Saturday, December 31, 2022

So long, 2022...

31 December 2022: Looking forward and looking back, with Big Thoughts abounding, I am thinking about these words tonight:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." --Philippians 4:4-7

(Also: seven years of at least one post per day here--admittedly some of them "catch-up posts." Not sure what kind of record I am assembling here, but that's a pretty good streak.)

Friday, December 30, 2022

0-10, but...

30 December 2022: Another "L" for the women's basketball team today, but this time, I think the score really didn't reflect the effort (though the winning team really pulled ahead in the end). I think it must be rough for them to be going through this season (win-less so far and not a single game has been close), but I was pleased to see them seeming to have fun out there at times. Proud of them for just trying, trying, trying and playing the game they love. 

Thursday, December 29, 2022

"You can say things like, 'Tell me your life story...'"

29 December 2022: "With strangers, you can ask the questions you can’t really ask the people you know. You can say things like, 'Tell me your life story.' My girlfriend and I are getting closer to proposal age, so I told them our love story. Trey had a girlfriend, so he shared his love story, too. Michelle is a grandmother, so she talked about how long she had been married to her husband. We got to know each other pretty well."

Just really charmed and moved by this piece on Slate about strangers driving across the country together in the wake of all these canceled flights. 

Wednesday, December 28, 2022

Step one...

28 December 2022: Going to be kind of cryptic about it so as not to jinx it, but with Hannah's help, started a bit of a process today that might end up being a good thing. 

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Good news from Rocky Point...

27 December 2022: Glad to hear (directly from them) that my parents both seem to be improving, though my dad is still a couple of days behind my mom. I was worried; the unknown is so scary with this unpredictable virus. But I feel like we can breath a bit easier now. 

Monday, December 26, 2022

3 years and 1 day...

26 December 2022: Just hit 10K for today which means my streak is now 3 years and 1 day. Really hard to believe. 

The strange thing is that on Thursday, right before the really cold weather started to move in, as I was finishing my walk, I told myself that the streak would end on Christmas Eve. There was just no way I could imagine getting it in. It was supposed to be bitterly cold on Christmas Eve morning (before I got in the car to drive to NY)--too cold for an early morning walk. (Like, wind chills in the negative teens.) And then, by the time I got to NY, it would still be too crowded and busy inside, too cold outside, and, when things got less crowded too cold and too dark. So, it wasn't going to happen. And I was okay with that. A weird kind of relieved to have the streak end for a good reason. 

Came in from my walk, looked at my phone, and saw the texts about COVID in NY. 

So, thanks to that (and three days of cold where most of the steps accumulated inside, walking in circles around the house), the streak continues--for a kind of sad reason. We'll see how long it lasts...

Sunday, December 25, 2022

Christmas 2022

25 December 2022: It certainly wasn't the Christmas I thought I'd have, here in WV when I thought I'd be in NY. It was quiet and a bit strange and a bit sad at times, but I was blessed enough to get invited to Pennsylvania for Christmas dinner at Eric's parents' house with them, Erin, Eric, and the girls. It was really lovely. Home now hanging out with Veronica watching the Call the Midwife Christmas episode. Still worried about my parents (who I have watched so many of these specials with) and hoping for better news from them tomorrow. 

Saturday, December 24, 2022

Just me and my girl...

24 December 2022: Just me and this nugget on Christmas Eve. So far, a very chill day: movies, TV, pacing around the house to get steps in (still really cold out there). I am not sure how happy she is to have me here--she misses Wesley so much, refuses to see me as a substitute, and often walks around crying at me--but I am happy to have her.


Friday, December 23, 2022

"Umm, okay. No possibility of taking a walk today."

23 December 2022: My post's title comes from my thought about a block into my walk early this afternoon. Though it was in the 30s at around 7:00, by the time I set out, the temperatures had plummeted 20 degrees. (And right now, it's 6 degrees out.) The wind has died down, but at 11:00 a.m.? I struggled to walk. And then I thought, "Okay, maybe just a quick walk the other way" and found myself being blown forward. And the cold was intense. 

So...see the post's title. (Yes, a shout-out to Jane Eyre, too.)

Still managed to hit 10K today, almost entirely from pacing around the house on writing and chore breaks, with an assist to the brief trip I took to Food Lion. 

Thursday, December 22, 2022

Christmas in...West Virginia...

22 December 2022: Well, my mom tested positive for COVID today, so that means no Christmas trip to New York. She seems okay so far, which is what matters most--that she feels better soon and that my dad stays healthy. Still, it is strange to not be headed up there in a couple days. It's different than 2020, when we knew for a long time that it wasn't going to happen. 

Just an incredibly tough few weeks, after a tough and challenging semester. And a rough few years. 

Still, still, still, though: we (me, my family) are blessed. It's worth remembering when things are hard, not because it makes the hard stuff go away, but because it just true and there is comfort in that truth. 

