Dreams become memories...

25 January 2024: I dreamt of my brother last night. 

We were in a car, driving back from I don't know where. Felt like we were in North Carolina, heading into Greensboro from Rockingham County, but we were also heading "home," though it wasn't the house we grew up in. He was the Ryan of maybe 20/25 years ago, maybe--much more "himself" than he was in the last years. 

(For the record: I do keep thinking about this--the idea that I keep refusing to see the "him" of those last years as "him." I think that might be problematic for a bunch of reasons, but I can't help it, at least not yet.) 

Anyway, as we drove down this long, straight, and shade-covered road, we could see the sky changing to a dark grayish-purple, a sure sign of stormy weather again. Like so many southern storms, we came upon it like passing through an invisible border: I could see the sheet of rain in front of us before we got to it. And then we were in it. Pouring rain, winds--the whole thing, including trees down in the roadway. Ryan was driving. He maneuvered through it all with easy skill--no stress, no anxiety. I never really felt afraid. I knew he had it. In those days before his steep decline, I always marveled at his (sober) driving skills. 

Then we got home--again, not our house, but some kind of home. I was unloading groceries or the dishwasher--can't remember which. He went off to do something else. It was fine. Ordinary. Kind of nice.

Anyway, that was it. No idea what it all means, though I can trace out bits that resonate with symbolism. 

As I lay in bed this morning, I found the phrase "dreams become memories" running through my mind. There will be no new actual memories of my brother. But this dream, I think, works well as a new kind of memory. It's not "real," but it sure felt true. And I think (hope?) that I will hold onto this dream memory.  

Update: just found this post, from only a couple of months ago. Looks like I got a version of what I asked for. My goodness...