Christmas 2020

 25 December 2020: Going to record a lot details here because I want to remember this day and this strange Christmas. First Christmas in my life that I haven't been in NY, woken up in that house, came down the stairs for a stocking and breakfast, and sat in the living room to open presents. First time I haven't been with my parents. And for, them, the first Christmas not seeing a child (any of their children) in person in 50 years. 

So here's what I did:

• Got up pretty early and took my walk, since I knew it would only get colder and colder during the day. (This was a good call--it's really cold out now when I just went out for some more steps!) I tried to see how many homes already had people stirring, but it was hard to tell. Listened to a special "drunk" episode of Extra Hot Great, which made me laugh and smile so much. 
  
  
• Took a shower, ate one of the cranberry muffins from the Sweet Shop gift basket Tara sent, and headed out to Arlington. There were flurries on and off, which was nice. 
  
  
• Got to Arlington at 10:30, had brunch, opened gifts, played with Legos and Barbies, and just had a lovely time with Erin, Eric, and the girls. Though we kept masks on almost the whole time (even the little ones), I was relieved to learn that "COVID isn't real" in Barbie and Lego Land, though the very fact that the kids need to stipulate that is kind of amazing and makes me melancholy if I think about it too much. 
  
  
• I would have stayed at Erin's all day, if not for COVID, but if not for COVID, I would have been in NY. It's all just so strange and new and different. 
  
  
• We Facetimed with my parents and they seemed okay. The kids delight them, which is sweet to see. Then I played with the kids some some before heading home at 3:00.
  
  
• Made it home by 4:30 and gave the cats their Christmas treat. Each of them got an envelope of like...tuna mush? The boys inhaled theirs, but Veronica must have gotten spooked, because she wouldn't come out for hers. (This is very weird.) If I put her bowl down, the boys would eat it in a second, so I put the stinky bowl of tuna mush in the fridge. I am hoping if the boys go upstairs for a nap or whatever, I can get her to realize that I am trying to get her a treat, damn it. Ha.
  
  
• Now I'm sitting here, looking at the lights with Bing and listening to Christmas music. I am never with them on Christmas, so I guess this is nice, especially with the boys being so old and Bing being extra clingy these days. In a couple of hours, I'll reheat my Thai leftovers from yesterday (seriously stoked about that part). Maybe I'll watch Wonder Woman. I'll definitely watch Call the Midwife at 9:00. I'll probably be in bed soon after that. 

So much of what has made this year's Christmas hard is (we pray) temporary. Next year we can gather without such fear. We will be able to linger. No masks. We can see our friends and family. I am trying to keep that in mind when I find myself thinking that this year's lonely and solitary holiday season will be my "normal" soon enough. It's good to remember that. 

For so much of COVID year, my heart has been filled with almost equal amounts of gratitude, hope, love, sadness, anger, and fear. But this Christmas could have been so much worse--and for so many, it is--so right now, at least the gratitude, hope, and love are winning.