"Cheek to Cheek"

15 November 2024: Needed some soothing, relaxing songs to get my mind right this morning. An old "Ella and Louis" playlist did the trick.

First home game...

14 November 2024: Boy, did I really need tonight's home opener for women's basketball. And boy, did their squeaker of a win make my day! 

Feeling a little spikey...

13 November 2024: Officially firing up my internal spikeyness meter after I found myself being a bit unfiltered and more direct than usual today.

 

Sometimes being spikey is good; I'm letting the filter slip a bit and advocating for myself or calling b.s.  Sometimes, though, I regret it. I think everything today was okay, but when I am tired and overwhelmed and stressed and sad about so much, it can really come out more than I want it to. 

So firing up the meter and making sure I am being smart and kind. What no one needs now, after all, is meanness and thoughtlessness. 

Working smarter, not harder...

12 November 2024: Took both girls to the vet today for their annual appointments. Jo was due at the beginning of October, Veronica in mid-November and I said, "This is foolishness" and booked them together. They did just fine and we were home from our 9:00 appointment by 9:30. 

Now onto the rest of this stressful, busy day in this stressful, busy week. A bit easier to face it all with this item checked off the list.

Light at the end of the day...

11 November 2024: Today was rough. Long and complicated and stressful. A lot of my students are in bad places. At one point, I kind of broke down, overwhelmed and feeling worried about them. 

Right as I was packing up to go home at about 6:30, a former student who I am so fond of appeared in my office door. He's been dealing with a very serious cancer diagnosis for years. He told me had just gotten some results: his first "cancer free" scan. As it all sunk in, I hugged him twice, overcome with the unexpected good news. My eyes filled with tears again. I thanked him again and again for giving me this lovely news.

Everything is still really hard and bad, but once again, the Lord sends some joy and light. Walking to my car, I looked up and said, "Thank you." 

Heretic

10 November 2024: Heretic isn't exactly an enjoyable movie, but it is satisfying and smart. Squint hard enough and you find some comfort after all that has happened this week. It's a kind of comfort that comes from realizing how exausting and damanging shitty dudes with overinflated egos who have ideas about faith or (or a lack of faith) are--and how much when love it when a woman calls them out on it. 

An empty seat on Tuesday...

9 November 2024: Learned today that one of my students was found dead last night. It's gutting news. It won't be the first time I've stepped into a classroom with a now-empty seat, but my goodness...where to begin? Maybe just the same way I did the last time: tell the class that I love them, that so many people love them, and that I am so glad they are here. 

So much pain in this last week...

Dorothy Allison

8 November 2024: When I read this morning of Dorothy Allison's death, my eyes filled with tears. This amazing woman made the world a better place and to lose her this week of all weeks seems particularly cruel. But we have her writing to help us know what we need to do in the days ahead. 

I've written about her a bunch, as you can see here. This post captures a moment I still think about with a kind of swoony awe.

Fourteen hours since this morning and I am tearing up again. Rest in peace, Dorothy, and thank you for everything. 

"Next, sleep..."

7 November 2024: "Next, sleep. Healing sleep, soothing sleep, sleep to make the world go away, sleep like death. Her mama had told her that sleep was the best medicine God ever made." --Randall Kenan, "The Foundations of the Earth"

Completely crashed by 9:30 last night. I think I had barely slept three hours the past two nights, so when I crashed, I crashed hard. Slept like a rock. Woke up feeling stronger and more determined, and as I got ready for the day, this passage from Kenan's story kept running through my mind. 

Her little face...

6 November 2024: I am not sure I actually slept last night. Just achingly sad--emotionally, intellectually, and even physically painful. When I finally sat up and turned on the lights at just after 5:00, there was Veronica sitting the hallway, looking in at me. I don't always find here there; most mornings, she either moves before I get up and see her or I just find her downstairs waiting.

"Good morning, BabyCat!" I said--and instantly welled up. 

This weird little cat and her weird little sister are just two sources of love and joy and hope that will keep me going. And I am so glad whatever goes on in her head had her planted right there to remind me that I will keep going. 

I could write so much more, but am telling myself that this is enough: her little face and what it meant and will mean in the days and years ahead. 

We've just go to...

5 November 2024: 

"Do you think we'll be okay?" a player at trivia asked me tonight as we headed home.

"What choice do we have?" I answered her. 

That's the hope I am holding onto, no matter what. We got through four years of him before and if we have to, well, we'll have to do it again. 

"To Ed"

4 November 2024: I realized on tonight's rewatch of "To Ed," the finale of Season 2 of Somebody, Somewhere, that the show encapsulates so much of what makes me love America. 

It gives us a world of flawed, beautiful, ordinary, extraordinary people, making mistakes but doing their best. It's about the families we are born into and the families we make--and how they sustain us and strain us and make us better. It's about what it means to have and live a good life. It's about how to be alone and how to be with others. It's about how to go on after unimaginable loss. It's about how values aren't "small town" or "city," but ways of living and relating to and caring for each other. 

After a long day at work, I hit "play" with so much weighing on my mind. And as I watched, I laughed out loud, teared up, cheered to myself, and just felt warm and full of love. 

Perfect Election Day Eve programming. 

(The completion of my rewatch also means I can now start the third and final season of this perfect miracle of a show.) 

Valentine

3 November 2024: Finally listened to "Valentine," the 100th episode of This is Love, an episode I knew was about the death of Phoebe's mother (whose first name gives the episode its title). Knowing and loving This is Love and Criminal the way I do, I knew it was going to be powerful episode so I wanted to honor it with my undivided attention and be in the right mindset when I listened. 

I am so glad I did. It's riveting and funny and sad and beautiful from start to finish. 

Also saw the Theater program's production of Our Town today and made a ton of progres on The Bog Wife, this month's book club selection. So, even more than usual, lots of Big Thoughts about life, death, and what it all means on this autumn Sunday.

High-tech and so absurd...

2 November 2024: Cat ownership in 2024, I guess: watching this (cute) dumb-dumb, sitting on the stove, waiting for her dumb toy to charge. (The charger is plugged in behind the toy.) 

And yes: I had to purchase a rechargeable battery and charger set for this toy, a Christmas gift "for me" from Amy last year.

Just wrapped around their furry little paws...

