Donut Drop!

31 December 2025: Carrie, James, and Charlotte invited me to join them at the Hagerstown Donut Drop this evening. I hadn't been before and now that they are holding it at the minor league ballpark, it is so completely up my alley. Free donuts? Getting to walk on the field? Fireworks? And the drop happens at 7:00 (home before 9)? Sign me up. 

Tuesday evening mood...

30 December 2025: Heading to trivia in a bit. It's cold out there and I am really not feeling like going. Worked in my office (still so cold!) most of the day and made some good progress. Now, being home, I just want to stay put.

I say this knowing that when I get there, I will have a good time and be grateful to see everyone. 

This is, I think, a symptom of this strange time of year. Connected to that, last week's game seems ages ago. Time feels extra broken every year during this week. Winter weather and early darkness just makes it harder.

Still, in about 40 minutes, I'll put on my coat, get in the car, and drive on over to Rumsey (where it's actually always a bit warm). And for a couple of hours, things will be just fine. 

Day at the office...

29 December 2025: Got to campus just after 8:00 and got home just after 4:00. Along the way, I took a walk and ran to Sheetz for lunch, but otherwise, I just hunkered down and got stuff done. 

It's always a bit darkly hilarious that campus is low-key hostile this time of year. The heat is turned way down and it's a ghost town. I always feel like I am channeling my inner Bob Cratchit, wishing for a bit more coal in the stove. 

Made decent progress on some fronts, but not as much as I would have liked on others. 

Will do it all over again tomorrow. 

Still, as I count the days left until things start up again, I think I've got this. 

Reading, thank-you notes, and course prep...

28 December 2025: Started the day off finishing my book club's latest novel, Food Person. I didn't love it, but I am glad to have read it and I am excited to talk about it with Kaitlyn and Cory next week. (We had to reschedule.) 

Next, I knocked out my thank-you notes. Some are for folks who sent flowers or other gifts when my dad died. The rest are for Christmas gifts. When you are feeling the way I am these days, taking the time to pick out the stationery I'll use, thinking about what to write, and addressing the correspondance is exactly the kind of work that can be satisfying and rewarding, reminding me of what I am thankful for. 

Finally, I've been working on my syllabi, particularly for ENGL 377. Making steady progress here and feeling excited about the work the students and I will take on this semester.

In between all of that, there's been walking (mostly around the house--too cold and rainy for me to venture out), movies, and TV. 

Almost got misty when I saw that Bob's Burgers reruns are on until 9:00 (and then the regular episode on Fox at 9:30). Perfect accompaniment for working through my list...

Still thinking about "What the Living Do," perhaps the perfect text for this "always strange but this year stranger than ever" time of year before the spring semester starts.

"What the Living Do"

27 December 2025: A little over two months ago, I kicked off what I called a marathon--one that I thought would be done in mid-November. I thought it was just about over by the time I wrote this post. I was wrong. 

It actually ended--I think? I hope?--yesterday when I got back to WV. 

Time now for stillness, I think/hope. Lots of work to do--so much--but I am catching my breath and hoping to settle in. 

I was in bed before 10:00 last night and, though I woke up--wide awake--at 4:00, I made myself drift back to sleep a few more times. I stayed in bed longer than I have in months. Jo insisted on staying with me--right up next to me or on me--for most of it. She's ready for stillness, too. 

Still so sad, though. Still so many Big Thoughts. 

Stillness is good--and so necessary. But I will lose my mind if that's all there is. I need things to do. Anchored in place, yes, but active. I need to do "What the Living Do."

On the drive back yesterday, I listened to Saeed Jones read Marie Howe's poem on the latest Vibe Check. Saeed called it a "Modern Scripture" for him and I think it might be for me, too.

This morning (walking past what used to be a video store!), I caught my reflection in the some window glass and thought of the poem's closing:

"But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass,

say, the window of the corner video store, and I'm gripped by a cherishing so deep

for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless:

I am living. I remember you."

Six years and one day...

26 December 2025: I know I realized my math was wrong a while ago, so my record-keeping might be suspect, but today my 10K walking streak hit six years and one day. Wild.

Spent a big chunk of today in my car, driving back from NY. By the time I got home, an icy rain was setting in, so I did most of my steps around the house. Weirdo.  

Christmas 2025

25 December 2025:

[Catch-up post...]

Muddled through somehow, as the song goes. Presents with my mom, church, a visit to the cemetery where Ryan is, a long, cold, windy walk (the only kind they are offering on LI these days, I guess), dinner at Tara's, Legos with Evan, then back to Palm Road for the Call the Midwife holiday episode. 

Christmas Eve 2025

24 December 2025: Long day filled with highs and lows and lots of big thoughts and feelings. Finding comfort and reassurance in these words...

Isaiah 9:6: "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Mandatory holiday re-watch...

23 December 2025: 

This image (from Carol) gets me every time. (This capture doesn't do it justice.)

"Hard Candy Christmas"

22 December 2025: I know it's basic as heck, but my goodness, I've been singing this all day...

Rockville time...

21 December 2025: I spent the afternoon and evening with Tim and Kevin in Rockville. Perfect. Just what I needed for the shortest day of the year during these strange days.

Wrapping "helper"...

20 December 2025: 

This very good girl...

19 December 2025: Evenings are still hard, I guess. I stayed on campus until nearly 6:30. There's plenty to do--still feel so far behind--so it was easier to stay there and work than come home and feel sad and alone. 

But when I did get home? Someone was very glad to see me. Made me smile. 

Christmas cards...

18 December 2025: Tonight, I finally had the actual time and mental/emotional time to write my Christmas cards. Took a long time to do them all at once, but I am really glad that they are done. 

Four weeks ago...

17 December 2025: Four weeks ago, the day before my dad went to the hospital, I wrote this post. It felt so good to be home by 5:30. Being here, alone, just me and the girls, just chilling. It was awesome.

