TMI from Students: Part Two

This one happened the second week of classes:
This kid in one of my ENGL 204 courses had been arriving to class late with the excuse that he was coming from the music building. In his defense, it is way across campus and certain music professors hold their students over, making it really hard for them to get to classes on time. Anyway, this particular day he shows up just after I've finished giving a reading quiz. (FYI: I give the questions out loud, always at the beginning of class, collect them immediately and go over them immediately.)

Anyway, I've just collected all the quizzes and I'm going back and forth in my head: do I let him take it (quickly repeat the questions--taking maybe 2 minutes) or just move on? If I didn't let him take it, it wouldn't have been a zero for him--I just wouldn't have counted it, but if he had done the reading, then it seemed unfair not to give him the chance to take it. I already had a great report with this class, so I joke out loud, "Hmmm...should I let him take it? You ran all the way here, didn't you?"

"Well, I walked, I didn't run," he answers.

Honestly, that ticks me off a bit. Because he should have been hauling ass to get to class, you know?

"Okay. In that case, you can't take it," I say.

After class, he comes up to talk to me, and I can tell he was nervous. He started to explain that he didn't mean to sound snarky or rude--he was joking and is worried that it sounded wrong. And I believe him and don't feel ticked off anymore.

But then he keeps talking...

"You see, I'm in [insert name of music class--I can't remember which one] and we are doing a play this semester and for part of it, I am actually being held up in the air and it gets uncomfortable. When class is over, I am completely sore."

I must confess, I have no idea what he is talking about at this point.

"I mean, sore on my...man-parts. So it would have hurt to run to class."

Man-parts? Seriously?

In what universe did that kid think it would be a good idea for one second to make me even think about his man-parts?

"Talk to your teacher," I say, "tell him you missed a quiz today and that he needs not to keep you over anymore, okay?"

Then, mercifully, the conversation is over and he hasn't been late since that day.