30 years ago...

1 November 2024: Social media tells me that this album--Nirvana's MTV Unplugged in New York--was released thirty years ago today. (The show was recorded the previous November.) Thirty years...my goodness. 

Until next year...

31 October 2024: “[Baseball] breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall all alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all twilight, when you need it most, it stops.”― A. Bartlett Giamatti, Take Time for Paradise: Americans and Their Games

"I'm late to the doom conversation..."

30 October 2024: I've got a really great group of ENGL 301 students this semester. They are smart, hard-working, and just really engaged. Every class is lively and fun. Highlights from today's class (discussing "Desiree's Baby" through the lens of deconstruction) went really well. This post's title comes from a student talking about how a sense of doom hangs over the piece, but I laughed out loud when she said it, adding, "I've been here for weeks!" (Seriously--the "doom conversation" in my head is overwhelming at times--mitigated by the magic respite that a classroom brings.)

One week to go...

29 October 2024: Woke up with such anxiety this morning and it's been weighing me down all day. Grateful for the moments of light and distraction, but my goodness...it's all so much.

As usual, Chen Chen says it so well.

trying to have hope but not false hope is such work

— 兔兒神 (@chenchenwrites) October 29, 2024

Little fella...

28 October 2024: Just got to see video clips from a dear friend's sonogram (shared via text). What a miraculous wonder to behold! This little guy is already bringing so much joy to the world.  Holding onto that hope and wonder and joy and love in the midst of all this angst and uncertainty. What a gift!

"The Third and Final Continent" (Once more...)

27 October 2024: Today as I mowed the lawn, perhaps for the last time until the spring, I listened to a The New Yorker Fiction Podcast episode where the guest (Rebecca Makkai) read "The Third and Final Continent," a story I've known and loved for years. (The post-reading discussion between Makkai and Deborah Treisman is really good, by the way.) 

I've blogged about this story in particular and Jhumpa Lahiri a lot--with good reason, of course. There's just no one who writes like she does and I am always so moved and floored by her work.

Anyway, as I pushed that mower in the waning afternoon light, thinking a movie I'd seen earlier (We Live in Time--great performances, not-so-great film), a kind of warm melancholy settled in--somehow perfect for listening to this beautiful story. 

Another Jane Day...

26 October 2024: Woke up feeling down and anxious, but then felt immediately grateful that Jane and I had--during our last hang-out--already scheduled our next hang-out for today. I drove her way this time. Wandered around The Painted Tree (first time I have been to one), had lunch, then went over to Target for Halloween candy. A bit more visiting and then I headed home. A lovely day that left me feeling better. 

Fall Break Vibes...

25 October 2024: I've been grading, writing, and working, but I'm still digging the vibes from my walk and from my glances across the living room. 

Quiz-n-Dish

24 October 2024: A couple of weeks ago, Amy asked if I would write a trivia game for a potluck she was hosting in her office for the folks on campus who don't get "off" for Fall Break. I was happy to do it, but a bit nervous about my game-writing skills. Anyway, today was the day and I think it went well. Of course, it was a friendly crowd. Shepherd has the best staff in so many ways. 

Anyway, after that, it was back to grading and a bunch of other work for me, but that's okay. Even a mostly work-filled day has a different vibe over Fall Break. 

Deconstruction again...

23 October 2024: Kind of weird that today, teaching the same material exactly seven years later (!), a student came up with another very funny response to deconstruction (again, about people being fields of competing identies and ideologies): 

Student: Like how my cat wants a pet but also bites me?

Me: Yes, although you are ascribing human concepts to your cat...

Student: Oh, believe me: it works.

Busy Tuesday...

22 October 2024: Finding myself sitting here thinking about what has been a long day with lots of different stuff packed in it. On the list: an annual medical check-up, lunch with a former student, a couple of meetings (one of them really important), some grading, and trivia. 

Trying to decide what to post about tonight, I've been thinking, "what was the best part? the most interesting? the most unique?" 

But mostly I just feel glad to have a life with all these parts in it. I mean, to start the day with good health care (and gratitude for insurance) and end it with lovely people who come out week after week for trivia--and to have most of what was in between be interesting and stimulating? Not bad!

Topic sentences...

21 October 2024: "I realize I just threw a bunch of stuff together and called it a paragraph..." --terrific insight from one of my ENGL 101 students as she looked at her draft.

Can you tell we are working on topic sentences? Seriously, though, her realization is so important. And then we talked about why this makes sense when she's drafting--and it's why rewriting and revision is so important. 

"Whitman, Melville, and Baseball"

20 October 2024: 

“Did you see the baseball boys are home from their tour around the world? How I’d like to meet them — talk with them: maybe ask them some questions...That’s beautiful: the hurrah game! well — it’s our game: that’s the chief fact in connection with it: America’s game: has the snap, go, fling, of the American atmosphere — belongs as much to our institutions, fits into them as significantly, as our constitutions, laws: is just as important in the sum total of our historic life." --Whitman on baseball in 1889.

The Yankees won the ALCS yesterday and are off to their first World Series since 2009. I am, of course, delighted. But if they hadn't clinched it last night--if the series had gone on and maybe even if they lost it--I would still be delighted by the games. That's one way you know you love baseball, I think: even when your team loses, you can have a blast. Anyway, for a trivia game I am writing for some colleagues, I came across this piece about Whitman, Melville, and baseball. Well worth a read!

Just watchin'...

19 October 2024: Second post in just a few days that's basically, "Look at how cute Jo is when she's just watching me!" But I sure did get a kick out of turning around and seeing her looking at me like this from the bed while I was cleaning the bathroom. Sweet little girl.

Founders Day 2024

18 October 2024:

I am really fond of this photo from an improtu decision by some Sigma Tau Delta students to march in the Founders Day parade. 

Game 3...

17 October 2024: 

[Catch-up post...]

Got to work this morning (Friday) and realized that I hadn't posted on Thursday even though I crossed it off of my list. Oh well!

I think if I had posted, it might have been about Thursday's Yankees/Guardians game. The Yankees lost, but my goodness, it was a great game. You know you love a sport when a game doesn't end the way you want it it to, but you still had a blast watching it. 

Lil' lurker...

