"Surprised by joy"

11 February 2026: Yesterday, Tim told me--when we were talking about changes on campus--that he was happy to see me looking hopeful. So that's been on my mind (in a good way).

As I am starting to wrap up a stretch of extra-intense work (might fully catch my breath a week from tomorrow? fingers crossed!), it felt great to get over to the women's basketball game this evening and watch them notch another win. They're 6-10 now, but are on a little hot streak. Just fun, fun, fun to see them win. 

This post's title, the titular opening words of a Wordsworth poem, came into my head today when I was thinking about all of this: "Surprised by joy..." 

What I remember about studying this poem for the first time is how it shifts even in that first line--there's such drama in it. It opens not in the moment of joy, but in the moment after, when the speaker realizes he is surprised by it. And then it shifts to grief. 

I was surprised by joy--and yes, right there in the surprise, in fact, pushing it into being was (is) grief. But the grief didn't swallow the joy. 

There is something else there, though, ridiing alongside joy and surprise...a fear that the rug will be pulled out again. Can't let that fear take over, though. 

Tara's birthday

10 February 2026: I can't be with my sister today as she celebrates her birthday, but we got to talk on the phone (and yes, I sang "Happy Birthday" to her). She's getting over being sick, but was still so positive and sunny. Everything we've gone through in the past few months makes me appreciate all over again what an exceptionally kind and decent person she is--and so strong. 

Just so grateful to be her sister.

"His Heart's Desire"

9 February 2026: What fun it was to teach Alice Dunbar-Nelson's "His Heart's Desire" today in my seminar. These students are so good at talking about this material and it continues to be a delight to teach things I've never taught before.

Long, long, busy, busy days, but those three hours this morning with my students? The best.

Super Bowl Sunday

8 February 2026:

My grief for my father hits me in strange ways sometimes. 

This evening, after a quiet but good day of getting lots of work done and feeling fine (even good!), I find myself tearing up. 

It’s Super Bowl Sunday. I don’t really care about football and won’t be watching the game. But I started thinking about how my mom and dad watched every year, sometimes hosting my siblings and sometimes going over to their houses. I would sometimes call and do the whole “phone passed around” thing. 

And he’s not there this year. 

I felt similarly on New Year’s Eve, though it resonated in a different way. I thought, “This is my first New Year’s Eve without my dad being alive.” And I have so many memories of New Year’s Eves in the past. 

Again, what do I care about the Super Bowl? Why am I crying about him missing get-togethers that I never went to? That he and my mom usually left by halftime? I know the answers are right there and not very deep. Because he’s gone and it’s really hard and sad. 

(My mom told me yesterday that Chris and Jennifer—bless them!—were going to come by the house, bring some food, and watch the first half there.)

Paranormal Activity

7 February 2026: Had a great time this afternoon with Tim, Kevin, Hannah, and Cory. After a really delicious lunch in Rockville, we headed to DC to see Paranormal Activity, a new, original play that doesn't have much in common with the film except its focus on a haunted couple and their home. I think this is the first "horror" play I've ever seen (though scenes in certain plays have certainly scared me in the past). Pretty cool experience!

Still in the midst of these very busy (and very cold!) days, it felt great to just do something fun and different with four of my favorite people. 

"Uncle Christopher's"

6 February 2026: What a blast I had today teaching Alice Cary's "Uncle Christopher's" for the first time. This story has stuck with me since I first read it for my entry on Cary in my book and I was eager to see what students would think. I knew it would be a good discussion when students were ready to tell me as I came in the room how mad it made them. Score!

WFH day...

5 February 2026: A long WFH day is exactly what I needed. I made good progress on a bunch of fronts which is letting me breath easier as I move through these busy weeks. 

The extra reward: a new episode of The Pitt. 

Talking sports with boys...

4 February 2026: Long-ass day--like, 8:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. with essentially only an hour of alone time to get some work done. But? A pretty good day overall.

I just want to focus on/write about 90 minutes of it here: the time I spent in conferences with three ENGL 102 students. I had a blast talking with these three young men about their essays--one on Nikola Jokic, one on Mark Cuban and the Mavericks, and one on VJ Edgecomb. 

I didn't know much about the first and third topics, but I learned a lot (and am now obsessed with Jokic). It's just fun to listen to students talk about their passions and help them write about them.

Some quick math shows me that I spent 270 minutes today teaching and conferences--out of 720 minutes on campus. Those 270 minutes remind me of why it's all worth it. 

Back to trivia...

3 February 2026: Back at trivia for the first time in three weeks (funeral two weeks ago; snow cancellation last week). As always, feels good to be back with those folks. Even sweeter, the team that is always so kind and generous gave me a card, balloon, and a box of chocolate to celebrate my award. 

