So long, 2019...

December 31, 2019: Spent some of today looking through the year's daily posts. And what a year it's been. It started off with anxiety and excitement over POY stuff and boy, did that all turn out really well. Amazing. Spring was wonderful. Early summer was kind of magical. There were days where I could not believe how happy I was...even if stuff was always lurking, I guess.

Then things got harder. I sensed the shift in early July and whoa, did looking back at the posts confirm that. I don't want to/can't discuss or write about the whats or the whys, but I will say that thinking about the year on an almost granular level gives both a longer perspective and moments of helpful specificity. I have some ideas for how to make things better moving forward, though I know it will be hard. I am hoping to focus more energy on scholarship and writing. And trying more of that "reading for fun" stuff, which I did pretty well at the start of the year, but didn't maintain. So plans, lists, over-thinking it all. It might help.

Anyway, this post stuck out to me today in my review. Full of good advice to myself. I am carrying it with me as I head off to Hannah and Cory's to ring in the new year with them and some other friends.

(Another year where I will have pulled off a post per day--and doing so has been so beneficial.)

A fresh coat...

30 December 2019: One upside to these “in-between” days is that I sometimes get little nagging tasks done that I put off when schedules are more normal. Knocked one of these tasks off today when I pulled off a mini-rehab project for my mailbox, which was really faded and rusty. Some spray paint does wonders.

And not a bad metaphor for this penultimate day of the year, I think? Not a new mailbox, not a particularly radical change, and something that will have to be repeated eventually, but it also looks good and makes me happier. Fresh and clean and ready for what the world brings.

Minus the cheese...

29 December 2019:

[Catch-up post...]

This time every year, this image circulates on social media and it always makes me laugh. It's pretty darn accurate for me, too, minus the cheese. (And admittedly, I am not that festive leading up to the Christmas...) These "in-between" days are disorienting for me. My sleep schedule gets messed up, I feel guilty for not working, I want things back to "normal," (even if "normal" hasn't been great), and I feel quietly bummed that another holiday season has gone by without much internal fanfare (whatever the heck that means).

Nevertheless, these "in-between" days can contain moments of real delight that couldn't happen at any other time. Case in point: yesterday (Sunday) found me at Tim and Kevin's, playing games, eating so-good-it's-unbelievable food, and hanging out with some of my favorite people on the planet. Not a bad way to push back the dangerous combo of Sunday Blues and the harder parts of "in-between" days.

As I was driving back from Rockville last night thinking these thoughts, I decided they would be the subject of my daily post. "Counting blessings" kept running through my mind, a reminder of how lucky I am to have these friends and times like these to treasure them. And then I got home, lost track of what to do (a consequence of not making a daily to-do list--something that only happens and then very rarely on "in-between" days). But I suppose that's okay, as the sentiment is even clearer and fuller the next day.

I guess what I have been trying to say is very simple and rather cliched, but worth saying anyway--at least for me, who is, after all, the main audience for all of these posts:it can be tough and rough out there (and in here), but if I just look harder, I can so easily find light, love, support, and blessings. Just look up, look around, and be grateful.

Christmas: Part II

28 December 2019: Got to see these knuckleheads today. Always so much fun.

Little Women

27 December 2019: Saw the new Little Women today. It is so good. It's lovely and charming and terrifically acted. The costumes, the music, the sets: all wonderful. And I love that it revealed how complicated the characters are and how adulthood brings a kind of sadness, along with a series of negotiations and compromises. Even still, who we were as children continues to shape us and gives everything meaning.

It's just so darn good.

"reaches, achingly, towards utopia..."

26 December 2019: "The failures are the spaces between the lines, the little gaps where the human stories really took place, outside of this narrative of an ongoing march of progress, that reaches, achingly, towards utopia..." --Avery Trufelman, in this episode of Nice Try, which I started listening to today on my drive back to West Virginia. This particular episode is about Jamestown, but her sentiment here at the end is just so spot-on for all attempts at perfection.

Sugie time...

25 December 2019:

[Catch-up post...]

It's impossible to get through Christmas without thinking a lot about Ryan. So, we all pour lots of love on Sugie, whose muzzle gets a little whiter every year, but is still a big old puppy. Here she is on Christmas morning, sitting on my lap, about to destroy part of the toy I got her for Christmas. "Have at it, girl," I told her. And she did.

"The Gift"

24 December 2019:

[Catch-up post...]

"Now the Christmas Eve service was coming
And the church shone with tinsel and light.
And all of the town folks brought presents
To lay by the manger that night.

There were diamonds and incense
And perfumes in packages fit for a king.
But for one ragged bird in a small cage
Maria had nothing to bring.

She waited till just before midnight
So no one would see her go in.
And crying she knelt by the manger,
For her gift was unworthy of Him.

Then a voice spoke to her through the darkness,
'Maria, what brings you to me?
If the bird in the cage is your offering,
Open the door and let me see.'

Though she trembled, she did as He asked her,
And out of the cage the bird flew,
Soaring up into the rafters
On a wing that had healed good as new.

Just then the midnight bells rang out
And the little bird started to sing
A song that no words could recapture,
Whose beauty was fit for a king..." --Garth Brooks, "The Gift"

If you are driving up I-81 on Christmas Eve and happen to pass me, there's a chance you'll see me crying real tears listening to this song. I think I only listen to it once or twice a year, but always somewhere in Pennsylvania, somewhere along I-81. It gets me every time. So simple, beautiful, and moving.

(Not going to embed a link to a youtube version as Garth has zero official presence on youtube and apparently his people yank down clips really quickly. Not very Christmas-y, dude!)

Work zone

23 December 2019: Little woodland creatures have been busy down by the river. [Insert your dam jokes here.]

American War

22 December 2019: "They didn't understand, they just didn't understand. You fight the war with guns, you fight the peace with stories." --Omar El Akkad, American War

Finished up this interesting book today. I am inclined to agree with this Guardian review. It's a powerful book, though its ultimate pessimism left me cold. (That probably says as much about me as it does about the book.)

"Loose Change"

21 December 2019:

Kacey, Cookies, and Cocoa...

20 December 2019: Had a lovely time tonight hanging out with Hannah. Weeks ago she mentioned wanting to watch the Kacey Musgraves' holiday special together once the semester wrapped up. Well, she worked her last day today (until January), so we did it tonight. We drank hot cocoa (complete with fancy chocolate spoons) and ate cookies. We also exchanged gifts and great minds thought alike, as I gave her (and Cory) some Schitt's Creek magnets and they gave me a Rose Motel notepad ("for all your lists!" she said, demonstrating how well she knows me). 

