"When You're Gone"

15 January 2018: Really sad to hear the news about Dolores O'Riordan today. The Cranberries were an important part of the soundtrack of some foundational years in my life. I could link to so many songs, but this afternoon/evening, this is the one that's been on my mind. I can remember playing it (on repeat, sometimes!) through some angsty moments, but the lyrics take on a new resonance today.

Dick: A Card Game

14 January 2018:

Hannah: "Men or cheese, T. Which is it?"
Tim: "Cheese."

This context-less exchange brought to you courtesy of "Dick," the game I spent hours playing yesterday with Tim, Cory, and Hannah. I bought Tim the game for Christmas and almost immediately he was like, "Game session at my house on MLK weekend?"

So much fun. A terrific day.

"I Made the Pizza Cinnamon Rolls from Mario Batali’s Sexual Misconduct Apology Letter"

13 January 2018: A solitary Saturday for me, not that I am really complaining. Staying busy with cleaning, reading, laundry, and a good long (and very cold!) walk. One of the highlights, at least intellectually/emotionally has been this wonderfully smart, sad, moving, and sometimes laugh-out-loud funny piece.

"Isn't This a Lovely Day?"

12 January 2018:
"Let the rain pitter patter
But it really doesn't matter
If the skies are gray
Long as I can be with you it's a lovely day." --Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong, "Isn't This a Lovely Day?"

Perfect song for this rainy evening. (Strange weather, though: near 70 this afternoon, poured this evening--thunder, even--and might snow tonight...)

The Post

11 January 2018: The Post is a very well-made and fun movie. It isn't the greatest movie I've seen this year, but it sure is good at what it does. And, as I watched it tonight, it was clear that it wears its heart on its sleeves: Spielberg and his cast and crew knew that the film's message--that a free press is vital to democracy--needed to be heard today. On a day when the president uses the phrase "shithole countries," when things just get worse and worse, that message was especially welcome.

"Dancing Backwards in High Heels"

10 January 2018: I first heard about the study discussed in this piece a few days ago and found it both validating and depressing. Because in my bones, I know it is true. And almost all of my female colleagues would agree. And it does get wearying. And it does seem unfair at times. Even my dear "work husband" just doesn't get it. He tries, but he doesn't. And that's not his fault. He has the "good" reaction, which is "I don't understand, but I believe you."

As for the "bad" reaction(s), well, some of them are there in the comments. As always, though, don't read the comments, even though the ones here are relatively tame. But I will talk about the comments a bit: the fact that there are people in them trying their hardest to disprove what so many of know to be true is a further testament to the systemic problem. And it's not just this system, of course.

So yes: it's good to feel seen, even if so many are still trying to say "that's not what we are seeing."

Second "First Day"

9 January 2018: I am teaching five days a week this semester--for the first time in a long time (not counting the fall semesters when I teach one-third of Intro to Women's Studies). The reason for my weird schedule this semester is complicated, but needless to say, I wasn't thrilled. It is one of those "taking one for the team" moments and I am getting a bit weary of that. But ever onward, I guess?

So it was a relief (that shouldn't have surprised me) that the class this afternoon was lovely: a small group of all women, each of whom I've had in class before, each of whom I am happy to see again. I even made them sit through a boring lecture on the Restoration and Eighteenth Century and they listened and applied what I said to a short poem we read. These are those kinds of students.

Here's what I am taking from this: teaching every day will absolutely challenge my ability to get my research/writing done as it will make it harder to set aside blocks of time. And it will even make it harder to get service obligations done. It will just be different and I tend to hate "different." But I am also realizing that it might be a tough-ish semester for other reasons, so maybe I ought to be happy that my TRs will now include at least 75 minutes a day in the classroom and, as I wrote about yesterday, that's almost always a good thing.

Spring 2018: Go! Now stop!

8 January 2018: Odd day today, thanks to the weather. I was already feeling strange about this semester (for a number of reasons...maybe I will write about them at some point) and really weirdly not particularly excited for the first day. I told a friend I have never felt less excited for a first day. Now relatively speaking, that doesn't mean I was dreading it or anything...I just wasn't really looking forward to it.

But the first class started at 9:10 and it went great. Awesome students (so far?). Great conversation as we discussed the syllabus and Chopin's "The Story of an Hour." So that got me jazzed. That old magic, you know? I always feel better in a classroom.