I was feeling so overwhelmed today but half-way through the game, I realized all of that had dropped away. Even now that I am home and looking at my lists of things to do, I still feel better than I did earlier. 

So yeah--this continues to be a great Tuesday night gig. 

Another W

2 Feburary 2026: Long Monday, but happy to end the public part of my day watching the women's basketball team score another win. They are still just 6-13, but that's better than last year--and you can see them coming together in cool ways. It's fun to watch. 

Loyalty Tournament

1 February 2026: Heading into a busy stretch of weeks--presidential candidates on campus (with five dinners I have to go to in the next ten days), lecturer candidates here, too, student conferences, etc. I can feel the tension creeping in because the work piles aren't getting smaller.

Even still, I am so glad I spent a few hours today helping out at the Flagship Trivia "Loyalty Tournament," where teams who play a lot but don't win a lot get their own special game. It was a lot of fun to be around these folks. They play because they have fun and they like being with each other. I didn't know most of the teams (I only know the ones who play at Rumsey and Bender's), but I felt so warmly towards all of them.

Score another win for one additional never-completed project: Project Balance. 

Long month...

31 January 2026: As we close out what feels like an exceptionally long January, our Arctic spell continues and most folks' yards have what are essentially ice-rinks on them. That's been hard, but at least the sun has been shining.

Cleaned the house this morning, did lunch and a movie this afternoon (The Bone Temple, which I found gory, scary, hilarious, and quite moving), and have been working on and off since then (mostly on). 

Work keeps coming. That's mostly good, but it is tiring (mentally) and the list is making me anxious.

***

On the phone with my mom today, she told me how the funeral home delivered a book they had made with pictures of my dad. 

When she asked me "What's new with you?" I couldn't answer her at first. I didn't want her to know I was fighting tears. 

But I had to say something even as I knew my voice would betray me.

"That just got me," I said so softly that I couldn't believe she heard me. 

"I know," she said. "It's very hard."

Later she said, "You know what's hard? Cooking for one."

Send Help

30 January 2026: Felt good and normal to leave campus at 3:00 on a Friday to go see a movie and grab some dinner after. Send Help is a lot of fun, too. 

It keeps on coming...

29 January 2026: Spent a lot of this work-from-home day feeling good about making progress on several fronts. 

NEA grant? Submitted. 

ENGL 101 assessement? Just waiting for the go-ahead to drop the final pieces into place. 

Studies in American Humor work? Nothing outstanding. 

ENGL 101 textbook revision? Got the ball rolling yesterday and sort of in a holding pattern for now

So...yeah. Feeling okay. 

I even thought to myself, "Wait...after I finish this list, is there really only one big thing (not teaching related) I need to tackle?"  (A manuscript to review for my new-ish Associate Editor gig with McFarland.)

Was low-key giddy at the very idea. But the "low-key" is probably because I sensed that I was wrong...

Late in the afternoon, I remembered something...a grant application for NWP. 

And a thousand small teaching-related things...

No rest for the weary, but on we go, I guess...

No thawing in sight, but...

28 January 2026: We are still locked in a cold spell and this snow and ice isn't really going anywhere, but I did venture out in the car twice today (for the first time since Saturday afternoon). Still kind of dicey once you get off main roads, but a bit of freedom felt pretty good. 

Even better? Looks like classes will be normal on Friday. (I don't teach on Thursday, but campus opens at 9:00 then.)

This feels pretty good...

27 January 2026: Turns out my book is one of ten to win an ALA 2026 Outstanding Reference Source award. (Five others are also from McFarland.)

I didn't see this coming, so it was a delight to read the news in my inbox. 

It's been a long time since I felt a rush of pure, unexpected happiness. I am so grateful.

Video-chatting...

26 January 2025: Video-chatted with my Roanoke girls for the first time in forever. I hate this snowy mess, but one good thing is that all five of us were available to catch up. It was the best.

Caught on camera...

25 January 2026: All of the dueen the dark-eyed juncos have been all over the feeders out front. Their antics entertained Jo on this snowy day. And the Birdbuddy caught me in the background, clearing the driveway.

We got less snow than the forecast predicted--more sleet/less snow. Ended up with about 8 inches, I think. Apparently if it had been all snow, it would have been 15-20 inches. I am not complaining, though a long stretch of cold weather means this mess will be around for a while.

Campus is closed tomorrow and Tuesday. We'll see about Wednesday.

Incoming snow...