Today I was home by 5:30 again, but only because I made myself leave the office. If I had stayed longer, who knows when I would have left. Honestly, it's hard to understand why everything else is different just because he's gone, but it is. I know the time of the year, the semester break, and a ton of work to do--none of it that exciting--is playing a role, too. 

I'm okay. It's okay. But I don't want to do much. I don't want to be all alone. I don't want to be with what Emerson would call "cheap" society. Bob's Burgers, hanging with Jo and Veronica, baths, sleep, work. That's about it. 

Immensely grateful that Tim and Kevin called this evening and invited me over on Sunday. That will help.

Five-meeting day...

16 December 2025: It's sometimes surprising what makes me laugh (inwardly), but on a five-meeting day in mid-December the phrase "a robust form interface" uttered to describe some new software worked just fine. 

Fleeting...

15 December 2025: Left Knutti at 4:50 or so and saw the sky looking like this. Felt blessed to see it. By the time I got to my car and turned onto German Street, it was over--just darkening shades of blue left. Made that moment seem even more special. 

Fall 2025 Grading: Done!

14 December 2025: A bit ago, I hit "submit" on the final set of grades for this semester. 

 

As if on cue, by the way, Jo jumped up right after I submitted and collapsed into a little nap (which ended kind of quickly, allowing me to type this). When she did so, I thought, "Yeah, this will do." No chair-dancing this year. Usually there's some sense of happiness associated with this moment, but this time, I'll settle for relief and a bit of comfort and love.

Last one...

13 December 2025: My dad always made sure there were some diet sodas in the fridge when I was in NY. (He made sure everyone had a drink they would enjoy.) These last two visits, he didn't have a chance to prepare, but there were, in fact, just enough to get me through both trips. Today, I took the very last one to drink on the road. 

It's silly because it's so small. But I picture him loading them into the fridge and it's just too much. So many everyday things he'll never do again. Moving though that house these past few days was a kind of surreal I can't describe.

I am back home in WV now; the services are over, the bags are unpacked, and I am working through final exams and papers. Life goes on, but his absence from it is just so sad. 

His legacy...

12 December 2025:

[Catch-up post...]

Rocky Point Beach...

11 December 2025: 

[Catch-up post...]

Cue pathetic fallacy...

Couple of thinkers...

10 December 2025: Rosy cheeks from the start...

Paperwork day...

9 December 2025: Today has been a "paperwork day." Sending lots of emails (for this NEA grant application), grading, and doing what needs to be done to onboard the new admin assistant supporting our NWP site. Trying to get everything done that I can get done before leaving town. It's stressful, but also soothing...and a decent distraction. 

Dad at 18...

8 December 2025: Just look at him!

"The Stone"

7 December 2025: 

"...she dreamed that she had entered a new episode of time, in which she and the stone would become the same through the endless repetition and decay of all things in the universe. Molecules that had existed in her body would be joined with the stone’s molecules, over and over in age after age. Flesh would become stone and stone become flesh, and someday they would meet in the mouth of a bird."

Couldn't have made a better choice of what to listen to on my walk today than Karen Russell reading Louise Erdrich's "The Stone" on The New Yorker Fiction Podcast. 

Saturday...

6 December 2025: Three things on my social calendar today.

1) Shepherdstown Christmas Parade this morning. Fun and sweet as always, though I found myself more emotional than I expected. Everything beautiful and sweet seems so fragile right now.

2) Women's basketball game this afternoon. They lost but they fought hard. And, as I said to Amy, they really seem to like each other, enjoying playing with each other even when the score doesn't go their way.

3) Yet to come, but starting soon: hosting Rachel and Carrie for a pizza and a movie.

Grateful for this community that I get to live in. 

Last day of the semester...

5 December 2025: I can't write about it--too many emotions--but both of my classes gave me cards at the end of class today, packed with lovely messages of thanks and support. 

Time and again, the privilege of teaching these students almost knocks me over. 

"Angel Baby"

4 December 2025: Letting music do the work for me for another day. 

"It's just like heaven, being here with you..."

"Teach Your Children"

3 December 2025: Can hear him singing along with this one when I close my eyes...

Day one...

2 December 2025: Made it through the first 24 hours without him. Spent the day with colleagues, students, and the gang at trivia. 

Everything is so hard and sad.

But so grateful for work that means something and that makes me happy. So grateful for the kind people I spend every Tuesday evening with. 

Blessed, blessed, blessed.  

Dad...

1 December 2025: I am maybe three years old. I am walking through a parking lot at a strip mall, blinking up into the sunlight and looking at my dad. I reach for his outstretched pinkie and wrap my tiny fingers around it. He’s got me and I feel safe and loved. 

Love you, Dad, so much and forever. 

I remembered it...

30 November 2025: Thinking about this post and this conversation today. 

Love that man so much. 

The bin has one job...

29 November 2025: In these strange and sad days when I am sticking close to home, spending lots of time on my own, and embracing any source of comfort, it's not surprising that my daily posts are cat-focused. Anyway, here's Jo doing something she does every time I open the linen closet to put something away. At one point, I kept stuff in that fabric bin, but now it's there just for her to do this. 

Lights...

28 November 2025: Over the course of hanging the Christmas lights today, I stopped and talked to all three of my siblings about our dad's condition. Later in the day, Jeff organized a conference call. It was comforting to all talk together, but my goodness: the reason is so sad. So yeah...another hard day. 

I can't imagine putting up any decorations this Christmas except these lights and I can't imagine not putting up these lights. All of that makes sense in my heart and my head. 

First year with the new landscaping and you can really see the lights so much better now. That makes me happy.

Jojo taking a peek here.

Every time my dad sees pictures of my lights, he says, "I like the colored lights." Just another way I am my father's daughter. 

Thanksgiving 2025

27 November 2025: A very muted Thanksgiving, but nicer than I could have imagined even 24 hours ago. Erin, Eric, and the girls came over and we had the Alma Bea catering that I ordered back when we thought our parents would be with us, too. It was so good, but also sad that they weren't with us. 

