Pasta thief...

15 July 2024: Thought I had managed to keep Jo from getting to the leftover spaghetti (tomorrow's lunch) before I ate dinner and then cleaned up the kitchen. First, I kept knocking her off the counter and saying "No!" each time she tried to get some. (And every single time, she meowed back at me, like, "What?") Then, when I was leaving the kitchen to eat, I thought, "let me put the toaster oven pan on top of the colander!" 

Did. Not. Work. 

The trail of pasta strands really cracks me up.

Here's the criminal at play with her single piece of spaghetti. Hard to get a decent picture because she kept flinging it around and is, in general, a moving target. (Look at that tail in the second one!)

A guiding voice...

14 July 2024: Chen Chen is such an important voice for me.

let me move with softness over toughness, gentleness over harshness, openness over assumption, rest over constant production, care over cynicism.

AND let me not use any of the above to be naive or to avoid the necessary risks of speaking out, speaking firmly, speaking clearly.

— 兔兒神 (@chenchenwrites) July 14, 2024

John 14:27

13 July 2024: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." 

Troubled heart tonight as dark news plays across the TV, but praying, praying, praying for peace.

Back at the Boxcars...

12 July 2024: After all this oppressive heat, today was a perfect evening at the ballpark (except for the final score). Even got a great fireworks show after!

"mystically terrible" and "mystically beautiful"

11 July 2024: This morning on my walk, I was passing the nursing home nearby just as two women wheeled out at stretcher with a resident who had passed away (he or she was in a body bag). It was so quiet and unremarkable, I almost couldn't believe it and kept turning my head back. 

At that moment, I was also listening to this wonderful episode of Wiser Than Me, with Julia talking to Patti Smith. It was precisely when they were talking about losing someone you loved--how you keep them with you and keep that connection going. Both talked about bursting into hysterical laughter when gathered with their living siblings and standing in the room with a sibling who had passed away. 

All of it made me think of Ryan and the moments Erin, Christian, Tara, and I spent with him before his wake. (Jeff, Jennifer, and Eric were there, too.) We didn't laugh then--it was just too sad to see him that way--but we sure laughed at other moments during those long, "mystically terrible," and "mystically beautiful" days. (Patti Smith uses both of those phrases to describe those moments in her own life.) We are getting close to ten years since his death and more and more, I try to put laughter first in my memories of him. 

I wonder who will mourn the soul whose body I saw taken out this morning. I pray there will be laughter and peace alongside the pain and sadness.

We love an adverb...

10 July 2024: My book's editor reached out today with two minor questions about the manuscript. As he signed off, he added that he was "truly enjoying" reading it so far. Been quietly living on that adverb--"truly"--since I read it. You don't add that in if you are just being nice, right? 

"The Middle"

9 July 2024: Heard this one on the short drive to trivia today and got excited. It's such a fun banger with a sweet message. 

"It just would have gotten worse and worse..."

8 July 2024: Had a visit from my wonderful go-to plumbers (Ron and Russ) today. I joked that that something Ron--this post's title--is among my favorite things to hear from a repairman. So validating! I am glad I listened to the one-two bunch of my gut and my anxiety brain and gave them a call. (Nothing major--just an issue with the downstairs toilet.) 

"...whose sense of compassion are you appealing to?"

7 July 2024: "Camp is a mystical gender practice of being able to...hmm...maintain self-esteem, even in the face of severe policing and judgment. That isn't something that makes sense, you know? Like so many of the things I do don't make sense, like people are like, 'Why are you so compassionate, like it doesn't make sense when people aren't going to meet you with compassion.'" And like, whose sense are you appealing to?" --ALOK on this week's episode (#109) of Vibe Check in one of those moments I love--when a podcast just stops me in my tracks. 

Day in Rockville

6 July 2024: Spent almost all day today just hanging out with Tim, Kevin, Hannah, and Cory in Rockville. You know you are among good friends when just talking, playing dumb games, and laughing makes eight hours fly by before you know it. 

Maxxxine

5 July 2024: The third movie in Ti West's trilogy was a lot of fun. Maybe a tiny bit slow and a bit preposterous at the end (ridiculous critique of a movie like this), but we had a great time.  

Shepherdstown parade!

4 July 2024: Another year, another pure Shepherdstown parade!

"Olga"

3 July 2024: “That summer she was elected to carry the flag of the United States in the opening ceremonies. The American Olympic Committee tried to strip her of the honor—they didn’t like her outspoken opposition to the Vietnam War—but her teammates weren’t having any of it. The Soviet flagbearer walked the track carrying his flag in one hand, a show of strength in more ways than one. So, Olga did the same thing. She would say it was the proudest moment of her life.” 

Listened to this episode of The Memory Palace this morning and found so much of it memorable and moving. But the passage above really got to me; our current political moment is almost unbelievable, but Olga's story just makes clear why this current turmoil matters. We've got to get it right to be the nation that people like Olga devoted their adult lives to, even (especially!) when it is hard. We just have to. 

"without tenderness..."

2 July 2024: Saw this tweet earlier today and it made me choke up. So much turmoil right now, but this strikes me as at least part of the answer. 

without tenderness, we are in hell

—Adrienne Rich

— 兔兒神 (@chenchenwrites) July 2, 2024

Boot Camp Birthday

1 July 2024: Thinking about Colin, whose birthday is today. I have no idea what a birthday is like when you are in boot camp, but I hope he gets at least a moment for some fun and celebrating. Hard to believe Little Man is in the army now.