"to be with those I like is enough..."

31 May 2021: Obligatory annual “Happy birthday to my poetry boyfriend, Walt” post. Here he is giving us post-vaccine summer vibes. Hard not to get emotional:

“I have perceived that to be with those I like is enough,
To stop in company with the rest at evening is enough,
To be surrounded by beautiful curious breathing laughing flesh is enough,
To pass among them . . to touch any one . . . . to rest my arm ever so lightly round
his or her neck for a moment . . . . what is this then?
I do not ask any more delight . . . . I swim in it as in a sea.”

Still...

30 May 2021: Thinking a bit today about how almost 16 months after the world sort of stopped and normal disappeared, when it does come back, you are, in lots of ways, still you and that stuff that was wrong or broken or you wished was different? A lot of it it doesn't come back fixed or better or whatever. You can't will it to do so or make it that your recollection of the specific pangs that have faded weren't real, especially when they hit again in the same spots. Nothing major, nothing dire. Just...you are still you and other people are still them. So... 

A whole lot of "normal"

29 May 2021: Three things with "before-times normal" vibes took up a lot of my time today.

1) A baby shower for my friends Kaitlyn and Kenny. Outside with masks, but still!

2) Meeting up with my friend Anthony (at a coffee shop) for the first time in forever.

3) Movie #2 in the past two days. 

The day, safe to say, flew by!

Back in the theater...

28 May 2021: Back in the theater for a movie for the first time since March 2020. Felt very good! The big screen! Trailers! Over-priced concessions! 

Brood X Vibes...

27 May 2021: Must be a week of trying to capture capital "M" Moments. I was sitting here trying to get some writing done and Bing hopped up, wanting to cuddle for a bit. Almost impossible not to indulge him these days. It's a beautiful day: sunny and a bit hot, but with a nice enough breeze to make it pleasant. And the cicadas are intense. So I thought, "Let's capture this: the old cat, the pretty day, the sound of Brood X." Then BabyCat did something cute to cap it off. 

Can we bottle this?

26 May 2021: Just finished my first advising meeting of the day with a delightful incoming Communications major. She was such a pleasure to work with: polite, accommodating, but also willing voice her preferences. She was a bit nervous but excited to be going through this process. When we finished and I told her we were done, her eyes got big and she said, “That’s it? We're done? That’s my schedule?” And she flashed the biggest, sweetest smile. Amazing. It really can be a gift to do this work.

Sign removal

25 May 2021: Thanks to Shepherd's new policies, I took down these notes to myself that have been hanging in my office for nearly a year.  Feels like a capital "M" Moment. Grateful for steps back to normal.

Profesh up top, summer down below...

24 May 2021: When you are recording a Zoom presentation from home and want to look professional, but it's also summer...

I texted a friend that I looked like a Bermudian banker--quite the bougie reference--minus the socks and dress shoes. She texted me back that she had to google that but now, having done so, thought it was hysterical. She's too kind, but I'll take it. 

Iconic

23 May 2021: This evening I ran into Beth, the woman who I call my agent and president of my fan club. It was lovely to see her, especially since I had just been thinking of her. We chatted for a bit, especially about how nice (and strange!) it is to see things returning to normal. Then her husband walked over with some ice-cream he had gotten them both. I joked, "Get you a man who brings you ice-cream, huh? Good work." She replied, "A man, a woman, whoever."

Iconic. 

Setting the tone?

22 May 2021: I am hoping that this past week, in which I managed to get some good work done and managed to take some time for myself, is setting the tone for this summer. 

Of course, summer school hasn't started yet and there is still so much to get done. I still find myself overwhelmed at times when I think about it all. 

But today, I managed to write a decent draft of my portion of a conference presentation, do some advising work, wash the car, do some laundry, take a good walk, and watch a bunch of The Handmaid's Tale that had piled up on me. In a little less than an hour, I'll hop on my weekly video chat with the Roanoke crew. That seems like a decent template for "Summer 2021 Balance."

