me. And made me think of my dad.

Three nights of dinner...

26 June 2026: 

[Catch-up post]

Every night that I was in New York, Chris, Jen, and Aidan invited me to join them for dinner. Twice, they cooked. And on Friday night, they took me to "Food Truck Fridays" at a local park. 

(I think I type the next seven words all the time, but here it goes again...) So much is so hard right now, but I am blessed beyond measure that my brother and his family are sources of light and literal and figurative sustenance. 

In my rearview...

25 June 2026: 

[Catch-up post]

Someone was very good for her vet visit.

Her anthem...

24 June 2026: 

[Catch-up post]

It's very hard that all my mom wants is to go home and she can't accept that we can't just make that happen. It's very hard that she keeps saying, "I want to go home." It breaks your heart.

Every once in while, though, she reveals a sense of humor still there. "You want me to hoist up the John B sails?" I asked her. And she smiled just a bit.

(The next day, after a long period of silence, she said, "Hey, Heidi: guess where I want to go?" I realized she was being just a bit cheeky, so I answered her, "Hawaii?" And again, she smiled ever so slightly.)

Sunshine just in time...

23 June 2026: Taking it as a good sign that the rain stopped and the sun came out in just enough time that I could mow the lawn this afternoon. Had to get it done today or it would have had to wait until Sunday or Monday...and even those days might not have worked. In the grand scheme of things, that's not a crisis, but I do get fixated on stuff. Having one less thing to fixate on? I'll take it. 

So yeah: that sunshine was quite welcome.  

Fixed!

22 June 2026: Finally got a long-delayed home repair completed today, thanks to some well-prepared, compentent professionals. It's always so cool to interact with folks who are so very good at what they do and take real pleasure in doing things right. 

Porch reading...

21 June 2026: Didn't expect Father's Day to hit me the way it has; I'm okay, but it's...hard, especially because of everything going on with my mom. 

Earlier today, I fought off some weepiness by going outside to read on the porch. (Would be weird to sit on the porch in broad daylight and cry.)

Sitting there with my big old Thoreau bio, I realized that wasn't a bad tribute to my dad, who would take his books out to the deck to read, often with Sugie or Snow with him. My girls stayed inside, but one of them wasn't happy about it. 

Saturday phone call

20 June 2026: Grateful for a long-delayed phone conversation today. And to my brother, who facilitated it. 

Left it all on the field...

19 June 2026: Site visit is done. Proud of us and the work we've done. Left it all on the field, as they say. Now we wait. 

And, after I clean up the classroom, I am heading home to crash and try to relax this evening. 

Ready for tomorrow...

18 June 2026: Valerie and I set up a classroom for our site visit for a grant to support the SUWP. The room looks pretty good, considering it's hard to "show" a lot of what our NWP site does. I like this picture, though, based on an idea the third member of our team came up with last week: we asked the teachers in our current Summer Institute to respond to the prompt. They did great. I mean, present company excluded, teacher have great handwriting--but beyond that, their comments are golden. 

Boxcars!

17 June 2026: It's sometimes hard not to feel guilty about doing "fun" things these days, but man, I had a great time tonight at my first Boxcars' game of the season with Carrie and Amy. Perfect night for baseball (even if the home team couldn't pull off a win).