16 October 2024: After a lot of tearing around the place (something she does a lot when I come home after being gone a long time), this lil' lurker got awfully quiet, doing an impression of Veronica, the queen of shady lurking. But she's not fooling me--still lots of energy left to burn. 

Roof guy...

15 October 2024: Took a bit longer than I thought it would to actually happen, but a guy (from a company) came by today to look at my roof. I've been worried for months about some shingles popping up and (long, boring story) am currently waiting to hear what my warranty covers. In the meantime, I wanted to make sure things were okay. Much to my relief, the roof guy said some minor repairs might be needed, but it is not a crisis. Music to this professional worrier's ears!

Quiet Monday evening...

14 October 2024: Yes, I am repeating yesterday's post a bit, but it's worth highlighting a couple of quiet and relatively stress-free nights in a row. It's been a long and busy day, but a good one and I got so much done. There are still some items on my to-do list, but I am yawning my head off and they can maybe wait until tomorrow. My tired butt just wants to watch the Yankees (ahead of Cleveland 4-0 in the fifth inning of Game One of the ALCS as of right now) and then head to bed.

Quiet Sunday evening moment...

13 October 2024: Just realized I usually do a "Midterm Grading: DONE!" post--complete with a chair-dancing song on days like this when I, in fact, finish submitting my midterm grades. But I guess the moment (nearly six hours ago) was anti-climactic in what has been a different kind of a semester in some ways. So, I'll break the tradition this semester and post about something different on the day I submit the grades...

What I wanted to post about when I opened Blogger was this quiet moment unfolding here. Grades are done. Most of my weekend "to do" list is done. The windows and back door are open on a weirdly warm autumn day. Veronica and Jo are loving it. But this has to be one of the last days like this before real autumn sets in. 

Part of me finds it melancholy; I don't like thinking about months of closed up windows and early darkness approaching. 

But--in the midst of what has been a hard couple of weeks--another part of me is just so grateful for this moment: the gift of the breeze and its sweet smell. Seeing neighbors walk by. The peace of watching my girls look out the windows, wash their paws, stretch out, and relax. The quiet. 

I want to remember it all--breathing it in literally, but also trying to breathe it into my soul to sustain me in the days ahead.  

Best mini-essay ever?

12 October 2024: I have started giving ENGL 204 students "mini-essays" on their midterm exams: short prompts where they argue a thesis about a text in 200-250 words. I have also been trying to make the prompts more open to their interests. This particular one--which invites them to talk about how something they read connected to their lives outside the classroom--stopped me in my tracks and legit made me cry. It's an absolute gift. I am so grateful to this student and, as always, to Emily Dickinson, who inspired her. 

Night Rider's Lament

11 October 2024: This song has been in my head since last night when I saw those Northern Lights. "They've never seen those Northern Lights..." he sings. It's also a lovely and surprisingly complicated meditation on the life choices folks make that others just don't understand.

 

Northern Lights

10 October 2024: I used to wonder if I'd ever get a chance to see the Northern Lights. Tonight, I did, at least for a bit. Feels like a gift and I am grateful.

He'd be 50...

9 October 2024: Today is Ryan's birthday, so of course he's been on my mind all day. I mentioned him in my ENGL 204 class when we talked about Mary Wilkins Freeman's "A New England Nun" and was describing Joe Dagget: a man's man, uncomfortable in tight or fancy settings, but kind and decent through and through. 

Field trip...

8 October 2024: If I weren't so very tired, I would write something eloquent about the trip our GWST class took to DC today, visiting the White House, meeting with two young women who work there, and then getting a tour of the Museum of Women in the Arts. But I am very tired at the end of what has been a heck of an eleven-day endurance trial. 

The short version: it was a great day. 

Morning walk...

7 October 2024: Snapped this picture at around 7:30 a.m. this morning on my walk. Stopped and breathed in the beauty of that moment. Felt how much lighter this morning felt compared to last Monday morning. Said to myself, "Oh, this can be your daily post. And since today won't be as busy, you can post it in any five free minutes you find--early, even!" (My goodness: I wish I had gotten a picture of the sunrise just 45 minutes or so earlier, but I was driving...)

Well, it's almost 5:30 and I haven't had five free minutes until right now and even right now I am stressed about using these five minutes for anything other than work. Because, as I've known, the real dash that began last Monday doesn't end until tomorrow night. 

But that's okay. Because today was also very good. And this image set the tone.

She's home...

6 October 2024: The best news of the day/week/month is that after being in the hospital since Thursday, Tara was released today. 

She's absolutely the strongest person I know. Life keeps throwing her challenge after challenge and she just keeps meeting them. It's awe-inspiring, but once again--my good, I have to ask, why does she keep having to prove her strength?

Praying for her to keep recovering, to get some rest, and to know how wonderful she is. (Doing my best to help with that last part.)

That's the good stuff...

5 October 2024: "I was always excited to do this, but I never fully expected such an astounding number of examples to work with. It opened my eyes to the presence of rhetorical tactics outside of just the classroom, and recently when I watched the JD Vance and Tim Walz debate, I felt that I had a better idea of the underlying tactics both candidates tried to use. I never expected this project to have any effect on me outside of the classroom, but I was proven wrong within a week." --a student reflecting on his rhetorical analysis essay (about an press conference before an MMA match!) in his cover letter. 

I mean, that's the good stuff. Made me really happy. 

Sighs of different size...

4 October 2024: Finished third of three Provost candidate visits today. So, big sigh of relief there. 

Much more importantly, after about twenty-four hours of being very worried about Tara, who is sick, I got to talk to her. Still a way to go for her to get home, but hearing her voice and some updates made me sigh a sigh of relief that dwarfs the one above. 

Should sleep very well tonight, I hope. Do have to be up at like 6:00 for the garage repair guy, but that's okay. 

Still standing, indeed...

3 October 2024: Working my tail off today, but my mood is so much better and lighter than it has been. There's a three-part prescription at work: sunshine (it's been so rainy for so many days--and I finally got to mow the lawn), time to just get stuff done, and lunch with Hannah at Sheetz. 

Still a lot to get done today and still feeling a bit under the weather (why we ate at Sheetz--and outside!), but I sure feel like I can do this.

And what a perfect song playing on Pandora as I type this!