But those kids? They make things better. (Jo helped, too.)

"Our Real Work"

26 November 2025: Just came across this Wendell Berry poem and somehow it fits the moment, especially after another day filled with not knowing what to do or which way to go. 

Poetry continues to show up for me, blessing after blessing...

Annual vet visit...

25 November 2025: So much is so bad right now, but the girls had their vet visit this morning and it went just fine. They howled and hollered all the way there and back (especially Veronica), but were back to normal as soon as we got home. That made me smile because I realize how safe they feel here.

Photo evidence...

"Peaceful Easy Feeling"

24 November 2025: I have no idea what will happen with my dad in the next days, much less the rest of this day. 

But my siblings and I have been texting about his favorite songs and that's so beautiful to me. 

I can hear him singing along to this one in my head right now. 

"Catching the Light"

23 November 2025: Read this poem today in preparation for my book club meeting this evening. (Our selection is The People's Project.) It is precisely the poem I need for this moment, thinking about my dad and one of the last conversations we had. 

Basketball's back...

22 November 2025: Everything else is as fraught and uncertain as it was yesterday, but now I've got basketball back. The women's team had their home opener today and while they couldn't pull out a win, they're back and that's enough.

"One Art"

21 November 2025: Taught the most beautifully meta class of my life today, leading students through Bishop's "One Art." 

Do the thing. Say the words. Master the disaster. Even though it's still a disaster. 

Point to the cracks. Point to the fragility. Let them see that that's what makes it beautiful and human and real.

The joking voice. The gesture I love.

All there in that classroom, moving me along. 

Last night, when I was waiting any moment to hear that my father was gone, I couldn't imagine being in that classroom the next morning, much less to talk about that poem.

But he made it through the night. 

Who knows what comes next?

But whatever it is, the classroom...and language...and art...and teaching will be there. And he will be there, too. 

"Gulf Coast Highway"

20 November 2025: Praying, praying, praying for my dad. Thinking about some of his favorite music.

Me as a House Finch

19 November 2025: This little guy showed up on my bird feeder this morning and I decided he was my avatar for the day: tiny, round, red-headed, anxious, determined to gonna get sh*t done, pretending to be brave...

Got some good news from home (my brother's surgery went well) which helped make it a pretty decent day overall, all things considered. 

(Really enjoying using these bird snapshots as my personal memes...)

"Eternal Flame"

18 November 2025: You know you are emotionally and physically exhausted when the bridge of this song makes you start crying as you sit at your desk at 9:00 a.m. 

(To be honest, just the way she sings "so lonely" has gotten to me since I was a serious and weird little  kid. Now I am just a serious and weird adult. Ha!)

Back home...

17 November 2025: I don't think I've ever gotten back from New York and felt as strange as I did when I got home today. 

How strange to be back here and plan for getting back to "normal" when my dad is still so sick up there. 

How strange to move through every task and ordinary motion when nothing is resolved up there.

About an hour after I got home, I just sat down and took in the silence and sadness. 

Then I took a (less windy) walk and it helped.

Sitting here now with Jo and watching Bob's Burgers, which also helps. A lot.

But strange, strange, strange and so sad. 

Wind walk

16 November 2025: 

[Catch-up post]

Yesterday felt so long, but by 5:30 or so, I had only about 3500 steps. I also just needed to get out there and walk and think and just be alone for a bit--even though it was dark and my throat hurt and my voice was hoarse and there was a literal "gale force wind" warning.

There I was, for over an hour, doing laps at the high school, for almost all of it, the only lunatic on the track. At one point, the wind almost blew me over. 

But I did it and it helped and it felt good.

Erin gently teased me about my "wind walk," but I told her it was just what I needed. 

Small and cavernous....

15 November 2025: 

[Catch-up post...]

Every time I go back to the house I grew up in, I marvel at how small it seems. When we were young, seven people moved through there and it seemed big enough.

Seemed even smaller this time.

At the same time, with one person missing, it felt cavernously empty. 

Just want my dad back in that house. Can't get him home soon enough. 

Gratitude list...

14 November 2025: So much on my mind at the end of a long week that took an unexpectedly sad turn. As I sit here tonight, I am focusing on gratitude. 

Grateful for friends who show up, listen to me, and make me laugh. 

Grateful for students who responded with understanding and kindness and even concern. 

Grateful for work that I love that keeps me distracted when times are tough and keeps me around people who make me feel good.

People are beautiful and it's a privilege to be around them. 

"Our House"

13 November 2025: Thinking about my dad tonight, who isn't doing well. I have such a clear memory of him singing along to the radio with this when I was little.

Home by 5:30...

12 November 2025: Holy cow, did it feel good to be home before 5:30--and with a fresh haircut on top of that! 

I had time to get a few more work tasks accomplished, do some housework, make dinner, do the dishes, finish my steps...and all of that before 7:45. 

I need to remind myself of how this is normal for lots of folks and that I need to make it more normal for me. 

Someone else likes the idea, too. We can call this image "Jo and Poe (socks)."

November snapshots...

11 November 2025: A couple of snapshots that seem to sum up this marathon of days.

First, a kind of symbolic representation of my relationship to my house during this stretch in which I am both birds.

Second, a picture I took moments before I told Jo, "I'll be back right after trivia, I promise!" My heart sank as she settled down on my legs when I was home for about 30 minutes before heading back out again. She's clingy as heck when I'm gone a lot.

I also told her that I'll be home all evening tomorrow--and even get home before 5:00, if all goes as planned. 

14 hours...

10 November 2025: Fourteen hours of pretty-much non-stop work/keeping busy! Got to campus early, got to work right away, kept going until 6:00. Then straight to a substitute shift hosting trivia at Benders. Home by 9:00. 

Goodness--it's a lot and I am tired and there's so much more to do.

But it was a pretty decent day after all. And I got some good news about folks I love who are going through health stuff or who have loved ones going through health stuff. 

So, yeah...a good day. 

Home again...