"Next of Kindle"

19 December 2019: "According to Dave, his mom was a homebody. And in her eighth decade, after a lifetime of working hard, Gloria liked to stay home, watch a bit of Murder She Wrote, and enjoy her smutty novels. Finding her library is a confirmation that his mom always did whatever the hell she wanted. And more than anything else, it just makes him admire her more." --Bim Adewunmi, in this really sweet and fun segment of a This American Life episode I listened to on my walk today.

"It Is What It Is"

18 December 2019: Kacey's been in rotation these past couple of weeks and this one keeps jumping out at me.

My Life as a Goddess

17 December 2019: "...decades later, I would still be trying to form arguments, phrases, constructions, to make my father see our relationship differently. To stop him from identifying every action and gesture I made as an insult and a slight. I wanted to live in a world where my gods, reason and logic, had the power to heal this injury." --Guy Branum, My Life as a Goddess

Still working my way through this book which is very funny, but also, specifically the chapter "The Man Who Watched The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance," is incredibly moving. Branum writes about his frustrating and painful relationship with his father with a rawness and insight that surprised and touched me.

Break reading...

16 December 2019: Started two very different books today. The first, American War, is the title I am reading as a possible Common Reader for next year. Honestly, the description alone didn't appeal to me at all--seemed too depressing when I need light--but it appealed to me more than anything else on the list. I'm about 40 pages in and find it really fascinating so far.

The second, My Life as a Goddess, has moved from my coffee table to my dining room table to my night stand and back again since early November, at least. (I want to use it in my Gender and Women's Studies seminar this spring.) But I finally got into it today. A gosh darn delight so far.

(10,000) Baby steps...

15 December 2019: Finally felt good enough today to get a good walk in--for the first time since last Saturday. Hitting my daily step goal has rarely felt so good.

Fall 2019 Grading: DONE!

14 December 2019: Just submitted my final grades with this banger playing in background. Chair-dancing started a bit early--before hitting that last "submit" button. But man, it feels well-earned.



Next on the schedule for today: a visit from Jane, Tuba Christmas, and some other assorted Shepherdstown fun. Going to take it a tiny bit slow as my energy is still coming back, but you don't need much energy for chair-dancing.

You know what? Let's call it a comeback...

13 December 2019: Woke up today feeling so much better. I think I'm like 85% normal. Amazing. Drove back to WV, taking my time as it was cold and rainy, the temperature hovering between 32 and 34 degrees almost the entire way.

But it's so nice to be back, with this big task accomplished and a few more (important) things to wrap up this semester.

The perfect cap-off to the day? Dinner with Hannah.

What a change in mood from just a couple of days ago!

Back to Greensboro

12 December 2019:

[Catch-up post...]

The trip to GSO was a bit of a whirlwind, but went so well. By Thursday afternoon, I was feeling much better. The ceremony (and the speech) went well. The reception after was lovely and dinner that night was so much fun. I even got to catch up with a good friend earlier that day.

Here's a nice write-up and a picture...

I'll remember this day--what it means to be to have been invited, how wonderful it was to see cherished mentors again, how meaningful to return to a place that means so much to me--for a long time.

"not in the insane, murderous ways..."

11 December 2019: Favorite excerpt from a final exam (so far) this semester, this one on the narrator in “The Tell-Tale Heart”:

“I relate to this character in many ways; not in the insane, murderous ways, but in his attitude and mannerisms. He set a goal for himself and strove to achieve it with patience and determination. Moreover, he is anxious, but tries to make himself appear calm, much like myself during finals week.”

This is fine.

10 December 2019: It’s exam week at the end of one of the toughest semesters ever. I am heading out of town tomorrow to give that speech*. And it’s like the Lord said, “You wanna really prove you are tough? How about a nice dose of this stomach virus?” Day three and I am slowly regaining strength, but man…I am so tired.

*The speech part is very cool and I am super-excited.

Monday Vibe Check

9 December 2019: After a rough day yesterday (you know I was feeling bad yesterday if I skipped Midnight Breakfast) and a rather restless night of sleep, I am feeling better today, though still really tired and out of it.

And I'm just...down. The rainy weather doesn't help. It's finals week, which is at the very least emotionally complex. This one is made even moreso because I've got a mid-week trip to Greensboro to give that speech.

As I type this, my students are taking an exam. Afterwards, I have a C&I meeting and a College meeting. I am also supposed to have dinner with colleagues at 6, but I am still feeling lousy enough that I might skip it.

Looking forward to getting home, cuddling with the cats, and just crashing.

So that's my Monday vibe check, I guess. (I just learned that term from Hannah and boy, does it feel useful right now.)

Aspirational produce...

8 December 2019: Things I didn’t count on when I bought the package of baby spinach and spring mix salad last week:

1. I’d have dinner out with colleagues on Wednesday, which was lovely.
2. I’d be in a big old funk on Saturday and order take-out to feel better.
3. I’d feel really sick most of today and the very thought of might-be-expired lettuce might send me over the edge.

Sorry, salad mix. I genuinely feel guilty whenever this happens.

Pushing through...

7 December 2019: Working through some big stuff, but pushing on through. Today provided some good distracting outlets: stacks of papers to grade, the annual Shepherdstown Christmas parade, a basketball game to watch, and Christmas cards to write (with Bob's Burgers holiday episodes) playing in the background. Little blessings that help...

Bow-tie Time...

6 December 2019: That time of year again--the Sigma Tau Delta Holiday Party. Break out the bow-ties for Bing and Wes!

Jesus and the Samaritan Woman

5 December 2019: Spent a good portion of today grading papers for my Bible as Literature class. They are, on the whole, pretty darn good. This class continues to make me think about so many things--faith, literature, our relationship with God, our relationships with others--in new ways. Today I was particularly struck by a student's reading of John 4, the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman. The student is arguing that Jesus--the Biblical Jesus, not just some alleged "liberal fantasy" of what we want him to be--in his outreach to all people, finds a specific place for women, giving them voice absent from many Old Testament stories, especially of "fallen" women. It's a lovely paper in the academic sense, but also quite moving on a personal level.