24 January 2026: What a moment we are in right now. A few hours ago, I was sitting at the women's basketball game, watching them win a thrilling upset against Kutztown. Looked at my phone and saw that ICE has killed another person--a VA nurse--in Minnesota. 

Walked home holding these two realities in my mind--folks playing and watching basketball while in another state, good people are being killed by the government. I want to scream. I want to shake the people who can make this stop. 

Settled in at home waiting for the snow to start. I hate being snowed in, but I think the low-level sadness and anxiety that's been omnipresent is dulling the usual snow-flavored blues...like they can't even really break through in their normal way. They are still there...just dulled.

Telling myself that being snowed in--assuming the heat pump and the pipes hold out--can be a good thing. Work to catch up on, stuff to watch, time with the girls. 

None of that, though, helps our brothers and sisters in Minnesota and our brothers and sisters disappearing from streets all over the country. 

It's just so much. 

Working with Hannah...

23 January 2025: Sitting here this evening and realizing that two of the best parts of today involved worknig with Hannah. 

First, she came to my ENGL 377 class to talk about her role directing the Academic Support Center. Wild to think about how she took this class the first time I taught it. It was awesome to bask in the glow of her awesomeness as she talked about her work and tutoring and writing in general.

Second, later in the afternoon, we hopped on a Teams meeting with our amazing Director of OSP and finalized our submission of an NEA grant we worked on together.

What an absolute joy and blessing to have one of my best friends as a colleague. 

Sparring Partners

22 January 2026: One of my former students reached out to me and a bunch of her professors to say kind things about her time in our program and to invite us to her book launch, this time a genuine Harlequin publication. Super fun! (No genre shaming here; I know better that to judge people's reading!)

I should have known nothing would stop her from getting what she wants. When she was in her last class with me, she had a baby right before the final exam. She wouldn't take an incomplete, but instead came to class with a pillow to sit on and nailed that exam. 

University jargon

21 January 2026: Creating a new tag word for posts today (and went back and added the tag to a December post): university jargon. Mostly, I am just noting stuff I hear or say in meetings that make me laugh because they are so weird.

Here's today's, something I said to Tim: "I am just so excited that we can remove the competency!"

Please know that every bit of that sentiment was genuine.  

Home again...

20 January 2026: Just got home after spending most of the day with Vogel, saying goodbye to Brandon. Beautiful services--very moving and meaningful. Now on to the next stages--new kinds of hard. 

Reinforcements arriving...

19 January 2026: Rita and Mike (Mikeeee) arrived here in PA last night. It's been a balm to have them here, not just because it's the first time we've all been together in forever. 

It's always so strangely beautiful to me how much laughter and tears ride side-by-side in times like this. 

Snowy Sunday

18 January 2026:

[Catch-up post...]

Snowed quite a bit up here yesterday, which was pretty until it got scary. The weather these past few months is really going out of its way to mirror folks' inner emotions.

Clueless is on in the background...

17 January 2026: Sitting in a hotel room thinking about everything, everything, everything. 

Doing my best to be here for Vogel. 

It's hard and meaningful work. 

And it's a privilege to do it. 

Dinner with Jeannie...

16 January 2026: Last week, my friend Jeannie and I made plans to get dinner this evening. That was before Brandon died and before I knew I'd be heading up to Philadelphia for a few days to be there for Vogel and for his funeral. 

I almost asked her to reschedule. I have so much to do and I am so emotionally exhausted. 

But I am glad I didn't. We went to Maria's and sat and talked for nearly two hours. When we were done, I told her as much--adding that I would spent those two hours anxious and stressed. 

At home since then, I've been getting stuff done and still feel a bit overwhelmed, I can see it--that I can do this. 

Saying no...

15 January 2026: I found myself saying "no" to work-related questions this week. 

On Tuesday, it was a "will you do this?" question. I realized that it would be too much of a pain and I just didn't want to. So I said, "Yeah, I think I'm saying 'no.'" And the person who asked me--Tim--responded, "Good for you." 

Felt pretty good!

The second was a "can you meet this deadline?" question. And if the end of last semester hadn't been so hard and if I had been able to do more during break, I would have been able to. And if I broke my neck, I might be able to make it still. We'll see. But I told the person who asked me, "No, I don't think I can." "That's okay," she said. "We'll make it work."

I feel more conflicted about this one, but mostly okay. 

Just need a new normal to settle in, but until then, things are just strange and rough.

It'll be okay, though. Day by day.

Tired and grateful...

14 January 2026: Very long and busy day; left the house at 7:00 a.m. and got home just before 9:00 p.m. Struck once again by what a difference kindness makes as you push through those long days. Thinking about specific interactions with students--current and former--that moved me more than I can say.

