Spring 2026 Grading: DONE!

30 April 2026: Just hit submit on the last set of grades. As always, feels good. Like last semester, though, finishing this time seems different. Surreal and...anti-climactic? Or maybe just weird because what's ahead is so unsettled. It's hard to imagine what the next few months will look like...

But we must do what we must do. Chair-dancing resumes.

Pulled up Pandora, which offered me this tropical (and thus summer-y?) classic. 

 

This song will never not make me think of a parody version that I heard second-hand from an elementary school classmate, who heard it on the radio: "Last night I dream of some bagels..." I can't remember all of lyrics, but I believe they included "with butter dripping off the sides / poppy seeds, you decide..." Do I even need to remind you that I grew up on Long Island?

Speaking of Long Island, Pandora is now playing Taylor Dayne's "Tell It to My Heart" and we are dancing in this chair. 

WISH Reception

29 April 2026: I continue to be so proud to be a member of WISH. Tonight's reception, where we heard updates from the four grant awardees, reaffirmed what a special group it is. Bring a bunch of women together in the name of high-impact philanthropy and you won't believe what you see. 

Time to write means it's time to write...

28 April 2026: This afternoon I've been working on a chapter about reflection, critical thinking, and metacognition for our custom ENGL 101/102 textbook. 

I started work on this months ago, collecting excerpts from student writing over the past two years, diving into the scholarship, and even sketching out an outline. 

I started drafting about three weeks ago. Wrote a heck of an opening paragraph. 

And then it just sat there because I just didn't have the time to do any more. This wasn't a task I could knock out in 30 minute bursts. And I had to devote those 30 minute bursts to other tasks.

Today, though, because I have the time and because those "other tasks" are mostly done, it's time to write and I am hacking away at it. 

It's going by quickly and I am delighted by that, though I know there are at least four more drafts between now and "done." But the grading is almost done--even all caught up for now, with the last batch coming in tomorrow--and I can do this. 

It helps that this is a subject near and dear to my heart--and one that matters for our program's goals and assessment. Wading through over 100 portfolios in January made me realize, "Hmmm, we need something about reflection in the book. Guess I have to write it..."

(And yes, this post is a bit of a break from writing that chapter and yes, it's also a bit of metacognitive writing about metacognitive writing...so I better stop before I get carried away. Back to work...) 

Granted...

27 April 2026: Got some news late today about a grant application that I was working on with my buddy, Hannah, in the weeks before and after my dad's death. 

Those were such strange, hard days. 

I hated doing that work at times, even as I was grateful for the distraction and that there was work to do. (In general, grant writing is just not a genre I love.) I remember logging onto a Zoom meeting less than 24 hours after he died. It never even crossed my mind not to. 

But you just keep going, you know? That's what I told myself. 

And as silly as it was, I thought, "This is what he would want. He would be proud."

Anyway, we got the money. It wasn't anywhere close to a sure thing. So...wow. 

I think he would be proud. I hope he is. 

A birthday and a retirement...

26 April 2026: A couple milestones today for folks who mean a lot to me: a dear friend's little boy turned one and a beloved colleague celebrated his retirement. 

Lots of Big Thoughts these days about time and transitions, most of them melancholy.

But it is lovely to think about how both occasions today, in my heart, are bathed in happiness and light. 

Fresh cut...

25 April 2026: Got my hair cut today and, as always, enjoyed talking with Isabelle, who's been my stylist for years now. When I mentioned that I had papers to grade, she said, "Oh, I remember you brought some with you last time!" I can't believe she mentioned that. A few minutes later, she said something about having a vivid imagination. "I do see papers," she added, "I see the people [who wrote them]. The work they put in, how worried they are..." 

I just think that's really neat. She's pretty cool.

School Spirits

24 April 2026: Got home this evening and started up where I left off on the latest season of School Spirits--episode six. The "previouslies" had me thinking, "I don't remember any of that..." So I went back to episode five. Same thing. Then four. Then three.

I think I must have been half watching them--over Spring Break, I think--and with everything going on, they just didn't sink in. 

It kind of bummed me out. Like...just weird and a sign of being kind of a mess at times--unfocused, distracted. 

So...I started the new season again. Just about done with episode one. Starting over feels kind of good. 

"It's almost summer, baby, and we've got time," I tell myself, trying to believe it. Every time I say something like that--even to myself--I cringe like I'm conjuring some bad mojo...