9 November 2025: Didn't sleep too well at the hotel last night, so ended up sleeping in more than I meant to. But I also kind of loved not having to rush out or set an alarm. Made it home by 12:45 and have been a bit non-stop since then, handling the weekend's usual housework and laundry, hitting the grocery store, and getting ready for the week ahead. Almost through my very long list and taking a little Grey's Anatomy break while Jo sleeps on my legs. 

I think I am on the downslope of the marathon, but now I am thinking it's more like five weeks rather than three. At the very least, I am half-way through it, which feels pretty good. 

Vogel Time!

8 November 2025: Kicking myself that we didn't take any pictures, but after my presentation and a couple of panels this morning, I spent the rest of the day with Vogel. As always, it was awesome. 

SSAWW 2025

7 November 2025: Back at my favorite conference! Already had several quiet "fangirl" moments. I attended a session about how author societies can collaborate and speak to our current moment(s). What a perfect encapsulation of the kind of meaningful work these scholars do. 

A good win...

6 November 2025: Today at the BoG meeting, we voted (well, not me, since I am not a voting member) to approve a mechanism to reinvest in faculty and staff salaries. The road to this point has been really long and hard and painful. But this? It feels great. 

"Don't Hesitate"

5 November 2025: I saw this Mary Oliver poem being passed around on Bluesky this morning. Still holding onto the joy of last night's election results.

Zohran!

4 November 2025: A heck of an election night in America! (And not just the NYC mayor race.) 

It feels so good to feel good about things for a change. 

Thinking about my brother...

3 November 2025: Thinking this evening about Christian, who is dealing with a medical challenge. 

My siblings are all so strong--have dealt with so much. And they model just how to meet these challenges. 

I am worried about him--and will be until he's on the other side of an upcoming procedure. 

But mostly I am thinking about how much I love him and what a good guy he is. 

"Returning to Myself"

2 November 2025: As the darker fall days settle in and I work through some Big Thoughts, I find myself contemplating Brandi Carlile's new music, particularly the title track to the album.

"And I was born to love you

I love you and you and you

Oh, returning to myself is such a lonely thing to do

Returning to myself is just returning me to you

And that's the only thing I wanna do"

That "you and you and you" in the second line above gets me every time--that sense of overwhelming love for so many people hits me sometimes. 

And then the "lonely" in the next line hits hard. Because it's just the way it is and nothing hurts quite the way that loneliness does. 

And the two lines...rest in beautiful tension.

BabyBud time!

1 November 2025: I had the pleasure of hanging out with Theo today when his mom worked the Open House on campus. He and Jo got along quite well. And having him fall asleep in my arms? That's the good stuff.

The marathon continues...

31 October 2025: So tired I can barely see straight, but I'm home, can catch up on sleep, and am proud of all that got done this week. No way to list it all without being tedious, so I'll just add a picture of a sight that made me burst out laughing when I saw it.

Someone is feeling a bit neglected, I think. In the 90 minutes I was home late this afternoon, she was ready to go to the Sigma Tau Delta Halloween Party disguised as party meatballs. 

A little WFH time...

30 October 2025: I didn't have to be on campus this morning--a lovely treat! So I slept in a bit, took a long walk, and got a ton of work done here at home. It has been the perfect way to start the day; in a little while, I will head to campus to meet my GWST co-teachers and our students to hop on a bus to DC to see a play. It will be a long, late night, so I am quite grateful for the slower, casual morning. 

Post-workshop dinner...

29 October 2025: Another very long day (and just wait until tomorrow!) but a good one. The public part of it ended with a post-workshop dinner with Tim, Michael (new assistant prof), and Ali (new adjunct) at Alma Bea. I can feel the weariness acccumulating in my bones, but it was still really lovely to linger over dinner with fun and interesting people. 

Grading Hawthorne essays...

28 October 2025: I have spent a lot of today grading papers about The Scarlet Letter. This is, to be clear, a very fun way to spend your day--if your students are as good as mine. 

They are wrestling with tough topics, ambiguous symbols, and everything that makes the book so good. They are also having fun with language. (More than a few of them are relishing using "ignominy," after they commented on how much Hawthorne loves that word.) 

And then there's just this phrase from one student's paper, which I noted should be the title of someone's memoir: "extreme expressions of mundane desires." 

Eliot and Stowe...

27 October 2025: We started "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" today in ENGL 204 and Uncle Tom's Cabin today in ENGL 346. I had a blast talking about both of them. (Teaching is so much fun.)  

And I am grateful for a job that now has me imagining these two very different writers at a dinner party. 

Sunday vibes...

26 October 2025: Quiet Sunday here--and I am grateful for that. After a chill morning and a nice long walk, I am spending it getting some work projects done, but at a relaxed pace. Already worked on a draft of our program recruitment and retention plan. Now moving on to planning both ENGL 101 assessment and an ENGL 102 workshop. 

Still in the midst of this marathon, but like I said, I am grateful for the chance to stay on top of everything without sprinting. 

Spooky Stories...

25 October 2025: This morning, our NWP Site held a "Spooky Stories" event for kids on the Little House lawn. It went so well. Dozens of kids making their own little books, drawing and writing, and just having fun. It was so good for my soul. 

All-Day Friday...

24 October 2025: Long day! Tim and I took our classes (215 and 204, respectively) to Baltimore to visit the Poe House and other sites. Made it back by around 4:30 and then had the SUAC Homecoming Party this evening. My sleep has been so weird lately, so I am dragging. 

But it was a good day and I am grateful. 

Keep smiling...

23 October 2025: Someone was very kind to me today in a somewhat stressful and awkward situation. I don't know her all that well, but am fond of her. Before she left, she said, "And keep smiling!" It made me want to cry for so many reasons, but I am grateful to her. 

"i" before "e," but we still worry...

22 October 2025: I gave my ENGL 204 a very simple reading quiz on the two Robert Frost poems we discussed today. 

Two questions, one per poem, each answered with just one word. Should have required minimum writing, erasing, and rewriting. 