Two down...

2 October 2024: Made it through hosting our second candidate today. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel if I squint, which is nice. But I am dragging and there is so much more to do. (Haven't mentioned yet that my garage door broke on Saturday night and that I have yet another stack of papers to grade...)

And I think I might be getting a cold, which seems especially rude. 

But we can do this...

"Right Here"

1 October 2024: I had so much work to get done today and just needed some "focus" music. Something made me listen to two Girlyman albums: Remember Who I Am and Joyful Sign. Worked so well, including this track.

One down...

30 September 2024: Today was a looooonnnng day, but a good one. Non-stop from 7:00 a.m. until nearly 9:30 (guest-hosting trivia at Bender's). I never had time for my walk, but am still at over 12K steps. 

One Provost finalist visit down, two more to go. 

Busy, boring, but okay Sunday...

29 September 2024: Spent most of today doing catch-up work from yesterday (weekly chores) and grading Annotated Bibliographies from my ENGL 301 students. Not a lot of fun. But I made steady progress and am almost ready for the kick-off to what will be a busy week. Step by step...

2024 F. Scott Fitzgerald Conference

28 September 2024: Today Tim and I took the biggest group we've ever taken to the F. Scott Fitzgerald Conference in Rockville where they got to hear from and meet Jesmyn Ward and Kiese Laymon. Then back to Tim and Kevin's for dinner and so much laughter. Exhausted, but a great day.

As usual, bit by bit...

27 September 2024: Woke up this morning feeling some stress and anxiety over...a bunch of things. Plus, I'm pre-exhausted for this weekend and next week (busy with students all day tomorrow, catching up on chores and grading 301 annotated bibliographies, and the the craziness of the provost candidate visits). 

But then it was just...a day--and a pretty good one. Too busy to dwell in anxiety. Just had to get stuff done and keep going. And when that stuff got done, that stress and anxiety diminished. 

I was especially anxious about a meeting with a student--but even it went better than I could have hoped.

Still pre-exhausted but once again realizing that I can do this. 

Starting to feel really real...

26 September 2024:

We have a cover!

"I've never run out of poetry to nourish me..."

25 September 2024: 

[Catch-up post because when I got home last night, my beloved old laptop died on me, mid-message.]

What a pleasure to once again listen to Mark Harshman talk about poetry and read some of his work. 

Trivia mood-lift...

24 September 2024: Got an annoying and upsetting work-related email towards the end of the workday. Once I found myself really thinking about it, all the anger and tension filled my body. But then I remembered that in just a little while, I'd be at trivia and that, for a couple of hours, I'd be having a good time. Worked like a charm.

"ecstatic cahoots"

23 September 2024: Thinking about this passage from The Great Gatsby that we talked about today in class: 

Just before I reached the hedge I remembered something and turned around.

“They’re a rotten crowd,” I shouted across the lawn. “You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.”

I’ve always been glad I said that. It was the only compliment I ever gave him, because I disapproved of him from beginning to end. First he nodded politely, and then his face broke into that radiant and understanding smile, as if we’d been in ecstatic cahoots on that fact all the time. His gorgeous pink rag of a suit made a bright spot of colour against the white steps, and I thought of the night when I first came to his ancestral home, three months before. The lawn and drive had been crowded with the faces of those who guessed at his corruption—and he had stood on those steps, concealing his incorruptible dream, as he waved them goodbye.

Such good stuff. In particular today that description of that smile stood out to me--including "ecstatic cahoots." 

"One More Try"

22 September 2024: 

The way this song had a hold on 10/11-year-old me! It's wild to think about that--how it filled me with what I thought were very grown-up emotions. The way I remember specific moments when the camera pulls in on his so-very-handsome and tortured face! Like, when this came on Youtube today, I still knew when they were coming. 

Extra wild? It's still so moving to me. I am not sure I have listened to it from start to finish in years there are so many movements that are crushing. 

"...who just is unwilling to try...So cold...inside."  

But that final moment? When he says, "Maybe...just one more try..."? Something that undercuts the five and a half minutes before it, but also seems heartbreakingly inevitable? So good. Sigh--just as wistfully as 36 years (!) ago.  

McDaniel with Beth...

21 September 2024: What a treat it was to spend some some time with Beth today while her daughter, Caitlyn, finished up an overnight recruitment visit at McDaniel College. I got there around 1:00, heading straight to Westminster after finishing an open house at Shepherd. We had lunch, walked around campus, and just caught up for a while. 

Beth is the first friend that I made at Roanoke. That friendship sustained me during some of the hardest days in that early and very tough transition. The fact that we are still friends nearly 30 years later--her own kid is looking at colleges (!)--is such a gift.

The amazing Rob Rufus

20 September 2024: It's been a long (but good!) week and my brain is not going to let me be too articulate about this, but indisputably the best part of today was having Rob Rufus visit my Young Adult Lit class. My friend Leigh, who organizes the Shepherdstown Book Festival, contacted me months ago, asking if Rob, a featured author, could talk to students. I took a leap of faith and told Leigh 1) absolutely and 2) I would teach Rob's book Die Young With Me in the class, even though I hadn't read it yet.

Fast forward to these past two weeks. My students loved this book and were so excited to get to meet Rob and ask him questions. And Rob is just a wonderful human being--funny, smart, creative, and so unbelievably kind and empathetic. 

I had to run from that class to a meeting with a student--and then had two more back-to-back conferences. When I had a little break, I stepped into the hallway, peeked into the classroom, and saw that--over an hour later--he was still in there, talking to three students who lingered. I have no idea how long he was there, but it just took my breath away. This guy catapulted to the top of my favorite people list. 

12 years!

19 September 2024: Attended my last meeting today as a Director on the Shepherd University Foundation. Term limits mean I am done--term limits that kept me there for twelve years. Reflecting on it all, I am grateful for and proud of the experience. I learned a lot, met some terrific people, and felt like it made a difference. 

301 conferences...

18 September 2024: Started one-on-one conferences with my ENGL 301 students today: 20 minutes for us to talk about their first annotated bibliography entries. 

Perhaps I just got very lucky this semester, but like those ENGL 101 conferences, these students (by and large) get it and are doing pretty solid work. That's reassuring and a blessing since more than any of my classes this semester, I've felt "behind" on this one after missing a day when I was sick. 