"4 Stars"

21 May 2021: Today really felt like summer--it's hot out and I only had one meeting. I mowed the lawn this morning, did some writing this afternoon, and kind of called the work part quits by 4:00. (Might do a bit more writing at some point...) Watched a dumb movie, got some good pizza for dinner, and am just kind of chilling. Nothing too exciting.

And it's been a good day. Not terrific. Not amazing. But pretty good and that's so much more than enough. And just as I was thinking about that, this fun video from Sara Bareilles and the Girls5Eva gang came across my timeline. 

First, it's a banger. Amazing chorus. Hilarious and moving lyrics. Sara wrote this one and you can tell (in the best way). Second, it's so fun to see the girls interacting like this. And third, what a good message, right? Especially today, I am grateful for what is often a "four star life."

Whereabouts

 20 May 2021: Like everything she writes, Jhumpa Lahiri's Whereabouts knocked me out. There are images and lines, scenes and moments, that will stay with me. The book is a bit hard to describe: a novel, but without much of a plot; a series of scenes, really, all revolving around the main character--a middle-aged, single, female academic who is vaguely (and sometimes not so vaguely) unhappy with or uncertain about her life. It seems to me a major theme is her wondering about her aloneness and whether she regrets it (or thinks she should). Linked to that is a kind of amorphous and subtle exploration of why she might have made the choices she did, including some insights on her parents and how they shaped her. So...there's a lot there one might relate to. Ha.

I read the book as the first selection in my just re-started/now-just-two-person book club with Cory. Post-COVID vaccines, we can actually meet in person, which we did at his and Hannah's house tonight. The three of us had dinner first and then he and I sat outside and talked about the book for awhile before Hannah joined us for non-book conversation. It was a kind of perfect evening--and a useful reminder of some crucial ways I am not like that unnamed title character. 

Further adventures in research...

19 May 2021: Just came across a reference to an article by a couple of folks named Savory and Butterfield. Hard to believe there is a more delicious-sounding collaborative pairing in academia but if there is, I am here for it, too. (They write about "holistic management" and decision-making, which does not sound delicious...)

Dinner with friends

18 May 2021: In the "before times," that's a pretty boring post title, but today, it's a cause for celebration. I had dinner with Tim, Eva, and Karsten at the German restaurant in Hagerstown. We sat outside (perfect weather) and just had the best time. (We also saw Governor Hogan, which was...exciting?)

Home again

17 May 2021: Made it back to WV by 2:45, which felt pretty good. I've been busy since then, unpacking, cleaning a bit, doing laundry, answering 6000 emails. But it's nice to be home. The weather is my idea of perfect, it's lovely to see the cats, and I brought back a bunch of bagels (ha). 

And now: it's onto that huge summer to-do list, starting with A&R tomorrow.

Soccer Tante?

[Catch-up post...]

16 May 2021: When Colin was little, I got a chance to see him play exactly one baseball game. It was so much fun. He's quite the athlete, but because I live far away and tend to visit when school isn't in session, I don't get many opportunities. It's too bad because I realized on Sunday that I am still delighted by a game at just about any level. I saw Evan play soccer and, whew, even a bunch of 6 and 7 year-olds playing was a blast. 

Sibling reunion

[Catch-up post...]

15 May 2021: When I was last in the same space as these two (December 24, 2019), I had no idea it would be so long until we repeated it. So profoundly grateful for vaccines.

Back at Palm Road

14 May 2021: First time laying eyes on this place since December 2019. Really digging the new siding and the landscaping is top notch.

Almost forgot how...

13 May 2021: Packing and preparing for a trip to NY tomorrow. This will be my first visit there since December 2019. It will be my first night not sleeping at home since then. My first time packing since then. It's strange how it feels to be doing it all again, especially on the day the CDC says vaccinated folks don't need masks anymore. I still packed some and imagine it will take a long time to feel okay about not wearing them. Just another reminder that we've been through some stuff since all this started. It will linger in many ways...

Year 2 of COVID A&R

12 May 2021: It's our second time advising incoming students during a pandemic. Today we had our (virtual) workshop and once again, all appointments will be via Zoom. No socializing, no laughing with my friends/colleagues who I don't get to spend time with otherwise. In other words, just about all the fun is gone. I am really hoping it will be back next year.