"Self as Goat in Tree"

4 December 2019:

"Haven’t you too wished yourself a goat
perched punch-drunk on a linden tree,
blasé about the gold you might shit,
how it might serve both hunger and greed.
Haven’t you goaded yourself
to balance just a bit longer,
chew on some fugitive scents,
forget what a ditch the earth is." --Mihaela Moscaliuc, "Self as Goat in Tree"

This poem--and you can read the whole thing here--has sat in a folder for over a year, having arrived in October 2018 from the Poem-a-Day email. I am in the midst of a tough stretch here, one that is about to get a lot worse before it gets better. I find myself wishing to channel that inner goat in a tree, if only for a moment.

"Breakable"

3 December 2019:

Post-Break Brains...

2 December 2019: "You misspelled...'college?'" --me, to a student today, who confessed to almost misspelling a quiz answer.

Post-Break Brain is an interesting phenomenon. As another student said, "I mean, I was looking at the word 'the' today and thinking, 'that doesn't look right.'"

Beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

1 December 2019: Christmas decorations had to go up early--Sigma Tau Delta holiday party on Friday--but Veronica doesn't mind.

"The Garden We Share"

30 November 2019: “… a joyless world is one in which we do not acknowledge or engage each other’s pain, you know?” –Ross Gay

I listened to this episode of the Poetry Off the Shelf podcast today while doing some late fall/early winter yard work. Honestly, this is one of my least favorite chores every year—cold and depressing. But listening to this episode which is about, among other things, gardening, joy, and human connection, made the work go faster.

Home again...

29 November 2019: Made it home by 3:30 today, which felt pretty good. Unpacked, got a good walk in, decorated inside the house (mostly) for Christmas (need to have it done this weekend since it's the only time I'll have to do it before the Sigma Tau holiday party on Friday), and got some other work done. A long, if kind of quiet day, with lots of time to do all kinds of thinking...

Thanksgiving...

28 November 2019: Three-year old niece just told me to "stop being a drama queen." Happy Thanksgiving, I guess?

Gratitude...

27 November 2019: Perspective always helps, so this was a welcome sight on Facebook today.

Reflection season...

26 November 2019: Walk along the C&O today. Water was so still that the reflections were near perfect. Good space for working through Big Thoughts.

"Corrie"

25 November 2019: “She gets up and quickly dresses and walks through every room in the house, introducing the walls and the furniture to this new idea. A cavity everywhere, most notably in her chest.” –Alice Munro, “Corrie”

Listened to this story today, read by Margaret Atwood, on the New Yorker Fiction Podcast. It kind of blew me away. The quiet revelation at the end. The sense of a profound shift in what you thought to be true (reflected in the passage above). The little details that pay off again and again. What a treat. And what a treat to listen to Atwood and Deborah Treisman talk about the piece. Atwood isn’t afraid to resist readings or interpretations she doesn’t like. There’s something refreshing about that.

"November"

24 November 2019:

"More welcome than voluptous gales
This keen, crisp air, as conscience clear:
November breathes no flattering tales;—
The plain truth-teller of the year,
Who wins her heart, and he alone,
Knows she has sweetness all her own." --Lucy Larcom, "November"

Very pleased to see Lucy Larcom, my old buddy (so to speak), featured in today's Poem-a-Day email. On my walk today, I found myself thinking similar thoughts about the beauty of this month.

Kelly and Charlie's Wedding...

[Catch-up post...]

23 November 2019: Had a great time celebrating Kelly and Charlie's wedding. To see them both so happy...it was quite moving.

Made it!

22 November 2019: Well, we did it: made it to Thanksgiving Break during this, one of the hardest semesters of my career at Shepherd. Whew!

And Friday was actually kind of awesome. Taught three terrific classes: The Awakening in one, "Sexy" in another, and "Song of Myself" in the third. I was feeling it all. (My fourth class, Bible as Literature, didn't meet--we've been doing paper conferences instead.) And right now I feel--temporarily--caught up. I can breathe a bit.

So the break starts on a good note...

"Season of Doubt"

21 November 2019: "Faith, like wintering-over carrots, still lives even in our winters. God still acts and nurtures even when we cannot. Doubt and questioning draw us into a deeper relationship with God. God can take it, and God will carry us through the winter."

Finding such comfort in the words above, from a column by the fantastic Bishop Eaton.

"Friendly reminder..."

20 November 2019: Though I am very grateful that Shepherd is taking such initiatives, an email with “a friendly reminder about the active shooter training” taking place today sure is a depressing reminder of our dark reality. The “friendly” is so quietly devastating. Again: no slight/shade toward the organizers. They are doing their very best in our broken world and I am so appreciative. (And let's not debate this--there's nothing to debate about what I saying here.)

Boundaries...

19 November 2019: Had just a bit of time today and was able to attend a portion of the "Mental Health Summit" held on campus. One of my favorite people on campus (on the planet?), Rhonda from Counseling Services, talked about relationship challenges our students might be facing and how to cultivate healthy relationships. So much, she explained, is about boundaries. Here's what I want to remember, for myself and others, in moments where we need to be honest: "We need to value ourselves enough to ride out those few seconds of discomfort to take care of ourselves."

"Places I've Never Been"

18 November 2018: Monday got rough with a long and tough Senate meeting. After I got home and took a long walk, I started grading papers and just felt uneasy. Then for some reason, this song came to mind, so I gave it a listen.

"Neon Moon"

17 November 2019: Moody and kind of blue Sunday night, so new this version of a classic seems appropriate.

What happened here?

16 November 2019: Spotted on my walk to the post office. What happened here? Peak-Shepherdstown crime scene?

Friday vibes...

15 November 2019: Since Sunday, I've been on campus working before 7:00 every day. Except for Sunday and Tuesday, when I left by 3 or 4, I've been getting home after 7:00. It's been exhausting. But this old banger came on Pandora this morning and gave me a bit of life to power me through the rest of the day (I hope?). Also hoping for an escape by 4:30...

"I have called you friends"

14 November 2019: “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.” --John 15: 11-17

Reading the Gospel of John this morning in preparation for tomorrow’s Bible as Literature class. Though I am tired and stressed, I am grateful for the quiet of this morning and the time to read the words above. I find myself moved by the Jesus that emerges in these pages: a man of peace, friendship, justice, sacrifice, and above all, love. None of this is new to anyone who has grown up in the church, but being reminded again—having the chance to read the words and be assured that Jesus is my friend and that he calls us to a life of love—is a welcome experience when times are hard.

#FreeQuilty

13 November 2019: Pretty exhausted and overwhelmed and all that, but Carrie told me about this story today and it is an instant mood-lifter. You are an inspiration, Quilty.

A whale of a proposal...