But as I looked around, I saw some folks doing just that--erasing, crossing out, etc.

"Wait, is this about spelling the answer to #2?" 

It sure was.

Question #2 was, I must report, about "Mending Wall."

I get it; when the pressure is on, I doubt my ability to spell so many things. 

When We All Get to Heaven

21 October 2025: I am only one regular episode (and one bonus episode) into this series, but my goodness, it is powerful and moving. It is also, I suspect, precisely the kind of history we need to be reminded of right now.

Three-week marathon...

20 October 2025: Kicking off what is kind of a three-week marathon (maybe closer to four), packed with extra appointments, extra meetings and workshops, extra trivia shifts, two field trips, advising, and the start of me picking up my section of the GWST course...along with SSAWW in Philadelphia. 

A lot of the "extra" stuff is fun and meaningful, so I am not complaining (too much). But I see it all coming and it's tiring me out in advance. 

But I can do it. And will focus on the fun and meaningful parts. And will still find time for rest and quiet. 

The Black Phone 2

19 October 2025: I really liked Black Phone when it premiered, finding myself especially affected by the way it portrayed violence against children, making viewers sit through "ordinary" horrors of parental abuse even as those same children were preyed on by a serial killer. I rewatched it a few weeks ago and found myself tearing up just as I had the first time at the scenes where the children's father beats little Gwen because of her dreams. 

The Black Phone 2 removes those domestic spaces, but is still incredibly violent  while avoiding being gratuitous. I'm still thinking about that scene change and what it accomplishes. I think it might be a less complicated film than the original, but more aesthetically ambitious. It's a visually beautiful film at times, with chilling (pun intended) and haunting images. 

I think there's a lot that could be written about it, including its commentary on the ordinary violence of the 70s and 80s in the life of children. Lord knows, today's kids have their own version of violence, but there's something distinct about what these films capture. 

Hope, joy, and protest...

18 October 2025: I couldn't take part in the No Kings Protest here in town (where over 2000 people showed up!) because I was accompanying a group of my students to the F. Scott Fitzgerald Literary Festival today. They got to listen to Maureen Corrigan deliver a heck of a talk on Gatsby and got to meet Percival Everett. Everett told us, "These are hard times," but reminded us that "the most subversive thing you can do is read." 

Spending time with these students--who love reading, literature, thinking, and the world so much--gives me hope and reminds me that opposition movements need hope and joy.

Fall Break Friday...

17 October 2024: Checked some big items off of my Fall Break To-Do List, which always feels good. Tonight it's off to see Jay Johnson at the casino in Charles Town. Amy (accidentally?) got tickets for the second show which starts at 9:30. That's very funny for someone like her who likes to be in bed by 9:00. Anyway, should be a fun night. 

Last blooms...

16 October 2025: The zinnias are pretty much done for the year, especially the big ones by the mailbox. I pulled them out this morning, which is always a bit sad. I clipped the last blooms that hadn't started fading, a last gift of summer brought in just before the frost that's expected tonight.

Fall Break!

15 October 2025: I've got work to do, but I am grateful that we've made it to Fall Break. Catching my breath, getting some rest, getting some little projects done. It all sounds good to me.

You don't know until you are there...

14 October 2025: Spent a lot of today revisiting and chopping down my SSAWW paper. I finished a decent draft over the summer, but then set it aside until today. (I had planned for 20 minutes, but I am on a panel of four, so I needed to chop, chop, chop.)

Last weekend, I sent the session chair the information he requested, including an abstract. 

Reading the paper today, I realized that abstract doesn't really fit the paper. It's too broad, too generic. It doesn't say what the paper is actually about. But of course that's because I wrote it before I wrote the essay. 

So, I just emailed him with a new version.

This is a good lesson for my students: you shouldn't waste too much time on introductions or an exact thesis early on. You don't know what you are going to argue until you make the argument. Then you revise, revise, revise.

Feeling pretty good about it, but it is a weird little essay. 

Never fails me...

13 October 2025: Since I first read it in eleventh grade and it forever changed the way I felt about what a novel could do, The Scarlet Letter has never failed me. Today, in a tag-team operation with my students, it delivered 50 minutes of the absolute joy that is being in the classroom. My eyes still feel puffy and my head still feels stuffy from yesterday's tears, but I feel more restored and renewed. 

Good Boy

12 October 2025: Was not expecting an indie horror movie to send me into tears that haven't entirely stopped hours after I saw it. 

To be clear, Good Boy is a heck of a movie (and only 73 minutes!). But the plot (spoilers) involving a beloved dog watching his owner, a haunted and sick man, take his own life, with his sister finding the body...well, when I saw that was where it going, the tears just started. 

I felt it in my whole body. Even as I write this six hours later, I am crying a bit. 

Ryan would have turned 51 this past Thursday. 

He's been gone for over a decade. 

Most days, as I've written about, the good memories ride side-by-side with the bad. 

It's been a long time since the grief has hit me like this. So raw and just so sad. My mind is going to the saddest places--thinking about that last day and the aftermath. 

It's humbling. You think you are past it, but no.

I felt bad about being so upset and bumming out poor Amy. When I dropped her off, I said I was sorry again. Then I realized she's such a decent person and that she was more concerned than someone who need an apology. So I said, "It's okay. It's a good thing to grieve." 

I think I was thinking about this passage from Amy Tan's book that I posted about last week. 

Have had a bit of a headache and jaw ache from the emotion of it all day, but at one point, I laid down on my bed and listened to "Better Together," to think about Ryan and Sugie. And me and Jo and BabyCat. I cried some more. 

It's a good thing to grieve and remember that it comes from love. And that love goes on. 

Skipping it...

11 October 2025: Decided to skip a work-related event today and, oh my goodness, it feels so good. This Saturday is about 100 times better than it would have been if I had gone. Chilling with the girls, watching some TV, cleaning the house, and getting some other work done. It rocks. 

Good to remember Project Balance.

"You need me, I need you..."

