Time now for stillness, I think/hope. Lots of work to do--so much--but I am catching my breath and hoping to settle in.
I was in bed before 10:00 last night and, though I woke up--wide awake--at 4:00, I made myself drift back to sleep a few more times. I stayed in bed longer than I have in months. Jo insisted on staying with me--right up next to me or on me--for most of it. She's ready for stillness, too.
Still so sad, though. Still so many Big Thoughts.
Stillness is good--and so necessary. But I will lose my mind if that's all there is. I need things to do--anchored in place, yes--but active. I need to do "What the Living Do."
On the drive back yesterday, I listened to Saeed Jones read Marie Howe's poem on the latest Vibe Check. Saeed called it a "Modern Scripture" for him and I think it might be for me, too.
This morning (walking past what used to be a video store!), I caught my reflection in the some window glass and thought of the poem's closing:
"But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass,
say, the window of the corner video store, and I'm gripped by a cherishing so deep
for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless:
I am living. I remember you."
