"mystically terrible" and "mystically beautiful"

11 July 2024: This morning on my walk, I was passing the nursing home nearby just as two women wheeled out at stretcher with a resident who had passed away (he or she was in a body bag). It was so quiet and unremarkable, I almost couldn't believe it and kept turning my head back. 

At that moment, I was also listening to this wonderful episode of Wiser Than Me, with Julia talking to Patti Smith. It was precisely when they were talking about losing someone you loved--how you keep them with you and keep that connection going. Both talked about bursting into hysterical laughter when gathered with their living siblings and standing in the room with a sibling who had passed away. 

All of it made me think of Ryan and the moments Erin, Christian, Tara, and I spent with him before his wake. (Jeff, Jennifer, and Eric were there, too.) We didn't laugh then--it was just too sad to see him that way--but we sure laughed at other moments during those long, "mystically terrible," and "mystically beautiful" days. (Patti Smith uses both of those phrases to describe those moments in her own life.) We are getting close to ten years since his death and more and more, I try to put laughter first in my memories of him. 

I wonder who will mourn the soul whose body I saw taken out this morning. I pray there will be laughter and peace alongside the pain and sadness.