12 November 2019: Grading critical essay proposals from my upper-division students and this sentence, from the annotated bibliography section of a proposal about the book of Jonah, has made my morning: "Haupt delivers a surprising amount of logistics about whales and sharks and their ability to swallow people."  On a day when I am feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed, I am extra-appreciative of this silly mood-lifter.

"Poor Joanna"

11 November 2019: "She was full o' feeling, and her troubles hurt her more than she could bear. I see it all now as I couldn't when I was young.” --Mrs. Fosdick on "Poor Joanna" in The Country of the Pointed Firs by Sarah Orne Jewett

I am working my way through this amazing little book with my ENGL 346 class and today find myself moved all over again by Jewett's careful and sensitive creation of characters like Joanna (who never actually appears in the text's "present"--she is just someone the other characters remember). I love what Mrs. Fosdick expresses here: the understanding and increased compassion that can come with growing older, especially for people who seem destined for great trials and sadness.

Dr. Sleep and balance...

10 November 2019: Got a very good night's sleep in my own bed on Saturday night. (That's my kind of Dr. Sleep.) Spent a good six hours working in my office on campus this morning. Still had (and have) so much to get done. This week is going to be rough.

But Amy and I made a plan to see a movie in the afternoon and we stuck to it. So off to Dr. Sleep we went. (A pretty good movie, by the way.) Came home, cooked dinner, and took a walk. Now watching my silly CW girl-power super-hero shows. Have a few more things to grade, but it should be okay, at least for tonight.

Not bad for balance on a Sunday.

Rocked it...

9 November 2019: We rocked our conference presentation today. Always a good feeling!

MAPACA, Day 2

8 November 2019: Was entirely delighted to find my old pal Aaron's name on the program. I got to hear his really great paper. Spoiler alert: he's still super smart.

MAPACA 2019

7 November 2019: In Pittsburgh for a couple of days to present a paper at MAPACA. It feels good--if a bit anxiety-producing--to get away for a bit, but so far, I've heard some great presentations and have gotten some inspiration for a couple of projects in the hopper.

Hoping to get out and about into the city a bit more tomorrow. So far, so good.

I mean, right?

6 November 2019: "I was interested in the sudden appearance of demons." --a student in my ENGL 402: Bible as Literature class today, the second day discussing the Gospel of Matthew. She ain't wrong, but it made me laugh.

Overheard in the hallway...

5 November 2019: "So wait...that bitch can cook pasta?" --a student in the hallway, talking to three of her peers about some kitchen device.

It's another day where I am feeling quite a bit of stress, but hearing that made me laugh and for that, I am grateful.

"The American Conversation"

4 November 2019: "It's not about what people call you. It's what you answer to." --Donna Brazile on Shepherd's campus tonight, sharing some advice she received from her mother when she was a child.

This event was the first in a series called "The American Conversation" sponsored by a new institute on campus.

"This Amazing, Troubling Book"

3 November 2019: "The source of my unease reading this amazing, troubling book now seems clear; an imperfect coming to terms with three matters Twain addresses—Huck Finn’s estrangement, soleness and morbidity as an outcast child; the disproportionate sadness at the center of Jim’s and his relationship; and the secrecy in which Huck’s engagement with (rather than escape from) a racist society is necessarily conducted. It is also clear that the rewards if my effort to come to terms have been abundant. My alarm, aroused by Twain’s precise rendering of childhood’s fear of death and abandonment, remains--as it should. It has been extremely worthwhile slogging through Jim’s shame and humiliation to recognize the sadness, the tragic implications at the center of his relationship with Huck. My fury at the maze of deceit, the risk of personal harm that a white child is forced to negotiate in a race-inflected society, is dissipated by the exquisite uses to which Twain puts that maze, that risk." --Toni Morrison, on Huck Finn

I re-read this remarkable piece today, in preparation for class later this week. There is so much to admire here, from Morrison's impeccable close reading to the way she melds the personal and the academic and--what really stood out to me on this reading--her ability to find "rewards" in such a problematic and complicated novel. She is such a model for what it means to be an engaged, critical, charitable, and open reader.

This will do...

2 November 2019: Today included a really fun Open House at Shepherd's Agricultural Innovation Center, a women's volleyball game (Senior Day--and they won), and a movie in the evening. I also managed to get a decent amount of work done. I still feel like I have so much to do, but I am telling myself that it will all get done--and I know I will.

So yeah...seems that November is off to a good start in terms of balance.

Project Balance: November Edition?

1 November 2019: Left campus by 3:30 today (after getting there at 7:00 a.m.). Went to a movie, got a new phone (finally!), had dinner. Felt slightly anxious about it all most of the time, but also felt good. So there's that?

Halloween 2019

31 October 2019: Two dapper gentlemen in their festive attire. And a bonus picture of the one who is trying to act like she ain't jealous.

Triptych...

30 October 2019: Stumbled across this scene in the hallway. I call it "Beginning of the semester, middle of the semester, end of the semester."

Checking in with Sigma Tau Delta

29 October 2019: "No. I'll use my secret collection of knives to do it." --Linnea, one of my Sigma Tau Delta students, in response to me asking if she was going to use her suppressed rage to punch a hole through the plastic tub our group is using for a project. (The tub is part of their Shep O' Treat project...)

Take note, folks. These kids are intense.

Because everything has been so crazy-intense lately, I haven't been able to attend one of their weekly meetings in a month or so. I've been doing all my work with them through email or rushed conversations in office hours/in the hallway. So it was fun--and a bit of a relief--to get to check back in with them. Even if there are hidden knives involved...

Up and at 'em...

28 October 2019: After weeks of getting to campus and earlier, these past two day I found myself on campus before sunrise (which included a Sunday). I hate it, but it is helping me make some progress on...everything? It also means I am more tired when I got to bed which (in theory?) means I fall asleep faster. These are all good things, I think. I feel more in control.

Boring post, but so it goes...

Listening. Trying.

27 October 2019: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living the life some one expects of you." --Dow, my wonderful former dean this evening at "Lectures and Libations," riffing on some lines from Steve Job's famous commencement speech.

You ever hear a speech where you feel like the person is speaking directly to you?

I'm listening. I'm trying.

Remember this...

26 October 2019: I want to remember this. My dad, to me, when I finally told him that things have been hard lately: "Well, you've got my vote."

Made The Journal...

25 October 2019: Our little chapter and its big award got some local coverage today. Nice to see this on a busy day in the midst of a rough few weeks (months? yikes.)