Wednesday, December 21, 2022

524...

21 December 2022: Along with a bunch of smaller tasks, I had a goal of writing 500 words of my Piatt entry today (modest, I know) and by golly, got 524 done. In my defense, that included the first paragraph, which is always kind of a bear to get right. Hoping to knock out double that or more tomorrow. But for now, I'll be happy with 524.

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

Filling station!

20 December 2022: I didn't even notice it at first, but I am delighted that one of the water bottle filling stations that some colleagues and I won a grant for has been installed in Knutti. 



Monday, December 19, 2022

Spring syllabizing...

19 December 2022: Spent some time today getting my syllabi ready for next semester (which starts in exactly three weeks). It's comforting work, especially when there aren't any new preps--just updating things, making little (what I hope are) improvements, dropping files into place, and getting excited about seeing the students again. I was supposed to spend more time writing my Piatt entry, but my mind just wasn't there and checking a bunch of things off one of my to-do lists makes me feel a bit less anxious about that one part of my life.   

Sunday, December 18, 2022

"Everything will be all right..."

18 December 2022: Another essential holiday re-watch for me: Call the Midwife's 2015 holiday special. I remember watching it when it aired on Christmas day nearly seven years ago and just smiling and sobbing. Watched it again today and Sister Julienne's line to the panicking Iris--"Everything will be all right"--once again had me tearing up. (Every time, I want to believe she was saying it to me, too. Ha!) When she tells Iris, still mourning the baby she lost 22 years ago, and wondering how she can love another child, "Love is not going to be halved. But doubled," the tears just flowed. (It's also a really important Patsy and Delia episode.)

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Wrapping to Elf

17 December 2022: This evening, I wrapped all the Christmas gifts so far (a few more to arrive/to be purchased) while watching Elf. I think this has become a kind of annual ritual--quiet, relaxing, with just a tinge of melancholy (but what isn't carrying that tinge these days?). There are worse ways to spend 90 minutes or so. 

Friday, December 16, 2022

These in-between days...

16 December 2022: One of those weird days where you can't quite figure out where the time went, but it's okay(ish). And this evening--spent with some friends (several of whom I haven't seen in nearly a year)--was quite lovely. 

Thursday, December 15, 2022

"The Plight Before Christmas"

15 December 2022: Every holiday season, I rewatch the Bob's Burgers Christmas episodes again and again. I saved the most recent one until this morning, an icy day when campus was closed and I needed a treat to start off a long, solitary day. And my goodness: did I love it. One of the great wonders of this show is how it blends biting humor with real sweetness and sincerity--and characters who seem so real. And when a certain reveal happened? I literally started sobbing. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Another little pawprint...

14 December 2022: Picked up Wesley's ashes and pawprint today. Just like with Bing, the pick up was emotional. And just like with Bing, that little pawprint is just so much to take in. 


Tuesday, December 13, 2022

A bit better...

13 December 2022: Despite what I just wrote in the catch-up post for yesterday, today has been better. Did some work from home this morning. Then took the afternoon off to see a movie. Then some more work at home. Not a bad balance. 

Squinting to remember...

12 December 2022: 

[Catch-up post]

Didn't post yesterday and I don't know why. I guess I just thought I did and crossed it off my list without thinking? And then I sat here tonight (12/13) and thought and thought and thought, wondering what the heck I did yesterday. Time always feels a little broken during these "between classes" times, but I think the trauma/drama of the past few weeks is playing into it, too. 

Sunday, December 11, 2022

Rudolph time...

11 December 2022: Got to see Jane and her sisters, brother-in-law, and niece and nephew today. I hadn't seen her family since before COVID, so that was special. Then all of us (except Patrick) took in a community theater production of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, which was very cute. 

Grateful for chances to embrace blessings...

Saturday, December 10, 2022

"theorizing the maternal"

10 December 2022: "Motherhood remains an anxiety-laden subject for feminist critics wary of grappling with an issue so susceptible to essentialist arguments. We must acknowledge, however, that the individual, social, and political aspects of mothering form a central concern for women writers, and so theorizing the maternal is imperative. The study of Piatt’s poetry affords us an excellent opportunity to do so" (Wearn 164).

This passage from Wearn's article really stuck out to me, perhaps because of thinking about She Said's depiction of motherhood and its intersection with a woman's career. 

It's been interesting to revisit Piatt this week. I had forgotten how rich and fascinating her work is.

Work Cited

Wearn, Mary McCartin. “Subjection and Subversion in Sarah Piatt’s Maternal Poetics.” Legacy: A Journal of American Women Writers, vol. 23, no. 2, 2006, pp. 163–77. Project Muse. 

Friday, December 9, 2022

Fall 2022 Grading: DONE!