This evening, though, I'm mostly believing it. "Relax. We've got time."

Almost done...

23 April 2026: Spent a lot of time today working on a project that, at times, seemed unmanageable given everything else on my lists and so little time: the full proposal for a WISH grant to fund our NWP site. A draft is due to OSP tomorrow and after I give it one more read tomorrow morning, I'll send it off.

Gotta say: it feels good. 

The other seemingly undoable items on my list now seem a lot more doable and manageable, too. Just need a few more days like today. 

2026 Capstones...

22 April 2026: Capstones are in the books for another year! Once again, the students all did a good job, which is really quite a feat!

"Amaze Me"

21 April 2026: I am not sure why, but Girlyman's "Amaze Me" has been in my head since yesterday morning. I guess it's just speaking to me somehow: melancholy mixed with wistful hope for something better out there--or, more accurately, reminders of what is already good and marvelous that can sustain us. 

And this springtime impulse to just get in a car and drive...the road as possibility in a time when so much seems closed and settled.

Last week of classes...

20 April 2026: Started off the last week of classes with a long but productive day. Since no one came during office hours (WTH, students?), I just chugged along on a bunch of stuff. Still a lot to get done this week (and only a small bit of it involves grading), but feeling a bit more optimistic. 

Book club/play date

19 April 2026: Got to spend time today with Kaitlyn, Kenny, Cece, Cory, Hannah, and Theo--two great couples and two great little kids. 

When your mind is so occupied with illness, death, and aging, being around little ones, especially, is so good for your soul. Had a blast playing with Cece's toys and talking with her and just watching Theo crawl around, play, test his new words, and take in new things. 

"Gold Watch"

18 April 2025: Yesterday, I posted about the Lord sending letters that speak to me in precise, moving ways. Another arrived today in the form of "Gold Watch," a story by John McGahern, read by Tessa Hadley on The New Yorker Fiction Podcast. 

I listened to it as I mowed the lawn this morning, grateful for a stretch of time to take it in and sunglasses to cover my eyes in case anyone noticed a teary-eyed person pushing the mower. 

I can't really bring myself to write more about why it moved me. But I felt seen and understood, a bundle of emotions crashing together, too. 

"letters from God dropt in the street"

17 April 2026: 

In "Song of Myself," Whitman writes:

"I find letters from God dropt in the street, and every one is sign’d by God’s name,
And I leave them where they are, for I know that wheresoe’er I go,
Others will punctually come for ever and ever."

I am thinking of those lines tonight as I think about four literal pieces of mail that I received today--two from current students, one from a former student, and another from someone at an institution I gave a small donation to. 

The two from current students arrived via campus mail, part of a Program Board event where students could send thank-you letters to their teachers. They landed in my hand right after I found myself feeling very down on my walk to the mailroom--full of sadness and anxiety about so much. By the walk back to my office--with those unopened notes in my hand--I felt a different kind of teary. When I opened them? Magical stuff to read. 

The other two were in my mailbox when I got home; I love the idea that one is from the "past," so to speak, from a former student. But because we are still in touch, she's also part of my present and future. We've been sending each other genuine letters--long, comtemplative, thoughtful. It's meaningful and special to me. 

The last--from someone in donor relations at UNCG--made me happy because it made me think of a place I love and a place that shaped me. The good work they do there goes on. A young woman I'll probably never meet reminded me of that in a handwritten note.

As I keep writing in these posts, so much is so hard. It can--at least metaphorically--buckle my knees at times. It was on that walk down the hall earlier today, as text messages from home and from Pennsylvania filled me with sadness and fear. 

But the Lord sends letters to me--to all of us, reminding me of His presence. Today the letters were literal. I am so grateful.

6:34

16 April 2026: At the tail-end of a very long and busy week and at the end of a non-stop day, getting home at 6:34 p.m. seems like a little victory. Reheated some leftovers for dinner, watched Jeopardy!, got some more work done, and am settling in for the finale of The Pitt in a few minutes. 

There in the distance I see it--the light at the end of the tunnel. So much more to do, but I can see it ahead. 

"Our Book of Delights"

15 April 2026: 

"...But it’s our own ferns and fiddleheads, 

evergreens and sugar maples, trillium blooming, or on the verge, 

for no one in particular, for everyone in particular, as if to say, 

Go on, enjoy it..."