The class gets out at 10:00 and a colleague tells me that the campus is closing at 11:00 because of the incoming ice/snow. Probably the right decision, but man, did it throw things off...logistically and emotionally, too. That "let's go!" energy? Stopped in its tracks.

So it's been an odd afternoon/evening, home alone by 11:30 on a Monday with lots of time to think.

I did just take a long walk in my neighborhood, which, like the classroom, always helps. (So do Yak Trax; forever grateful to Jane for introducing me to these!) Anyway, we'll see what tomorrow brings.

A little warm-up...

7 January 2018: It's still pretty cold out, but just a bit warmer than it has been. With the Sunday blues kicking in, those few extra degrees of warmth made an evening walk possible. (Yesterday was just too cold.) And I needed that walk in the worst way. The pretty sunset helped, too.

"Our Love"

6 January 2018: In marked contrast to yesterday's post, there's this song: loud, fast, and peppy as heck (despite some dark content). Just heard it for the first time this morning on a drive. Perfect.

"Follow You Into the Dark"

5 January 2018:

Been humming this song for the past few days, I think, almost like a quiet mantra. I don't really know why, though I suspect it has something to do with its soothing message and sound. That's welcome right now for a couple of reasons. And boy, is it a good "huddle down and keep warm" song for these cold days.

Record Breaker...

4 January 2018: I've been to two Shepherd women's basketball games this season and at both games Morgan Arden, a senior, broke records. In the game I saw just before Christmas, not only did she win the game with a buzzer-beating three-pointer (one of the most thrilling live sports moments I've ever seen), but she also became the all-time leading scorer in Shepherd history. It was amazing.

Tonight, she scored 40 points and broke the Shepherd record for most points in a game. It, too, was amazing. My favorite part, though, was watching her face tonight as she realized how "on" she was, sinking basket after basket (so many from downtown, too!), hitting nothing but net. I leaned over to Amy and said, "Look how much fun she's having." But it was so charming because she was also trying to keep a game-face on. I am sure it's a night she'll remember for a long time. And I'll remember how much fun it was to watch her having fun.

Three Billboards

3 January 2018: Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri is a superbly acted film. I am glad that I saw it and I think I would even recommend it to people. But I found it infuriating. Dixon, played by Sam Rockwell, is a monstrous character whose “redemption arc” is simply unearned. His rehabilitation perhaps even sends a dangerous message.  Maybe calling it a “redemption” or “rehabilitation” is an overstatement/misrepresentation of Martin McDonagh’s (the writer/director) intention/purpose. But it is, I think, indisputable that McDonagh’s film asks us to equate his character’s actions and rage to Mildred’s and that is, to me, just a false equivalence. And I can’t even get started on the film’s treatment of policing and race. By the film’s end, my jaw was tight with tension. Ugh.

I do wonder how my experience would have been different if I hadn’t just finished The Sunflower and didn’t have questions of forgiveness and redemption on my mind…

The Sunflower

2 January 2018: In the closing section of Part I of The Sunflower, Simon Wiesenthal, after recounting the story of a dying SS officer asking for forgiveness for his crimes, writes, "You, who have just read this sad and tragic episode in my life, can mentally change places with me and ask yourself the crucial question, 'What would I have done?'" (98). It is a fascinating question, almost impossible (for me) to answer. Part II, “The Symposium,” collects responses from dozens of experts (from various disciplines, backgrounds, regions, and religions).

I read The Sunflower as part of my once-a-year, over-the-winter-break Common Reading Selection Committee work. It is important and unsettling and has kept me thinking about it for days. I suspect it will stay in my mind for a very long time. I have no real idea what I would have done in Wiesenthal’s situation. And it is fascinating to read all the different perspectives in the Symposium. I learned a lot about the differences, for instance, between Jewish and Christian ideas about forgiveness. I am glad to have read it.

2018: Here we go!

1 January 2018: As I alluded to yesterday, I haven't decided on a blog theme this year. I've been thinking about it for awhile and nothing really came to mind. So instead, I am simply going to aim to post something every day. That's enough. And I have a feeling that the previous three themes that I've done--"a year of thanks," "one good thing," and "listening"--will provide some guidance, almost like templates.

So here we go...my first post of 2018 is a combo "one good thing"/"thanks" post. I am so thankful for these amazing friends who helped me welcome the New Year.