17 August 2019: Spent a lot of time yesterday and today working on the speech I am giving at the opening convocation on Friday. This is the last (non-research) item on my summer to-do list. Although I have been thinking about it and sketching it out in my head for months, I only started drafting yesterday. Right now, I think it's okay. I had my friend Hannah read it and she gave some great feedback. At this point, I am going to focus on fine-tuning and practicing. Should be okay...
More interestingly, working on it has had me thinking a lot about my own first-year experience back in 1995. It was so tough. For years, in fact, even when I was well into working as a teacher, I would still feel a kind of residual anxiety and pain (albeit muted) when I would see students moving in.
I think what I understand now is that back then, I really had no sense of who I was, what I wanted to do, or how I could feel comfortable in my skin. I was also so damaged from a very rough junior and senior year--a major falling out with my best friends, lots of crises at home, and my beloved high school closing down right before my senior year. But the time I arrived at college, I was so vulnerable and insecure. No wonder I struggled.
Twenty-four years later, I know who I am and what I want to do. I think I am pretty good at it.
I am still working on some of the other stuff and might always be.
I wonder if some of the rough spell I am in right now is evidence that in some ways, I haven't come that far.
I realize this isn't the most coherent post...inconclusive and totally all over the place. But it's late and I am tired and maybe it's okay for this post to be this way.
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