I remembered it...

30 November 2025: Thinking about this post and this conversation today. 

Love that man so much. 

The bin has one job...

29 November 2025: In these strange and sad days when I am sticking close to home, spending lots of time on my own, and embracing any source of comfort, it's not surprising that my daily posts are cat-focused. Anyway, here's Jo doing something she does every time I open the linen closet to put something away. At one point, I kept stuff in that fabric bin, but now it's there just for her to do this. 

Lights...

28 November 2025: Over the course of hanging the Christmas lights today, I stopped and talked to all three of my siblings about our dad's condition. Later in the day, Jeff organized a conference call. It was comforting to all talk together, but my goodness: the reason is so sad. So yeah...another hard day. 

I can't imagine putting up any decorations this Christmas except these lights and I can't imagine not putting up these lights. All of that makes sense in my heart and my head. 

First year with the new landscaping and you can really see the lights so much better now. That makes me happy.

Jojo taking a peek here.

Every time my dad sees pictures of my lights, he says, "I like the colored lights." Just another way I am my father's daughter. 

Thanksgiving 2025

27 November 2025: A very muted Thanksgiving, but nicer than I could have imagined even 24 hours ago. Erin, Eric, and the girls came over and we had the Alma Bea catering that I ordered back when we thought our parents would be with us, too. It was so good, but also sad that they weren't with us. 

But those kids? They make things better. (Jo helped, too.)

"Our Real Work"

26 November 2025: Just came across this Wendell Berry poem and somehow it fits the moment, especially after another day filled with not knowing what to do or which way to go. 

Poetry continues to show up for me, blessing after blessing...

Annual vet visit...

25 November 2025: So much is so bad right now, but the girls had their vet visit this morning and it went just fine. They howled and hollered all the way there and back (especially Veronica), but were back to normal as soon as we got home. That made me smile because I realize how safe they feel here.

Photo evidence...

"Peaceful Easy Feeling"

24 November 2025: I have no idea what will happen with my dad in the next days, much less the rest of this day. 

But my siblings and I have been texting about his favorite songs and that's so beautiful to me. 

I can hear him singing along to this one in my head right now. 

"Catching the Light"

23 November 2025: Read this poem today in preparation for my book club meeting this evening. (Our selection is The People's Project.) It is precisely the poem I need for this moment, thinking about my dad and one of the last conversations we had. 

Basketball's back...

22 November 2025: Everything else is as fraught and uncertain as it was yesterday, but now I've got basketball back. The women's team had their home opener today and while they couldn't pull out a win, they're back and that's enough.

"One Art"

21 November 2025: Taught the most beautifully meta class of my life today, leading students through Bishop's "One Art." 

Do the thing. Say the words. Master the disaster. Even though it's still a disaster. 

Point to the cracks. Point to the fragility. Let them see that that's what makes it beautiful and human and real.

The joking voice. The gesture I love.

All there in that classroom, moving me along. 

Last night, when I was waiting any moment to hear that my father was gone, I couldn't imagine being in that classroom the next morning, much less to talk about that poem.

But he made it through the night. 

Who knows what comes next?

But whatever it is, the classroom...and language...and art...and teaching will be there. And he will be there, too. 

"Gulf Coast Highway"

20 November 2025: Praying, praying, praying for my dad. Thinking about some of his favorite music.

Me as a House Finch

19 November 2025: This little guy showed up on my bird feeder this morning and I decided he was my avatar for the day: tiny, round, red-headed, anxious, determined to gonna get sh*t done, pretending to be brave...

Got some good news from home (my brother's surgery went well) which helped make it a pretty decent day overall, all things considered. 

(Really enjoying using these bird snapshots as my personal memes...)

"Eternal Flame"

18 November 2025: You know you are emotionally and physically exhausted when the bridge of this song makes you start crying as you sit at your desk at 9:00 a.m. 

(To be honest, just the way she sings "so lonely" has gotten to me since I was a serious and weird little  kid. Now I am just a serious and weird adult. Ha!)

Back home...

17 November 2025: I don't think I've ever gotten back from New York and felt as strange as I did when I got home today. 

How strange to be back here and plan for getting back to "normal" when my dad is still so sick up there. 

How strange to move through every task and ordinary motion when nothing is resolved up there.

About an hour after I got home, I just sat down and took in the silence and sadness. 

Then I took a (less windy) walk and it helped.

Sitting here now with Jo and watching Bob's Burgers, which also helps. A lot.

But strange, strange, strange and so sad. 

Wind walk

16 November 2025: 

[Catch-up post]

Yesterday felt so long, but by 5:30 or so, I had only about 3500 steps. I also just needed to get out there and walk and think and just be alone for a bit--even though it was dark and my throat hurt and my voice was hoarse and there was a literal "gale force wind" warning.

There I was, for over an hour, doing laps at the high school, for almost all of it, the only lunatic on the track. At one point, the wind almost blew me over. 

But I did it and it helped and it felt good.

