Halloween 2019

31 October 2019: Two dapper gentlemen in their festive attire. And a bonus picture of the one who is trying to act like she ain't jealous.

Triptych...

30 October 2019: Stumbled across this scene in the hallway. I call it "Beginning of the semester, middle of the semester, end of the semester."

Checking in with Sigma Tau Delta

29 October 2019: "No. I'll use my secret collection of knives to do it." --Linnea, one of my Sigma Tau Delta students, in response to me asking if she was going to use her suppressed rage to punch a hole through the plastic tub our group is using for a project. (The tub is part of their Shep O' Treat project...)

Take note, folks. These kids are intense.

Because everything has been so crazy-intense lately, I haven't been able to attend one of their weekly meetings in a month or so. I've been doing all my work with them through email or rushed conversations in office hours/in the hallway. So it was fun--and a bit of a relief--to get to check back in with them. Even if there are hidden knives involved...

Up and at 'em...

28 October 2019: After weeks of getting to campus and earlier, these past two day I found myself on campus before sunrise (which included a Sunday). I hate it, but it is helping me make some progress on...everything? It also means I am more tired when I got to bed which (in theory?) means I fall asleep faster. These are all good things, I think. I feel more in control.

Boring post, but so it goes...

Listening. Trying.

27 October 2019: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living the life some one expects of you." --Dow, my wonderful former dean this evening at "Lectures and Libations," riffing on some lines from Steve Job's famous commencement speech.

You ever hear a speech where you feel like the person is speaking directly to you?

I'm listening. I'm trying.

Remember this...

26 October 2019: I want to remember this. My dad, to me, when I finally told him that things have been hard lately: "Well, you've got my vote."

Made The Journal...

25 October 2019: Our little chapter and its big award got some local coverage today. Nice to see this on a busy day in the midst of a rough few weeks (months? yikes.)

"Prayer to be Still and Know"

24 October 2019: Really needed this one today, courtesy of the Poem-a-Day email.

"...Let my ears forget
years trained to human chatter
wired into every room, even those empty
except of me, each broadcast and jingle
tricking me into being less
lonely than I am. Let my ears forget
the clack and rumble, our tambourining and fireworking
distractions, our roar of applause. Let my hands quit
their clapping and rest in a new kind of prayer, one
that doesn’t ask but listens, palms up in my lap."

Wildlife sightings...

23 October 2019: Every once in a while it's fun to post about the wildlife I see on my decidedly suburban neighborhood nighttime walks. From tonight, in order of appearance:

1) Mama deer and baby deer...which seemed to be running after a rabbit (weird)
2) Cats...lots of cats, each pretty different-looking
3) A skunk, right on someone's front lawn, not at all concerned about the person coming closer to it (me). These are increasingly common and always make me a bit tense...
4) One last cat

[Last night I got closer to a possum than I usually get to BabyCat. It did not give a fig that I was approaching...]

Exhausted, but optimistic...

22 October 2019: What a day. Three important meetings, some very good progress on some important fronts. Can't remember ever being this mentally exhausted and overwhelmed. I feel like an exposed nerve at times. I am constantly giving myself out loud (quiet) chiding remarks and pep talks. But I think we (me and some of the excellent folks I work with) made some progress today. That feels good.

Ouch...

21 October 2019: Wore some shoes with bad traction today (but they look good, which stinks) and slipped on my way to the Faculty Senate meeting. Tore up my knee a bit (but didn't tear up my pants, so yay!) and did something to the foot on my other leg. So...ouch. But it could have been worse. Perspective, I guess?

I mean, the English major in me wants to read every bit of this symbolically. (It's unavoidable!) But if I am going to do that, I am going to lean on the good side: didn't tear the knee on my pants, the blood (!) washed out, and yeah, my foot hurts, but I still got my walk in after I got home. Cue "Tubthumping..."

Slow and steady...

20 October 2019: Finished one (very small) writing project today, finally sending off an abstract I've wanted to get done since August. Making some good progress on another--a conference presentation that's coming up in a few weeks.

It's so tough to write with everything going on. It's not just finding the time, but also finding the mental space where I can stop thinking about everything else and be productive. But today has been pretty good for getting stuff done and I'm grateful.

Moments of light...

19 October 2019: Things aren’t great these days, but it helps to count moments of light. Here’s one: Hannah came by for a bit, bearing iced coffee. We sat and talked about lots of things and it just made me feel better. The Lord sends you what you need…

"An Empath’s Guide to Surviving Academe"

18 October 2019: Some great advice here. Gotta make myself follow it.

"I Wanna Be Sedated"

17 October 2019: Heard this song on another great episode of Mark and Sarah Talk about Songs today, where they also talked about the episode of My So-Called Life where it features so prominently. So it's been in my head all day.

Trying to make the most of this quiet Fall Break, but part of me wouldn't mind some sedation...

"Much too young..."

16 October 2019: Kind of limping into Fall Break and this song came on Pandora. Feels appropriate. Here's hoping a couple of "days off" will let me catch up and recharge.

Little jar of kindness...

15 October 2019: Big day today. Lots going on. But one of my favorite colleagues stopped by and gave me a jar of her homemade jam. A lovely gesture that meant (and means) a lot.

Monday mood...

14 October 2019: Monday mood, inspired by my Bible as Literature class's discussion of Judges 4-5. Read into it as you will...

"Giaele e Sisara," by Artemisia Gentileschi

Fall 2019 Midterm Grading: DONE!

