Morale blow...

30 July 2024: Just when I start to feel like we can turn a corner with faculty morale, I hear of plans from up above that hit like a gut punch. Keeping it vague (and it's nothing dire), but my goodness. Sometimes I just say out loud, "What are they thinking?" 

Three emails...

29 July 2024: Needed to send three long and sort of complicated emails today to get the ball rolling (well, three balls on three different paths). It felt good to sit down and work on each of them (and some other work that was connected to each). It also felt good to check each off of my list and to get some quick and positive feedback on each. And, as is often the case, each was easier to take care of than I thought it would be. 

(Boring, nerdy post, I know, but it's what stood out to me most when thinking about today.) 

The Reformatory

28 July 2024: "Sometimes the dead could help you fly" (565).

The Reformatory took my breath away. The last line, quoted above, made me tear up. The novel is a terrific mix of horror, suspense, historical fiction, and a moving story of familial love. Just amazing. 

Work Cited

Due, Tananarive. The Reformatory. Saga Press, 2023. 

"Hooked on a Feeling"

27 July 2024: Scrolled through my iPod this afternoon while taking a post-lawn-mowing/chores-doing bath. Sang my heart out for those bathroom acoustics. 

Played it a couple more times today, as it seemed the fit the mood of a pretty chill day.

These fleeting summer Fridays...

26 July 2024: Not a bad summer Friday. Spent the morning on campus taking care of some tasks, then came home for a bit before picking up Amy for a movie (Deadpool and Wolverine, which she was so excited about) and dinner for her birthday. Home by 9:30 or so for some chill time with the girls. Lovely, cool(ish) evening with the windows open. Not bad at all. 

Ten years...

25 July 2024: Today marks ten years since Ryan's death. I won't even pretend to have anything particularly new to say, but I am deeply moved by the strange coincidence that today is also the day that my nephew Colin graduates from basic training, something that would have made my brother very proud. 

Quiet Wednesday evening contemplations...

24 July 2024: Thinking this evening about how quiet the house is now that it's back to "normal" with the girls gone. This summer especially, with the book manuscript being finished early, no administrative work, and no incredibly demanding university service has given me more free time than I have had since college. As I've written about, it's been wonderful and strange and, at times, unsettling to have so much time with myself (and only myself) to do with as I please. A single woman with no children and a comfortable income, I have a kind of freedom so many others do not have.

Tonight, I keep thinking about all of this in connection to JD Vance and his thoughts on childless people--particularly childless women. (And, weirdly, those with cats? seriously--there are so many weirdos over on the right, just obsessed with people's private lives.) For Vance, people like me are less important, less valuable because we aren't invested in our country in the same way parents are. Add in his beliefs that professors are the enemy, and boy, do I check all of his boxes as a target of disdain. It's strange to feel those boxes get checked and not feel...sad? 

But the reason I feel sad, at least tonight, isn't because I am disappointed in my own life or my own choices. 

I am sad because people like Vance must not know and love the same God that I do, or must not listen to him very closely. Because my God tells me that everyone should be invested in children and their future and the planet--and everyone includes people outside of the country. 

I don't need to even try to convince Vance or those like him that I do my best to follow the greatest commandment (and fail so often), but that my goodness--my ability to try has nothing to do with whether or not I have children. I also believe that my life and my work has been an investment in children and the country and the world. Of course it has been, or else why do it? But again, I don't need/want to convince him or anyone else of that right now.

What makes me sad tonight is that this weird stance reflects such a depressing hollowness in the heart of so much right-wing ideology. It has to be your blood for you to care. Fight for your blood, your people, your stuff, your guns, your rights. But fighting on behalf of others, including people not like them? They can't even imagine it without derision and suspicion. It's so f*cking sad. 

I am so glad not to live in that world anymore. 

Veronica feels differently...

23 July 2024: Jo had a blast with Krista and Isla. She seemed especially fascinated by Isla, as these pictures show. 

Sweet Frog Meet-Up

22 July 2024: 

[Catch-up post]

Caught some great synergy yesterday as Tara, Jeff, Evan, and their new puppy passed right through Martinsburg on their way to Oklahoma for Colin's graduation from basic training. So Isla, Krista, and I met them at the Sweet Frog just off 81 for a quick visit. Really lovely that it worked out!

It's called "New Romantics"

21 July 2024:

[Catch-up post]

Isla introducing me to her third favorite Taylor Swift song on the first night of her and Krista's visit. We also painted nails, made ice-cream sundaes, and watched silly TV. 

Saturday cleaning...

20 July 2024: Getting things ready for a two-night sleepover visit from Krista and Isla starting tomorrow, which somehow led to unexpected cleaning.

Things I said goodbye to today:

• The old TV I bought when I moved into this house. The HD ports stopped working years and years ago, so basically, it's no good for streaming or any kind of internet TV (which is all I have these days). Took it to the recycling center (and left the recommended $15 fee in the lockbox).
• A bunch of old cords, batteries, and a toner cartridge (again, yay for the recyling center). 
• My elementary school soccer participation plaques, which my dad gave me--along with a box full of other awards and certificates years ago. Everything has stayed right in the box until today. I thought about keeping them for a second, but then realized they don't have my name or even a date on them. And even if they did, they aren't destined for some museum. Sadly, those just went in the trash. Don't believe they are recyclable. 

There's been a decent amount of purging/decluttering this summer, the result of having time on my hands. Not sure how far it will go before the summer's end, but it does feel good. 

Letter from the past...

19 July 2024: At our NWP event in November, my colleague Valerie had us write letters to ourselves that she would send us in the spring. We were prompted to write about ideas for perseverance in our writing and teaching and about (I think?) what we hoped for by the time we opened the envelopes. 

Mine got delivered to me months ago, but I kept waiting to open it, thinking (I think?) that I would do it after I submitted the book. Well, I was on campus today, saw the envelope sitting there, and thought, "What am I waiting for now?" 

It was kind of a quietly moving experience. Things were rough then on just about every level. I ended one paragraph with a simple sentence: "I hope I am happier."

Look, in so many ways (especially globally, politically) things are worse, worse, worse. 

Still, though I am not sure of all the reasons why or the extent or how long it will last, I just knew something when I read those words today: I am happier now.   

Oddity

18 July 2024: Holy cow, did I enjoy the heck out of Oddity. Really well-written and acted, so scary, so smart, and every little bit matters and pays off. Went with Amy who literally screamed at one scare and hit me in the arm at another, both signs of real effectiveness. 

Sweet relief...

17 July 2024: The heat finally broke late this afternoon as a rain storm moved through. Windows open. Back door open. Lovely little breezes moving through the house. Fresh air. Happy cats. Happy me. 

104...

16 July 2024: The highest I saw the temperature go today here was 104. Couldn't bear to look at the heat index temperature. This heat has been just relentless. Even now--after a bit of rain moved through--it's still in the mid 80s at 10:00 p.m. Not a fan of this. Tomorrow is supposed to be a bit better, but still rough. Grateful for AC and the ability to basically stay inside (and get my walk in early).