"Prayer to be Still and Know"

24 October 2019: Really needed this one today, courtesy of the Poem-a-Day email.

"...Let my ears forget
years trained to human chatter
wired into every room, even those empty
except of me, each broadcast and jingle
tricking me into being less
lonely than I am. Let my ears forget
the clack and rumble, our tambourining and fireworking
distractions, our roar of applause. Let my hands quit
their clapping and rest in a new kind of prayer, one
that doesn’t ask but listens, palms up in my lap."

Wildlife sightings...

23 October 2019: Every once in a while it's fun to post about the wildlife I see on my decidedly suburban neighborhood nighttime walks. From tonight, in order of appearance:

1) Mama deer and baby deer...which seemed to be running after a rabbit (weird)
2) Cats...lots of cats, each pretty different-looking
3) A skunk, right on someone's front lawn, not at all concerned about the person coming closer to it (me). These are increasingly common and always make me a bit tense...
4) One last cat

[Last night I got closer to a possum than I usually get to BabyCat. It did not give a fig that I was approaching...]

Exhausted, but optimistic...

22 October 2019: What a day. Three important meetings, some very good progress on some important fronts. Can't remember ever being this mentally exhausted and overwhelmed. I feel like an exposed nerve at times. I am constantly giving myself out loud (quiet) chiding remarks and pep talks. But I think we (me and some of the excellent folks I work with) made some progress today. That feels good.

Ouch...

21 October 2019: Wore some shoes with bad traction today (but they look good, which stinks) and slipped on my way to the Faculty Senate meeting. Tore up my knee a bit (but didn't tear up my pants, so yay!) and did something to the foot on my other leg. So...ouch. But it could have been worse. Perspective, I guess?

I mean, the English major in me wants to read every bit of this symbolically. (It's unavoidable!) But if I am going to do that, I am going to lean on the good side: didn't tear the knee on my pants, the blood (!) washed out, and yeah, my foot hurts, but I still got my walk in after I got home. Cue "Tubthumping..."

Slow and steady...

20 October 2019: Finished one (very small) writing project today, finally sending off an abstract I've wanted to get done since August. Making some good progress on another--a conference presentation that's coming up in a few weeks.

It's so tough to write with everything going on. It's not just finding the time, but also finding the mental space where I can stop thinking about everything else and be productive. But today has been pretty good for getting stuff done and I'm grateful.

Moments of light...

19 October 2019: Things aren’t great these days, but it helps to count moments of light. Here’s one: Hannah came by for a bit, bearing iced coffee. We sat and talked about lots of things and it just made me feel better. The Lord sends you what you need…

"An Empath’s Guide to Surviving Academe"

18 October 2019: Some great advice here. Gotta make myself follow it.

"I Wanna Be Sedated"

17 October 2019: Heard this song on another great episode of Mark and Sarah Talk about Songs today, where they also talked about the episode of My So-Called Life where it features so prominently. So it's been in my head all day.

Trying to make the most of this quiet Fall Break, but part of me wouldn't mind some sedation...

"Much too young..."

16 October 2019: Kind of limping into Fall Break and this song came on Pandora. Feels appropriate. Here's hoping a couple of "days off" will let me catch up and recharge.

Little jar of kindness...

15 October 2019: Big day today. Lots going on. But one of my favorite colleagues stopped by and gave me a jar of her homemade jam. A lovely gesture that meant (and means) a lot.

Monday mood...

14 October 2019: Monday mood, inspired by my Bible as Literature class's discussion of Judges 4-5. Read into it as you will...

"Giaele e Sisara," by Artemisia Gentileschi

Fall 2019 Midterm Grading: DONE!

13 October 2019: Considering this is one of the most stressful semesters of my life, this one feels pretty good. But it's more like making it to the surface of a raging sea, grabbing a big old breath, and then being prepared to be pulled below again. So that's dramatic, I know. Nevertheless, a bit of chair-dancing seems necessary...

Wearing God's jersey...

12 October 2019: This semester is kicking me in the gut (more than once) and there is little rest for the weary. Today, as I find myself grading midterm essays, I am grateful for this moment of levity from a student in my “Bible as Literature class”: “God does not want you wearing his jersey in public if you are going to make a fool of yourself. It is lousy public relations and God knows all about PR.”

Ruby, Ruby...

11 October 2019: When I walked into my ENGL 204 class a few minutes early today, the students were talking about all sorts of things, including TV. “Has anyone seen the new Batwoman?” one girl asked. I said that I had and some people asked about it.

This student—the only English major in the class, someone who is bright, outspoken, the good kind of weird, and unapologetically queer—went on a mini-tear about Ruby Rose. (I mean, right?) Another student across the room—a sociology major who is on the softball team—immediately shared her enthusiasm.

And they sat there, in the minutes before the class started, talking about how hot Ruby Rose is. And not in a “straight girls talking about other pretty women” way. Two women openly talking about their attraction for another woman. Neither student seemed scared or uncomfortable. They were having a blast.

I hadn’t noticed these particular students talking to each other much at all before then. They seem very different: different majors and career plans (one wants to write, one wants to be in law enforcement, one is an athlete, one is…not?), but they couldn’t stop talking about Ruby Rose.

And it was no big deal. No one batted (or rolled) an eye. In fact, the (presumably mostly straight?) students who didn’t know who she was were taking out their phones and looking her up—and also quickly saying, “Whoa!” (Ha.)

The kids, as they say, are alright.

Some kindness...

10 October 2019: Got a bit emotional in a meeting today--felt my voice crack a bit and couldn't stop it--and that embarrassed me. Afterwards, a couple of people responded with real kindness. In a way, that makes me more embarrassed, but I am also touched by their thoughtfulness. Kindness is such a gift. Lightens the load, even just a bit, even just for a moment.

Birthday buddies

9 October 2019: Today is Ryan's birthday. He would have been 45. It's always a strange day without him here. Every October, I find myself thinking, "Okay: whose birthday is coming up?" And it hits me with a pang.

But one of my favorite students--someone whose wit, charm, and sense of humor sort of reminds me of him--stopped by today. Today is her birthday, too. I showed her a picture of him and she said, "Birthday buddies!" A lovely moment that let me remember him and find hope and light in the people still here.

Tough day...

8 October 2019: Long and tough day. Lots to think about and feel overwhelmed about.

Seems like an appropriate soundtrack...

"Outstanding" news

7 October 2019: Learned today that our chapter of Sigma Tau Delta won one of four "Outstanding Chapter" awards. This is a big deal. And I am so darn proud of our students.

Today was a long day and parts of it were really hard, but this news helped me get through.