Erin gently teased me about my "wind walk," but I told her it was just what I needed. 

Small and cavernous....

15 November 2025: 

[Catch-up post...]

Every time I go back to the house I grew up in, I marvel at how small it seems. When we were young, seven people moved through there and it seemed big enough.

Seemed even smaller this time.

At the same time, with one person missing, it felt cavernously empty. 

Just want my dad back in that house. Can't get him home soon enough. 

Gratitude list...

14 November 2025: So much on my mind at the end of a long week that took an unexpectedly sad turn. As I sit here tonight, I am focusing on gratitude. 

Grateful for friends who show up, listen to me, and make me laugh. 

Grateful for students who responded with understanding and kindness and even concern. 

Grateful for work that I love that keeps me distracted when times are tough and keeps me around people who make me feel good.

People are beautiful and it's a privilege to be around them. 

"Our House"

13 November 2025: Thinking about my dad tonight, who isn't doing well. I have such a clear memory of him singing along to the radio with this when I was little.

Home by 5:30...

12 November 2025: Holy cow, did it feel good to be home before 5:30--and with a fresh haircut on top of that! 

I had time to get a few more work tasks accomplished, do some housework, make dinner, do the dishes, finish my steps...and all of that before 7:45. 

I need to remind myself of how this is normal for lots of folks and that I need to make it more normal for me. 

Someone else likes the idea, too. We can call this image "Jo and Poe (socks)."

November snapshots...

11 November 2025: A couple of snapshots that seem to sum up this marathon of days.

First, a kind of symbolic representation of my relationship to my house during this stretch in which I am both birds.

Second, a picture I took moments before I told Jo, "I'll be back right after trivia, I promise!" My heart sank as she settled down on my legs when I was home for about 30 minutes before heading back out again. She's clingy as heck when I'm gone a lot.

I also told her that I'll be home all evening tomorrow--and even get home before 5:00, if all goes as planned. 

14 hours...

10 November 2025: Fourteen hours of pretty-much non-stop work/keeping busy! Got to campus early, got to work right away, kept going until 6:00. Then straight to a substitute shift hosting trivia at Benders. Home by 9:00. 

Goodness--it's a lot and I am tired and there's so much more to do.

But it was a pretty decent day after all. And I got some good news about folks I love who are going through health stuff or who have loved ones going through health stuff. 

So, yeah...a good day. 

Home again...

9 November 2025: Didn't sleep too well at the hotel last night, so ended up sleeping in more than I meant to. But I also kind of loved not having to rush out or set an alarm. Made it home by 12:45 and have been a bit non-stop since then, handling the weekend's usual housework and laundry, hitting the grocery store, and getting ready for the week ahead. Almost through my very long list and taking a little Grey's Anatomy break while Jo sleeps on my legs. 

I think I am on the downslope of the marathon, but now I am thinking it's more like five weeks rather than three. At the very least, I am half-way through it, which feels pretty good. 

Vogel Time!

8 November 2025: Kicking myself that we didn't take any pictures, but after my presentation and a couple of panels this morning, I spent the rest of the day with Vogel. As always, it was awesome. 

SSAWW 2025

7 November 2025: Back at my favorite conference! Already had several quiet "fangirl" moments. I attended a session about how author societies can collaborate and speak to our current moment(s). What a perfect encapsulation of the kind of meaningful work these scholars do. 

A good win...

6 November 2025: Today at the BoG meeting, we voted (well, not me, since I am not a voting member) to approve a mechanism to reinvest in faculty and staff salaries. The road to this point has been really long and hard and painful. But this? It feels great. 

"Don't Hesitate"

5 November 2025: I saw this Mary Oliver poem being passed around on Bluesky this morning. Still holding onto the joy of last night's election results.

Zohran!

4 November 2025: A heck of an election night in America! (And not just the NYC mayor race.) 

It feels so good to feel good about things for a change. 

Thinking about my brother...

3 November 2025: Thinking this evening about Christian, who is dealing with a medical challenge. 

My siblings are all so strong--have dealt with so much. And they model just how to meet these challenges. 

I am worried about him--and will be until he's on the other side of an upcoming procedure. 

But mostly I am thinking about how much I love him and what a good guy he is. 

"Returning to Myself"

2 November 2025: As the darker fall days settle in and I work through some Big Thoughts, I find myself contemplating Brandi Carlile's new music, particularly the title track to the album.

"And I was born to love you

I love you and you and you

Oh, returning to myself is such a lonely thing to do

Returning to myself is just returning me to you

And that's the only thing I wanna do"

That "you and you and you" in the second line above gets me every time--that sense of overwhelming love for so many people hits me sometimes. 

And then the "lonely" in the next line hits hard. Because it's just the way it is and nothing hurts quite the way that loneliness does. 

And the two lines...rest in beautiful tension.

BabyBud time!

1 November 2025: I had the pleasure of hanging out with Theo today when his mom worked the Open House on campus. He and Jo got along quite well. And having him fall asleep in my arms? That's the good stuff.