ENGL 301 is a tough class for students--so much material to cover--so we aren't out of the woods, but I am certainly happy with this strong start. 

Get you a friend like Hannah...

17 September 2024: I say it all the time, but get you a friend like Hannah. I texted her a screenshot today of an email from my publisher that indicates an ISBN for my book. "I have an ISBN," I said. Her response? 

"It looks like such a slay ISBN!!!!" 

The way she always says the best thing!

"The Park. Sunday. Queens, New York."

16 September 2024: "Perhaps they, too, finally got a day as lovely as this one – a chance to rest, to play, to run their fingers through the grass of this strange new land they were hoping to call home." --Jasmine Garsd, on this episode of Code Switch. 

With all the outright racist and hateful discussion of immigrants right now, this episode had me riveted. People--just beautiful, real, and inspiring people--spending a day in the park. 

It's terrific and essential listening. 

September Sunday Sun...

15 September 2024: Impeccable vibes from Jo today, as usual. She is sending a message about the energy I need to embody.

"Blue Bayou"

14 September 2024: A good day and a peaceful evening unfolding here, but I'm also sad about some stuff involving people I love a lot. I wish I could fix things and, most of all, make my sister--the strongest person I know and one of the kindest--realize what she can change and what she can't. And, even more than that, that she doesn't have a thing to prove to anyone. I could get her to see herself the way I do. Sigh... 

This song, which has also been on my mind the last few days, kind of embodies this evening's...wistful (?) vibes...

Speak No Evil

13 September 2024: Seeing the trailer for the American version of Speak No Evil virtually every time I've been to the movies this summer got me interested enough in the original to check it out on Wednesday night. Actually, the other thing that made me interested in it was seeing pop-culture critics who I respect basically describing it as very good, but something you won't ever want to watch again. 

Turns out, that description was spot-on. What a bleak, dark, and powerful movie!

As for the 2024 Americanized version, which I saw tonight? Well, I feel like I could write paper upon paper about putting them in dialogue with each other. So strange to see the same beats--and the same dialogue in places--play out but also feel like the films are apples and oranges. 2024's film is fun and exciting and funny. It's enjoyable in a way the original isn't. But that first one? Much more powerful. 

Those 101 conferences...

12 September 2024: Just like yesterday, every one of them today was the good kind of surprising. What a gift to get to teach these students. 

23 years...

11 September 2024: Twenty-three years later and the day still makes you pause and mourn and remember. 

This year, I find myself thinking about the students in my ENGL 101 class, none of whom were born yet back in 2001. I met with one-on-one conferences with six of them today and every single one of them impressed me, albeit in different ways--and these are six pretty different students. Some of the conversations affirmed what I suspected about the students and their abilities. Some of the conversations surprised me--each time in a positive way. 

Each one made me feel hopeful about the future, an emotion that is quite welcome to ride side-by-side with all of the other emotions of this anniverary. 

Back at trivia!

10 September 2024: After missing last week, it was really nice to be back at trivia tonight. It was only one week, but I missed my teams. And so many people asked how I was doing and said they were glad I was back.That feels good. One guy--a guy I really like, along with his wife--even brought me some tomatoes, as he promised a couple weeks ago. It was a really nice night. 

Dinner with the Coven

9 September 2024: Had dinner with some of my favorite women on campus, a group that I affectionately call a "coven." They are powerful and get stuff done. They inspire me and make me laugh. It's just always the best time hanging out with them. 

AfrAId

8 September 2024: AfrAId was a perfectly delightful way to spend an hour and twenty-something minutes on a Sunday afternoon. Creepy, dumb, and just fun. 

Volleyball's back...

7 September 2024: Really nice Saturday so far. It was rainy this morning, so I did the weekly Saturday chores and got some work done. Then I walked up to watch the volleyball team play (and sweep their opponent). Even season, I forget until that very first game just how much fun they are to watch. When the game was over, the sun was out and I could take a really nice walk. Then a bit more work. And now "off" for the night. Just me, the girls, pizza, and TV. 

Made it through week 2...

6 September 2024: Normally making it through Week 2 of a semester isn't really something to celebrate, but when you are working your way through COVID, it's a different situation. It wasn't that bad, but I am tired and should sleep well tonight. Coming home tonight, taking a nice bath, and eating some take-out in front of the TV with Veronica and Jo has felt like the best treat. 

"Reading anything good?"

5 September 2024: This is kind of a cheat, since the thing I am writing about happened yesterday, but it's been making me smile today. I called Krista and Isla to find out how school was going and then asked them each if they were reading anything good.

Krista's answer was pure Krista: she had checked a book out from the library about mythologies from around the world.

Isla's answer: The Big Book of Butts, also from the library.

I told Hannah that story and she said, "The two sides of your brain!" Ha!

Chainsaws?

4 September 2024: I asked my ENGL 101 students if any of them did anything interesting or fun over the Labor Day Weekend. One said she went to Blackwater Falls; another went home "to see my dog." One said, "Well, I did some trainings at work."

"What kind of trainings?" I asked.

"Chainsaws," she said.

Then I remembered she works as a--I think the term is "fright actor"?--at a haunted house. 

Suddenly it made sense, but also opened up a whole new line of questioning. 

Revolution routine...

3 September 2024: I think BabyCat and I finally have her monthly (at least in spring/summer months) application of Revolution down to a workable routine. (Jo is not a dream when it comes to this process; so squirmy!) 

Anyway...

As soon as Veronica knows something is up, she hides under the guestroom bed. I shut the door. I gently poke her with a grabber I got for reaching high stuff (ha) and she eventually crawls out and sits on the chest by the bed, cowering and howling, and looking terrified and miserable, but also resolved. 

I brush her for a while and she relaxes. Then I put her in my lap (slowly, gently at every step) and brush her some more. 

Then I put the Revolution on. 

Then she is free to go. 

She hates and loves it and it's all so weird and perfectly "BabyCat and me." But it's so much less dramatic and messy than it usually is. 

And I am also often humming, singing, and sometimes playing our song.

Best Labor Day Vibes...