"I Say the Thing for the First Time"

6 October 2019: Adrian Matejka is just so darn good. Really feeling this one. Got this (again) from the Poem-a-Day email, and it included this bit from the poet: “The most challenging kind of poem for me to write is a love poem, so I’m trying to write a whole book of them. This poem is about the instant when you tell someone you love them for the first time. They either say yes and everyone is happy or they respond in a non sequitur—they start dusting the shelves, tying their shoes or, as was the case in the moment that inspired this poem, they leave to go get more ice.”

It's a kind of 2019 Prufrock moment/aka my worst nightmare: “That is not what I meant at all; / That is not it, at all.” But for me right now, this version is maybe more alive, real, and poignant. 

A good day...

5 October 2019:

[Catch-up post]

A research trip/get-away to Lewis County, WV included the research part (duh), some exploring of downtown Weston, and a stay at the Stonewall Resort. That meant a long walk along a lake, some swimming (indoor/outdoor pool--using the outdoor part in October (!)), and some time by the fire-pit.

So, a good day. (Though not a good picture.)

Motivation...

4 October 2019: These pictures are from yesterday, but they are giving me life today. Yesterday I met with some Sigma Tau Delta students to help them prepare their submissions for the International Convention. I bought them some pizza, but they did the heavy lifting.

Sometimes you get a bit down. [Gestures broadly at everything.] But these folks--these smart, fun, and kind students--give you moments of light and hope. (Feeling sappy and sentimental today, I guess?)

Home Boy

3 October 2019: Had another terrific training session at Shepherd's FASTEnER lab today, this time on the laser printer. Check out this awesome souvenir Kay made for me. I feel like I know just enough to be dangerous now...FUN!

Witchy stuff...

2 October 2019: A student in my class today, discussing Puritan hypocrisy (at least in the world of Hawthorne): "Everyone is like, 'We hate witches. Witches are bad. Anyway, let's go to the woods and do witchy stuff.'"

This semester has been so exhausting, mostly because of things outside of the classroom. But the students? They do so much to help you get through it.

Burn from the past...

1 October 2019: Sometimes my parents bring me old books they pick up at sales. This one is particularly delightful. Inscriptions on the title page include:

1) The young owner’s name (“Capt. Charlie H. White”—ha!).

2) This warning, written twice: “Please do not take this book / My onest [honest] friend for fear / The gallos [gallows] will be your end.”

3) A little trick that begins, “if you do not believe this book is mine just look on page 199.” And when you get to page 199? “You are a fool for looking.” That is quite an 1882 burn from a scamp of a Long Island kid. Well played, Capt. White.

Wood-working...

30 September 2019: I just finished up a very cool introductory wood-working class at Shepherd’s awesome FASTnER lab, where I learned how to use three saws. My reaction? “Look at this cool little piece of wood I cut!” Amy's reaction: “We can totally rebuild your deck.” Wow. Also, shout-out to my friend Kay for being such a great and patient teacher. And what a fun way to spend my lunch break!

"Like You"

29 September 2019: Came across this poem today in a mailing from the Academy of American poets celebrating National Hispanic Heritage Month. Love it.

"I believe the world is beautiful
and that poetry, like bread, is for everyone.
And that my veins don’t end in me
but in the unanimous blood
of those who struggle for life,
love,
little things,
landscape and bread,
the poetry of everyone."

Homecoming...

28 September 2019: What a day! Rode in a parade in the morning and sold concessions at the football game to raise money for Sigma Tau Delta. Wiped out, but it was fun.

Founders Day...

27 September 2019: I gave a (short) speech at Founders Day today, focusing on how much our alumni, students, faculty, and staff inspire me. If I am being very honest, it's been really hard lately at work. Morale is low (to put it mildly). But I meant every word I said about how much these folks mean to me and it felt good to say it.

Baby ram...

26 September 2019: News you can use/hot gossip from the Shepherd University Foundation Board of Directors meeting: J.C. the Ram is going to be a daddy. (And his girlfriend is named "Lulu.") We also talked about other stuff, but this is what excited me the most.

"Underbelly"

25 September 2019: Really liking this poem, from the poem-a-day email.

Here's an excerpt from the beginning:

"Wouldbelove, do not think of me as a whetstone
until you hear the whole story:

In it, I’m not the hero, but I’m not the villain either
so let’s say, in the story, I was human

and made of human-things: fear
and hands, underbelly and blade..."

This is a weird picture...

24 September 2019: A lovely event today--the Library's annual "Breakfast on the Porch." They also used it to unveil my "READ" poster, something I posed for last spring. It was a very strange experience (when you don't exactly love looking at yourself), but also quite nice and sweet.

Family Feud

23 September 2019: Another homecoming week, complete with me serving as the faculty member on a sorority's Family Feud team. It was fun, but made for an awfully long day.

"Old Soul"

22 September 2019: Kind of a perfect soundtrack for "Sunday contemplation mood."

Saturday balance?

21 September 2019: I haven't written about my great "balance" initiative in a long time, which certainly says something about how that's been going. But I made some attempts today. Slept in (good for getting over the cold I've been fighting), took a long walk, met up with some work friends at a local brewery I've been meaning to try forever, got my haircut, watched some episodes of the new season of Mindhunter, and got some serious work done. Not bad, I guess.

Last night I found myself reflecting on...everything? The sadness/funk that lurked over me most of the late summer seems to be lifting, but I am not sure why. Or about what's taking its place. And I am still kind of afraid it could come back...or that, maybe more accurately, it should be back, since the things that caused it are still the same. Nothing is "fixed," after all.

All very vague, I know, but it feels that way, too. So if I find myself fighting off that sadness/funk and dealing with all the anxiety and tough stuff at work, I have got to do a better job at that balance thing, I think. I just have to.

Downton Abbey

25 September 2019: Do we need a Downtown Abbey movie? Do we need just over two hours of low-stakes, not-much-happens, gently-troubling-politics-depicting, rich-people watching?

After this week, my answer is yup, I sure did. Look, it's not a terrific movie, but it's terrific at being what it is. And I sure did enjoy it.

Tired troops...

19 September 2019: I mean, I might just be projecting onto him, but I am pretty sure that when Wesley watched me change into "public clothes," as opposed to "laying around the house because you don't have to teach today and you are sick" clothes, he looked at me like I was crazy. And then, when he noticed I was putting on not just "public clothes," but fairly nice (for me) clothes, he looked even more confused. But yes: I am getting dressed up a bit to head to campus on a non-teaching day, and when I am kind of sick, because things are so crazy on campus and we need to show up in full force at the BOG meeting today.