Oh, man...this one got me. I feel like such a mess and this is just what I needed to read. It's Arielle Hebert's "Our Book of Delights."

Accountability...

14 April 2026: Thinking again tonight about how I need to control my temper more. It doesn't manifest in yelling or anything like that...just being snappy. I don't like it. 

Nothing major...just wish I could do better. Calling myself out, I guess, for accountability. 

Potluck stop...

13 April 2026: I could only stay for about 40 minutes, but the Sources of Strength end-of-the-year potluck was really lovely. I haven't had the chance to do much with this group, but I am glad to be a part of it. 

Jo and the Redbud...

12 April 2026: Got home from PA, opened the windows, and found Jo framed by the redbud tree, a little tradition we're developing.

Vogel's birthday dinner...

11 April 2026: One day late, but happy to celebrate Vogel's birthday today.

Big Dog

10 April 2026: This is one of my favorite moments from the latest set of student paper conferences that I finished today:

I'm talking with a student whose mother has just had surgery. When the conference ends, I tell him that I hope her recovery continues to go well. I don't know why, but I wask him, "What do you call your mom? Mom? Mama? Mommy?"

He pauses for a moment.

"I actually call her 'Big Dog.'"

I burst out laughing as he adds, "Yeah, she thanked me for helping her with something and I said, 'Whatever you need, Big Dog." 

Amazing. 

A multiple-hat day...

9 April 2026: A long day with lots of different tasks to do/hats to wear. Conferences with ENGL 102 students this morning. Work on the composition textbook in the early afternoon. Then adjunct interviews. Then NWP work. Now back to teaching prep and other associated "teacher tasks." 

Twenty more minutes until the "work" part of the day ends and I can watch The Pitt.

Still pushing back against feeling overwhelmed, but a day like this--when I can make progress on lots of things, even just a little bit on each--feels pretty good. 

Two good updates...

8 April 2026: Still pretty crazy and stressful here but two good updates are helping a lot.

First, a family member who had been in the hospital is now home and resting. 

Second, I had a good conversation with a friend who had done something hurtful. We talked it out and while things aren't perfect, it feels good to just choose grace and friendship rather than bad feelings. 

First mow...

7 April 2026: Once again feeling overwhelmed by...everything. Even good news (being invited to the next stage of a grant competition) makes me want to cry a bit, wondering when I'll get that done.

I snuck home this afternoon after conferences with my ENGL 102 students so that I could take care of the first mow of the season. A sure-fire sign of April and its frantic rush is just this situation: "if I don't mow it during this narrow window of free time, everything will be terrible..." 

On my way to the car, a colleague stopped me to say hello. "One thing I can tell you," he said, "when you are done, you'll see it." He's so right. It helps to make little bits of progress, however fleeting.

Stopped and snapped a couple of pictures as I worked, particularly of my beloved redbud tree, doing its thing and leaving me in awe all over again. (Consciously kept the mower in the shot! Ha!)

I texted Hannah later and said, "I stood and looked at the freshly-cut lawn with all the satisfaction of a suburban dad, as per usual." 

Spent the rest of the day working from home and making pretty good progress: did some course prep, finished gradig a stack of essays, sent about 100 emails. Hanging in there.  

Psalm 147:3-4

6 April 2026: 

Praying for healing for a loved one tonight...

"He heals the brokenhearted 

    and binds up their wounds.

He determines the number of the stars

    and calls them each by name."

Easter 2026

 5 April 2026: 

I love my little egg son. 

Had a wonderful Easter with Erin, Eric, Krista, and Isla. So blessed to have them so close.

Softball season...

4 April 2026: 

[Catch-up post--forgot to post last night for some reason!]

Got to see the Shepherd softball team play yesterday--in truly summer-like temperatures. Maddy Ruffner (who I had in ENGL 204 last spring) dominated the game, striking out 19 runners, an all-time record for Shepherd. Maddy was the previous record holder...with 18. Exceptional talent!

The final turn...

3 April 2026: Miles to go before I sleep and all that, but we are in the final turn of the semester! (Mixing a Frost allusion with a NASCAR reference is very me...)

Three more weeks of classes and then a week of exams. About a month to go. We can do this. 

Ten days later...

2 April 2026: Same spot from this post and already fading, but such is the nature of spring beauty!

Brandi and Amy

1 April 2026: Brandi on Amy Poehler's podcast? Manufactured in a lab for me! What a way to start the day!