These Fevered Days

26 July 2020: Really enjoyed Martha Ackmann's These Fevered Days. It helped me understand Dickinson in new ways, particularly her ideas about religion, her everyday life, and her connection to the world around her. Though I had long rejected the narrative about her being so cut off from the world, Ackmann made it clear just how connected she was. And Ackmann's prose is just lovely and readable and moving. The last pages--chronicling Dickinson's death--had me in tears.

This afternoon, I am typing up notes and find myself lingering over Letter 173, from Emily to Sue, circa 1854. Here Emily is sad, possibly resigned/possibly making one final plea over their relationship, no doubt aware that she is asking so much--that she is too much--but can't/won't help herself. And she realizes the choices she's making/the person that she is (that she insists on being?) will be rather solitary. It's so familiar to me, I kind of have to look away.

(Ackmann shows that the "go or stay" language Dickinson uses her is short-lived--that the women continue their relationship, though there continues to be some unspoken fear of another rupture. But look at this one, from late in Dickinson's life: she's still right there, no matter what.)