10 October 2025: "There’s something about loving someone else and taking care of someone that makes the hierarchy of the world feel much smaller and more focused—and I do take everything so seriously and I am so engaged—but there’s a relief in coming home and saying, ‘You need me, I need you. Let’s lean in together.’" --Zach Sanders on this week's episode of Vibe Check, talking about his life now that he's adopted a dog. 

Listened to this on my walk this morning and couldn't agree with the sentiment more. It sums up how I feel about having Veronica and Jo in my life. 

Multitudes...

9 October 2025: The midterm exam prompt that gives me the most joy semester after semester in ENGL 204 is when I ask them to talk about a text that connects to something in their lives outside of the classroom. Here's some gold from an exam I graded today, where a student talks about "Song of Myself" and "contain[ing] multitudes": 

"Sometimes I feel like I can never pin down an idea of who I am to people, but I am large so of course it would be hard to put me in just one box." 

Looking out for me since 1999...

8 October 2025: I had a long overdue catch-up session with my dear friend Gretchen today. This was ostensibly to discuss me taking over for her as an assistant editor at Studies in American Humor. 

This is a few year after I took over for her as a contributing editor there. 

And over a decade since she helped me publish an article in a special issue she edited. 

And over 26 years after I met her in the very first graduate class I took back in 1999. 

She was much further along in her graduate work then--already a Ph.D. student, almost done with her coursework. I was 22 and...terrified? 

She was kind to me and looked out for me and has been there for me ever since. A friendship like that is a gift like none other. 

"Hey, Boo..."

7 October 2025: The public library invited me to lead a discussion of To Kill a Mockingbird today for Banned Books Week. To tell the truth, I was a bit nervous: wasn't sure of the audience, how'd I'd navigate that format, etc. But I think it went well and I had a great time.

What a pleasure it was to re-read this book, which has gotten more problematic for me since I first read it, but remains such a rich text. And that line in this post's title? The way it made me tear up and sob as I read it last week--even when I saw it coming! 

Jackson

6 November 2025: What to say when a former student sends you the kindest, most moving, out of the clear blue email of thanks just when you need it most? What is there to say but "thank you," both to him and to the Lord for the unexpected gift. 

Father of the Bride: Part 2

5 October 2025: Just caught the last 30 minutes of this movie, one of my favorites. Could not get enough of it when I was young. Man, it still works for me even as, just as when I was younger, its melancholy pulls at me. This closing song? Makes me smile and makes me want to cry.

The Backyard Bird Chronicles

4 October 2025: "It is good to mourn and wish it weren't so." --Amy Tan, The Backyard Bird Chronicles

Started listening to this one today while getting chores done. So far, it's beautiful reminder of the pains and rewards (linked so often) of paying attention to what's around us. 

"Message for Jim in Syria [Fall fell wind-wise]"

3 October 2025: My goodness--this poem, which I read this morning, has been on my mind all day. It's achingly specific for this poet, but also speaks to so many thoughts in my mind lately, especially as fall edges its way more fully into this corner of the world. 

Early October blooms...

2 October 2025: From my walk this morning down by Rumsey Park. These little purple beauties make me smile.

Wednesday night ramblings...

1 October 2025: Thought I might be home by 5:30 or so today. Turned out to be off by 90 minutes or so and rolled in a bit after 7:00. That's a bummer, but once I got home and did the evening's chores, I was able to unwind--as much as one can while watching the Yankees play. They won the second game of this Wild Card Series, so now it's all tied up.

Some more highlights from a shorter evening of chilling than I anticipated: 

Watching BabyCat burn off energy and get her 10-year-old version of zoomies on, which always makes me smile. 

Realizing the nights are getting colder. 

Deciding that the last "work" item on my list can wait until tomorrow and feeling very okay with that (esp. as my brain falls more asleep with every letter I type).

Realizing I am very lucky. 

"Samantha Smith vs. the Cold War"

30 September 2025: I didn't know anything about Samantha Smith before I listened to this episode of You're Wrong About... today on my walk.  Something about learning about this kid who pushed for peace and understanding--who did what grown-ups wouldn't do--moved me almost to tears on a day in which our president and his henchman declared war on American citizens. 

Back to Bender's

29 September 2025: Guest-hosting trivia at Captain Bender's this week and next. It has been a long day and I am bone-tired, but that was a nice way to spend a couple of hours this evening. Fun people who are always very kind to me! 

Letting myself off the hook a bit...

28 September 2025: My original "to do" list for today was pretty stacked. It would have meant a slog of a day, without much room to breath and relax. Then I realized that two of the items on that list are less pressing than I thought they were. My list of projects is about to get much shorter and that means more time to focus on others. Boring and vague sentences, but the specific don't matter. What does matter is that I've got time to get it all done.

So I let myself slow down today. I've still been working pretty much all day--and have about an hour's worth of stuff left, but the stress is lighter and I've found ways to sprinkle in some enjoyment. 

Grateful for the realization that doing so was possible. 

No Dunking...

 27 September 2025: Good thing someone posted this sign right by our table at this morning's open house. These three English professors and our dean would have been dunking like crazy otherwise.

The Wedding Banquet

26 September 2025: 

[Catch-up post]

What a sweet movie The Wedding Banquet is! Carrie and Rachel came over on Friday night to watch it. I had never seen the original version, but this one was delightful. And more importantly, it was nice to chill with a couple of friends, eat pizza, and even take a break from the movie to watch a pretty sunset from the porch. 

2101

25 September 2025: 

"Dr. Hanrahan!" 

That's how Roy, a student I don't think I've seen in at least a year, greeted me as I started my walk today. 

"On a walk? Mind if I join you?"

So he did. We mostly talked about his big passion: Civil War reenacting. He's a good kid--a baby face and an old soul. I just very fond of him and am rooting for him so hard. 

Not a bad way to get myself towards Day 2101. 

2100

24 September 2025: With apologies to Wallace Stevens, four ways of looking at my morning walk, from about 7:50 to 8:30 a.m., on this, the day my streak hit 2100 days.