Grateful, grateful, grateful. 

Brandon...

13 January 2026: The world lost a very good, much loved, and much needed person last night. That's all I can say right now. 

First day sunrise...

12 January 2026: It's not the best picture, but believe me: when I looked out the kitchen window this morning and saw this color in the sky, I said, "Heavens!" out loud (like a 19th-c. woman!).

It was a good first day of classes--hectic and busy, but good. I was, perhaps inevitably, still in my office when the sky turned another brilliant shade as the sun went down. But still, a good day.

Krista's first Shakespeare...

11 January 2026: For part of her Christmas gift, I got tickets for us to see Macbeth in Frederick (along with an annotated copy of the play). She was completely prepared and enrapt. I think she might be too smart? 

After we met up with Erin, Eric, and Isla for dinner. (Erin took the picture.)

Another pretty good day!

Anaconda

10 January 2025: I am glad I heard the Pop Culture Happy Hour episode about Anaconda, where the panelists were pretty enthuastic about it being silly, dumb fun. They were absolutely right. It was a fun way to spend 90-something minutes and I laughed a lot. 

A moment of delight...

9 January 2026: It hit me this morning on my walk, right by the Shepherdstown Train Station: the Pop Culture Happy Hour "core four" were talking about their 2025 resolutions and it was just so silly and fun. I felt myself smiling and giggling. And there it was: pure delight and happiness. A lightness and even joy. 

This isn't to say I haven't feel delight and happiness in the couple of months, but this particular strain? This particular combination of circumstances (a sunny day, a good walk, podcasters who feel like old friends, and silly laugh)? Just lovely to feel and recognize it. 

Lovely way to say (almost) hello to the new semester. 

Just about ready...

8 January 2026: Will never not love the look of a completed checklist. 

Back in The Pitt...

7 January 2026: In preparation for Season 2 dropping tomorrow, I am rewatching Season One of The Pitt. Just as with the first watch, this show--somehow--gives me such comfort and hope. Decent, compentent people who care and do their best. Everything is so dark right now--a violent, reckless government with so much blood on its hands--and helplessness and hopelessness are right there, calling us towards them. Art like this show, though, reminds us of the light. 

"Elephant"

6 January 2026: Traditionally, I listen to New Yorker Fiction Podcast episodes while putting up and taking down the Christmas lights. I don't think I did in November when I put them up for this season, but that was a surreal afternoon. Regardless, I kept the tradition today when the lights came down, listening to Miriam Toews read Raymond Carver's "Elephant." 

What an interesting story this one is! It made me laugh and feel stressed. And then it takes a beautiful turn. And, like everything lately, it made me think of my dad. 

Syllabus pieces...

5 January 2026: For the first time in my career, I am teaching a class on (just) American women writers--ENGL 407, a seminar. Early on, I decided to focus on short stories. But my planning got behind schedule (even in my head, where I do a lot of planning) with my dad's illness and death. When I thought about the class--tried to plan it in my head--all that showed up was stress and anxiety about planning it.

About ten days ago, I sat down, went through my book, and made a big list of every story I might include. Then I took a stack of old business cards (that they gave me when I was on the Foundation board of directors) and wrote a story on the back of each one. Laid them out on my desk and started moving pieces, making piles, messing with categories. 

Here's the photo evidence of that stack--the thing that really got the process going. I think it's a cool artifact, a reminder that syllabus writing is writing. Revising, moving things around, deleting, adding...

The folded pieces are category names--which also shifted and changed. The stack with the green clip are the "bonus" stories--pieces not on the syllabus, but each student will need to pick one to write about and respond to in a short paper.  

Eventually, the process worked--or worked well enough. Schedule is crafted. Syllabus is done. Feels pretty good. 

Three years...

4 January 2025: Hard to believe Jo March came home three years ago today. She is still so playful (and bad), fun, sweet, and cuddly. She has been such a blessing ever since. She and Veronica keep me grounded and bring me happiness when I need it. 

Just like that day three years ago, she remains hard to photograph at times--unless she's planning a pounce or feeling really sleepy. The photo below is evidence of the latter. 

Jane Time

3 January 2026: Hung out with Jane for the first time since June. We made candles, had lunch, exchanged both birthday and Christmas gifts, and just had a great time.

The Housemaid

2 January 2026: In another step/stumble towards normalcy, saw this fun, silly movie today and enjoyed it quite a bit. 

2026...

1 January 2026: Very quiet New Year's Day, but I can't complain about that. Spending lots of time with my girl.

I can complain about the word Merriam-Webster gave me, though. I keep joking that it better only be in reference to how my enemies are feeling.