2 September 2024: The award for Best Labor Day Vibes goes to Veronica, who led from start to finish. 

As for me? Not too bad. Still tired, with a sore throat. That super-annoying last-phase-of-a-cold dry cough is coming on, too. But the day was gorgeous. I mowed the lawn and felt okay. Watched a lot of TV. Just relaxed as much as I could. Grateful for a day to do that. 

Sick but grateful

1 September 2024: To be honest, I was really bummed to wake up this morning and not feel a bit better. Now, I don't feel worse, but you just kind of expect a steady ascent by day four or whatever this is. Still really tired (the worst part), with some congestion (just a bit), a headache (on and off), and a sore throat (tolerable). 

But then I reminded myself of some good news I heard yesterday (not mine to share) and that was an instant mood lifter.

And then I appreciated anew having a long weekend to rest and recover.

And then, as the morning progressed, I took some time to count the acts of real kindness from my friends. Hannah brought me some groceries on Thursday, after a long day and a long week for her at work. Tim ordered delivery from King's for me last night (with plenty left over for dinner today)--especially amazing since he and Kevin have had a week that the world "wild" falls short of describing. Then today, Carrie and James brought me a few more groceries.

My tendency is to resist these offers from folks. I hate for people to go out of their way for me. But this time, I made myself think about how I would feel if someone I cared about needed something or if I could do something to make them happier and they told me "no, thank you." "You would want them to let you do it," I told myself. 

So, I did. And it's really brightened my spirit to think about all that kindness. 

First Round of Revisions? DONE!

31 August 2024: Just emailed the first requested set of revisions and edits to my editor--two weeks early. In fact, still a month before the manuscript itself was originally due. I didn't have to spend a few hours today knocking them out (and yes--that's really all that it took!) and my tired-ass COVID brain wasn't loving the work, but it felt good (except physically--ha!) to just power through. 

I keep telling myself that grading this semester is going to be intense, so I need to push stuff through as soon as I can.

Anyway, chair dancing time, but not too intense because...COVID? Sure! This classic ditty just came on the 80s (???) station on Pandora, so it works. 

Nurse Jo

30 August 2024: Kind of a rough night, sleep-wise. Just restless and uncomfortable, though it's hard to describe why, but I kind of remember that from my first go-round with COVID. 

Feeling better today, I think, and recognizing other echoes of that experience two years ago, when my feline nurse was Wesley. Jo is so distinct from Wesley--entirely her own little self--but she is a worthy successor to him when it comes to comfort.

Sure didn't ask for this sequel...

29 August 2024: Was genuinely shocked when my COVID test turned positive last night. I didn't feel awful--just scratchy and figured I'd take a test for peace of mind. 

Doing okay today. Tired. A bit congested. Headache. Some chills. But could be worse. And all things considered, this isn't the worst time to get it. With the holiday on Monday, I'll only miss one day of in-person teaching. 

Friends' joys...

28 August 2024: Some of the people I love the most in this world had big days today--albeit in very different ways. One had a scary surgery that seems to have gone well and might have him on the road to feeling better. Someone else got a (well-earned/well-deserved) job offer. 

It was a long day and I am tired, tired, tired. But when I got the news about those developments? I just sat there at my desk and smiled and smiled. 

What a gift to have people to love and to celebrate their wins!

Dream teams...

27 August 2024: Worked with two great teams of women in two very different settings. First, team-taught our first session of Intro to Gender and Women's Studies with two of my absolute role models: Stephanie and Sally. (And all 25 students were there!) Second, had a very productive meeting with the women in our HR office and another staff member to keep things moving forward on an important search that I am chairing. 

Such a gift to be surrounded with such kind, smart, and capable women!

Little Women Dramatic GIFfrom Little Women GIFs

One day down...

26 August 2024: 

Got to campus by 7:30. 

Made it home at about 6:15. 

Exhausting. 

Exhilarating.  

I'll take it. 

Twas the night before...

25 August 2024: What an strange (in an almost entirely good way) summer this has been! Finished the book draft so early that I just had time to...relax. Not the entire months of July and August, but enough of them to really feel it. And enjoy it. And that enjoyment? I am hoping it is transformative, especially when it comes to Operation Balance. 

Back at it all again starting tomorrow. Feels fake, but I am ready as I'll ever be, I guess. And I know it will be wonderful to be around the students again. 

Big old BabyCat jar...

24 August 2024: Had a great visit from Jane today. We did birthday gifts, walked through an antique mall in Boonsboro, got some lunch, and just talked and talked like we do. Remarkably, I only took a single picture of this huge jar that looks like a bizarro and terrifying Veronica. It was almost worth buying it (at $60) just to get a picture of her next to it. But alas, I resisted the urge.

New crop and some returning veterans...

23 August 2024: We were so thrilled to welcome a group of our new English, English Education, and Spanish majors to campus today. We were also excited to introduce them to some of our fantastic second, third, and fourth year students: Taylor, Hannah, and Kel (who, coincidentally, all showed up wearing black Chuck Taylors). 

Professional Development Day

22 August 2024: On the surface, an entire day of mandatory professional development isn't most people's idea of fun. But the event we had today was pretty great. The best part? Just being around colleagues who I respect and love so much. Last year was so hard, but darn it: these people are a heck of a team. 

L.E.A.D.S. panel...

21 August 2024: Had an absolute blast being on a panel with these two today! Couldn't ask for better partners. And such a pleasure to meet our outstanding L.E.A.D.S. students and answer their questions! (Our coordinated colors were--I promise--a delightful accident.)

Hitting the floor...

20 August 2024: A long day on campus today--and I haven't done many of those these past couple of months. I don't think it's Jo's (or even Veronica's) favorite thing.

When I got home, I did something I do sometimes: came into the house, watched Jo come running right in, and sat down on the kitchen floor with her. Doing so immediately centers me, in a way. For just a few minutes, I hit pause on everything else and sit with this sweet girl, who is so happy to see me. 

I snapped this picture of her, mostly because it reminded me of Wes and the way he would rest a single paw on me. 

Another liminal week...

19 August 2024: The week before classes start is such a complicated liminal space. I need to be on campus every day this week, a clear indication that things are starting. But, you know: you can still wear shorts, not all of the students are back, and the pace is still different. A sure sign of that liminality? Rachel came over to watch a movie tonight and then we had to remind ourselves that it is, indeed, sort of a school night and not let it get too late.