13 October 2019: Considering this is one of the most stressful semesters of my life, this one feels pretty good. But it's more like making it to the surface of a raging sea, grabbing a big old breath, and then being prepared to be pulled below again. So that's dramatic, I know. Nevertheless, a bit of chair-dancing seems necessary...

Wearing God's jersey...

12 October 2019: This semester is kicking me in the gut (more than once) and there is little rest for the weary. Today, as I find myself grading midterm essays, I am grateful for this moment of levity from a student in my “Bible as Literature class”: “God does not want you wearing his jersey in public if you are going to make a fool of yourself. It is lousy public relations and God knows all about PR.”

Ruby, Ruby...

11 October 2019: When I walked into my ENGL 204 class a few minutes early today, the students were talking about all sorts of things, including TV. “Has anyone seen the new Batwoman?” one girl asked. I said that I had and some people asked about it.

This student—the only English major in the class, someone who is bright, outspoken, the good kind of weird, and unapologetically queer—went on a mini-tear about Ruby Rose. (I mean, right?) Another student across the room—a sociology major who is on the softball team—immediately shared her enthusiasm.

And they sat there, in the minutes before the class started, talking about how hot Ruby Rose is. And not in a “straight girls talking about other pretty women” way. Two women openly talking about their attraction for another woman. Neither student seemed scared or uncomfortable. They were having a blast.

I hadn’t noticed these particular students talking to each other much at all before then. They seem very different: different majors and career plans (one wants to write, one wants to be in law enforcement, one is an athlete, one is…not?), but they couldn’t stop talking about Ruby Rose.

And it was no big deal. No one batted (or rolled) an eye. In fact, the (presumably mostly straight?) students who didn’t know who she was were taking out their phones and looking her up—and also quickly saying, “Whoa!” (Ha.)

The kids, as they say, are alright.

Some kindness...

10 October 2019: Got a bit emotional in a meeting today--felt my voice crack a bit and couldn't stop it--and that embarrassed me. Afterwards, a couple of people responded with real kindness. In a way, that makes me more embarrassed, but I am also touched by their thoughtfulness. Kindness is such a gift. Lightens the load, even just a bit, even just for a moment.

Birthday buddies

9 October 2019: Today is Ryan's birthday. He would have been 45. It's always a strange day without him here. Every October, I find myself thinking, "Okay: whose birthday is coming up?" And it hits me with a pang.

But one of my favorite students--someone whose wit, charm, and sense of humor sort of reminds me of him--stopped by today. Today is her birthday, too. I showed her a picture of him and she said, "Birthday buddies!" A lovely moment that let me remember him and find hope and light in the people still here.

Tough day...

8 October 2019: Long and tough day. Lots to think about and feel overwhelmed about.

Seems like an appropriate soundtrack...

"Outstanding" news

7 October 2019: Learned today that our chapter of Sigma Tau Delta won one of four "Outstanding Chapter" awards. This is a big deal. And I am so darn proud of our students.

Today was a long day and parts of it were really hard, but this news helped me get through.

"I Say the Thing for the First Time"

6 October 2019: Adrian Matejka is just so darn good. Really feeling this one. Got this (again) from the Poem-a-Day email, and it included this bit from the poet: “The most challenging kind of poem for me to write is a love poem, so I’m trying to write a whole book of them. This poem is about the instant when you tell someone you love them for the first time. They either say yes and everyone is happy or they respond in a non sequitur—they start dusting the shelves, tying their shoes or, as was the case in the moment that inspired this poem, they leave to go get more ice.”

It's a kind of 2019 Prufrock moment/aka my worst nightmare: “That is not what I meant at all; / That is not it, at all.” But for me right now, this version is maybe more alive, real, and poignant. 

A good day...

5 October 2019:

[Catch-up post]

A research trip/get-away to Lewis County, WV included the research part (duh), some exploring of downtown Weston, and a stay at the Stonewall Resort. That meant a long walk along a lake, some swimming (indoor/outdoor pool--using the outdoor part in October (!)), and some time by the fire-pit.

So, a good day. (Though not a good picture.)

Motivation...

4 October 2019: These pictures are from yesterday, but they are giving me life today. Yesterday I met with some Sigma Tau Delta students to help them prepare their submissions for the International Convention. I bought them some pizza, but they did the heavy lifting.

Sometimes you get a bit down. [Gestures broadly at everything.] But these folks--these smart, fun, and kind students--give you moments of light and hope. (Feeling sappy and sentimental today, I guess?)

Home Boy

3 October 2019: Had another terrific training session at Shepherd's FASTEnER lab today, this time on the laser printer. Check out this awesome souvenir Kay made for me. I feel like I know just enough to be dangerous now...FUN!

Witchy stuff...

2 October 2019: A student in my class today, discussing Puritan hypocrisy (at least in the world of Hawthorne): "Everyone is like, 'We hate witches. Witches are bad. Anyway, let's go to the woods and do witchy stuff.'"

This semester has been so exhausting, mostly because of things outside of the classroom. But the students? They do so much to help you get through it.

Burn from the past...

1 October 2019: Sometimes my parents bring me old books they pick up at sales. This one is particularly delightful. Inscriptions on the title page include:

1) The young owner’s name (“Capt. Charlie H. White”—ha!).

2) This warning, written twice: “Please do not take this book / My onest [honest] friend for fear / The gallos [gallows] will be your end.”

3) A little trick that begins, “if you do not believe this book is mine just look on page 199.” And when you get to page 199? “You are a fool for looking.” That is quite an 1882 burn from a scamp of a Long Island kid. Well played, Capt. White.