I am also reminding myself that last year went just fine and brought the fun and satisfaction that comes from meeting new students and helping them build a schedule. I'll take what I can get. 

Gardeners...

11 May 2021: Sometimes on my walk, I get so in my own head or what I am listening to that I can sort of shut out the world. For the most part, that's good. But it is lovely to reminded of others at the same time. I wave to people as they walk by, say hi to folks working in their yards, wonder about the folks in cars passing by. And today, as I finished up my walk, I was moved to see the volunteers who take care of the garden between Knutti and White Hall, my favorite spot on campus. I found myself tearing up watching them work, using their time and talents to make this space beautiful others.

Whatever "this" is, we are in it together. That gives me comfort. 

"the sad I get from being with you..."

10 May 2021: “I think a lot of the time I’m pretty unhappy...I wonder if the sad I’d be without you would be less than the sad I get from being with you.” -Tom to Shiv, on Succession

Someone posted a clip of this scene on Twitter today and, for a bunch of reasons, I've been thinking about it on an off all afternoon. Just a terrific and real moment of writing and acting. 

Encore

9 May 2021: Scott's memorial event was today. It was just lovely and a fine tribute to the man and his life. I spoke on behalf of the faculty. I had three minutes, which make the task both very easy (how much can you say?) and very hard, but I hope I did him some justice.

It does feel like the spring semester is over now in a bittersweet way.

Graduation 2021

[Catch-up post...]

8 May 2021: Still felt different (split up events, masks, distancing), but man, it felt good to have an in-person graduation.

Happy hour...

7 May 2021: Socialized outside, unmasked with a group of colleagues at the Bavarian for a few hours this evening. It was the best. Everyone was so happy to be together. I got to see people I hadn't seen in person (Zoom doesn't count) for over a year. More of this kind of "normal," please!

Spring planting...

6 May 2021: Took a trip to Sunny Meadows Nursery and got my plants for the season. I will plant them over the next few days, but got a start today on the porch flowers. (A few are actually annuals from last season that I took inside and made it through the winter.)

Makes me happy...

"The Promise"

5 May 2021: "I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of the right words to say" might just be the story of my life...

Wednesday vibes, I guess? 

Seriously, though: this song sprang back onto my radar a couple of weeks ago and has been in rotation since then. It really is a jam. 

Circling...

 4 May 2021: I feel myself circling, circling, circling a couple writing projects right now, each different stages. For each of them, this is the circling that comes right before diving in and making visible progress. It's like right before the lyrics start in a song or you step to the podium to say something. It's not quite "go time," but it's close and you feel ready. 

Tiny, fluffy gang...

3 May 2021: Get a load of this crew. If only there was some way they could let me know I hadn't given them their evening treats yet. Some kind of signal combined with a reminder of where they are kept...

Summer 2021 vibes...

2 May 2021: Little helper. Best buddy. Supporting me already for what I hope will be a productive if chill summer.

Transcendent Kingdom

1 May 2021: “It took me many years to realize that it’s hard to live in this world. I don’t mean the mechanics of living, because for most of us, our hearts will beat, our lungs will take in oxygen, without us doing anything at all to tell them to. For most of us, mechanically, physically, it’s harder to die than it is to live. But still we try to die. We drive too fast down winding roads, we have sex with strangers without wearing protection, we drink, we use drugs. We try to squeeze a little more life out of our lives. It’s natural to want to do that. But to be alive in the world, every day, as we are given more and more and more, as the nature of 'what we can handle' changes and our methods for how we handle it change, too, that’s something of a miracle." --Yaa Gyasi, Transcendent Kingdom

Gyasi's quiet and moving novel, which I finished last night, resonated with me on several levels: her narrator loses a brother to opioid addiction, her other relationships are often fraught, and she finds work comforting, rewarding, and a retreat, even as she uses her work to not-so-subtly try to explore, understand, or even repair the parts of her life (and life in general) that are painful and tough. I also loved the meditation on religion, particularly a child's/young adult's shifting relationship with her faith. In some ways, it connects to Brandi Carlile's book, which is low-key mind-blowing.