One: Autumn is making its presence known, though summer still holds on. The sidewalk on the way down to the monument were thick with leaves, wet from yesterday's rain. I felt myself walking with the slightest bit of extra caution.

Two: At Rumsey Park, a woman was grooming a great big dog, who stood on a picnic table almost completely still, a model client. And a very "Shepherdstown" scene. 

Three: As I turned by the train station, I waved at a woman I had passed earlier. She came up behind me and said, "It's Heidi, right?" I have no idea how she knew me, but we started talking about her daughter, who took ENGL as a dual enrollment student and had a wonderful experience. The woman, Hillary, said she'd send me the instructor's name when she looked it up. "I will write you any testimonial you need!" she said. What a gift she gave me--making me feel good about our program, the work we do, and the extraordinary faculty in my program. We also talked about a colleague in a different department, her neighbor and friend. This woman is extraordinary and hearing about her from the perspective someone who knows her outside of Shepherd just made admire her more. 

Four: As Hillary ducked off to head to the post office, another colleague/friend walked by. As usual, her outfit was perfect. Just right for an early fall day in the Eastern Panhandle. 

Trying to book a modeling gig...

23 September 2025: Who knew that cats could get irritable bowel disease? Well, now I know because Jo has it. She'll be fine, but she scared me (only alluded to it in earlier posts) with some bloody vomit. Gross and terrifying! 

She spent a big chunk of today at the vet--which I hated--and came home with a shaved belly, some prescriptions, and guidance for a new "sensitive digestive system" diet. 

I came home about $900 poorer, but with my Jojo, so we'll take it.

Anyway, after initially being more muted than I've ever seen her--which really bummed me out, she seemed to have rebounded into her old self by the time I came home from trivia. 

Not sure if she will end up eating this new food (3 times more expensive than the old)*, but she is making a good pitch for being their new cover model.

*The wet food will cost maybe four times as much!

Monday night ruminations...

22 September 2025: Lots on my mind tonight (not all bad!) but doing an okay job working through things and staying steady. Thinking about the good parts: my students, my colleagues, my friends. Grateful for pleasant distractions, like Bob's Burgers and Dawson's Creek. Grateful that the big pot of soup that I made last night meant a low effort and delicous dinner tonight. Hoping to turn in by 10:30 or so. 

And determined to cross some things off the big lists tomorrow and make it a good day.

Walking buddy...

21 September 2025: Took my walk today while on the phone with Vogel (such developments are much easier since I joined the 21st century and actually have earbuds with a microphone). Made the time just fly by and almost felt like she was on the walk with me. It was awesome.

Darkly funny that I also saw The Long Walk today, a predictably disturbing movie that also gestures towards the power of love and friendship. (Not sure how I feel about it yet, though I don't want to watch it again and looked away a lot.)

Locked out...

20 September 2025: Having my old phone just stop working means that the new phone won't let me set up the Authenticator app on it which also means I am locked out of my work email, calendar, and other programs. It's unsettling and annoying but at least it's made it easy to not look at work email! 

Made it through Friday...

19 September 2025: The absolute ordeal to get to "this work week is over" has been wild. Busy, busy, busy as the world is on fire. Then add a feline health scare (looks okay now, but still keeping an eye on things). Then add my cellphone just deciding to stop working at 5:00 p.m. 

Did manage some items for the "good stuff" list: got great news about a friend's mom's surgery, taught two terrific classes, and got my flu and COVID shot. (Thanks, pre-existing conditions!)

Anyway, really, really need a couple of quiet days.

Common Reading Keynote...

18 September 2025: Long day, but one that ended on a really great note, with Shepherd alumnus and friend Joshua Cross reading his work for this year's Common Reading keynote.

When it's very hard for them...

17 September 2025: Thinking today about the student who met with me to talk about her coursework. She got a text midway through our conversation that clearly unnerved her. I could see her losing focus and getting noticeably uneasy the more we talked. 

When we were done, I said, "Are you okay?" 

And out it all came, tears and all: she's struggling with a health issue and can't find a provider in the area who takes her parents' insurance. Because she isn't getting treatment, it's impacting her relationship with a live-in partner. That partner now says they need to break up. And not live together. All of this, all at once. With the world on fire. And classes. And a job. 

"I try to keep it all inside, but it's hard." 

What could I say? 

I made sure she was okay and safe. (She said she was.) I made sure she was connected with campus resources. (She is.) 

And I told her that I was cheering for her and that it all sounded really hard and that I was sorry. And that she could do it--she could and would get through it all, but that it sucks that she has to. Told her again how fond we are all of her. That I was here if she needed me. Told her to go to the library, get herself a treat, and be kind to herself. And she left. 

And I am still thinking about it.

God forbid we had a working health care system for everyone. 

Every semester, so many conversations like these. Every semester. 

Draft: DONE!

16 September 2025: Finished a draft of my half of the "Year's Work" essay late this afternoon and man, that feels great. Next step is editing and revising, then swapping halves with my co-writer. I think I got myself more worked up about being behind than I needed to, but that's just because chunks of time I ahd assumed I could use for writing got swallowed up in the first few weeks of the semester. 

But our deadline to submit to each other is October 1, so I've got two weeks left on my end--and will probably send it to my co-author pretty soon. 

The deadline for us to submit to the journal is October 15. We've got this and that feels good. 

Focus on the good...

15 September 2025: Lots to be unhappy and anxious about at work (though nothing teaching-related; the best part of the job, etc.). Still, I am so glad that Tim shared some great news about staffing our program and then, when things got more negative over the course of the rest of our conversation, he brought it up again. Grateful for a treasured friend who reminds me to focus on the good.

Leaning into cozy...

14 September 2025: Tonight our little book club discussed Hiro Arikawa's The Passengers on the Hankyu Line, a sweet and cozy book about people's lives intertwining on a Japanese railway. When it came time to choose the next book, we were--as we are so often--torn between two titles. Cory described one as "cozy," though, and Kaitlyn and I cut to the chase: with the world the way it is now, let's go with cozy. 