The troops are rallying, but man...we are tired.

And yeah: the cat wasn't thinking that. He just wants to nap. That's all.

Hanging in...

18 September 2019: Really struggling with a cold today, but got through it. Even managed to do all of my office hours and get my steps in down by the C&O after. Whew. But I need to get to bed soon and hope I wake up feeling better. (Not much a post, I know, but I have had this window open for about 30 minutes and cannot think of anything else to write about.)

Sounds good?

17 September 2019: "I think there's nothing wrong with a headless horseman." --Andrea, the current president of our Sigma Tau Delta chapter, wrapping up a discussion of what the group will do for the annual "Shep O' Treat" event. Made me laugh!

(For context, every year, the group does a "pin the tail on the donkey" type game for the kids coming through for the event, but with a literary twist. Past entries have included "pin the mustache on Poe," for instance. For this year, this was some discussion over whether a headless horseman would be too scary for little ones, but we decided so long as the heads that were being pinned were pumpkins, it would be okay.)

Mondays...

16 September 2019: A long and busy Monday that finds me still fighting whatever this sickness might be if it ever decides to fully arrive. But "long" and "busy" are different from bad and whatever this sickness is, it isn't bad. So all in all...a decent day. The best part? Grabbing an iced coffee with Hannah after a (long) Senate meeting and catching up for an hour or so. Awesome.

So long, Ric...

15 September 2019: Heard the news this evening that Ric Ocasek died. I've got lots of memories from my childhood set to Cars' songs, but let's go with one that I find endlessly appealing (and have blogged about before).

What the Constitution Means to Me

14 September 2019: Settling into what I think will be the cold/cough/whatever that I've been fighting for a couple of weeks (at least I think I am?). So that sort of stinks. But I am so grateful that I didn't start feeling truly cruddy until after seeing this amazing show today at the Kennedy Center with Cory and Hannah.

It is so good--smart and hilarious and moving. It's mostly a one-woman show--always amazing and impressive. And when it isn't it is even more technically innovative and smart. I wish everyone could see it. I feel so grateful that I did.

Hustlers

13 September 2019: I really enjoyed this film. Great performances, a terrific script, smart directing, and just a lot to think about. Kind of fighting off some sort of sickness at the end of a long and at times tough week, but this was a nice way to spend the evening.

Revolution and the Word

12 September 2019: "As the first critics [of novels and novel-reading in early America] intuited, readers could claim the power to pass judgement for themselves on cultural forms 'without asking the opinion' of those who, from the landing of the Mayflower onward, had been schooled in asserting judgment without waiting to be asked." --Cathy N. Davidson, Revolution and the Word

I assigned some pages from Davidson's classic book to my American Fiction class for tomorrow. Re-reading those selections today, I am reminded of some of the reasons why I love the book so much. It isn't just its fascinating insights, clear explanations of tough subjects, and great melding of theory and practice. It also made me laugh quite a few times, like in the passage above. 

"We See Wednesday"

11 September 2019: Did the "We See Wednesday" thing today. It was actually a lot of fun. But man, it wiped me out (creatively, imaginatively)! It must be exhausting to be a young person these days. Ha!

Tiny triumphs...

10 September 2019: Survived Veronica's annual vet visit with no bloodshed so I pretty much already won this day. She did lead an impressive chorus of unhappy cats as we waited to check out. We are talking full-on call and response. If I were a day-drinker...

It's back! (Again)

9 September 2019: Three years in a row now that the return of My Dad Wrote a Porno earns the spot as the thing I blog about that day. Today was a long and kind of rough day. I didn't get home until almost 8:00. But all day, when I would think about listening to it on my walk (which transformed from an early evening walk to an 8:30 walk as the day wore on), I would get so excited.

And when I did listen? Pure stupid joy. Loved it.

Learning new tricks...

8 September 2019: I ain't quite an old dog yet, but it does feel a bit tough to learn certain new tricks. Specifically, I am trying to learn Snapchat really quickly so I can do this Student Affairs take-over thing ("We See Wednesday") that I've been asked to do. Lordy...there's a lot to learn, but it should be fun. So far, I've sent a couple of test runs to Hannah, starring Wes and BabyCat, of course.

The Goldfinch

7 September 2019: "Yet even a child can see its dignity: thimble of bravery, all fluff and brittle bone. Not timid, not even hopeless, but steady and holding its place. Refusing to pull back from the world." --Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch

Finished this veritable tome just a little while ago and seriously enjoyed it. Some of that enjoyment was due to experiencing again those familiar feelings of having a book waiting for you to get back to it, always sort of hovering there in your mind, kind of calling to you, as look forward to the time you'll pick it up and dive back in. But that isn't the only reason. The passage above, one of the final descriptions of the titular painting, explains a lot of the rest.

Step Show: The Musical

6 September 2019: Got to see this amazing show--still a work in progress--tonight. The dancing is stunning. The music is beautiful and moving. The story is important. What a cool thing to see coming together!

"What Happens Right Before Your Best Employee Quits"

5 September 2019: A colleague posted this a couple of day ago (and a good colleague, so yikes!) and I can't stop thinking about it. We barely two weeks into the semester but, boy, I've never seen morale so low and so many folks beaten down and frustrated. Let me say that the teaching part and the working with students part (i.e., the reason for the job!) remains the best part for all of us. And that love for our students makes everything else harder...

So what do you (we) do? No easy answers, but I think tonight I am going to go to a happy-hour thing that a colleague organized and hang out with people who believe in the work we do, people I care about very much, people who make my life better. That will be a good reminder of what we've got going for us.

Roller-coaster day...

4 September 2019: Some parts of today were so good--my classes, a meeting with my practicum students, and, most wonderfully, an invitation to serve as the speaker at UNCG's December PhD hooding ceremony. That last one made me so happy. Within minutes of getting that email, though, all employees also got a seemingly out-of-nowhere email about a travel-funding freeze (yikes). And there is/was other stuff that isn't so great.

But I still made myself leave work when my office hours were over at 6:00, though I could have stayed later--and would have stayed later not too long ago. I had brought a change of clothes with me so I could stop by the C&O and walk before I went home. So I changed, left campus, got a good walk in, and came home.

So yeah: a roller-coaster of a day, indeed, but focusing as much as I can on the good stuff and taking the time to treat myself/practice some self-care.

Late afternoon Larcom thoughts...