9 December 2022: Just hit "submit" on my last set of final grades for the semester. And what a semester it has been. Started off so strangely, with COVID keeping me away from campus. Ended with losing Wes. But from start to finish, the undimmable bright lights were my students--like they are every semester. 

Despite taking the afternoon off with Amy (lunch, a movie [She Said--very good!], and some Christmas shopping), I am still not quite in the spirit. Missing my boy. But doing my best.

And now for some mellow chair-dancing to this gem that just came up on Pandora...

Thursday, December 8, 2022

"it implies more sympathy than she is likely to obtain..."

8 December 2022: Working on my entry on Sarah Morgan Bryan Piatt and found myself laughing at this 1880 Scriber's review of her work:

"[Piatt] is nothing if not dramatic, and nothing if not subtle. Her method is a profound one, in that it works from within outward, and a faulty one, in that it implies more sympathy than she is likely to obtain, and more intelligence than is possessed by one reader in a hundred. Her conceptions are no doubt clear to her, but they are frequently obscure to others. Her situations may be striking from a psychological point of view, but they are not such as to commend themselves to the eyes of common men; the stage upon which her tragedies are played is of the soul, not of the senses. She not only demands an apprehension which is denied to the many, but she demands also that they forget the language which is natural to them, and learn the language which is natural to her..." (qtd. in Giordano 28-29)

We love a take-down that doesn't realize it's a compliment. Look, I am not a defender of incomprehensibility or inaccessibility for their own sake or as a definitive measure of value, merit, or skill, but to call her method "faulty" seems a fundamental distortion of what poetry can and should do/be (which is many things!). 

Work Cited

Giordano, Matthew. “‘A Lesson from’ the Magazines: Sarah Piatt and the Postbellum Periodical Poet.” American Periodicals: A Journal of History, Criticism, and Bibliography, vol. 16, no. 1, 2006, pp. 23–51. EBSCOhost.

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

"The Hand Song"

7 December 2022: 

"And he knew it was love
It was one he could understand
He was showing his love
And that's how he hurt his hands"

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

25 hours later...

6 December 2022: Still reeling from yesterday's shock. I would have said goodbye to him this coming Thursday (just yesterday morning, I booked the vet appointment), but I thought I'd have just a bit more time. A few more evenings. Some more time holding him. 

I just wish I had been here with him. 

He didn't just pass away in his sleep (which I actually prayed for maybe 10 minutes before getting home and finding him). He was in some distress and I wasn't here. (He was always here for me.) That kills me. And I know it's not my fault and that it was one bad ending for a nice, long life, but I wasn't here and he needed me. 

Last night was the first time I've ever slept in this house without him. In fact, in all the time I had him, unless I was traveling, he never spent a night away from me. With the exception of when he had his bladder stone surgery and was gone most of the day, I've never pulled into the house (or my apartments) without him here waiting for me. This tiny cat took up so much space. It's cavernous and so quiet without him.

Grateful for Veronica, who seems okay enough and just made a snore-y, stretchy noise across the room. My little, standoffish, and coy blessing.

Monday, December 5, 2022

Wes

5 December 2022: Lost my GrayBaby today. Broken-hearted. Will miss this sweet boy so much. He loved me so much and I always felt so privileged because of that--even unworthy. 

This picture from a year ago came up in my Facebook "memories" today. My sweet little shadow.

Sunday, December 4, 2022

Book club...

4 December 2022: A lot on my mind today and into tonight, so it was nice to have the hour-plus book club meeting via Zoom this evening (discussing Flying Solo). Here for all the reminders of the good things in my life, including these friends. 

Saturday, December 3, 2022

Getting in the spirit...

3 December 2022: Jam-packed day: a bit of grading in the morning, Shepherdstown Christmas Parade, lunch with three of my favorite former students (Claudia, Alex, and Linnea), putting up Christmas lights and decorations at home, and then a basketball game. Now little chores and errands. Didn't get as much grading done as I might have liked, but sometimes that's okay, especially when you need to get in the spirit. Not sure how well that part's working (getting in the spirit), but I'm trying.

Friday, December 2, 2022

Sigma Tau Delta Party

2 December 2022: Another Sigma Tau Delta Holiday Party is in the books. Once again, we did it on campus and I think it went really well. A small crowd, but a good one. And Hannah showed up, which meant Tim and I got to hang out with our BabyGirl. Just what I needed after a long week.



Thursday, December 1, 2022

Veronica at the vet...

1 December 2022: Today has been a tremendously emotional day--really lovely moments and some potentially crushing news (not about me; I'm okay). Can't talk about that last bit yet, so I'll just focus on the wild beginning: Veronica's annual vet visit. As always, the hardest part was catching her. These (hilarious) photos are from when we were in the exam room, waiting for the doctor to come in. Pretty shortly after, she calmed down, cuddled up to me, and behaved like an angel for the doctor. Like always, I pet her more this day than any other day of the year.