Yankees vs. Tigers

18 August 2024: The Yankee game is in extra innings, which is always fun. But this game is extra charming because it's being played in Williamsport, PA, with a stadium full of Little League teams. They keep showing pics of the MLB players in their Little League uniforms. It's so cute.

Well, the Yankees just lost as I wrote this, but it was still a fun game. 

Butt

17 August 2024: Spent most of today doing some search committee work (Zoom interviews). As I kept taking notes, I realized it was time to say good-bye to a favorite pencil. 

Just one word, but it made me smile every time I used it.  

More ENGL 101 syllabizing...

16 August 2024: Spent a lot more time working on the 101 syllabus (most the work was just thinking, jotting down ideas, etc.). I think I had a decent breakthrough pretty late in the day--basically flipping the order of the essays. That will require undoing a lot of what I did yesterday, but that's okay in the long run. 

ENGL 101 syllabizing...

15 August 2024: For a bunch of reasons out of my control (frustratingly), I have been unable to work on my ENGL 101 syllabus until I just had to start. I spent a lot of today thinking about the class and working on the syllabus. This Common Reading selection is especially tough to incorporate, but I think I had a breakthrough. Need to sleep on it and still so much more work to do, but I think I can see a way forward.

Moving right along...

14 August 2024: Got my set of requested revisions from my editor today and, my goodness—it doesn’t look like a lot? My editor is hoping to send the manuscript up the ladder by September 15. 

To put it simply, it is so exciting and affirming. And I cannot believe that my major revisions will be done two weeks before the original manuscript submission deadline. 

Feels terrific.

Academic Belonging...

13 August 2024: Today my friend/colleague Jeff and I talked about a session we are leading at Shepherd's professional development day for faculty next week. In a general sense, we're talking about "academic belonging": how to make student feel like they are valid and worthy members of the classroom (and university) community. 

Jeff is such a cool guy: incredibly smart, kind, a kind of superman when it comes to building stuff, an interdisciplinary thinker, and just so thoughtful and smart. Talking with him about this topic was without a doubt one of the best parts of the day.

47

12 August 2024: Reflecting on what has been a very nice birthday. Nothing major--just beautiful weather, some good work to get done on campus (including a pretty productive meetings), phone calls and messages from loved ones, dessert and then dinner with friends...

One reason birthdays are lovely: you are reminded of how many wonderful people you've met over the course of your life. What a blessing that is!

Hancock hike

11 August 2024: Spent much of the day with my friends Steve and Kit. We met in Hancock, had lunch, and walked a few miles on the C&O. Every moment was filled with terrific conversations and storytelling. Grateful to have had a new set of friends enter my life a couple of years ago. 

Play hard. Sleep hard.

10 August 2024: Happy 2nd birthday to sweet girl!

Burger box

9 August 2024: Got a really fun cat-themed birthday package from Vogel today. The theme extended even further when I gave the girls the box. Perfect perch for watching Bob's Burgers.

Finally! A Show

8 August 2024: Found a new podcast to check out, courtesy of This is Love, which featured an episode of Finally! A Show on their feed. The premise: a woman narrates her day from start to finish. This particular episode follows a crematorium worker at New York's Green-Wood Cemetery. There's so much to love in this piece: a very engaging and endearing narrator, her charming colleagues who show up over the course of her day, their terrific New York accents, and really moving and profound observations about death, life, mourning, and remembering those who have died. 

This bit, from the narrator, Gabrielle, made me stop in my tracks*: "It is an honor and a privilege to bear witness to a witness."

*I think I use this phrase a lot when talking about great podcast moments, but most of the time, I mean it literally. I am listening while walking or doing something at least sort of active and I stop and take note of the time-stamp, in case I want to write about it later or send it someone's way. 

"the thing with feathers"

7 August 2024: It sure is nice to feel a bit of hope about November. It's also scary to feel this hope. But my goodness, this ticket--at least right now--is inspiring. Even more inspiring are the people turning out and coming together. 

Good things from today...

6 August 2024: Long, kind of tough day, but trying to stay focused on lots of good things: a fun triva game, needed rain falling outside (a lot of it--let's hope it's not too much), opportunities to see the people I care about do their things and shine, and a terrific candidate for Vice President. 

Spaghetti Jo

5 August 2024: So...Jo is obsessed with spaghetti??? I was pretty certain she was into it after this post. Then last week, she seemed to understand I was making it the moment I put the colander in the sink. And tonight, she was there from start to finish, watching every aspect. And yes, she got a piece again, this time without stealing it. (But she did look for more to steal in the sink. There was none.)

TikNot

4 August 2024: This evening, I opened TikTok for maybe the fourth time since I downloaded the app (simply to see stuff people send me). It kept playing all of these cat-meowing videos, including some captioned things like "this sound will make your cat come running."  

Jo immediately reacted. Some made her excited. One made her hiss! And she was looking everywhere around the bed for the cats. 

It actually made me feel bad, messing with her little head like that. Happy to keep mostly staying off that app just to avoid further guilt!

Dewey!

3 August 2024: Got to meet Cory and Hannah's new kitten, Dewey, today. He is perfect: chill and friendly and playful and very sweet. I am so thrilled that they found each other and he's right at home.

Some of the good stuff...

2 August 2024: Met with an advisee today to talk about her coursework (could she double-major? do a 4+1?, etc.). She's such an interesting and impressive young woman: married with two kids and a full-time job, but also carrying a full course load and killing it. I get the sense she didn't have it easy when she was a little kid, but she is so strong and determined. And she keeps saying, "I just want to help people and I see that happening in a classroom or school." What a blessing she'll be, whatever she ends up doing.

This kind of work? Always the good stuff!

Getting ready...

1 August 2024: Spent some time on campus this afternoon, mostly wading through stacks of papers and doing some pre-semester clean-up. Tim was up there, too, doing the same, which made it extra fun. I am certainly not eager for this summer to end, but there is something sweet about starting to get stuff (beyond syllabi) ready.

Morale boost...

31 July 2024: After yesterday's post, today's lunch with Sally and Stephanie to talk about our section of GWST 201 (and about a million other things) was a definite morale booster. Bring it on. 