3 September 2019: "I am so glad to be, to live, to feel myself advancing year by year into the heart of nature and humanity; and I believe I love all human beings better than I once did, for it was in me to isolate myself, to feel that there were some with whom I had nothing in common. I have forsworn that and am amazed at my past self for not supposing that there was one of God's creatures who was not worth getting acquainted with." --Lucy Larcom in an 1856 letter

This afternoon finds me working through a rather ambitious to-do list with lots of success. One of the last items on the list before heading to trivia was to read an article with some of Larcom's letters included.

The letter quoted above provides another example of how much she moves and fascinates me. I think my own progression in life mirrors hers in this way; and let me be clear--she will (in other writings) retreat a bit from this position, or, more accurately, write about how hard it can be. That only makes her more human and interesting to me.

iZombie

2 September 2019: Almost exactly two months after it aired, I finally watched the finale of iZombie, a show that I really enjoyed over its five-season (!) run. I must confess that I couldn't follow the complicated mythology of the show, how all of the players were related, or even give you a good synopsis of it overall. But it was fun and funny and well-acted and such a weird little show. This interview with Rob Thomas, something that sat in my bookmarks folder waiting for me to read it, also helped me think of some new dimensions for the show's significance, including its commentary for our times.

"Fun" reading...

1 September 2019: "...in the very act of turning away I knew he would have run after me and hopped in the car if laughing if I asked one last time. / But I didn't. And, in truth, it was maybe better that I didn't--I say that now, though it was something I regretted bitterly for a while. More than anything I was relieved that in my unfamiliar babbling-and-wanting-to-talk state I'd stopped myself from blurting the thing on the edge of my tongue, the thing I'd never said, even though it was something we both knew well enough without me saying it out loud to him in the street--which was, of course, I love you." --Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch

Working my way through this almost 800-page tome, which has sat on my nightstand for at least four years, I am reminded why reading "just for fun" happens so much less than it did when I was younger. Like so many things I enjoy, I cannot stop myself once I get started.

Well, no matter that. I am working on getting back to it more regularly. It's good for me, I think.

As for this book, which I started on Tuesday evening: I am trying to get it done before the movie opens. At this point, I am feeling pretty good about achieving that goal, since I am on page 409 and about to dive back in.

So far, I find it utterly captivating. It's slow at times, but not in a bad way. More like I just want to push through so I can see what happens next, but even as I do, I want to slow down for the rich details. I've read Tartt's other two books and find this one much more sentimental (need a better word here, I know) and moving.

A pretty good one...

31 August 2019: Started the day  listening to a new episode of one of my favorite podcasts while on a long walk in the neighborhood. The weather was quite lovely, too. Ran some errands. Got some work done. Did some laundry. Spent some time reading (for fun!). Saw a movie with Amy (Don't Let Go--not great, but an interesting premise and some good acting from the leads). Had dinner out. Called the parents. Now sitting here at home with the windows open and getting ready to dive back into my book.

So yeah: a pretty good day. That's a couple in a row, which I sure do appreciate.

"American Girl"

30 August 2019: The soundtrack to a pretty cool night...

The Coquette and Depression

29 August 2019: "I would fly to almost any resort, rather than my own mind. What a dreadful thing it is to be afraid of one's own reflections, which ought to be a constant source of enjoyment!" --Eliza Wharton in Hannah Webster Foster's The Coquette

I am teaching The Coquette again in my ENGL 346 class. On this read-through I am struck by Eliza's "melancholy" and how much it reads like our modern conception of depression. This spoiler is about 220 years old, but basically, she kind of wastes away until she dies. Very 18th/19th century in a literary sense, but also not a bad description of what it must feel like to be so very depressed.

Back at it...

28 August 2019: Today really felt like a "back at it" day. Taught the four classes. Held three office hours. Met with my practicum students. Met with the Sigma Tau Delta president. Enjoyed the first Wednesday Lunch Group of the semester. Got to the office at about 8:00 a.m. Left at 7:00 p.m.

A bit exhausting, a lot overwhelming, but also pretty good. One step forward, I hope...

"At a Days Inn in Barstow, California"

27 August 2019: This poem has sat in my inbox for over three months. That happens sometimes with a poem-of-the-day email in which the poem moves me, but I am not sure what to do with it. I leave it there, re-reading it every once in a while. And sometimes, finally, I post it here.

I re-read this one when I was Massachusetts this summer, traveling and thinking about how lonely it could be. I also thought about those words of pseudo-encouragement on the box: "Life is hard / not unbeatable."

It also seems worth sharing what the poet said about it, included in the email: “This poem is from a series I’ve been working on of poems set in motels across America. My hope in these poems is to explore questions of travel, distance, intimacy, and connection when one is passing through a place in the vast American landscape. This poem is also about grief, particularly the grief of losing a loved one to suicide, which in my experience, over 20 years since my mother’s death, is an ongoing and, in some ways, ever-changing journey.”

First day...

26 August 2019: The first day of the Fall 2019 semester is in the books and it was...fine? Four good classes filled with good students.

I just have memories of feeling more excited and energized on previous first days. But maybe I am mis-remembering.

And maybe I am awfulizing (to borrow a term I learned from my psychologist sister) because I was counting on being back in session to fix things. But that was perhaps a bit foolish.

Because classes or no classes, the stuff is still there and it still needs working out. Got a crystal clear reminder of that. Oh well.

One indisputably bright moment: this evening I treated myself to an episode of Derry Girls (really trying to pace myself, but there's only one more left!). One scene in particular brought back the never-quite-gone-teenager inside me. What a terrific show this is!

Helping helps...

25 August 2019: Helped some friends with some low-intensity, not at all laborious moving today. They were very kind and thankful, but honestly, I feel like they did me a favor. It's good to feel useful. And it makes me feel good to help people who I care about. Win-win for a Sunday.

Late Summer-Time Achievement: Unlocked!

24 August 2019: Today was a good day. Saw my Roanoke friends (albeit briefly) at Jane's b-day party and then made it to the Suns game and got a Mike Mussina bobble-head. The line was so long (and we got there kind of early!) that it was a bit close, but I got one. The weather was gorgeous. The Suns won. I spent the day with people I love.

Today was a good day. :)

Convocation 2019

23 August 2019: Gave a speech today at opening convocation. I've been thinking about what to say since they first asked me to do it in April. Lots of thinking about my own first year in college. That's been kind of fascinating.

Anyway, it's done and I think it went okay. And now it really does feel like we are almost ready to hit play on this new semester. Feeling ready...