Auralee Wallace's In the Company of Witches, here we come.

Saturday reset...

13 September 2025: Grateful for a sunny mid-September Saturday when I can tackle a bunch of chores and work-related tasks, filled with the satisfication of crossing items off a long list. It's been a quiet day so far--mostly me puttering around, with occasional pauses to admire or play with BabyCat and Jojo. In a little while, I'll pick up Amy for a movie (the new--and last?--Downton Abbey film) and we'll probably grab some dinner. A day like this--low-key, productive, and satisfying--helps me reset after a week like the one we've just been through.

Sources of Strength

12 September 2025: Took part in a six-hour Sources of Strength training this afternoon into the evening. (Actually missed the first hour because I was in class.) This has been a long week and I have so much to do. And I am running on a sleep deficit.

But it was really powerful and important. I am glad I did it and grateful to have spent time with the wonderful folks in the group. (A bit too tired to even try to be more eloquent!)

Shiny Happy Dreams

11 September 2025: I am so grateful that the hope and energy of my early-ish post yesterday carried me through the rest of the day as things grew much darker in the wake of more gun violence.

Woke up with that darkness weighing on me. Then I heard two songs on my brief run to and from Sheetz this morning: "Shiny Happy People" and "Dreams." Sunny, optimistic songs from 1991 and 1993, when I was so young and the world at least pretended to make more sense. 

On the two minute drive to Sheetz, the juxtaposition of "Shiny Happy People" to my emotions almost made me laugh. 

When I got back in the car and "Dreams" was playing? I just cried. 

I can't really say what all of this means--why it stands out to me. But I want to mark it and remember it. 

They are so good at this...

10 September 2025: I want to remember how good my American Fiction class was today. 

We finished up Huck Finn through the lens of really spikey pieces of criticism and we start James on Monday. Before we got that part started, though, listening to their pre-class chatter, I asked them what 9-11 means to their generation. Boy, did that spark an enlightening conversation. (They weren't born then, of course.) Somehow--but it's actually not that much of a mystery if you think about it--we made that connection back to Twain and his, to quote Toni Morrison (whose piece they read!), "amazing, troubling book."

These kids are so angry about our world. Used to the specter of violence hanging over them for every day of their lives. (Returned to my office to see news of a shooting of a right-wing figure on a college campus and a shooting at a high school in Colorado. It's always appalling and soul-crushing, but less shocking every time.)

These students are jaded and cynical and...angry. 

But also not without energy and hope. 

And they are so damn smart and decent. 

They give me so much hope. 

Need some writing time...

9 September 2025: The last three days for which I set aside blocks of time to work on the Year's Work essay...it didn't happen. Including today.

Other annoying stuff just piles up and demands attention. Stuff takes longer than you think it would. And none of this "stuff" is preparing for classes or grading. 

The writing will get done, but wow...

Jeopardy! is back!

8 September 2025: Long Monday (see previous post re: a bruiser of a week). Got home after Jeopardy! started--and not even aware that we were back to new episodes, but the DVR caught it. Having it back in my evening routine? Now it's a fall semester. 

Busy Sunday...

7 September 2025: Apologies for repetitive post titles and content this weekend, but when it works, it works?

Supermarket in the morning, brunch and an early movie after that, then mowed the lawn (the first time in about a month; it's been so dry!), worked on a home improvement project, and tackled some work-work. Still a lot to go, which isn't great for a Sunday evening, but all in all, feeling okay. 

This week ahead is a bruiser, schedule-wise. One step at a time. 

Busy Saturday...

6 September 2025: 

Really cool, useful, and even moving workshop this morning about holistic teaching and yoga.

Fun women's soccer game where they won 2-0.

Nice evening with a friend who came over to watch a movie.

Excellent long phone call with Vogel after my friend left.

All the weekly chores knocked out in the in-between times.

Not a bad Saturday at all. 

The Conjuring: Last Rites

5 September 2025: I am tired in my bones, but so glad that Amy and I went to see the latest (and last?) Conjuring movie this evening. So much fun. I would watch a million more of these movies. Keep 'em coming!

"Moving Out" in the Food Lion

4 September 2025: Long day where I didn't get enough done and still have a couple of hours work to do. And tomorrow will be really long, too. But at the grocery store this evening (getting just cat food, ha), this song came on and I sang it under my breath and even swayed a bit at the self-check out. It ruled.

Kitchen floor crashing...

3 September 2025: First thing I did when I came through the door after being gone for eleven hours? 

Dropped my bag and got on the kitchen floor with Jo, who was very happy to see me. 

Long day...lots to do, lots to worry about. Seems pretty early in the semester for "miles to go before I sleep" to be in my head... 

But it'll be okay. I've got this--with some help from this girl and good friend.

(BabyCat also lives here.) 

A bit of relief...

2 September 2025: So grateful today that a dear friend's mom received some encouraging news about some medical concerns. Still a ways to go until on the journey of figuring everything out, but man: when everything is so hard everywhere, it feels like such a relief and gift to have some decent news. 

Progress!

1 September 2025: Finally--over the past two days--I have had the time and the mental space to get some writing done on my portion of the Year's Work essay. It feels so good to be in that groove. Right now, the Twain section is drafted and needs another round of reading-through, revising, and editing. 

Next up is the "literature" section about all the non-Twain stuff. Hoping to knock a lot of that out this week. 

(Always funny to make progress on work on Labor Day, but the freedom from a regular work day makes it possible!

Bird-watching...

31 August 2025: With a frequency and intensity that is almost too much, given their intense beauty against the blue sky, the goldfinches have returned to my birdfeeders, having been absent since the early spring. They join the most common birds regularly convening there: red finches, cardinals, and (to a lesser extent) black-headed chickadees. 

The girls are pleased and every once in a while even manage to share window space to watch them. This late-summer snapshot of a Sunday morning makes me smile.