Morale blow...

30 July 2024: Just when I start to feel like we can turn a corner with faculty morale, I hear of plans from up above that hit like a gut punch. Keeping it vague (and it's nothing dire), but my goodness. Sometimes I just say out loud, "What are they thinking?" 

Three emails...

29 July 2024: Needed to send three long and sort of complicated emails today to get the ball rolling (well, three balls on three different paths). It felt good to sit down and work on each of them (and some other work that was connected to each). It also felt good to check each off of my list and to get some quick and positive feedback on each. And, as is often the case, each was easier to take care of than I thought it would be. 

(Boring, nerdy post, I know, but it's what stood out to me most when thinking about today.) 

The Reformatory

28 July 2024: "Sometimes the dead could help you fly" (565).

The Reformatory took my breath away. The last line, quoted above, made me tear up. The novel is a terrific mix of horror, suspense, historical fiction, and a moving story of familial love. Just amazing. 

Work Cited

Due, Tananarive. The Reformatory. Saga Press, 2023. 

"Hooked on a Feeling"

27 July 2024: Scrolled through my iPod this afternoon while taking a post-lawn-mowing/chores-doing bath. Sang my heart out for those bathroom acoustics. 

Played it a couple more times today, as it seemed the fit the mood of a pretty chill day.

These fleeting summer Fridays...

26 July 2024: Not a bad summer Friday. Spent the morning on campus taking care of some tasks, then came home for a bit before picking up Amy for a movie (Deadpool and Wolverine, which she was so excited about) and dinner for her birthday. Home by 9:30 or so for some chill time with the girls. Lovely, cool(ish) evening with the windows open. Not bad at all. 

Ten years...

25 July 2024: Today marks ten years since Ryan's death. I won't even pretend to have anything particularly new to say, but I am deeply moved by the strange coincidence that today is also the day that my nephew Colin graduates from basic training, something that would have made my brother very proud. 

Quiet Wednesday evening contemplations...

24 July 2024: Thinking this evening about how quiet the house is now that it's back to "normal" with the girls gone. This summer especially, with the book manuscript being finished early, no administrative work, and no incredibly demanding university service has given me more free time than I have had since college. As I've written about, it's been wonderful and strange and, at times, unsettling to have so much time with myself (and only myself) to do with as I please. A single woman with no children and a comfortable income, I have a kind of freedom so many others do not have.

Tonight, I keep thinking about all of this in connection to JD Vance and his thoughts on childless people--particularly childless women. (And, weirdly, those with cats? seriously--there are so many weirdos over on the right, just obsessed with people's private lives.) For Vance, people like me are less important, less valuable because we aren't invested in our country in the same way parents are. Add in his beliefs that professors are the enemy, and boy, do I check all of his boxes as a target of disdain. It's strange to feel those boxes get checked and not feel...sad? 

But the reason I feel sad, at least tonight, isn't because I am disappointed in my own life or my own choices. 

I am sad because people like Vance must not know and love the same God that I do, or must not listen to him very closely. Because my God tells me that everyone should be invested in children and their future and the planet--and everyone includes people outside of the country. 

I don't need to even try to convince Vance or those like him that I do my best to follow the greatest commandment (and fail so often), but that my goodness--my ability to try has nothing to do with whether or not I have children. I also believe that my life and my work has been an investment in children and the country and the world. Of course it has been, or else why do it? But again, I don't need/want to convince him or anyone else of that right now.

What makes me sad tonight is that this weird stance reflects such a depressing hollowness in the heart of so much right-wing ideology. It has to be your blood for you to care. Fight for your blood, your people, your stuff, your guns, your rights. But fighting on behalf of others, including people not like them? They can't even imagine it without derision and suspicion. It's so f*cking sad. 

I am so glad not to live in that world anymore. 

Veronica feels differently...

23 July 2024: Jo had a blast with Krista and Isla. She seemed especially fascinated by Isla, as these pictures show. 

Sweet Frog Meet-Up

22 July 2024: 

[Catch-up post]

Caught some great synergy yesterday as Tara, Jeff, Evan, and their new puppy passed right through Martinsburg on their way to Oklahoma for Colin's graduation from basic training. So Isla, Krista, and I met them at the Sweet Frog just off 81 for a quick visit. Really lovely that it worked out!

It's called "New Romantics"

21 July 2024:

[Catch-up post]

Isla introducing me to her third favorite Taylor Swift song on the first night of her and Krista's visit. We also painted nails, made ice-cream sundaes, and watched silly TV. 

Saturday cleaning...

20 July 2024: Getting things ready for a two-night sleepover visit from Krista and Isla starting tomorrow, which somehow led to unexpected cleaning.

Things I said goodbye to today:

• The old TV I bought when I moved into this house. The HD ports stopped working years and years ago, so basically, it's no good for streaming or any kind of internet TV (which is all I have these days). Took it to the recycling center (and left the recommended $15 fee in the lockbox).
• A bunch of old cords, batteries, and a toner cartridge (again, yay for the recyling center). 
• My elementary school soccer participation plaques, which my dad gave me--along with a box full of other awards and certificates years ago. Everything has stayed right in the box until today. I thought about keeping them for a second, but then realized they don't have my name or even a date on them. And even if they did, they aren't destined for some museum. Sadly, those just went in the trash. Don't believe they are recyclable. 

There's been a decent amount of purging/decluttering this summer, the result of having time on my hands. Not sure how far it will go before the summer's end, but it does feel good. 

Letter from the past...

19 July 2024: At our NWP event in November, my colleague Valerie had us write letters to ourselves that she would send us in the spring. We were prompted to write about ideas for perseverance in our writing and teaching and about (I think?) what we hoped for by the time we opened the envelopes. 

Mine got delivered to me months ago, but I kept waiting to open it, thinking (I think?) that I would do it after I submitted the book. Well, I was on campus today, saw the envelope sitting there, and thought, "What am I waiting for now?" 

It was kind of a quietly moving experience. Things were rough then on just about every level. I ended one paragraph with a simple sentence: "I hope I am happier."

Look, in so many ways (especially globally, politically) things are worse, worse, worse. 

Still, though I am not sure of all the reasons why or the extent or how long it will last, I just knew something when I read those words today: I am happier now.